I absolutely hate people picking off my plate or using my cup. Lately, my two year old has started trying to pick food out of my plate with his fingers. He’s obsessed with my water bottle and if I put it within reach he takes it and drinks out of it. I don’t mind sharing my food, as in putting some of it on his plate for him, but I’m just not wanting anyone putting their fingers in my food or backwashing in my water bottle. My husband has now also started eating out of serving dishes or trying to use my fork. He’s seen that I try to teach our son “this is mama’s plate, this is your plate. We can share but you can’t take food from my plate”. My husband says I’m being a germaphobe and that we are family and we should all share, but I’ve never been a sharer of utensils and as much as I love love love our family, I’ve gotten enough viruses from my son to know better. I also think it’s important for a child to know boundaries, they can’t just take other people’s food, and a grown man should know he can’t drink out of a milk carton or eat from a serving dish. My husband said I’m being selfish and OCD about it and asked how I can look at our son and say no to him when he wants to share. Now I feel like a jerk. AITA???
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I absolutely hate people picking off my plate or using my cup. Lately, my two year old has started trying to pick food out of my plate with his fingers. He’s obsessed with my water bottle and if I put it within reach he takes it and drinks out of it. I don’t mind sharing my food, as in putting some of it on his plate for him, but I’m just not wanting anyone putting their fingers in my food or backwashing in my water bottle. My husband has now also started eating out of serving dishes or trying to use my fork. He’s seen that I try to teach our son “this is mama’s plate, this is your plate. We can share but you can’t take food from my plate”. My husband says I’m being a germaphobe and that we are family and we should all share, but I’ve never been a sharer of utensils and as much as I love love love our family, I’ve gotten enough viruses from my son to know better. I also think it’s important for a child to know boundaries, they can’t just take other people’s food, and a grown man should know he can’t drink out of a milk carton or eat from a serving dish. My husband said I’m being selfish and OCD about it and asked how I can look at our son and say no to him when he wants to share. Now I feel like a jerk. AITA???
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NTA. You’re trying to teach your child proper table manners, and your husband is undermining you. Your boundaries are important and should be respected, and your kid should learn now not to take without asking.
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> Am I an asshole because I don’t share? I didn’t share my food with my toddler and now my husband says I’m selfish and a germaphobe
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA. You have to teach your kid manners. Unfortunate your husband didn’t learn them a long time ago.
NTA that’s a great thing to teach your son and it’s honestly weird your husbands undermining you lol. you’re sharing in a normal and respectful way instead of assuming consent!
Once watched a family of 4 eat the same breakfast sandwich. Mom was trying to eat her sandwich, kid 1 grabbed her hand and then took a slobbery bite. Kid 2 felt left out, had his slobbery bite. Dad had a nibble- he thought it was adorbs! And mom was left with a mangled sandwich. She was at kid #3’s sporting event and had limited options. She threw the rest out. NTA.
NTA. That’s disgusting.
NTA thats gross and he’s being weird
NTA. This is a fair rule to have, especially if it makes you uncomfortable. Sharing does not mean everyone must shoves their fingers and utensils into other people’s food
I’m surprised this isn’t more divisive. It sounds like you do have OCD or a germ issue. We have no issue giving the kiddos a sip from the water bottle. NAH you are both just coming from very different places.
NTA. All you have to say is, “I absolutely hate people picking off my plate,” to justify not letting people, even little people, pick off of your plate. Who cares if it makes sense to any other human on earth. It is not hurting anyone for you to have that boundary. If your husband wants to let the child eat off of his plate so be it. She can learn to differentiate between the two of you easy enough to know who is ok with it and who is not. What is more detrimental is a partner refusing to acknowledge and respect your boundary in front of her.
NTA and the sharing point he was trying to make isn’t even sound, because it’s possible to share without directly taking stuff from someone’s plate or cup. You said you are willing to split food so I’m not sure what his issue is. You two should probably have a conversation about him not undermining you in front of your child going forward.
NTA
I hate when even family takes a bite of my cookie or tries to share a utensil or God forbid a straw! They all know. Weirdly, when my twins were little, I didn’t mind, I guess because it was all part of being puked on/coughed on/snotted on process, but it wasn’t too long before my old hygienic ways came back.
NTA – you shouldn’t have to be teaching your husband the same lessons you’re teaching your two year old
NTA but you’re weird, and you’re trying to teach your kid wrong lessons.
