Last weekend, I was the best man at a wedding. The night before the wedding, I got pretty drunk and was hungover on the day of the wedding. My fiancé doesn’t drink, and also said I wasn’t too crazy.
On the wedding day, everything went well. We had a blast and even though I didn’t drink I still had a lot of fun. I’m pretty shy when I’m not drunk though, so dancing isn’t my thing.
After the wedding, we went to a bar for an after party. I was kinda club-y and my fiance went to the dance floor. I hung back by the bar talking to one of my friends.
Then, her favorite song came on. And I rushed out to find her. When I did, she was grinding on one of my best friends. I was shocked.
I walked back to the bar and I was super angry. She came to find me later and knew I was mad. We went back to the hotel and didn’t talk. I woke up the next morning, grabbed our stuff and drove us home.
I haven’t talked to her about it yet and this was on Saturday. It’s really bothering me, but I don’t know what to say or what to do. She said she was sorry and that it didn’t mean anything but I can’t get it out of my head.
Comments
I would consider in a broader context of her overall behavior, we all do stupid shit
yeah, yellow flag, but who cares as long as it’s not a pattern.
Is this something that shes done before? Shes your fiance so I assume you’ve had plenty of time to establish each others boundaries. The fact you didn’t have to say what pissed you off yet she still knew exactly what happened to get you that mad says she knew at the time it wasn’t going to fly with you, and was a knowing breach of your boundaries and trust.
Again, this is all assuming you’ve had these conversations before and have established what is and isnt ok.
My bf has certain friends he doesnt care if I dance with in any capacity cause he trusts them and me wholeheartedly and he absolutely hates dancing whilst I absolutely love it.
Different strokes for different folks, if thats not something youre comfortable with, talk to her and establish that boundary, alot of people who enjoy dancing dont view it as sexual, intimate sure, but not everything intimate is inherently sexual.
Most dancing partners are with other people tbh and they do alot more touching lol
You ask for the ring back. It’s not hard.
No coming back from this unless you have an open relationship.
That sucks I would totally be upset with my partner if he did that. I would talk about it to her and completely express what you are feeling and set that boundary. Then gage if her apology is sincere and not trying to invalidate your feelings. It’s very frustrating because unfortunately it’s not something she can take back.
She was grinding one of your best friends, and he did nothing ? If you are not comfortable with this, then speak to your GF.
It’s better than catching her tooting on the meat whistle… I’m a believer that most people aren’t mind readers. You should state your position clearly (maybe after spending some time writing it down to streamline your thoughts)… She was sober, so as a matter of probability, she’ll grind a non-friend next time
Post your dilemma on Reddit and start down the path of realization, you have a pig for a fiancé and need to figure this shit out.
Grind on his friend
Edit : her oops
I would pause and consider if you are a good match.
She doesn’t drink and you drink excessively…perhaps she was still angry about the night before and this was a little attention seeking revenge?
Maybe this is a sign you are not meant to be….or the start of better communication.
You going to delete this fake story eventually too or?
She’s for the streets and you moved on and thank God you noticed the red flag before you married that leaking gaslight
Ok here’s the deal, you don’t put off discussing these things for days! The longer you wait the more twisted you’ll get about it and the more you’ll forget about details. Yes sometimes you need a moment to collect yourself but more than one sleep and you’re making it bigger by the day.
Dealbreaker.
I would of grinded on her bestie and see how she likes then dump her, she’s for the streets
Yeah you get the ring back and cut the friend off too. Believe if one of my homies finances even tried coming close to grinding on me I’m stiff arming her
Gibb smack to the back of the head
I’m not sure giving the silent treatment and saying everything on reddit is gonna give either of you the best outcome. We don’t know the full context of all this… Put on your big boy boots and talk with her, adult to adult.
What song was playing?
You never know with psychology. Maybe she was mad not getting attention from you the entire weekend? Her way of getting back? Or, she was in the moment, and just went for the grind. Nevertheless, y’all need to talk as harboring your feelings will not get you closer to the truth.
My ex used to do that, I’m convinced most women do this especially when they’re drunk. Women will be women. But that said, if it was reversed she’d be pretty upset.
Dancing is ok.
Grinding is not
Your friend is also a piece of shit for grinding with your girl.
In college my friend would often ask me to dance with his girlfriend at the bar/club and at parties because he didn’t but she wanted to and never once did I grind on her.
Take some time to cool off and have a calm discussion with your fiance. (Damn man, y’all fixing to get married and she acting like this??) ask her what she was thinking and why she did it. How would she feel if she saw you grinding on one of her friends? Be honest and let her know how much it hurt and pissed you off.
Her reaction and answers will tell you all you need to know. Taking accountability and showing genuine remorse? You guys can probably work through this.
Defensiveness, anger and gaslighting? Might be time to postpone the nuptials, brother. The universe might be doing you a favor in unmasking her.
Imagine what she does when you’re not there. Not good. Move on. Giant red flags. She’s not the one.
Your fiancé is very horny,or very hot, or not to be trusted. You know the answer, not me. I hope that she’s hot and horny. Good luck!
First quit drinking, then grow up. You are acting like a child.
What the hell? Also dont call that person your friend. A friend doesn’t grind on your girlfriend, fiancé or wife!
Unless she came running over and apologized – your relationship is in SERIOUS trouble.
She’s waiting to see if you’ll take the humiliation without objection. If she loved you she would have apologized immediately. The fact that she’s just waiting it out hoping it will blow over is very concerning.
You don’t have to pretend this is ok. You don’t have to be scared of rocking the boat.
You need to talk to her in a way that she knows this is an important conversation. The phrase “we need to talk” is a good signaller for this. Also choose a more formal part of your house, where you can sit facing each other. Use body language to signal “serious”. All of this will help her to know she can’t blow this off or deflect, so the two of you can have a real chance to work this out.
Consider how you feel in advance so that you can articulate it. For me it would be “I saw you grinding on <name> and I was shocked. Part of why I fell in love with you was that I thought you were a loyal person, and to see you acting sexually with another person right in front of me has made me view you in a completely different light. I’m not sure that I want to be married to someone who is disloyal or who can’t be faithful. “
Also don’t be afraid of the long awkward pause. Listen to what she says when she talks.
You can’t avoid the painful conversation if you want to either repair the relationship or end it without regret. As hard as it is, you need to hash it out. I’m sorry this is hard and you have my sympathy.
The trick is to with a surprising composure calmly and gently communicating with her. Your feelings, her feelings, what’s bothering. Don’t let her feel like you’re about to persecute her. Take a really good time for this conversation. Let her speak. Don’t interrupt. You clearly haven’t made it clear to her about a relationship boundary. This is about understanding what the fk is going on in the real world that most likely both of you have missed to notice outside the fantasy of security. Relationship stability requires sacrifice, time, attention and humility. Or learn it the hard way. K I need to calm down.
She’s probably just having fun dancing but you definitely should tell her that this is embarrassing and upsetting to you
Their always sorry and it never means anything but reverse the roles and see how she acts
Why haven’t you talked about it yet? The longer you leave it the harder it is.
If it was me, that’s enough for me to walk away. You make your own decisions but respect is insanely important to me. Not only her but your “best friend” too.
These people both showed their level of respect and I would never be around anyone who did that to me.
What if you didn’t see that? Imagine. Do you want a life where when your not around, wonder what the people closest to you are doing?
It’s wrong.. I’m sorry OP, but do think it over and see how you truly feel
drop the fiance
Updateme!