I (23F) live with my boyfriend (22M), my best friend (21F) and her boyfriend (24M). I have been working at a new job for about 7 months, I get a regular salary for starting at the bottom so I can basically just afford simple monthly expenses such as Rent, Utilities and groceries.
My boyfriend is studying his degree and helps with bills from money he earns from a part time job and that his parents give him for his allowance. My best friend helps out with bills from an allowance she gets from her parents as she is also still studying her degree.
The 3 of us decided to rent an apartment together as it was a more affordable option. We discussed that we would spilt the bills between us equally. This arrangement was working well until my best friend’s boyfriend moved in.
He repeatedly stated that he would also help with the bills but until he found a job he could only help with groceries.
We all agreed this was okay but also said that he couldn’t stay here forever without bringing his side.
I started to notice over time that the groceries I was buying were disappearing but at a faster rate than what they should be. I asked my boyfriend but he said that he genuinely didn’t take any extra groceries. My boyfriend and I are really trying to save money for the future and so we budget everything down to the groceries. I don’t mean that we go hungry to save money I just mean that we don’t eat 900g T-bone steaks every night.
THEN.
I noticed that my Bfs boyfriend was treating himself to his meals when in the kitchen, with MY groceries.
I let it go on for a while until I no longer had food to eat myself and had no money to buy more.
I called a house meeting in which I stated that I was not happy with this whole issue to which they (My Bfs and her Boyfriend) stated they would buy their own food from then on and we would no longer share.
After that food didn’t disappear as much but was still finishing faster than it should.
I then started keeping my groceries in my cupboard in my bedroom.
I hate confrontation and so when I needed something from my cupboard i would make sure They weren’t there to see, but I’ve bumped into my Best friend’s boyfriend while carrying some groceries out of my room. They then started to ask if I had extra groceries that they could have eg. Bread to which I would say no, which was lying as I did have bread but for work sandwiches.
Its been about 1 month now and my Bfs and her boyfriend both feel cold towards me still and I often catch them whispering and stop when my boyfriend or I enter.
I am not sure if this was maybe the wrong solution for the problem but I don’t see how I now have to be treated like a villain because MY groceries are in MY cupboard. AITA?
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I (23F) live with my boyfriend (22M), my best friend (21F) and her boyfriend (24M). I have been working at a new job for about 7 months, I get a regular salary for starting at the bottom so I can basically just afford simple monthly expenses such as Rent, Utilities and groceries.
My boyfriend is studying his degree and helps with bills from money he earns from a part time job and that his parents give him for his allowance. My best friend helps out with bills from an allowance she gets from her parents as she is also still studying her degree.
The 3 of us decided to rent an apartment together as it was a more affordable option. We discussed that we would spilt the bills between us equally. This arrangement was working well until my best friend’s boyfriend moved in.
He repeatedly stated that he would also help with the bills but until he found a job he could only help with groceries.
We all agreed this was okay but also said that he couldn’t stay here forever without bringing his side.
I started to notice over time that the groceries I was buying were disappearing but at a faster rate than what they should be. I asked my boyfriend but he said that he genuinely didn’t take any extra groceries. My boyfriend and I are really trying to save money for the future and so we budget everything down to the groceries. I don’t mean that we go hungry to save money I just mean that we don’t eat 900g T-bone steaks every night.
THEN.
I noticed that my Bfs boyfriend was treating himself to his meals when in the kitchen, with MY groceries.
I let it go on for a while until I no longer had food to eat myself and had no money to buy more.
I called a house meeting in which I stated that I was not happy with this whole issue to which they (My Bfs and her Boyfriend) stated they would buy their own food from then on and we would no longer share.
After that food didn’t disappear as much but was still finishing faster than it should.
I then started keeping my groceries in my cupboard in my bedroom.
I hate confrontation and so when I needed something from my cupboard i would make sure They weren’t there to see, but I’ve bumped into my Best friend’s boyfriend while carrying some groceries out of my room. They then started to ask if I had extra groceries that they could have eg. Bread to which I would say no, which was lying as I did have bread but for work sandwiches.
Its been about 1 month now and my Bfs and her boyfriend both feel cold towards me still and I often catch them whispering and stop when my boyfriend or I enter.
I am not sure if this was maybe the wrong solution for the problem but I don’t see how I now have to be treated like a villain because MY groceries are in MY cupboard. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I bought groceries and kept them in my room away from my roommates and then when they asked if they could have something because they were hungry I said no I don’t have anything to give them.
2. This action might make me an asshole as this is deceitful, and I am being a bad human for not giving them food when they are hungry.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. When people are such mooches that you have to hide your groceries that’s a them problem not a you problem. I would look at moving out as soon as you can. That kind of behavior won’t stop on its own.
NTA. Just say “sorry, I thought we agreed we would each buy our own groceries. Therefore I only buy enough to feed myself.”
You should probably stop tiptoing around, as if you had something to feel guilty about. You don’t. And this incident suggests that you simply aren’t going to be able to avoid a confrontation, so center yourself and prepare and stand your ground. And move out as soon as it is financially feasible.
They eat your food and you think you would be TA?
NTA. It sucks that your friend’s boyfriend doesn’t have a job, but that’s their problem. You aren’t the food bank. They need to find a solution to their problem and shouldn’t be stealing your food.
> I don’t see how I now have to be treated like a villain because MY groceries are in MY cupboard.
Because you stopped their free access to your stuff which you bought, which is of course your fault….entitled people like this always think they are in the right when taking other peoples stuff and always get upset when you stop them. NTA and who cares what they think at this point if this is how they feel.
It’s not any of you. You can’t share/split groceries as roommates. Everyone trys this with their best friends and it fails every time.
nta. and let me guess, he still isn’t paying his share of bills either? doesn’t matter for this i guess, but if he’s not paying bills he needs to move out, and if he is paying his share of bills he is still not allowed to eat your food.
you can’t allow people to make you feel bad for preventing them from stealing from you as much as they used to. easier said than done, but please be realistic here. when they ice you out that just shows them from an even worse light.
I mean, you’re not lying. You don’t have extra groceries, and they can’t have any. NTA, and get ready to put a lock on your food when you’re out.
NTA, and this is a good lesson for your future: don’t agree to share housing with someone who doesn’t already have an income to pay their fair share.
NTA. You’re not lying when you say you don’t have EXTRA groceries to give them. It was understood that each roommate pays their share. How does the other couple figure the boyfriend not only gets a free ride, but you are obligated to keep him fed? A big NOPE. Your best friend is being used and so are you and your boyfriend. Call another meeting and give them an eviction date. He’s not your responsibility.
NTA by far, your bfs and her bf was using your groceries to lower their expenses,do not cave.
NTA. You aren’t a food pantry. They know where the grocery store is and you aren’t splitting groceries anymore. Let the mooches be cold.