My ex’s mum created a family circus for our relationship. Constant controlling & manipulation. Thanks to her, my ex and I broke up after dating for a year.
Nightmare #1 – GPS 24/7
https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/lWf1WbMRMK
I wrote this in a separate post. Her mum had forced her whole family to switch on GPS 24/7. I asked my ex to man up and say no. No surveillance for dating, as we’re working adults in our 30s, not kids. She agreed, but her mum left us stranded in months of cold war.
During breakup, my ex wanted to regress for family appeasement. Loyalty over autonomy, I was left speechless.
Nightmare #2 – Nanny’s Crisis
Some time ago I wanted to bring my ex to visit my terminally ill nanny. My ex sought her mum’s approval before visits. Her mum didn’t say yes or no, but accused us of having sex at my home.
What’s even more absurd was she cut off ALL ties with her relatives, and forced her spouse to do the same. One point she even thought that my ex made this up just to visit her nanny, not mine…
She only let us go when I reiterated that my family were all there, not just the two of us.
Nightmare #3 – Birthday Treats
I wanted to bring my ex for a bday treat. It could be days before or after it, just a gesture of showing love and joy. My ex remained hesitant, said she had to ask her mum if she could spend her bday w/o her family (for the first time ever!) I offered to stay with their family and treat them dinner instead, but my ex was very vigilant, asking me not to be rebellious and follow her mum’s orders. She warned it was not for me to decide whether to meet her parents, it was always her mum.
The list went on and on, but for now it was all over. No more nightmares.
My ex and I had an intense fight before the breakup. She wanted me to compromise more, and I thought those compromises were nothing but submission to her mum’s control. I wanted her family to treat me with more trust and respect, not with constant suspicion and hostility. But she saw them as signs of affection and friendliness.
At the end, she left me for her family. Any thoughts / comments are most welcome. Is leaving the best and only option for this enmeshed and manipulative environment?
I tried to change her, but she resisted
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You can’t change someone unless they want it.
Your ex will get to her 50s and will be alone. Every relationship will fail because she can’t grow up. Happened to a friend of mine, she inherited her useless brothers when her parents died. No relationship, no kids, no travel, etc because she’s financially supporting her siblings.