So, here’s the situation. Every couple of weeks, I drive nearly two hours round trip to help take care of an older family member who has mobility issues. They can’t do much yard work themselves, so I mow the lawn, pull weeds from the flower beds, and use a weed wacker to clean everything up. It takes me about an hour of work when I’m there, and the gas ends up costing me around $30 each time.
I was grabbing lunch after finishing the chores, and outside the restaurant, there was someone who appeared to be temporarily unhoused, asking people for money. I gave them $2, which is all the cash I had on me, and they asked for more, but I honestly didn’t have anything else to give at the time.
While eating, it dawned on me that this might be an opportunity for both of us. I don’t mind helping my family, but the driving and gas add up. I figured maybe I could pay this person to do the yard work instead. I’d still be helping my family, saving time and money, and also giving someone a chance to earn some cash. Win-win, right?
When I was leaving, the same person asked again if I had more money. So I offered a proposal: I told them I’d be willing to pay $80 every two weeks if they were interested in doing about an hour’s worth of yard work for my family member. I even said if it took longer, like two or three hours, that would still be okay. I thought I was being reasonable and respectful.
But they got visibly upset and told me I was crazy and rude. They seemed genuinely angry that I even suggested it.
Now I’m kind of second-guessing myself. I wasn’t trying to be demeaning. I thought I was offering a fair deal and a way for someone to make some money. But maybe I came off as condescending or out of touch.
So… AITA for offering someone in need a paid job instead of just giving them more money?
EDIT: For the people saying that I shouldn’t give my family member’s address to this person; for one the person seemed very friendly and I wasn’t getting bad vibes. Also, this family member locks their doors and has a security system in place. Everything this person would need to do the work is outside. So I didn’t see it at a safety issue since the person woudn’t be interacting with or going inside my family memebrs home.
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
So, here’s the situation. Every couple of weeks, I drive nearly two hours round trip to help take care of an older family member who has mobility issues. They can’t do much yard work themselves, so I mow the lawn, pull weeds from the flower beds, and use a weed wacker to clean everything up. It takes me about an hour of work when I’m there, and the gas ends up costing me around $30 each time.
I was grabbing lunch after finishing the chores, and outside the restaurant, there was someone who appeared to be temporarily unhoused, asking people for money. I gave them $2, which is all the cash I had on me, and they asked for more, but I honestly didn’t have anything else to give at the time.
While eating, it dawned on me that this might be an opportunity for both of us. I don’t mind helping my family, but the driving and gas add up. I figured maybe I could pay this person to do the yard work instead. I’d still be helping my family, saving time and money, and also giving someone a chance to earn some cash. Win-win, right?
When I was leaving, the same person asked again if I had more money. So I offered a proposal: I told them I’d be willing to pay $80 every two weeks if they were interested in doing about an hour’s worth of yard work for my family member. I even said if it took longer, like two or three hours, that would still be okay. I thought I was being reasonable and respectful.
But they got visibly upset and told me I was crazy and rude. They seemed genuinely angry that I even suggested it.
Now I’m kind of second-guessing myself. I wasn’t trying to be demeaning. I thought I was offering a fair deal and a way for someone to make some money. But maybe I came off as condescending or out of touch.
So… AITA for offering someone in need a paid job instead of just giving them more money?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) The action I took:
I offered a temporarily unhoused person a paid job doing yard work—something I normally do myself for an elderly family member—instead of giving them more cash when they asked.
(2) Why it might make me the asshole:
Even though I meant well, offering work instead of simply giving more money might have come off as patronizing, out of touch, or insensitive to their situation. I worry that I may have assumed they were in a position to work or made them feel judged, even though my intention was to help both them and my family.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
“temporarily unhoused”
Gentle YTA. I think your heart was in the right place, but if doing yard work for hire was a practical solution for this person don’t you think they would have thought of it?
NTA. His reaction shows he prefers panhandling to employment. It’s not that unusual among the homeless, nor is people ostensibly begging for money for food to refuse actual food and demand cash.
This is the reason lots of people never give money to people begging on the street.
Choosy beggar.
NTA.
At the same time, the person was asking for $$–not work. Find someone who’s actually looking for work (for example, outside of Home Depot) and ask them.
YTA. but not for offering them work. you’re TA for offering a stranger to work at your relatives house without even consulting said relative? i’m not saying every homeless person is an addict or has issues, but you have no idea who this person is or what their intentions are, and you were going to send them alone to someone else’s house? someone with mobility issues who i’m gonna guess couldn’t fight off any danger? yeah, you got lucky this guy got mad and didn’t want the job.
P.S. if gas is costing you $30 to drive two hours, you need a new car or better lawn equipment.
