A longterm friend of my partner is, by societal standards, a successful woman. We can call her Mary. Mary comes from a wealthy east coast family and moved out west after college, met her husband, and had two children. She has had numerous jobs and has made good money. But that’s where her redeeming qualities end the the problems begin…
She is also an alcoholic who “doesn’t believe in trauma.” Like just the general idea of trauma and all the research behind it. Her husband is also an alcoholic and they have a tumultuous relationship that includes some dv incidents, and general neglect of the house and children. She drank through both of her pregnancies, has been arrested in other countries on work trips for shoplifting and is banned. She has tried to commit insurance fraud by claiming she lost an insured item. And the list goes on.
Within the last six months, she has had multiple preschools call cps on her for smelling like alcohol at pick up and drop off and she finds a new preschool every time this happens to throw them off (or so she thinks). And the grand finale was a few weeks ago she was arrested for a dui with the kids in the car unbuckled on the freeway (mid afternoon with a blood alcohol limit of .24) and at her arraignment last week she was ordered to not see her children and have zero contact until a verdict is reached at trial.
Im a former social worker and I’ve made a lot of cps calls in my day and I have of course called and shared what I know. So no issue there.
Here’s where I’m struggling: she currently has a deal with a very famous celebrity to create a line of children’s things. For anonymity I won’t go into detail about the product (it’s also not released so no one will know what it is currently) and I’m in the fence about emailing their team (most like anonymously) and sharing the arrest record with them. Regardless of societal status, I don’t think someone who is so brazen in their disregard of the safety of children should be creating things for and profiting off children and spaces for children.
And no, there isn’t a traumatic event that triggered a breakdown. She isn’t “struggling.” She’s, imo, a bad person who truly only cares about themself. So, would I be the asshole for emailing the information I know to the team of the famous person who is working with her?
EDIT: this project isn’t a business yet and is not her livelihood. She had an unlimited credit card from her parents until her early 30s, owns multiple airbnbs, has had many high paying jobs, and her husband owns a successful company.
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A longterm friend of my partner is, by societal standards, a successful woman. We can call her Mary. Mary comes from a wealthy east coast family and moved out west after college, met her husband, and had two children. She has had numerous jobs and has made good money. But that’s where her redeeming qualities end the the problems begin…
She is also an alcoholic who “doesn’t believe in trauma.” Like just the general idea of trauma and all the research behind it. Her husband is also an alcoholic and they have a tumultuous relationship that includes some dv incidents, and general neglect of the house and children. She drank through both of her pregnancies, has been arrested in other countries on work trips for shoplifting and is banned. She has tried to commit insurance fraud by claiming she lost an insured item. And the list goes on.
Within the last six months, she has had multiple preschools call cps on her for smelling like alcohol at pick up and drop off and she finds a new preschool every time this happens to throw them off (or so she thinks). And the grand finale was a few weeks ago she was arrested for a dui with the kids in the car unbuckled on the freeway (mid afternoon with a blood alcohol limit of .24) and at her arraignment last week she was ordered to not see her children and have zero contact until a verdict is reached at trial.
Im a former social worker and I’ve made a lot of cps calls in my day and I have of course called and shared what I know. So no issue there.
Here’s where I’m struggling: she currently has a deal with a very famous celebrity to create a line of children’s things. For anonymity I won’t go into detail about the product (it’s also not released so no one will know what it is currently) and I’m in the fence about emailing their team (most like anonymously) and sharing the arrest record with them. Regardless of societal status, I don’t think someone who is so brazen in their disregard of the safety of children should be creating things for and profiting off children and spaces for children.
And no, there isn’t a traumatic event that triggered a breakdown. She isn’t “struggling.” She’s, imo, a bad person who truly only cares about themself. So, would I be the asshole for emailing the information I know to the team of the famous person who is working with her?
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> I’m wondering if I would be the asshole for outing the criminal behavior and negligence of children of my partner’s friend to the celebrity they currently work with.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Yes, you would be an AH. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. LOL
You would not be the asshole. This ‘friend’ is the asshole.
