I (35) have a SIL (34) who had been suggesting we buy a sit-in walker for my baby to make her learn to walk faster. but I’m against it as I think they’re dangerous and I don’t want to risk my child’s safety. I had a niece who fell and hit her head while on her sit-in walker.
I also don’t think that such walker will help my daughter walk as babies tend to tiptoe when on such walkers. My baby was only 9 months at the time and she was learning to walk, and able to cruise on furniture. My plan was to buy her a push walker instead of the sit-in one.
SIL made a big deal out of it and basically called me fussy and that she herself will buy the walker. That’s where I drew the line. I called her out and she got pretty defensive saying she’s just concerned that my daughter might not walk early. She went on ranting that I should be doing household chores and when my husband defended me that my salary basically pays the majority of our household expenses, she practically said that’s why I am being such a boss and said that she doesn’t give a damn about me and my job.
I was surprised that she has these so many issues stemming from the walker issue.
Even now that my daughter can walk (without a sit-in walker’s help), she would comment to my other SIL about why I’m brushing my daughter’s teeth who didn’t know how to spit but she didn’t know that i’m using a flouride-free toothpaste for my daughter. I didn’t say anything as I don’t think it’s worth my time to argue with someone so petty. And we’re no longer talking.
Anyway, for context, my husband, together with our daughter, we still live at our in-laws and we plan to move out soon as we build our own home on the land we recently bought. I work from home and earn more than average to cover majority of the expenses at home, consistently set aside savings and afford luxuries such as travel. I cannot do household chores as I am too busy at work and I would rather devote my free time to my baby. I pay one of my SILs to do our laundry and also provide allowance to my MIL who mostly does the cooking. The most I can do is wash dishes.
I think i might be the AH as my husband and SIL’s relationship is more strained than ever. They were always not in good terms since their teenage years and now it’s worse because I stood my ground. Maybe I should’ve just stayed silent.
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I (35) have a SIL (34) who had been suggesting we buy a sit-in walker for my baby to make her learn to walk faster. but I’m against it as I think they’re dangerous and I don’t want to risk my child’s safety. I had a niece who fell and hit her head while on her sit-in walker.
I also don’t think that such walker will help my daughter walk as babies tend to tiptoe when on such walkers. My baby was only 9 months at the time and she was learning to walk, and able to cruise on furniture. My plan was to buy her a push walker instead of the sit-in one.
SIL made a big deal out of it and basically called me fussy and that she herself will buy the walker. That’s where I drew the line. I called her out and she got pretty defensive saying she’s just concerned that my daughter might not walk early. She went on ranting that I should be doing household chores and when my husband defended me that my salary basically pays the majority of our household expenses, she practically said that’s why I am being such a boss and said that she doesn’t give a damn about me and my job.
I was surprised that she has these so many issues stemming from the walker issue.
Even now that my daughter can walk (without a sit-in walker’s help), she would comment to my other SIL about why I’m brushing my daughter’s teeth who didn’t know how to spit but she didn’t know that i’m using a flouride-free toothpaste for my daughter. I didn’t say anything as I don’t think it’s worth my time to argue with someone so petty. And we’re no longer talking.
Anyway, for context, my husband, together with our daughter, we still live at our in-laws and we plan to move out soon as we build our own home on the land we recently bought. I work from home and earn more than average to cover majority of the expenses at home, consistently set aside savings and afford luxuries such as travel. I cannot do household chores as I am too busy at work and I would rather devote my free time to my baby. I pay one of my SILs to do our laundry and also provide allowance to my MIL who mostly does the cooking. The most I can do is wash dishes.
I think i might be the AH as my husband and SIL’s relationship is more strained than ever. They were always not in good terms since their teenage years and now it’s worse because I stood my ground. Maybe I should’ve just stayed silent.
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> I think i might be the AH as my husband and SIL’s relationship is more strained than ever. They were always not in good terms since their teenage years and now it’s worse because I stood my ground. Maybe I should’ve just stayed silent.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
Your sister in law is probably just jealous of you. Have have a good career with high pay. A husband and a baby. She’s looking for reasons to tear you down because she feels INADEQUATE next to you. And your baby is just her weapon of choice because she knows it’s your most vulnerable spot.
NTA. Babies can learn to walk by themselves even without sit-in walkers. Your SIL and your husband have been at odds for a long time. You and the walker are just the latest chapter. Hope you can move out soon.
NTA. SIL can buy a walker. Let her know you won’t be using it so if you aren’t able to return it you will be selling it. It’s her money to waste. Don’t hide the fact that you won’t be keeping it or using it. If your sister wants her child to use a walker, that’s her business. But your child isn’t hers.
The best piece of advice I got as a new mom is that only you (and your partner) know what is best for your child.
NTA-your daughter will learn to walk on her own and learn more about her own body, and movement. Why does somebody need to learn to walk early?
NTA
Where I live, I believe those walkers are banned as unsafe.