My thought was giving a complete stranger – who’s in a hard spot- your elderly family’s address where you are not even around. You don’t know how desperate they were, and you don’t know what some desperate people can get up to. YTA for that imo.
NTA, sorta.
NTA because people are always looking to get something for nothing.
Sorta TA because you dont really know the person, so sending them to a relative’s house to do something like that might not make the relative feel comfortable. Sad to say but you dont really know the person on the street, so how do you know they wont attempt to do something, like break in/harass the family member when they go out etc.
I say this because during trash day around my area, that’s when homeless people go around and look through the bins, So I happen to be out taking trash to the bins before they got picked up and saw a person rummaging. I thought it would be nice to give them spar change I had and also a bag of cans I collected. Next trash day, they are at my place waiting for me to come out.
That’s definitely something you dont want to happen to your family.
NTA. It was a fair offer and I don’t see what could possibly be demeaning about it. If they don’t want to take you up on it, that’s obviously their choice, but I don’t see what’s wrong with making the offer.
NTA. There are many legitimately reasons they could have politely turned you down, but you offered someone who was begging for money some well-paid and honorable work — that is in general, a kind thing to do.
Them asking for more money than you gave them is also shitty. No reason for you to feel badly about this.
Definitely post on the local facebook group or gig worker site that you are looking for a yard helper, though — someone will be happy to take on that kind of work, and you will get your afternoon back.
Don’t do it. This is how Elizabeth smart got kidnapped. Her mom offered a homeless couple some work and it changed her life forever. Thank heavens she survived and sent that b__d to jail.
I think you dodged a bullet.
It was odd after you gave two dollars they asked for more. That’s a lot to give to a person you know nothing about and just sitting.
I know it makes people feel good, but we have homes for men and women all over the unites states. Places they can stay and get on their feet. Rules apply, like no drugs, no drinking, be in by a certain hour.. doors lock.
We have places to get a meal. We have a government that offers funding for home and food if apply.
So unless mentally ill or on drugs, or young and don’t know how to get help… they probably prefer being where they are.
Don’t even have the ability to work possibly.
You tried to do a nice thing. I’m kinda glad they said no. I would hate for that to become a bigger problem for you.
NTA – you’re concerned with what a homeless, eerrrrrr unhoused person thinks of you? Lighten up, Francis. The stress will kill you.
“Temporarily unhoused”. You mean homeless?
NTA. Some people are “temporarily unhoused” because they don’t want to do anything to help themselves. Not all, but some are. I think you did a good thing offering to help like that.
NTA but their is a reason this person is homeless. They are a bum who doesn’t want to work.
NTA.
I am not sure which currency you’re talking about (lots of countries have dollars), but as long as he appears able-bodied and it was fair payment for the work involved, you were not the asshole.
I work with clients who are socially disadvantaged and formerly unhoused. Some are disabled and couldn’t possibly manage any physical work, but there are several who can, especially the younger ones. They would have been delighted at the chance to earn some extra cash. And we have one elderly gentleman who is physically frail but an excellent source of information about gardening. When I encounter a problem in my own garden, especially in regard to insect or fungal pests, I ask him if he has any advice. (I’d happily pay him for it, but the regulations at work don’t allow for private employment arrangements between staff and clients.)
I don’t know why the person you encountered was so insulted by your offer. It’s a shame you didn’t ask him at the time, because even if you see him again, it will probably be awkward to raise the matter.
YTA for offering to bring a homeless person to a family members house without their permission.
You’re NTA for offering a homeless person a chance to earn money.
But, the fact that this person was asking for more money after you already gave them some should have been a clue that you should walk away. They’re not the kinda person to bring to a family members house.
NTA
I’ve lived on the street and would have jumped at the chance for that kind of pay.
Please stop using unhoused, they are homeless and not having a home most likely not their issue. So many homeless are battling mental illness, bad family situations and just have made bad decisions. They don’t enter shelters because they are more comfortable on the street.
I work in a shelter and the general public has no idea about those souls on the street.
YTA for thinking it’s a good idea to send a random homeless person who is aggressively panhandling outside a restaurant to a vulnerable, elderly relative’s house to do yard work.
NTA. That was a generous offer.
YTA. You have no right offering work to a random person you don’t know on a property you don’t own without the consent of the owner!
wtf?? So your mobility limited family member is supposed to know who this is, feel safe being home alone whenever this stranger decides to show up, and still trust you???
You’re clearly not thinking. Whether you thought you were helping someone or not, it isn’t your place to hire out a job for a residence you aren’t legally responsible for or even live in!
