This happened a couple years ago but is still brought up.
My husband and I (F, both mid twenties) lived in the same city as my mother in law. A few years ago, we decided to visit family in another city for Christmas and since we were going to and from the same place, we decided to drive together to save gas money. My husband and I also just had our first baby a month prior so I was freshly postpartum and breastfeeding.
My mother in law reserved a hotel room with two queen size beds for the three adults, my baby, and her adult German shepherd dog without discussing with my husband or I. When my husband told me, I let him know I was uncomfortable with that for a few reasons:
1. That’s to much chaos for one room.
2. I love my MIL, but I didn’t like that she assumed we would be okay with that. At the very least she should have spoken with us first.
3. We were bed sharing at the time and my husband, baby, and I don’t fit all in one bed. I liked baby to have some space.
4. I know my MIL. She does not like babies. She said she was okay with being in the same room with a newborn, but if my baby kept her up at all, and it’s a baby, it’s going to, then she would be complaining for the rest of the trip about how she didn’t get any sleep and I quite frankly did not want to listen to it.
5. I was freshly postpartum, still bleeding, and learning how to breastfeed. I needed comfort and privacy, not my MIL watching me struggle to breastfeed and tell me AGAIN how much easier formula is, and complain about the time it takes to clean myself when I use the bathroom.
6. Since I was learning to breastfeed, I slept topless to give baby easy access. I could not do that in the same room as my MIL and both my baby and I were not going to fumble with extra layers at night.
When my husband communicated with her she was livid because she already paid for the room. My husband felt bad but I told him us having our own room was non negotiable and he agreed with my reasons. We weren’t asking her to pay for our room so she could either keep the room she reserved or downgrade to a smaller room to save herself some money.
She decided to downgrade, we went on the trip. My husband and I paid for our own double queen room so baby and I could sleep in one bed and my husband in the other. Most importantly, my baby and I were comfortable.
To this day, three years later, my MIL still makes snide comments. We moved and now live in another city from her and when we visit she still makes comments asking if I’m really okay staying in her house or if I’m going to be more comfortable at a hotel. When we stay at her house we have our own room, and I don’t have a newborn. AITA for insisting my husband and I get our own hotel room? Since she is still making comments about it I’m wondering if I should have just sucked it up for the week we were on that trip. Idk maybe I was an AH for saying it was non negotiable and should have listened to her reasoning?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
This happened a couple years ago but is still brought up.
My husband and I (F, both mid twenties) lived in the same city as my mother in law. A few years ago, we decided to visit family in another city for Christmas and since we were going to and from the same place, we decided to drive together to save gas money. My husband and I also just had our first baby a month prior so I was freshly postpartum and breastfeeding.
My mother in law reserved a hotel room with two queen size beds for the three adults, my baby, and her adult German shepherd dog without discussing with my husband or I. When my husband told me, I let him know I was uncomfortable with that for a few reasons:
When my husband communicated with her she was livid because she already paid for the room. My husband felt bad but I told him us having our own room was non negotiable and he agreed with my reasons. We weren’t asking her to pay for our room so she could either keep the room she reserved or downgrade to a smaller room to save herself some money.
She decided to downgrade, we went on the trip. My husband and I paid for our own double queen room so baby and I could sleep in one bed and my husband in the other. Most importantly, my baby and I were comfortable.
To this day, three years later, my MIL still makes snide comments. We moved and now live in another city from her and when we visit she still makes comments asking if I’m really okay staying in her house or if I’m going to be more comfortable at a hotel. When we stay at her house we have our own room, and I don’t have a newborn. AITA for insisting my husband and I get our own hotel room? Since she is still making comments about it I’m wondering if I should have just sucked it up for the week we were on that trip. Idk maybe I was an AH for saying it was non negotiable and should have listened to her reasoning?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Forgot to add this is a throw away account because I’m very active on other subs
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my husband our own room was non-negotiable and refused to listen to my MIL’s reasoning. Because if that she had to adjust her reservation and plans.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA you are 100% on the money correct, and I also think there shouldn’t be a German Shepherd in your hotel room possibly waking the baby up, and lowering the air quality in the room, you need to put your foot down on MIL being grumpy about this, tell her she needs to grow up and get over it
Or, you could ask her.. ‘why are you upset about this so many years later?’, ‘why have you been unable to move on?’, ‘do you have a habit of letting minor concerns plague you for years?’