NTA. It’s clear that your SIL doesn’t know how babies work, and she obviously doesn’t have control over your child.
NTA and actually kids learn to walk faster when they can see their feet
Who cares if the child walks early? As long as they’re developing good don’t pay attention to her
INFO: Why does it matter if your daughter learns to walk early? Or late? Does she have a plane to catch and has to toddle to the airport by a certain date?
NTA.
She sounds jealous of your life, so is trying to bring you down.
And fwiw, none of mine used walkers, and were all walking between 9 and 11 months old. For them the ability to cause mischief was a great incentive
Nta
NTA – there are a thousand ways to raise a child correctly with love. There is no “only” one way to do it. It’s personal preference. You get to choose. It is irrelevant that your SIL disagrees. She is disrespecting your right choose saying it “must” be her way. You don’t have to defend your choice to pay the other SIL and MIL to do chores for you. They agreed, end of discussion. Your sister has either has a superiority or inferiority complex making her feel the need to compete with you. Don’t engage and put some distance between you until she behave respectfully for your choices even if they are not the same as hers.
Sit in walkers are banned in plenty of countries but more importantly, learn to gray rock. “Hmm. Interesting.” Is your new mantra with her. Don’t argue back because what she wants is the fight.
NTA.
She doesn’t say, “I disagree with your parenting choice.” She attacks your job because it challenges her idea of what a mother or wife should be. She’s reinforcing a deeply misogynistic belief that no matter how much you earn, your real value lies in whether you scrub toilets or fold laundry.
This appears to be a case of genuine jealousy. The ‘should be doing chores’ and ‘that’s why you are bossy’ comments are a giveaway. The walker issue seems like it was an issue she could legitimately seize upon as a way to nitpik. Then the underlying issues in her mind came out when you pushed back.
NTA
NTA….By sit in walker, do you mean the contraption that your child sits in and has wheels so they can move freely about? I am older, had three children and three grandchildren. When my kids were younger, we had the walkers. You do not see them as much now. They are not for teaching your child to walk, just a different exercise for your child and different entertainment. I remember having one for my 8 year old granddaughter but it was not used all the time.
Why the rush for the child to walk? Personally, they can take all the time they want to. Do you know how much energy you expel chasing those little demons once they got their running legs?! Lol…
And even with the walkers, there is no guarantee they will walk early. In fact, would they not hinder the child’s walking on their own? Because the walker does all the work for the child? Balance, etc.?
Does your SIL have any children herself?
NTA. Let me guess. SIL has no children. She thinks being an early walker is a sign of either superior athleticism or intelligence or whatever.
She’s wrong. An early walker is the sign of…an early walker. As long as your child is progressing normally (and cruising at 9 months is totally normal), then everything’s fine.
This isn’t like how reading to a child at a very early age can have great benefits to them down the line.
Pushing a child to develop physically before they’re ready can backfire and cause problems. Encourage them? Sure! Push them? Nope.
That said, my child had a round walker (eons ago) that she loved. But once she started pulling up and cruising, I stopped using the walker She took her first steps the day before she turned 8 months old. Do I think the walker contributed to that? Absolutely not. Did walking early mean she developed additional physical skills early? Absolutely not.
Your SIL is working off of presumptions without any practical experience or application.
Your kid. Your rules.
NTA
Is she single? Does she have children? I wonder if she is projecting her own want of children onto yours and she views your disagreement as an attack on her parenting. I might be off on this and it wouldn’t make her behavior acceptable but it might help you fix the issue if you understand why this is so important to her.
My doctor did not recommend a sit in walker as they can cause hip issues and don’t actually assist the child with learning to walk. She recommended we use a stand up walker as that allows for natural walking positions
It sounds like she’s jealous. You work hard, make good money, have plans for the future, and you’re making parenting decisions she doesn’t agree with. That’s a her problem, not a you problem
Who cares what anyone says or thinks. The only 2 people who count are you & your husband. May be your SIL is upset you are living with in-laws?
NTA. Your SIL feels not the sharpest pencil in box.
NTA. A lot of people get super judgmental about baby stuff, and sure, there are some things that do make a difference, but most babies are following their own schedules and don’t need a ton of fussing over. Looking at a class of high schoolers, you cannot tell who started walking at 8 months vs. 16 months, who was breastfed and who was formula-fed, who was potty trained at 18 months vs 36 months, who started talking at 1 year vs. 1.5 years, etc. Milestones happen in a wide range of times and you really don’t need to stress out about them unless your pediatrician has concerns.
But this isn’t really about that. It’s about your SIL trying to impose control over your family. The only want to get her to cut that out is to put up clear boundaries and stick to them. I’m glad to hear your husband has your back here — that’s critically important! Spouses need to be on the same page on boundaries and it’s generally best if each spouse takes point in imposing boundaries for their own birth families. Don’t feel guilty about any animosity this may have stirred up. Your husband was doing what he was supposed to be doing. The bad blood is entirely your SIL’s doing.