Mind your own business.
The celebrity would probably like knowing. It will come out at some point and make them look like a fool for supporting her.
ESH
She seriously sucks and I hope she receives a very harsh punishment from the courts
You would be an asshole for emailing her potential business partner. That’s unnecessary and not your place.
Her life will probably be destroyed by the courts, but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to just pile on like some vigilante justice warrior. Let the law deal with her.
ESH. She’s clearly a bad person. But it doesn’t sound like she’d be working directly with children or putting them in danger in any way. If she’s qualified for the job on paper, then they either did a background check and didn’t care, or they failed to do their due diligence and it’s on them that they hired a walking PR nightmare. Your concern for her kids is well-placed. But trying to get her fired seems like bad karma. If her addiction has already lost her her children, chances are she’ll burn this bridge on her own without interference from you.
The things you mention are pretty serious so I’m going with NTA. I hate the idea of screwing with someones livelihood but she doesn’t seem to mind risking it all with her lifestyle anyway.
Her livelihoods are her businesses. Do call CPS again to protect the children. That’s the real business here
YWBTA
Why would you want to get involved?
Where the safety of children is concerned, I am always on the side of report. This doesn’t rise to that level but if I were the celebrity, I would want to know about her background and the current charges against her. I’m not a fan of anonymous communication, but it has its place.
You would be TAH if this was a one off event but I’m going to say NTA if you choose to discreetly report this to the celebrity. Maybe you can find a mutual friend to contact the celebrity, they should be running a background check before any partnership.
How is her contract your business? Sit yo behind down and shut up.
ESH You were right to be concerned about her children and to report her for that. But since her dealings with this celebrity is not not a safety issue, you should mind your own business. It’s up to the celebrity and their people to background check people they do business with.
I think your bigger problem is why your partner continues to be friends with this woman who is so awful.
YTA. All of this information will already be available to the celebrity because they do extensive background checks, or should. It’s something that will come out without your help. It gives the impression that you’re doing this so the celebrity would think nicely of you, when in reality, you’re a butt-in-sky. Mind your business.
NTA, report them discreetly or anonymous. She is putting that person’s career at risk as well.
YWBTA. How will losing her job help her children? If you are choosing to get involved, they should be your focus.
You don’t actually know there wasn’t a traumatic event. It doesn’t change the situation at all, but it’s impossible to say what’s in someone else’s background, unless you know them VERY well.
Anyhow, in your shoes I might assess my motivation, especially since you’ll likely hide behind anonymity (which I completely get). You’re not actually protecting children, so it’s not a safety issue. You may be protecting the celebrity from future embarrassment, but do you care about this person personally? Is it that you happen to be privy to this important thing, and this woman deserves to have misfortune befall her, and you’re in a position to make that happen? Is that a good reason to act on this knowledge? I’m honestly not sure. (By the way, do you have access to this celeb to contact them?)
I guess I’m saying make the decision based on the purity of your motives and the consequences of not doing it.
I agree with some of the others. Yes, you would be TA for doing it……..but still do it. Sometimes its ok to be TA 🤷♂️
ESH. Because obviously she sucks. But stay out of their business. Celebrities and their teams have better background checkers than a rando who happens to know her.
To be honest, I think I would do the same thinking that somehow this would make her realise what she’s doing to herself and kids and ask for help. HOWEVER, I really don’t think by contacting this person will affect her in anyway, especially if she has always been part of high society and is wealthy.
I think that going ahead with the contract and having to deal with everything and everyone that needs to be involved in this business will realise that she’s a massive problem and will probably cancel/fire/ do whatever they need to do to exclude this woman, and I believe this will be more humiliating and embarrassing and everyone in her circle would know.
-ish
I agree she’s an asshole and needs to get her life together. I believe she needs to face severe consequences for putting her children’s lives, strangers lives and her life in danger by driving while intoxicated. I believe her kids need to be in a safer environment.
But what are you accomplishing by ratting her out to an employer? What does it give you?
Is she exploiting children with her designs?