To top it off, most unhoused people are homeless due to physical or mental disability!! So you either offer someone a bit of help out of the kindness of your heart, or don’t. But don’t expect people to have to earn emergency kindness. You have no idea who that person is, how they ended up that way, if they already work but still can’t get by, if they’re stable, if they’re disabled themselves…. And you’re wanting them to work and be reliable with no knowledge!!!! It’s have been one thing if you got to know the person and their story and found out if they just need a job!!
Yta for trying to skirt your own responsibilities and put your family member in a potentially dangerous situation.
Yta for making assumptions about a person who appeared homeless to you.
YTA to your family member for sure.
You don’t hire a random person to go to someone’s home – especially someone who is in a vulnerable position – without speaking with them first.
The person asking for cash probably doesn’t want to work. Asking for money is far easier and often more lucrative than having a job.
And the nonsense about not getting bad vibes is irrelevant. Ted Bundy didn’t give most people bad vibes. Sending someone to someone else’s home without permission still isn’t okay.
Homeless… they’re homeless. What’s with this silly phrase to replace words?!?
You picked the wrong person. Contact a local church or veteran association. They will introduce you to someone that wants work. Even word of mouth through the neighborhood would do it.
YTA- You decide to do that without talking to the family members? And people are always friendly when you give them money. You knew NOTHING about the person but invited them to come and do yard work at someone else’s home. You are either astonishingly naive or an idiot.
YTA you almost put your relative in danger. I don’t care how safe they are you were creating a crime of opportunity. That person would know when your relative was home alone.
NTA
Someone was begging at an expressway off ramp, right in front of a u-haul with a big “help wanted” sign. The begger had a sign of his own, “will work for food.” I rolled my window down and he trotted over, salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs. I pointed to the U-Haul sign and said, Look! You can work for money, and then use the money to buy food! He told me to f off and went back to his lawn chair. He didn’t want to work, not for food or for anything else. He just wanted free money.
If the person gets injured, they will sue your family member.
I’m rolling my eyes at your phrasing.
NTA, and honestly, I’m glad you are a decent human being. Especially if you can do it safely, I think it is really a good thing to try and make someone else’s life better.
However, the sad thing is that some people who appear to be homeless are not, and some that are indeed homeless are not interested in changing their circumstances. There are a lot of issues with mental health and drugs. There are also people who are just incredibly lazy. I have an acquaintance who was homeless. He wouldn’t even try to get a job. Bedbugs were so bad in his car that his lower legs were being eaten. The car eventually had to be junked. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he would go to an ER and tell them that he was suicidal. That would get him a week on a psych floor each time.
Even though many people are completely unappreciative and will take advantage of you, I still try to help when I can. I don’t want to become a person who looks away when someone is in need. However, I now go into it knowing that the person may not want my help or may want to abuse my kindness. You did a good thing. You simply found a person who wasn’t interested in actually being helped. That’s on them, not you.
Nah, f them. I used to be a bleeding heart. But I’ve learned a lot of the time these people just don’t want to do anything. And I’m not gonna support that. I remember one time a person had a sign “hungry give anything you can”… so I bought them food. Yeah they weren’t happy or grateful. They were just using “I’m hungry” as a manipulation tactic. They wanted money. I’m more likely to give someone money if they just say “I’m broke and want a beer”… at least they are being honest with their intentions. Have a cold one on me
NTA, but just hire someone who does yard work. Also they got upset because they want money not a job, it’s a tale as old as time.
I don’t think you were the A to the homeless person. Unfortunately, there are a lot of homeless individuals that just want handouts and not have to work for money. Not all, there are some that are homeless but work their butts off to try and get ahead. This individual appears to not want to work for money and just have people give them it instead.
I do think, if you are going to hire someone to go to your family member’s house and do the work, you should talk to this family member yourself first and see if they are ok with it. I get that you are driving a lot and doing the work, but I’d be upset if someone just asked a random stranger to come to my house and do work for me. So talk to this family member first and see what they say. If they are good with someone else coming to do the work, while you pay them to do it, then I”m sure you can find someone.
YTA. How can you justify trying to send a potentially mentally ill or drug addict to your family members home, while you wouldnt even be around? How about asking that family member if they would be comfortable with your arrangement, and then post back what they said. Unbelievable.
Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson here about “temporarily unhoused” people.
You shouldn’t have made an offer like that without consulting the resident first. Soft YTA for that. That’s dangerous.
NTA for offering a good deal.
But honestly, you were naive to expect them to take it.
NTA
This person is a professional panhandler, that’s their job. They likely have a place to stay as well, and are not homeless.
NTA, and I work with homeless people to help them find resources they need. No one just hands me $80 for doing nothing, after all.
