So the main reason why I want to share on here is because I’m not sure if I’m affected by it? We are both grown up now. So when I was in my pre teens, I had a close cousin in which we would occasionally hang out and have sleep overs. We are both males. He was a pretty close friend to me as at this time we were just kids and comfortable with each other.
It all changed when I showed him porn as at the time I was first introduced to porn. After that first website visit, every sleep over turned into porn watching at night. We would watch porn at night in my bed then it turn to us jacking off solo to porn on my bed. Then one day he suggested if we jerk each other off. I said no I wasn’t comfortable with it and nothing happened. Nothing happened until the next sleep over after we got done watching porn we decided to sleep. I fall asleep and then get awoken with some hands on my penis. At first I thought it was my older sister as she would sleep over my room time to Time. So I woke up and grabbed the Hand(my cousins) away from my penis. I then realized it was my cousin touching my penis. A moment goes by and he turns close to me and once again puts his hands inside my shorts. I just pretend I’m asleep.
At this point I just let him and after this first event this is how sleep overs went. We would watch porn at night fall asleep and I would wake up with him jerking me off. I then returned the favor by doing the same to him and it just became a cycle until we cummed. This happened manny times and we just both wrote it off as we were asleep nothing happened. Fast forward, we are both in our 20s and have no relationship or speak to each other. We never spoke about what happened as kids. So now I’m wondering if this affected me as mental issues come up in my adult life.
I’m not traumatized from the event but I’m really unnerved from the slience of it. I never told anyone and idk if my cousin told anyone. I don’t know if this affected me I don’t know if my current mental health issues is because of this. As I grow up I really come to an understanding of what my cousin did to me and how severe it was.
I guess the only thing positive that came from this is that fact i knew my sexuality at a young age.