Long story short there have been major issues between me and MIL for the last few months, due to her going behind my back to my husband and accusing me of all kinds of wild stuff like “fake crying”, being manipulative, being an attention seeker (I’m actually very introverted so that one is extra bizarre to me), and that all in all she says he should break up with me.
I am not keen to be around people who view me in such a terrible light so since then I’ve not spent any time with my husband’s parents. I have pretty bad anxiety and being around people who I know for sure are judging me in the worst way possible is just too much for me tbh.
Husband is still seeing them, and he takes our little baby to see them once per week (under 1 year old and still breastfed [hates bottles]) so it’s hard for me to be away from the baby for longer than a few hours.
So the current situation was my husband had been on a plane trip for a few days and needed to get picked up from the airport. Due to various circumstances we worked out that the best way to do that was for his dad to pick him up at the airport and bring him back to our house. After some thinking and calming myself down I agreed that his dad could come into the house and play with our baby for a bit after dropping my husband off. I just agreed that I would stay in a different room during the visit so that firstly I could be as calm as possible about it, and also to minimise awkwardness so he could just enjoy seeing his grandson.
Guess who is in the car to pick up my husband at the airport? That’s right, both FIL and MIL.
About ten mins before they arrived at the house my husband admitted to me that she was there. I felt blindsided and like I had to agree to her coming inside since it would make me look like a b***h to make her wait in the car. But I’d never have okayed the original plan if she was going to be involved.
So they came in and I tried to block my ears in the other room but could still hear her piercing laugh over and over again. I was so angry and felt emotionally sick about it.
My opinion is that this was a manipulative move on her part. She must have known I’d never have invited her to come over or even agreed to it in this circumstance if she hadn’t just shown up with almost no warning. She even said to my husband when they were driving here “I don’t want to cause any trouble I can just wait in the car”. From past experience with this woman any offer like that if taken up is then harped on about forever as she leaps into the victim/martyr role eg “she wouldn’t even let me in the house, she’s so cold and nasty” etc.
In your opinion does what she did count as being manipulative? I’m trying to get my head screwed on straight.
Oh BTW I am totally banned from their house as of a few months ago. They took my reaction to her accusations (ie me then not wanting to be around them anymore) as proof of the accusations themselves and banned me from ever going into their house. Not that I was going to anyway since I want total space from them, but I’m just saying it’s not like they’re trying to mend things with me whatsoever.
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If you’re banned from their house, why can’t you set boundaries for them and your home? MIL manipulated you and made you feel uncomfortable in your own home.
Sounds like she told your husband she’d wait in the car because she knew she wouldn’t have to. Why did your husband not enforce the boundary that it’s only FIL.
I wouldn’t have let either of them play with baby after that
If you are banned from their house, there is no way I would allow either of the in-laws to step foot in my house. Your husband needs to set his parents straight about the way they treat you and have your back. He shouldn’t be offering your child up as a sacrifice to keep mom happy. What the he!l is wrong with your husband. You deserve better.
My child doesn’t go anywhere I’m not allowed. Period.
I would end the visits between LO and grandparents. Not only did your in laws get cute and push your boundaries when they almost certainly knew that invite wasn’t for MIL, but your husband also allowed that. That would be a big sign that he’s not trustworthy right now.
Giving it to you straight: You got played. Your DH prioritized his parents over his wife.
In what world does an aggressor get to come into the victims home, play with their child and act like it’s a normal, wonderful moment? In your life I guess. I guess if they help out once, they get to do whatever they want with DHs blessing. They diminished your value to being shut away in another part of your house. Poof! The one they tormented is gone.
This is entirely an avoidant DH issue here. When they started with their lies, he should have directly shut them down. When his father agreed to picking him up, he should’ve said he’s still not allowed in the home. When his mother tagged along, it shouldn’t have been a question that she’s not allowed in the house. You aren’t allowed in their home, they shouldn’t be welcomed in yours. But yet, your DH couldn’t find a spine to say “no”.
You had to sit in ANOTHER ROOM of YOUR HOME so they could visit with YOUR CHILD? Are you an incubator? Because it seems like your DH is treating you like an object, not a person with feelings. You are being lied about, treated poorly and tormented by his family. DH is encouraging and allowing it instead of standing up for his wife. Is this the treatment you want modeled for LO? Is that what you think is normal? It isn’t.
OP, this breaks my heart for you. YOU matter. Your feelings are valid. Your experiences are real. Expect your DH to have your back. Expect him to care about how HIS FAMILY treat you. You deserve so much more and this is just so very sad to read. You didn’t deserve this so don’t be convinced it’s normal.