For context, you can read my previous posts, but the short version is that I have been trying to establish boundaries with my JNmom around me and my three kids.
After last weekend’s blowup, I ended up having to block her number. She was nonstop texting me, alternating between sending photos of her looking happy with my kids and combative/outright attacking texts saying she doesn’t understand why I hate her and how I could do this to her. And that my kids will hate me in the end for keeping her away from them.
She reached out to my husband a couple of times asking to see the kids, but he said now isn’t a good time. Then she asked if I was in the hospital because I am not returning her texts. DH said no, OP is fine. She just needs some space from you right now. And she had the audacity to tell him she fears I’m having some kind of mental break and that he should have me evaluated or committed. COMMITTED. Because she can’t handle the idea that I wouldn’t want to speak to her, so I must be losing my mind, right?
So I’m going NC. I’m not thrilled about it, but it’s the best way to protect my family and my peace. I’m sad that my own mother turned out to be this way, and that my kids have one less grandparent in their lives. But I don’t feel bad about the decision and I have support from a lot of people in my life, so we will be OK.
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Other posts from /u/kaytooslider:
UPDATE: JNmom asked for a “list” of my boundaries., 1 week ago
JNmom asked for a “list” of my boundaries. I gave it to her and she promptly threw a tantrum., 2 weeks ago
Mom is being a Just No, not sure how to handle it, 5 months ago
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She is so hell bent on her delusion that she is prefect in every way that she is completely unwilling to see her part in the downfall of your relationship. Please have your husband block her too. She should not be going around you to get to your children and he needs to follow your lead with YOUR mother.
If you haven’t already, check out YouTube content from Dr. Jerry Wise and Dr. Ramani for tips and tools to navigate NC, flying monkeys, escalating behaviors, and an extinction burst.
Good on going NC, congratulations. Talk to the older kids though, you may have to deprogram them from whatever buttons she’s installed.
She’s playing really old tapes. It used to be that women were put in mental wards for this . Document everything. Defend your peace.
I hope you stay NC. MY mother is very much like this and they never get better, they just rug sweep and love bomb, and then still act the same
It sucks yes, but its gonna be so much better for your kids, and you, not to have that negative bs in your life.
they always say, “your kids will hate you for keeping them away from me.” but i can tell you firsthand that my 14 year old sees how toxic his granny is and has never been mad at me for going nc to protect the peace.
Yeah, my mom told my husband that I am “disturbed” and “making things up” about my childhood.
I’ve got the receipts. I don’t need to rely on my memory, I literally have video of what they did to me. They can try to gaslight, I am impervious.
She wanted the list of boundaries, she promised that she was ready for it.
This is a huge escalation in a really short amount of time. It really sucks to try so hard to preserve the relationship only to find out she was lying the whole time. You deserve better.
I don’t think it’s the best way at this point, OP. I think it’s the ONLY way. You have got to protect your kids and yourself. Block, mute, ignore. She’s gonna up the crazy so be prepared.
You got this!!