My mother-in-law asked me to grab her some Malibu rum while I was out. No problem — I picked up two bottles for her. I figured I’d be nice and put one in the freezer to chill it faster, not realizing it can actually freeze since it’s low alcohol. The second bottle I gave her was totally fine and room temp.
After I gave her the cold bottle (which I didn’t realize was frozen), I got a voicemail where she is trash talking me behind my back.
You can clearly hear her saying things like “he’s such a dumb f,” “he’s such a dumb motherfer,” over and over again. Just completely going off. And it’s not just her by herself — you can hear people in the background listening to her (including a family friend), so this wasn’t even a private moment. She was publicly roasting me like I’m a joke.
All because I tried to chill a bottle of Malibu.
I haven’t said anything. I know bringing this up would create drama, especially with my wife (who’s currently pregnant). I really dislike her now. And it makes me look at past interactions through a new lens, like… is this what she really thinks of me?
I want to just pull away and stop pretending to be close, but a part of me wonders if I should show my wife the voicemail — not to stir the pot, but just to be honest.
Would you? Or would you just let it go and keep your distance?
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I’m botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
^(To be notified as soon as Ok-Entertainment6584 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe Ok-Entertainment6584 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
I would share the voicemail with my partner because it is obviously going to affect your relationship with your MIL going forward (“I really dislike her now.’), and your spouse won’t understand your feelings if she doesn’t know what her mother said about you.
You need to tell your wife.
Tell your wife. You aren’t creating drama.
This sub has a really good essay “don’t rock the boat” in its resource resources. I think it will be helpful to your situation.
I agree with telling her. Wouldn’t you want to know if someone was mistreating your wife? She wants to know too. Being pregnant doesn’t make her fragile.
Not over reacting. Share the voicemail with your spouse and tell her you’re not going out of your way to help MIL anymore. Be civil, (look up medium chill) but decline being close or doing her any more favours- tell her she will need to find some other dumb fuck to help her.
I would share it with your wife, and then play it for your MIL while saying, “I know you were obviously having a bad moment; I want to give you an opportunity to apologize.” Everyone should know, and then move forward and focus on your new child! Fortunately or unfortunately, you’ll always remember this.
No one “needs” 2 bottles of rum. Hopefully this is the last time you buy her alcohol. This ungrateful woman has just lost her favor privileges from you. There’s no drama required but you also don’t need to become her doormat.
What an unhinged reaction to you accidentally freezing a drink. Mind you, you bought 2 and did her a favor by getting something she requested. Bitch couldn’t be nice enough to be thankful.
I’d tell my partner about it and show them the voicemail regardless. Your wife needs to know why you’ll be distancing yourself with MIL and not jumping to any more requests from now on. MIL will probably excuse it away but it’d be better that your wife knows what she actually talks like behind your back.
Show your wife. Then the next time she asks you to do something for her, I’d say- you should probably ask someone else because “I’m such a dumb f,” “I’m such a dumb motherfer,”. Then stare at her.
But I’m super petty so I’d actually send her the voicemail and not say a word until she asked for another favor.
I’m mean this is just me but it’d make a recording of it, send it to her, and ask her to never ask anything of you again so she can avoid any similar disappointments in the future.
I would probably let my wife see it if I was you, so she understands why the next stuff is going to happen. I would then send MIL the recorded message, and either apologize for being so fucking dumb, don’t ask me of anything again. Or! Tell her that you’re not used to such pathetic alcohol and so you put it in the cooler to be nice but don’t ask me to do anything anymore for you because I see how you handle people being nice to you.And then I would never go out of my way to do anything for her again! Or… If you want to consider yourself a bigger person, consider trying something nice again after a year or so.
Tell your wife. This was LO’s grandparent. Is this a person you want yout child around ?
So she got one bottle ready to drink, but is still pissed, the other one is not immediately drinkable. A low alcohol product. Mark my words, that lady has a secret drinking problem. Nothing makes an alcoholic throw a fit like not getting their slurp the minute they want it. She probably wanted to guzzle down both bottles, nobody would suspect, it’s low alcohol, right.
I suggest you tell your wife and be observant of other signs pointing to her little secret. This is not a safe person to babysit your child.
Why are you scared of creating drama when your MIL has no problem doing it?
Tell your wife, have her listen to the voicemail with you. She deserves (and needs) to know
Download the voicemail, and send it to MIL. No need to say anything else.
Inform your wife that you will not be speaking to or interacting with MIL moving forward. That disrespect is so far beyond acceptable.
No one deserves to be publicly mocked by their own family. You need to stand up for yourself, or this will set a precedent that you are the family punching bag.
Absolutely let her hear the message. For you two to be on the same page and understand where you are coming from in future dealings
I’m extra petty so what I would do, at the next family function, is when y’all are all sat around together, I’d pull out my phone and play the voicemail for all to hear and act like you don’t know who it is and you want some help identifying the voice on it. Shock the shit out of her and embarrass her!
Yeah, I wouldn’t allow myself to be judged by someone who A: drinks Malibu B: needs someone to buy it for them and C: is the type of person who’s frozen sunscreen lotion booze is reason for a temper tantrum around other adults.
Just this story alone is enough to know that this is a person you put on a face for to appease your spouse and literally never think about when you’re not there.
You still have her a bottle so she’s bitching for no reason
I must be really dumb. I haven’t the least idea what Malibu is, other than a place in California. She’s an ass.
Your wife isn’t a fragile or feeble woman just because she’s pregnant. Tell her that her mother was talking shit about you. She needs to know why you no longer like her mom.
