Hello guys I am 22 years old and I am stuck in a pickle. I recently graduated from college with a computer science degree and have been struggling getting a job in Tech. I currently have a temporary IT position that pays about 3.5k a month but I recently got a job offer to work for a city IT department making 6k a month. The thing is that it would be 4 hours away from my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 years since we were 18 and i honestly see myself having a future with her but this job market is making me desperate and im not sure if our relationship would be able to survive the distance. I am really conflicted if I should continue looking near me in hope I get a job in 2 months to stay close to my gf or should I take the job and leave my relationship behind. She is helping her parents out paying rent since her dad can’t work due to health issues so following me isn’t a choice unless a bring all of them with me including her mom
Leave gf for a job or stay with girlfriend
r/Advice
Comments
6k a month is a big pay raise. Take the job and ask your girlfriend to come with you
Honestly just take them all with you. Use the combined incomes to get a big place or two smaller places and hit the grind.
She can’t send them the rent electronically?
Always leave
Take the job and invite your girlfriend to join you. Let her decide what she wants to do. If you are making more money in the city, she probably will too. Her family situation is important, but that is between her and her parents.
Take the job, if your relationship was meant to be it will survive the distance.
It sounds like her family is struggling financially. Let’s say you aren’t able to take off in your career early on and get established. Would you both be satisfied with living through life with an unfulfilled career?
Obviously I can’t answer this for you. But financial stability is a key cornerstone in any good relationship. If you can’t afford to put food on the table and put a roof over you head, then it becomes an issue regardless of love. While it would be great to obtain career opportunities close to home, never let your physical location tie you down in getting as much advancement as possible in your 20s. If you two can get through this together, you will grow stronger. If not, it just wasn’t meant to be. There will be other relationships and remember that our understanding of the right fit with someone else changes over time as well.
It is a tough call and I know it isn’t as easy as I make it out to be. But having the right start into your career now can make all the right differences in where you go professionally.
Take job, try long distance and eventually break up and move on
If you don’t take the job for the sake of your relationship you might end up resenting your gf for it which wouldn’t be great for the relationship anyway. I’d say either try to find a way for her to come with you or plan for long-distance where you two can be together again sometime soon
You better take that job and try to alternate between who visits each weekend. Since you’re in CS, you KNOW that declining a job that can allow you to live alone, this shouldn’t be a question. But I understand being in love.
Edit: word
Four hours driving or flying? Either way, take the job.
Take the job, if she loves you, you guys will be able to make it work. It doesn’t have to be forever but maybe 6months till she finds something out there. Never not take a job for a girl. Almost didn’t go to a specific university for an ex I thought I was gonnna marry. (Was with her from 19-22) and if I did that I would be working the job making the money I am now. (25 m)
I can’t help but shift the perspective…may catch heat for it because I’m ignoring your question (kind of).
How hard have you been looking for a job? My guess is you can probably improve in this area significantly. Your “side hustle” is finding a new job. That means applying to a minimum amount of places and companies daily. That means phone calls to the companies and ensuring they got your resume and seeing if they have any questions. If possible, going and visiting them in person. There are likely hundreds of thousands of jobs that would offer remote work to someone with your knowledge and skill set.
As someone who has hired many employees over the last decade, unfortunately I can count on two hands how many of those people who have directly called our company to follow up on their résumé. You will automatically set yourself apart from the rest of the field. Try this for a week before you accept the job. Also you can use this job to leverage other companies into paying you more money and/or taking you more seriously because someone else wants to hire you.
Sincerely hope this helps!
Decisions are easier and more effective when you weigh down the costs of accepting each option without involving emotions.
What do you lose if you chose one over the other? Write a visible list and see.
Take the job. 4 hours is nothing. If your relationship can’t survive that it wouldn’t survive anything stressful in the future. Travel today is easy.
Dip
Job. You’re young. You’ll find another. I know, cold, callous. Whatever. Unless she wants to up-end her life or you wanna drop your opportunity for her, just part with good vibes and go be single and awesome…
Or, be long distance and see each other on weekends. 🤷🏼♀️
I wish I’d done that when I was your age. But alas, no.
