I was friends with this guy, let’s call him Jack, starting my freshman year of high school. He was a junior and dating my best friend at the time, so the three of us got really close. When she moved away during my junior year, they broke up, and Jack and I stayed friends. I had a boyfriend of my own, and he understood the situation, so it wasn’t a problem.
Eventually, my dad had a job opening at the company he owns, and Jack asked if I could help get him in. I did. A few months after he got hired, things took a turn. One night, completely out of the blue, he came on to me. I kept turning away. I said no, more than once. I was trying to be polite because I was scared and confused. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but I knew I didn’t want it.
He didn’t stop.
He kept pushing until he forced himself on me. It didn’t go all the way, but it went far enough that I felt violated and sick. He touched me in ways I didn’t consent to and made me do things I never agreed to. I said no. I turned away. I froze. I didn’t fight him off, and I still feel ashamed of that, even though I know I shouldn’t. I was young and naive, and no one had ever really explained what consent meant. I just knew something was deeply wrong and afterward I felt gross and confused.
I told him I didn’t want anything romantic and asked if we could just stay friends. He told me no. I had a boyfriend, I said no repeatedly, and somehow I was still treated like I had done something wrong.
I ended up telling my parents what happened. I was expecting support, or at least some level of understanding. Instead, they told me he was a good guy. That he probably just wanted to be my boyfriend. That I must have led him on. Even though I was already dating someone else. They dismissed it completely.
After that, things got worse. My dad kept inviting Jack over. He would come over for drinks, to watch football, to just hang out like nothing ever happened. Football used to be something my dad and I enjoyed together, but I couldn’t even sit in the same room with Jack, so I started hiding in my bedroom. My dad would buy snacks Jack liked and laugh with him in the living room while I stayed locked away. When I asked him to stop, he told me Jack worked for him and there was nothing he could do.
They still work together now. Small office, barely any space, so they’re together constantly. They work together intimately every day when they don’t have to. They go golfing. They take photos. I see them tagged in things together and it makes my skin crawl. Every time I bring it up, my dad either brushes it off or says I’m overreacting.
Years ago, I told them that this entire situation was making me suicidal. I was in so much pain and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stand to hear his laugh, to get to spend time with my parents when I felt ostracized. Instead of helping, they called the police and tried to have me committed. It didn’t work, but that shattered any trust I had left in them.
I used to leave the house for hours just to avoid Jack. My boyfriend and I would drive around, go to my grandmas, or sometimes just sit in the driveway until he left. One time, when I was working for my dad’s company too, we had a work party. I tried to avoid Jack the whole night. It was going fine until they put him on my bowling team. I told them I was uncomfortable, and they told me too bad. I ended up leaving. I didn’t get to enjoy any of it.
This has been going on for years. I don’t live at home anymore, and that has helped, but I still see the posts and photos. I still get the occasional reminder that he is part of their lives. It makes me physically sick. I have tried to explain to them how much this has hurt me, but they refuse to acknowledge it.
We even tried family therapy, but my parents quit after one session because they said they didn’t want to talk about the past. So nothing ever got resolved. They expect me to just move on while they continue supporting and praising the person who hurt me.
I don’t see a way forward with them. I don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with people who not only dismissed what happened to me but continue to welcome the guy who did it into their lives. I don’t know how to forgive that. I’m just tired of carrying it all alone and need outside perspectives of where to go from here
Comments
I don’t think that you can have a healthy relationship with people who are supposed to support you but put you in the path of your rapist. I wouldn’t forgive someone who raped me. Have you considered moving away and going no contact?
Damn, man. That’s a tough spot. Look, no need for “forgive and forget”, right? Stg, you gotta prioritize ur own mental health here. Keep ur distance, find some solid support elsewhere. Stay strong, bro. We’re here for ya.
Dude, I’m sorry, this is so messed up. U ain’t done nada wrong tho, remember that. Your folks are in the wrong big time, ain’t no two ways bout it – u went to them for support & they blew ya off. Maybe lay low, cut off contact for a bit if u can. Sometimes peeps need a hard wake-up call to see what they’re doing ain’t right. Stay strong, yo. You deserve so much better. 💪❤️
The time for forgiveness–if ever–is AFTER the wrongful behavior has STOPPED. They have NEVER STOPPED. They are still pulling the same inappropriate bullshit. They are absolutely awful parents. Good parents would have supported you, comforted you, and done everything in their power to protect you from that man. Many a good father would have taken it upon himself to beat the living shit out of a man who treated his daughter that way.
Your parents still welcome this sex criminal into their lives!! It’s beyond messed up!! They value their relationship with him more than their relationship with you.
If I were in your shoes, I would absolutely cut them off permanently. You can sit down and write out a letter to them if you want to. Or maybe you’ll end up getting enough responses in this thread to be inspire you to show the thread to them. But these people are either evil, unforgivably stupid, or both.
You deserve better parents and a better life. Good luck to you 💐💐💐💐💐
Maybe if you report Jack to the police, it will help make you feel better? Because it would be you standing up for yourself? Maybe you could confront Jack face-to-face one day and tell him how you feel.
What exactly did Jack do to you?
Go no contact. You need to protect yourself.
It won’t be easy.
Get a good therapist who can help you though this. It’s important that you don’t blame yourself or allow others to make you feel that you should do something – whether it’s forgive and forget or that you should stay in contact with these people because they are “family.” F#ck that.
You’ve done everything you can to get these people to understand how much this has hurt you. They have chosen to turn their back on their daughter! A parent that doesn’t protect a child doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with that child. They’ve gaslighted, dismissed, and minimized you. You owe them NOTHING. Surround yourself with people who will support you, love you, believe you, protect you. You deserve only this.
Good luck. Stay strong.
Aw, good boyfriend.
Your parents are fucking rotten. Blood =/= family. They don’t deserve you and you don’t owe them anything. Cut them out of your life, please.
Cut them out of your life. Go NC and never look back. Your parents are absolute scum.
do you want Jack in your life? Do you want Jacks friends who knows what he did to you in your life?
I feel angry for you , don’t wanna t tell you to cut them off cause it might be harder than it sounds but if it something that will help you please go forward with it , you only have to put yourself first, and i believe you gave them enough time to repent so don’t feel bad about it, focus in yourself and start building a life for yourself, with your boyfriend and friends who really cares about you, remember your are not overreacting they are the one who decided not to react at all and they are completely at fault.
I’m sorry you have these parents. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. I’d take a year off from seeing them and tell them why. Cutting people out of your life is so final and hurts you too.