Boyfriend is an engineer and suddenly had a switch up. I was told recently that he will go back to college to pursue a different career, nursing. In total, he explained that it would be at least 7 – 8 years of school for him. He has been stressed out about supporting a future family and decided that switching careers to something that pays a lot would be worth it. With his current income he cannot raise a family.
I asked him if he thought about marriage / family while doing those years of school, and he said it would have to wait for now. He said that marriage is a possibility because he doesn’t know if I can handle him being absent studying intensely for so long. He warned me that we would rarely spend time together. Also He does not want children when he is studying. I am a young girl. I don’t know if I can wait that long. I don’t know wtf to do. Please someone guide me. Would you wait for 8 years? Or would you move on? I don’t know if I want to wait around for so long, but I also feel like I would regret breaking up with him because I love him. I never thought I’d have to wait for someone to redo college all over again. I never thought I’d have to wait for so long. Plz help.
Please help! I don’t know what to do! Me F(20) and boyfriend M(25)
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Im confused… engineers can make way more money than a nurse. Also, being a nurse does not take 8 years. What?
It really comes down to what u want. Would u wait 8 years for him to maybe decide he wants to have kids? What if within those 8 years he decides he doesn’t want kids anymore or he actually can’t support you both and kids? Would u be willing to wait 8 years or more to marry him?
Sounds like ur relationship isnt going to have any progression for quite a few years. Ur the only one who can decide if ur willing to wait that long. Also sounds like he’s not willing to put in any effort to see u or for the relationship…”we would rarely spend time together”. Sounds like he’s just giving u reasons to leave and not how u both can make it work
Kind of sounds like he’s trying to let you break up with him. Idk. None of this makes sense
He wants to destroy his life because he’s a baby. Dump him. If you’re thinking about starting a family at 20, that’s a great and rare attribute. A better man will find his way into your life I promise.
Idk but 8 years feels too much for nursing, i would put more effort on the engineering career rather than leaving my woman for 8 years , anyway you said you don’t know if you can wait this long and you want to start a family he’s not willing to start ,so you should really put your future and well being over anything .
8 years to become a nurse? Guessing this isn’t in the us.
You’re 20. Why do you need to get married and have kids so soon? What are you doingnto earn money?
So… Instead of cultivating his engineering career and being able to make enough money to uphold a family by the time said 8 years would be up, your boyfriend wants to switch careers entirely? Possiblyputting himself in deep student loan debt and putting his AND your life/relationship on hold for almost a decade? By the time he graduates from nursing school or whatever, he could’ve been deep into his engineering career and already been making a very solid income. I’m like 99% sure engineers make more money on average than nurses. The way he’s going now, he won’t be reaping any benefits til he’s in his 30s, and all of it will go into paying debt and not toward your future family. Someone needs to talk some sense into that boy, because he’s being mad stupid. Ruining his own life and possibly yours if you stick through that. Either get him to see reason or part ways and let him screw himself over with his own bad decisions.
Edit: I’m also pretty sure it doesn’t take 8 years to become a nurse. Don’t take my word for this, but I think he’s trying to find an excuse to get you to end the relationship because he’s too cowardly to do it himself. If that’s the case, leave, build yourself up, and be open to finding love elsewhere.
That’s a long wait. Think about what you want and need. Be honest about your future together
Only you can decide what makes sense for you. Having said that, it is entirely reasonable to break up over this. Not because you do not love him, but because “wait 8 years and maybe things will be better” is a terrible proposition.
You are in a tough spot. If you give him the next 10 years of your life, those are the best years of your life to secure the best man you can find. If things fail to work out, you would be justified in feeling resentful. If you resent the situation, there is very little chance he will be happy either. On the other hand, if you are truly in love with him you may regret breaking up.
If I were in your position, I would break up with him. Maybe not immediately, but I think waiting 8 to 10 years for a maybe is a mistake. Nursing is a strong maybe, but it is still a maybe.
Also, remember that you strongly implied that you are OK with marriage and raising a family while he goes to school. He turned you down. My father did raise a family while going to school. He died a million dollars in debt, but he still managed to provide for the family. I think using school loans to support a family is a terrible strategy, but my father made it work.
He’s not going to be your guy. And….. he does not love you the same way you love him. I agree with the person who said he’s trying to tell you he wants to end things, but he is too much of a weenie to come out and say it. So he’s going to drag you and breadcrumb you for 8 years, if you let him.
Don’t let him.
You can love him and wish him well AND take back your own agency and find someone more on your same page in terms of life plans.
Let him go.
Also.. if he isn’t someone who REALLY LOVES PEOPLE and wants to be in healthcare to take care of human beings…. I don’t think CRNA is a good idea to pursue just for money.
He wants you to break up with him
I don’t know how somebody could go through engineering school get an engineering job and after a year or two decide it was the wrong path. Make him clearly explain how this mess happened and how what ever caused is now fixed. If he can’t clearly explain it, assume he still can’t make big decisions and take responsibility and then move on. Also ask him how he is going to pay for this.
Break up with him , get a bf around ur age