If it was me, I would take the job. Why are you saying that your relationship won’t survive? It is only 4 hours away. If you have trust issues with her then you might as well cut your losses and move on. Your life is just getting started and 6k/month is great money for a young man.
I’m 23F, mine is 19M. We’ve been together almost 2 years (right when he turned 18, I was 22). So, he’s 3 years younger than you. What he taught me was that when a man truly wants something, he will do whatever it takes to have it.
Mine got assigned to a military duty station in Italy 5,000 miles away. When I first heard this, I thought “ah the relationship is over, it’s impossible.” I told him I understand it’s probably over. This deeply hurt his feelings once he saw my messages a week later during basic. It hurt him because I later realized he’d been willing to forsake physically being with me, sex, and anything outside of just me so that he could be with me long term. He was willing to do this for 6 months to a year at a time.. He has a plan set in place. I’m not willing to move to another country, so we get to see one other for 2-3 weeks every 4-6 months for the next 2 years, then he plans to propose that summer.
The key point here is that he NEVER considered leaving me, even if that meant he’d have to go 6 months to a year without seeing me. It was never a thought in his mind. You’re considering it. You’re likely just dating an average normal girl, nothing wrong with it, but if it was more you wouldn’t be here.
I say all this to say; If you’re considering leaving someone over a measly 4 hour drive distance, where you have the option to drive to one another so very easily, then this isn’t the love of your life. You’re only 22. If I were a man, I’d never choose a great opportunity over a gf. If both of you aren’t mutually 100% set on being with one another though it all, then it might just not be your person, but I can only speak from my minimal personal experience, as I’m also young.
This is the time to be working on you. Not someone you have been dating since you were basically kids.
Take the job and see her on weekends.
Do long distance. If you think she is your person then it is worth the sacrifice. Yes, it will be hard but put in rules, guidelines, expectations and make sure there is an end point, even if it’s a couple of years. Communication is key though and lots of facetiming.
MOB
Your girlfriend has her priorities and you have yours. If her priority is to take care of her parents then move on.
If she moved with you and continued to send them money it would mean she isn’t contributing to your joint financial future which means it’ll be on you to pick up the slack.
Also if she doesn’t have the potential to make the same income as you then it’s time to find someone who can keep up financially. What if you get injured and lose you job and she isn’t capable of picking up the slack?
Focus on you before wasting time with a relationship that’s financially one sided
Take the job!
Take the job! If the relationship isnt strong enough to withstand it after 4 years it aint gonna last anyway.
The fact that you’re conflicted means your girlfriend is not the most important thing, and that’s okay. Take the job. I promise you, you will not regret it.
If youre already doubting the relationship will survive a 4 hour distance (your own words) then the relationship is clearly NOT that strong anyway. Take the job and if your relationship survives, great
I’d go for the job. See if your girlfriend will come with you and if not, see if long distance will work. Not sure what your job market is where you live but where I am, tech jobs come around once in a blue moon. If the relationship was meant to be, you’ll survive long distance. Nothing stopping you from travelling to see each other on weekends or every couple of weekends.
Take the job. If you are meant to be together it’ll sort itself out. Your career is all about momentum! Keep it moving forward! Remember she had to help her parents out is an excuse. She can send money from anywhere.
is 4 hours long distance?
Let’s simmer down a bit. 72k/yr is not some ridiculous once in a lifetime salary. You have to get a start, but will likely need a new job within 3 years. Talk to her first and see what her thoughts are. You can also just take the job until you find something else local.
Personally I would prioritize the relationship. Talk to her and find a path forward.
Take the job, opportunities, like that may not exist where you live. Four hours is not that far away, if you both wanted to work, you can do it. Eventually, she may want to come stay with you. She can always pay the bills without having to live with them. I know my bills get paid electronically out of my account every month. I don’t even see them.
Never Never Never. Refuse a job because of a GF. Do you like to eat ? Do you like to live in an Apt ? Do you want to save a little $$ for the future. You better go get that job. And if the GF moves with you, she had better have a job. She needs to pay 50/50. Don’t let her mooch off of you. An make damned sure she doesn’t “Baby Trap” you.
Ehhhhh you’re young. This ain’t the one to derail your new career over.