If she gets a criminal record wouldn’t she have to report it to her employer anyway?
I’m not sure what the laws are where you live.
YTA. A good person would encourage her to go to A.A. or rehab. The kids would be better off staying with a relative or family friend, not being handed to the court system.
NTA. If she doesn’t care or do right by her own children, I wouldn’t want to buy or use anything she has had a hand in making or designing with my children.
YTA – It’s really none of your business, and realistically it’s up to this celeb’s team to do their research on anyone they plan on working with. Furthermore, it doesn’t matter if she’s already successful without this deal, that doesn’t make it even more okay to throw her under the bus. If she was doing something that would harm her own (or other) children, I’d say report it. But that’s not what’s happening here.
Absolutely would be. They’re on a self destructive path, to be sure, but it’s not your place, and if they’re famous, they’re not going to listen to you anyway, making you a rat with no reason.
Yes YWBTA. Mind your own business.
She could also sue you for a great deal of money if you screw up a business arrangement by sticking your nose where it’s not asked for.
So I’d just write to the team that they should look into police reports in certain states or something. If they choose to do their job, the team will find it. If they don’t that is on them. I’d do it anonymously.
Mind your own business , that’s it . You must have a lot of time on your hands to even worry about someone else like this . Don’t bother wrapping your head around shit or even attempting to make someone else’s life harder
You sound like a busy-body with nothing better to do than mind other peoples business. I understand calling CPS if children are in danger but damn. Mind your own damn business.
Ywbta. unless the gig involves children in any way shape or form.
NTA- I agree with you. After what she did to her own children I don’t think she should be able to profit off of child products. She’s rich enough.
YWBTAH
How do you know there isn’t something that actually triggered this? People don’t tend to become full blown alcoholics for the giggles.
YWBTA. It is not your concern. This situation literally is none of your business. You need to learn where your lane is and stay in it.
Mind your own business. If the celebrity has any inkling of a team they will check her out. So yes YTA
I’m kinda conflicted on this bc I don’t think it’s right to mess with someone’s career but I also think she could potentially hurt the career of the celebrity in the long run if this comes out and they are connected with it, it is entirely possible they don’t know about her history so really I’m on the fence I guess for me the deciding factor would be if the celebrity was all around a good person and weigh what this could potentially do to them in the long run. Tough call OP
YTA
This has nothing to do with children’s safety. It just sounds like you want to personally punish her
YWBTAH – this has nothing to do with the safety of anyone’s child, etc… it’s solely about your opinion that she doesn’t deserve it/shouldn’t be doing it/etc…
I can assure you that most partnerships like that come with background checks and calls to PI’s to see what dirt they can dig up.
Child safety = speak up
Nonsense like this = not your business
Am I the only person who suspects this is rage bait? Sorry, but usually when you go into business discussions with a celebrity, you sign an NDA immediately. A successful person would probably be pretty good about honoring NDAs.
YTA if you do it anonymously. Have the courage of your convictions and do it out in the open or don’t do it at all.
YTA
Mind your own fucking business
If they want to associate with her that’s their prerogative.
Maybe none of that matter’s to them, have you considered that?
So shut the fuck up, mind your own business, and stop assuming everybody agrees with your morals.
ignore the YTA. she’s drunk driving and putting her own children and everyone else who is on the road’s life at risk. someone who is fine with potentially killing multiple people should be reported
See something, say something?
YTA for trying to stop her making money to pay her legal fees, and probably child support too.
Mary absolutely sucks but you would too if you got involved. How is this business hurting anyone?? How is her business your business?
She was arraigned and can’t see her kids. You’re operating like she’s getting off scott free. YWBTA.
YTA. This doesn’t keep her children safer. This doesn’t keep other kids safer. This is you trying to punish her because you judge her to be a bad person. You’re not in charge of the hiring practices of this company/celebrity.
You’ve done the right thing by reporting her to the proper authorities. Now your job is to live your best life and let hers end up wherever it’s going to end up with her poor decision making.