NTA kids are disgusting. I say that lovingly as I have two of my own. I don’t share drinks with anyone because I got mono and spent 6 months in bed. I just prefer to not share things and I think that’s a fair boundary to have.
NTA. I think it’s often easier for dads to not feel the need for boundaries since they are more likely to get time away from the kids. Add in breastfeeding and it’s a recipe for an overwhelmed momma.
Even if mom works full time and doesn’t breastfeed, she is entitled to teach her children to respect her boundaries. Sure, when a baby smacks us and pulls our hair, we can’t expect to teach them immediately, but teaching age appropriate boundaries is healthy and normal. Also, mom is entitled to her own plate, water bottle, and utensils. Sure, lots of parents might be fine with sharing, but that’s their choice and their boundaries. Some people get sick easily and if you’re like me, it knocks you down harder than it does others. It’s not reasonable to expect others to take unnecessary risks like that.
I swear sometimes it’s like mothers don’t get the privilege of being a whole adult anymore while they are expected to take care of everyone else. It’s bullshit.
Anyone else remember that offhand line in A Christmas Story “Mom hadn’t had a hot meal in years.”
NTA
Grabbing food from another person’s plate is disrespectful… and unacceptable.
Eating off of the serving dish is the same…. if someone does that at my house, they get kicked out and will never be welcome again. If it is family? Well, I haven’t experienced that yet because in my family, that was never done…
OCD about it? Your husband doesn’t seem to know what OCD is…
NTA, when my kids were little I’d put out a decoy cup and hide my actual drink. And your husband needs to respect your wishes.
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NTA My youngest daughter got Mono at 5 years old. We were told by her pediatrician no sharing food/plates or drinks. She had her own hand towel in the bathroom. Nobody else got sick in the house. We had gone on vacation to Yosemite so we think someone there probably had it sneezed and touched a handrail. Best lesson we have ever learned do not share food or drink like that and it significantly cuts down on sharing sickness.
YOU SHOULD DIVORCE HIM AND TAKE HIM FOR ALL HE GOT FOR DRINKING FROM YOUR CUP! SUE YOUR KIDS FOR CHILD SUPPORT!
NTA. Question: does your husband try to undermine you in other ways? I hope that’s not the case.
I’m the same way I couldn’t manage that. Some things are just wrong. It’s nice to share, but there’s limitations I think.
NTA it’s an actual condition. I can’t remember what’s it called but my cousin’s wife is that way. If someone touches her food or water, she has to get a whole new plate or glass. Tell your husband to stop being an asshole. You can’t help it.
Looked it up, it’s either OCD, sensory processing disorder or misophonia.
I’m always triggered when a woman lets her children grab food from her plate or intercept the food she is lifting to her mouth. I support you. NTA.
NTA Don’t let your husband guilt you into doing what HE wants you to do. You are right to teach your child manners. Too bad your husband has none himself. Be wary, as it sounds like your husband is happy to send your child mixed signals. He’s undermining you.
YTA. I would encourage my son to eat off my plate because it meant he wanted to try different foods. Chill out.
NTA. Teach your kids that sharing doesn’t mean eating out of your plate or cup and ask if they want the bite/portion on their own plate. And get them a separate cup for tasting your drink.
Also your husband sounds like a jerk who can’t respect boundaries.
NTA
Some people don’t like that, and its best if he learns young how to understand and respect those kind of boundaries. Like you said, you’re willing to put some on HIS plate to share, which technically is much more hygienic anyways. You’re not refusing to share, you’re asking him to wait so you can split the food up properly. It wouldnt be wrong to cut an apple in half to share, right?
NTA and of course your husband believes you’re being the AH because he’s part of the problem!
He’s not the one having his food invaded and slobbered on so he’s looking at this from this perspective of not wanting to be told no or respecting your boundaries.
NTA
You’re trying to teach your son good table manners. This is a good thing for when he is with people that aren’t you/your family. If we’d done that to each other, or our parents, as kids we’d have got a sharp rap on the knuckles with a bit of cutlery from my folks. It’s rude to take, it’s not rude to ask though. NTA
I was on a trip with my family when my kid was a toddler. While we were waiting for food at a restaurant, my partner took our kid to wander around as a distraction. When they came back, my kid immediately started eating off my plate. I didn’t think anything of it and kept eating, but my partner freaked. Our kid had been playing in a fountain and hadn’t washed their hands. We all got sick with a stomach bug. Now we all keep our hands to ourselves.