NTA in the least. But your MIL is for 1) being bitter about your decision and 2) continuing to hold it against you and make snide comments three years later. Glad your husband was in agreement — but he really needs to shut her down now. This isn’t something you should have to hear everytime you see her, and she’s his mom — so he needs to deliver the message. Good luck!
You are NTA and you should get a hotel room whenever you visit family. It is far more comfortable that way.
NTA you’re totally valid. your MIL sounds.. tough. good luck!
NTA
With a newborn, its what the mother feels comfortable with.
all of your reasons are valid, especially the dog and MIL not used to or liking babies.
She should have known better (having gone through it) and extended the basic curtesy of asking you before she booked the hotel.
and shes BTA bringing it back up all the time
No! But your mil is one!
NTA, but your MIL is…
NTA. I can see why she got annoyed in the first instance but you did nothing wrong. Bringing it up 3 years later is pretty ridiculous though, she needs to get over it!!
Say you would have been happy to stay with her but she’s made you decide a hotel would be a better idea.
Wtf is MIL’s problem? How miserable must her life be if she is still stuck on this 3 years later? You are absolutely NTA, your reasons were sound and I would have done the same thing as you.
NTA. Your husband needs to shut this down. Tell him to let her know if she continues to make you feel unwelcome with the snide comments he will book a hotel room from here on in. I wouldn’t go with him if she was treating me like that. He should be backing you up by saying he didn’t want his wife breastfeeding in front of everyone or the dog in the room with his newborn. Why is it just you that cared about your infant?
You really need a crib or bassinet. Co sleeping can be dangerous
NTA. What the hell? She needs to get the hell over it. And what self proclaimed baby disliking lunatic thinks sharing a hotel room with a newborn is going to be a great idea? Shes on one.
NTA, your MIL, as a mother herself, should know better than anyone how difficult being a new mother is, shame on her for not having any empathy!
Oh man, your MIL’s suggestion for you all to share the room in that situation is one of the cringiest things I have read on here! Heck no, I would never ever share a hotel room with anyone when I have a 1-month-old! (I don’t even want people peeing on my bathroom!) And I wouldn’t share a room with an infant and a dog who is not used to the baby no matter what age the baby is! And even without the baby or dog, I would not want to share a room with my husband and MIL or even my own mother. NTA
… literally, what is wrong with Mil’s? Is it that they have kids and want to make everyone miserable?
right? mil sounds like a control freak. better to have that room than deal with the drama.
Your husband needs to shut her down when she makes comments about that past incident at the hotel.
There are some pearls here! First, you and your husband stood up for yourselves and your child. Second, your husband stood up for you. Third, you set a precedent.
Here’s an idea to consider. Your mother-in-law is obnoxious and self-absorbed. She loves to needle you because she can. People like that believe that their BS issues should be taken very weird seriously. Don’t take the bait.
Laugh!
NTA Your reasons are totally reasonable. Having a newborn is a good enough reason to get your own room (this is why people want private hospital rooms after giving birth). Your MIL is an AH to keep bringing it up and your husband needs to put an end to it. If it were me, every time she brought it up I would cancel the next trip to see her. She’s ridiculous.
Definitely nta, maybe you could have heard her out just so it would feel more like she was given a chance to say her side but it wasn’t something you had to do and your answer would have been the same, no way that would have worked. It’s crazy that she’s still bringing it up all this time later. She must not be used to people not giving in to her.