Sounds like you have a personal issue with this person and this feels very revenge driven.
While she does sound absolutely awful, it’s up to her employer to do their due diligence.
YTA. This is not relevant to her issues. And your “ anonymous “ informant idea just doesn’t sit right with me.
What is your motive here? Her record is likely fully public and I’m guessing she will self implode without your intervention
I don’t know… this is such an ethical dilemma. One hand, her work actions don’t put anyone in danger. But she is a shitty person and this might be one way to have her confronted with the consequences of her actions. One hand, NOYFB, other hand, karma….
How is a potential business venture any of your business? YTA.
You need therapy.
I’m sure the celeb will appreciate it because there would likely be major blowback on the product and the celeb’s reputation if the product creator’s history is exposed.
(e.g. Think Kim K distancing herself from Balenciaga after that weird AF kidswear marketing campaign – clearly not authentic on Kim’s part in the long run but a legitimate example of how these things play out in regards to celebs getting blowback for things that weren’t actually their own actions.)
So it comes down to whether you really feel the celeb is worth protecting and/or whether you’re willing to admit to yourself that this is purely vengeance toward a woman you personally dislike and want to suffer even more than her current consequences.
Sounds like she probably deserves a bit more super malicious vengeance but nonetheless you’re definitely a low key AH either way.
Yes YTA. Mind your own business. Or should i call your boss and tell him you like makimg defamation of character posts on reddit?
YWBTA. Stay out of it.
And are you ok with your partner maintaining a friendship with someone who has done everything you’ve said? Someone you characterize as “a bad person who truly only cares about themself”?
YTA celebrity probably an Alcoholic too
Don’t share her background. Let them know they should do a background check on her.
YTA absolutely the ah. You sound resentful and envious that her life is still going.
YWBTA. Stay in your lane and mind your own.
I get she’s a bad person but if she’s truly working for a celebrity they know her background(if they don’t it’s on them). Whatever product they are creating will have extensive testing before it’s released and I’m pretty sure only the celebrity’s name on it. The only thing this lady will get is money. You’d be the AH in this situation plus remember karma will be coming after her anyways
I wonder if it wouldn’t even matter if u told the celeb’s team about her issues. They may have already signed a contract for work. Idk if they could simply dump her at this point. But ill say NTA. Anyone who puts their kids at risk driving with an alcohol level of .24 and not buckling their kids up deserves some extra. Give her that extra and tell the celeb, but do it anonymously. I wouldn’t even tell ur partner bc they’re still friends.
Who cares? Both wealthy. They’ll figure it out or they wont. Stay in ur lane.
This is why you shouldn’t share everything with your friends.
YTA
Profiting off children or spaces for children?
She is a person with a lot of issues no question denying her financial resources “to protect the children from tshirts with logo’s” made by the unclean hands of an alcoholic is just going to make things worse.
you are an absolute knob.
You sound like you want to rat her out, not because of what she’s done or in the interest of the supposed celebrity, but because you’re jealous of her assets.
Otherwise you’d do what you could to make sure the courts give her more than a slap on the wrist. People with money rarely have cps take their kids but you could put pressure on them, to have the kids moved to other family.
There are options. You just seem to want to knock her down some pegs because of her always having more and this could further expand that. It’s very disingenuous. Either ways, she sounds like a frightmare who deserves to suffer.
If you want to get sued report her. If you want to live a normal life and mind your own business then just continue your day. And yes, the case may not have merit but if she finds out about this, 100% she’ll attempt to sue.
YTA. You sound like a very vindictive person. If the celebrity is good at bus, they will do their due diligence. You sound like you have an ax to grind.
“I don’t think someone who is so brazen in their disregard of the safety of children should be creating things for and profiting off children and spaces for children.”
Look, you want to fuck her over because you think she’s a shitty person, and that’s fine. You don’t have to do the mental gymnastics of trying to rationalize it with silly logic like that. It honestly just reduces credibility.
YTA. She sounds horrible and dangerous, but it seems like the law is already taking care of it. There is no reason for you to try to tank her professional life