So basically, ive become nihilistic. i use to be hopeful, i was active and did plenty of sports at one point, i believed in God, and also prayed. i was hopeful, somewhat joyful, i helped people, did plenty of good things . but at the same time ive experienced trauma as a young kid and teenager. And being a 23 year-old really processing what I’ve been through in life, because I’ve also experienced some hardships, pertaining to relationships and the court systems and really feeling like people never truly saw or heard me, only abusing and using me. my spark is gone. a couple of days ago i feel like i officially died on the inside. nothing has meaning anymore, im filled with rage, resentment and bitterness. And ive been struggling with premeditated homicidal thoughts. i enjoy MY LIFE, i want to live a long abundant beautiful life. but im just so dead, in spirit, mind and soul. rotten in a sense
I don’t want to die, but I don’t care if I live. Life has made me cold, numb, and detached. I’m not suicidal
r/Advice
Comments
This may see a little straight forward and blunt and i dont mean to be disrespecting at all or cold to what youve been through. But let it go and start over. Everyone goes thru shit and its really how you react will determine the next steps in your life. Understand its the past, not everyones the same and many good things can happen to you and many good people can come into your life. Your soul and fire is not gone it just needs to be re lit. Do things that make you happy, try new hobbies, go for walks in nature. Have boundaries and stick to them. Humans can be beautiful or evil, and unfortunately youve experienced the evil ones so far, put yourself in positions to find and see the beautiful ones because i promise you theyre out there, thats come from someone who hates humans. I really do hate humans, but there are some great people out there that you will find in your life i promise you. It will get better but not on its own, work on it, own your past and accept you cant change it and from that moment on take steps to better your mental health which will propel you in all sorts of good directions
the person you were is dying out, and so all that it represented in yourself has come to an end.
now you are hollow, directionless and dont know what to do, yet you have a whole lot of life ahead of you.
just accept the process, accept your feelings, sit with them, and just let time pass. you will heal, you wont feel like this forever, this too shall pass, and you will be a different person after some time.
if its too hard, just take it one day at a time, even moment to moment if it really feels too much. connect with nature, go take a walk without any goal in mind.
I had the same exact view… for a long time. Maybe this isn’t the case for you but it turned out I needed to get off my adhd meds and stay the hell away from electronics. It helped me heal from my issues and slowly feel again.