NTA. I don’t want anyone grabbing from my plate, drinking from my glass, or eating directly from the cooking pot or serving dishes. Not everyone wants your germs in everything. I consider it rude and inconsiderate. Call it OCD if you like but behaviors like this kept sickness and viruses from running rampant between my husband and four kids in our very full home.
100% agree with you. I bet this only happens to you- not your husband. Funny how it’s always the mum who has to share, give up, compromise etc.
NTA. Was your husband always an asshole, or is this new territory for him?
NTA, I never comment in this subreddit but I see a lot of people throwing around OCD when it’s okay to just say no or think something is gross. Everything isn’t a disorder and this is coming from someone with OCD. Some are also trying to say it’s your responsibility to let your child eat/drink off of you as if you’re depriving your child but teaching them these boundaries is important! No is a complete sentence. Mothers are often expected to let their kids run all over them. If your husband doesn’t care then get the kid to eat off his plate, see how he feels.
NTA – If I were you, I’d start encouraging the child to eat the husbands plate. He thinks sharing is great? Let him do it and see how fast his opinion changes when it’s him eating food that’s been slobbered on and drinking drinks that have been backwashed
NTA. Op has every right to be OCD. I am so OCD and a huge germaphobe, I am probably worse than most. There is nothing wrong with teaching child to respect others people’s boundaries.
NTA. very reasonable personal preference (which i relate to) and it sucks that your husband doesn’t care enough to respect that
NTA. One time on thanksgiving my cousin’s kids kept wanting my aunt’s food from her place even though they had their own and had eaten and could have gotten more if they wanted or asked for it.
She eventually gave in but got up and got rid of the rest of the food and looked at me and said “I don’t eat after babies”. My cousin acted all offended but she didn’t care and I thought the whole thing was funny and I don’t eat after babies
Why do people continue to misuse the word “selfish”? You’re willing to share the food, you just don’t want someone else sticking in their fingers, and there just isn’t anything selfish about that! NTA, teach these people some courtesy and manners!
We taught our kids to ask if they wanted some of our food or drink. If they asked, including husband, I didn’t care if they took it off my plate or a sip from my cup. But anyone else? Nope. But I hug and kiss the kids – and husband, who I also share a lot of fluids with! If they made me sick, it could just as easily be from being close to them, not from my plate.
You can share by taking some food off your plate and putting it in your son’s.
Your husband is ignorant . Who wants to drink milk that someone else has put their mouth (and probably their saliva) into it? Ew. It’s gross and against all habits of sanitation. It has nothing to do with being a family. Families take care of each other’s health, they don’t teach their children to disregard civilized behavior.
NTA
NTA mothers are expected to give their kids literally everything, their body, their time, their food etc. Enough is enough.
You are more than a mother, you’re a person and you should be allowed to have your own food and drink if that’s all you’re asking for. I think it’s good to teach your kids to respect boundaries and share respectfully, rather than just take.
Edit to add: your husband is also kind of gross drinking straight from the carton and is teaching your kid bad habits
NTA- it’s ok to have boundaries. your spouse is an ahole to disregard them AND teach your child that it’s ok to do the same.
sharing should be consensual. tell your spouse you’re going to use his toothbrush to clean the toilet and floors. and your armpits. when he says no, tell him he’s being weird and a germaphobe.
find other things he doesn’t want to share. tell him (don’t ask, tell him) he’s going to share those things now. – don’t actually use those things, but see if he can understand that sharing is voluntary.
As a person who also intensely dislikes people taking food from my plate, I think it’s important to teach your child that asking before taking is the proper way to share.
NTA
Your husband’s just being an ass, tho.
NTA
My son is 3.5, and around 2.5 we started talking about personal boundaries as a start to manners. For example, chewing with your mouth open makes mommy uncomfortable. If you keep showing me the food in your mouth, I’m going to walk away. If it makes you uncomfortable to have someone touching your food (even your kid), then you should tell him.
Its also a great way to show that sharing is a choice. We can ask someone to share, and that person can say no. That can be frustrating, but you can’t make someone share. We still talk about that almost every day when we go to the park, or any shared space with other kids.
I just read a post on here about a grown ass woman who kept taking food off of that OPs plate. They finally snapped, the girl cried in front of their friends, and now everyone is mad at that OP.
Don’t let your child grow up thinking they are entitled to another person’s plate. You’re doing the right thing, even if it’s not easy.
Watch the Friends episode where Joey doesn’t share food, the next time yall sit down for some tv. Maybe that’ll help get it into your husbands head