Hello everybody I want to start out by saying that I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years now, started dating right out of high school. She was super nice when I got to know her at first but we would have (and still have) these crazy blow out fights where I just sit there and pretty much take a bunch of hurtful words she says to me that are just cruel. I should have saw the red flags then but I didn’t give it a second thought because I thought I really loved her. Fast forward now 7 years we have a dog we love a lot, and we both live at her parents because they have a whole basement we pay rent in to live, and they have a family business. Now ever since we started dating everybody in my life has told me I need to leave this girl because of the way she is, she’s fought with my mom multiple times now and she completely ruined a trip we had out of the country, she basically had a huge attitude problem the whole time we were there and everyone could tell it was so embarrassing, I have maybe seen my parents 5 times since that trip and it’s almost been a year since then. Now to the present she wants to fight with me almost once a week and it’s always over the stupidest things it seems like and it’s to the point where I’ll go lock myself in a bathroom just to get away from the bickering, I’m not going to act like I don’t argue back but it’s just so often and it’s exhausting. All the arguments and bickering have made me almost despise her when we aren’t fighting, and it totally has affected my mood and she asks me everyday what’s wrong. She picks the weirdest fights she got mad at me one time because I had a female coworker that I had 0 interest in at all, not to mention we were all remote, she has really bad red flag traits and I just don’t know what to do. The problem is she’s so nice she gets me gifts and food to try and make up for the fights and everything she says but I still just despise her when everything’s over and it’s hard for me to do anything with her without me being in a bad mood because I just don’t want to be around her. I just always have a monotone voice with her but for some reason the thought of leaving really stresses me out and I don’t know if it’s because im comfortable with the way things are here. I’ve tried to leave multiple times now and she physically will stop me and she starts crying and begging me to not go, she’ll hide my keys, she’ll put herself infront of the door so I can’t leave and I can’t just shove her out of the way and after like 15 minutes of the crying and begging I start to genuinely feel bad and I say I won’t leave and I just go back to normal. I have the opportunity to leave and go somewhere, now I’d have to basically leave in the middle of the night or just leave in the middle of the day, and I’m feeling horrible about it I just can’t get myself to do it even though I feel like I need to. I’ve talked to everyone in my life and they think i need to get out of this relationship because it’s holding me back. I am extremely stressed about this whole situation because everyone close to me is expecting me to leave now that I’ve asked for advice about it, but in the back of my head I just feel so guilty about leaving my dog, I know she’ll be in great care she’s an amazing dog mom, but the thought of leaving my dog makes me super sad. I also feel guilty about leaving my girlfriend because I just imagine my girlfriend after she finds out I left and how she’ll be crying and alone and it makes me feel so bad. I’m truly stuck I don’t know what to do, I’m miserable but the thought of leaving makes me scared, stressed, and sad. There basically is no way of me just breaking up with her normally which comes to another problem that all my stuff is at hers, and I can’t just start moving all my stuff into my car because her parents live there too, I have expensive stuff there a lot of. Her whole family is a little crazy I’m just terrified what they would do to me when they find out this happens so my parents said they would go back over with a police officer to get the rest of my stuff after I’m gone. That’s another thing really stressing me it’s just so much work and so many emotions to just get out of this relationship and it just seems not worth it but I don’t even know anymore. When we fight she’s said thing like I won’t find anyone better, and that I’m a loser, and I’m basically nothing without her and I’m genuinely starting to believe some of that and it’s making just want to stay. I just really don’t know what to do, my girlfriend also does a lot of stuff for me she does laundry, dinners, and a lot of other stuff etc I basically don’t have to pay for anything while here and it just seems like I’ll have so much harder of a time being on my own. I feel like if I leave down the line I’ll regret it and wish I could have everything back and just be comfortable again, I’m having so many doubts about leaving, but I also feel like I’d be letting my parents and close friends down by not leaving because I told them I was.
TLDR: I’ve been in a 7-year relationship with my girlfriend, and while she was nice at first, we constantly have toxic, exhausting fights. She’s said cruel things, ruined family relationships, done crazy things and isolates me from loved ones and this has made me somewhat despise her when we aren’t fighting. Everyone close to me says I should leave. I feel emotionally trapped — she begs and blocks me from leaving, and guilt over leaving my dog and hurting her keeps me stuck, I would have to leave in the middle of the night or while she’s gone which makes me feel worse. I also worry about losing comfort, financial support, and believing hurtful things she’s said to me. Leaving would be a huge emotional and logistical challenge, and I’m terrified of regret, but staying is making me miserable. I don’t know what to do anymore and need advice.