I (37) have been with my Husband (38) for 6 years. In this 6 years she has not once met me, yet even talked to me. We live around 4 hours by car away and I never got an invite. I live with my husband and she has never visited – he always has to visit. Not we are expecting our first child (due any day) and I am unsure what to do, because although we have never met, I KNOW she hates me. Here are a few instances, but I could write a book about her:
– For his 35th birthday I gifted him a trip abroad as a surprise. I told his brother beforehand (we sometimes text), who unfortunately told JNMIL. She called my husband before his birthday demanding to know why I would make him spend his birthday with some girl (me) instead of his family. And how bad it was and how sad she is. She knew it was meant to be a surprise.
– She wants him to take every vacation days to visit here and spend time with her. When he suggested her visiting us, she ignored it and talks about how she needs him to help around the house and how she has been abandoned since I am in the picture… She is healthy and able-bodied.
– When my husband talks about me or mentions something about me, she ignores it. Even when he writes: “OP is sick” her answer is only “Be careful not to get it from her! How was your day my boy?”.
– When he announced our marriage (kept in low-key, just us two) she just said: “Congrats. When are you visiting me next? I hope you won’t use your vacation days for a honeymoon.”
– According to her, she can’t wait to be a grandma. But she has not once asked about me or the baby. When we had to rush to the hospital due to cramps and bleeding, she just asked my husband why I had to ruin his big day (he got a promotion that day). And how she would have never ruined his day and just powered through. When he told her about getting vaccination she mocked it and told him to not be influenced by me. And how safe sleep measures are stupid. How I am overreacting and need to chill.
So far since I don’t ever meet her, I have not talked to my husband about it, because he doesn’t really see how weird and toxic her behavior is.
But now I am wondering if I should speak up before the baby arrives? What if she suddenly wants to visit? Or him to visit her with our baby, but without me (she implied this in a message). Should I wait and talk about it then? Or now?
I fear that talking about it now will give her the chance to act like all of it was a misunderstanding or some bullshit.
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