Nta plenty of unhoused people would be very happy to get this offer.
This particular person only wants Tod beg as their job, but that doesn’t make your proposal a bad thing.
YTA for calling homeless people temporarily unhoused, like changing the name of something somehow changes the state of the thing.
I think you got an abject less in why people are homeless they don’t want to work and they don’t want to follow the rules the rest of us do.
If you saw the amount of time and resource the government wastes trying to help people who don’t want to be helped it would blow your mind.
NTA for offering someone work
Wth they’re literally begging for money, from the same person who already said they don’t have more. Then they get upset and call you rude for offering them working for money. Unless they had an obvious reason why they’d be unable to (like they had no hand etc) I can’t see how you were rude. If anything they’re being rude continuously asking you for money when you already gave them some and they ask for more.
NTA, but it’s not as easy as “guess they don’t want to work”- you’re offering what, $150/month total? That’s not much in the grand scheme of things, and might feel more like giving money with strings attached than like employment. I don’t think you’re the ahole for offering, but people still have the right to decline.
If I was capable of the requested work, I’d be thrilled to do something in exchange for honest earned money. Would give me a sense of accomplishment, and perhaps I’d be lucky enough to get a drink or meal as well. Not that it’d be required, but would be truly appreciated. Or, even the chance to take a SHOWER, omg, that’d be pay enough for me.
NTA except for offering the guy work without clearing it with your relative. Sending some stranger into my yard may lead to trespassing charges or worse.
I’ve been homeless before and saw a lot of people who just lazed around in their cars all day instead of looking for work.
YTA but not for anything to do with the intent of the offer of work.
How were you planning to contact this person to coordinate work and pay them? How were you expecting them to travel to your relatives house? What tools were they supposed to use? Your relatives? If so, did your relative know they would be interacting with a literal stranger off the street?
It is bonkers that you drive 2 hours to do yard work for your relative. Reach out on the social media of the neighborhood and I guarantee you will find a teenager or college student willing to take this chore over for you for money.
NTA. I’ve responded to people online asking for money with the exact same offer. If you need money, I will grossly overpay you for doing a chore I don’t want to do. And then I usually give them far more than I said I would. If they ask in person, I offer to grab them a meal rather than cash.
Most people have ghosted me. $200 to rake leaves? Apparently not worth. But I had one guy show us multiple days to very slowly chop up a fallen tree for me! I paid him well, bought him lunch. Then, before he could stack it all on the curb, someone drove by that night and asked for the wood. He showed up to move the cut logs and I paid him for that day anyway. Told him someone else did him a favor LOL
Some people just want money and handouts. Some people are honestly happy as HELL to be offered the job and the chance to earn it. I think it’s more dignifying to give someone a job than cash. It’s easy to hand someone cash to get them out of your face and pretend they don’t exist. It’s a lot harder to have a conversation, buy them lunch, and do yard work with them.
And to everyone crapping about giving the address. Her family member would never have to deal with this person. OP could just tell them to leave the lawnmower out back because someone was coming by to mow that day. They’re homeless not evil. Maybe they could make a friend out of it.
YTA for being naive. This total stranger was friendly because they were trying to get money and you gave it to them. That’s why they got aggressive after you didn’t give them any more.
Even if they were completely honest and willing to do the work you shouldn’t chose them. When you hire a company, they carry liability insurance that covers injuries to their workers or damage to your property. By hiring a nobody you’re on the hook(or your family in this case).
NTA for offering them a job but YTA to send a possibly unstable, and definitely uninsured person onto your relative’s property.
If they hurt themselves doing this work, who do you think would be financially responsible?
NTA. Obviously the beggar was able bodied. These people don’t want to work. They want free money to get spend on dope.
I’m going to go against the grain and say YTA. I was on your side until you mentioned you told this total stranger your elderly family member’s address before 1) asking if that was okay or 2) the person had even agreed to do yard work for you.
It’s not about “bad vibes” and it’s not about this person being presumably homeless. It’s just not polite to give out peoples’ addresses to complete strangers without their consent. If it’s too much of an inconvenience to do this yard work yourself, you need to talk to this family member about that and figure out a workable solution together, not offer random strangers money to do it for you without consulting the person who actually needs the yard work done.
For what is is worth, you can probably hire a landscaping company to do twice monthly mows and edging for what you were offering a random homeless person (who probably had zero transportation or equipment to even do such a job that far away).
I pay $250 a month for pretty extensive weekly landscaping on about a half acre.
You were going to pay this guy $160 a month. Just call a landscape company.
NAH—but I think you are being naive and impractical.
They don’t want to work…….they want dope and booze