Hi, i have developped strong feelings for an older married coworker and have been feeling very conflicted because of it.
A little bit about myself: I am 25 years old and have been working at this company for 1,5 years now. It is my first job and I quite like it. I am very introverted and don’t usually socialize a lot but have been very social at work as most of my co-workers are really good people. The person I have developed feelings for is the one I connect and talk to the most. She is 46 years old, happily married and has been working there for about 4 years.
We started talking right when I started work as she often used to help me with my work and explained to me how different tasks have to be completed. I work in finance btw. She has always been very kind and caring and has always treated me with respect and honesty which I really appreciate as i am the youngest person at work and feel like my ideas sometimes get ignored as I don’t have that much experience. We slowly started talking more often to each other and have gotten somewhat close to one another. Since she has helped me a lot in the beginning, I now always offer my help whenever she needs it and I prioritize her instead of helping everyone. She takes lunch with me at the same time and we often joke around and get along well. Since I have started to work there, I have developed feelings for her and those feelings have only gotten stronger as time went by. She is imo very beautiful, funny, kind and has the same mindset as me even though I am younger. I know she is married as she has never hidden that fact and I also know that I will always respect that because she matters a lot to me.
Lately I have been feeling very depressed though. Two weeks ago, our company organized an after work event where coworkers can socialize together and have a drink and we both went to that event. We had discussed about Going to it and we agreed upon it as long as one of us would be going, the other one would as well. We had a great time that day. We ate together, joked the whole evening and shared some deep talks. After the event, some colleagues had the idea of going to a party which had been organized by the town where our office is. She offered however to have a drink together first and to join them later. I agreed and we spend some time talking and i really enjoyed that night. I started imagining a life with her and even didn’t think about the differences in age and every other aspect of life.
But thats when reality hit. Her husband appeared where we were having a drink as he was also going to that party at the town along with their son. She introduced me to him and we both nodded to each other. That’s when reality hit me. I saw that she was with another person, a fact I always knew, and I just broke apart. I started feeling like i shouldn’t be there and started getting anxious but I think I hid those emotions pretty well. As it was getting late, I told her I would be going home and paid for our drinks. She was a bit sad about me leaving that soon but I couldn’t be there anymore. I left and went home and my facade broke when I entered my car. My tears started flowing off my face and I cried that whole night.
The next day, I went to work and it felt like hell. I was anxious, always nearing a panic attack and couldn’t concentrate at all. I texted my sister during that day to keep myself composed and barely managed to work the whole day. When I got home, I felt emotionally drained and exhausted. I had a meeting with my psychiatrist the following day as I am being treated for my anxiety, depression and ocd and he gave me a sick note until the end of August. Since then I have been depressed, without motivation and just feel sad about my life. I have never had a girlfriend so I know that its also weird for me to want my first relationship to be with someone much older but I didn’t care at that moment. I feel guilty as I now havent been able to go to work and have let my clients down. She still messages me and is very affectionate and kind with her messages. She says that she misses me and that the office isnt the same without me. I know that she probably doesnt want to be with me and is probably very happy in her marriage and I just feel dumb.
She was the first person to really show that she cares about my wellbeing and the fear of losing that has overwhelmed me. I also still have this stupid hope that she may feel the same even tough i know that she doesnt. I just dont know what to do as i dont want to lose her and i also dont want to lose my job but i dont know if i will be able to keep all that.
If you have read all this, then thank you very much and i really appreciate any help and/or advice. 🤍
TL;DR : I have developed strong feelings for my coworker which is 20 years older and i dont know what to do. I dont see myself spending my whole life with her but i still have feelings for her and am longing for her affection
Comments
Get out. Smell the flowers. Find someone available. And move on.