I’m petty and I would wait. Tell your wife why your relationship with her Mother will be changing. Your wife is pregnant but she doesn’t need to be shielded from a reality that affects her. You can have her handle it or you can be okay with her silence in the matter.
Personally, I would wait until MIL starts feeling the consequences if her actions and then if she ever asks why you all aren’t close, why you won’t do her anymore favors, why you won’t blah blah blah either send or play the message for her. “I understood after hearing this exactly what you thought of me and decided to distance myself. No hard feelings but I don’t want a relationship with someone who talks about me this way. Have a nice day!” And then continue on with your life and the relationship you choose to have with her.
Play the voice messages for your wife. Tell her “this will change our relationship with your mother. On what ways depends some on you. What are you thinking?”
Show your wife the voicemail, explained what happened, that you do not want her to confront her mother and that you do not intend to and then start distancing yourself from her.
Call you MIL and play her the message. Leave your wife out of it.
I’d approach it in person with the MIL. On the spot – see how she reacts. Mortified, embarrassed?
Unpopular opinion coming – it’s not our business what people think of us. This is something that wasn’t meant for you to hear and you did.
MIL was probably in the moment or she is rude condescending c word.
I’d leave the wife out of it too.
Good luck!
Sounds like MIL is an alcoholic because I can’t find another reason other than that for her overreaction.
I definitely think you need to play the voice mail for your wife. You 2 are a unit and need to at least be aware of what is going on with each other.
I’m petty and don’t care about nuking relationships. I’d probably do one of the. Following.
1 send it to the family group chat
2 send it back to her with a message saying don’t ever ask me to do anything ever again
3 not say anything directly calling her out but wait till she asks for something and say but I thought I was a dumb MF so I’m sorry but I think I’m to stupid to get this right you need to ask someone who isn as dumb as me
Play the message for your wife, and stop supplying the addict’s vices if this is how she’s thanking you.
Play it for your wife, stop doing anything even talking to that evil woman. Ensure your wife cares about your feelings and needs, pregnant or not she needs to know and her reaction to you is important. She needs to understand where you are coming from and that her mother is a problem. If she blames you for creating drama, she has issues and you guys need a therapist because her mother created it, you are just reacting.
p.s. if she asks you for anything again go “Can’t, I’m too much of a stupid fucker remember”
Tell your wife, don’t bother confronting MIL.
You wife’s reaction will be the real deterministic factor here. If she is all “that’s just how she is” that is a huge red-flag and might impact your ability to parent with her.
Tell your wife, don’t bother confronting, and never do another favor for her ever again.
I’d tell my wife in your shoes. You’re a team and you’re about to have a baby. You need to be a united front because MILs like yours don’t tend to react very…hinged when there’s a grandchild in the picture. If she’s like this now how will she be when she thinks you’ve done something “wrong” as a parent? What if she calls you a dumb fuck in front of your child??
You and your wife need to talk about this before the baby comes so you’ll have a plan for how to deal with your MIL’s next childish outburst.
You need to tell your wife. As a wife, I’d be heartbroken if my husband hid this from me. We are a team. My husband has a justNONONOOO MIL 🤣 I’ve got his back always.
Basically every post you’ve made with this account is about some issue or other you’re having with your wife. If this is real maybe it’s time for some couple’s therapy
You need to tell your wife, show her the voicemail.
Tell your wife, show her the voicemail. I would want to know if my mom talked like this about my husband. If your wife doesn’t care, then you have a bigger problem. You made a mistake, trying to be nice, it’s not like you were trying to be aggravating. That drunk needs to be knocked down a peg or two.
Don’t delete the voicemail. Tell your wife, in a gentle way and just explain how this makes you feel and how now you don’t want to go out of your way to do anything nice for her or be around her much. It’s okay to take some space. If it comes to it, you can let MIL listen to the message to explain why you’ve become distant.
Leave your wife out. You’re a grown married man.
Find a way to refuse her next simple request. “Op, could I have a glass of water?” “No Gladys because I’m a dumb fuck.” Stare.
You should tell your wife. Keeping secrets and bottling up resentment is going to cause more issues than sharing the recording with her ever could.
Be honest with your wife and explain you’re going to pull away. Communication is key and if you don’t inform her and she sees you’re acting different, she’ll wonder why which is worse in the long run.
How do you know the voicemail was accidental? She could have easily meant for you to hear every word, and is testing you to see how you react.
Show your wife the voicemail.
So people that are abusive like that, often try to manipulate others. So if your wife doesn’t see the evidence behind why you are backing off and being distant with your MIL, the MIL can try to manipulate the situation and blame you.
Just be honest and keep the communication going with your wife. I overheard my MIL calling me names too, and was so mad. I shared what happened with my husband so he could understand why I was standoffish to MIL and didn’t want to hang out with her.
You need to do both. Pull back and show your wife the voicemail!
Your wife, your MIL, the rest of the family…. they’ve all been treating you like crap for a while. Why are you putting up with it?
Show your wife the voicemail and tell her thats why your are pulling back.
I’m sorry she did that 🙁
gently asking: Why do you think that telling the truth would come across as “stirring the pot”? There is no drama. You have proof of someone being hateful about you, to multiple other people. She said those words out loud to everyone (even you) except your wife.
If she is upset that her daughter hears her saying mean things about her husband, that’s between them. You literally are not doing anything but being a nice son-in-law. It sounds like you are already conditioned to defend yourself and why you are upset when someone does not treat you well.
I really hope your wife will be on your side, and that you two can cut them off- for your health and the baby’s.
I would play the voicemail at the next family dinner or get-together. “Oh mil you left this vm in my phone but I can’t make out what you’re saying. Can you clarify?? I hope it wasn’t something important 🤷🏻♀️”