My (m29) husband (m34) is leaving me after years of me being a terrible partner. From infidelity, to physical and emotional abuse, abandoning him and the kids for two months. All of it was justified to me, while I was controlling over everything he does. At this point we’re cohabiting and I’m in therapy, as well as doing daily metacognition and taking several supplements and medication to help. I still love him and want to fix things, while logically I know that’s impossible. It would involve him building trust up from below the earth’s crust, and while I’m making strides to be honest now about everything I can, there are some old issues that I simply don’t remember. How do I move forward with cohabiting and coparenting while the thought of being without him, or the thought of him dating someone else is blindingly painful? I’m not excusing my own actions, I’m just lost as to what to do besides improve myself and hope he changes his mind.
Note: I have stopped all forms of infidelity after moving back in, and he agreed to not date as long as I do the same. I have diagnosed bpd and possible npd.
TL;DR I want to fix things with my husband after ruining our marriage, what do I do?
Comments
Therapy for “major” issues often takes multiple years to make real progress.
You have damaged this relationship beyond repair. There is no healthy future together, because of your actions. Stopping more damage is wonderful, but it doesn’t change the past.
You get over this the same way everyone else gets over broken relationships. You cry, you accept it’s over, and in time the hurt gets less. Stopping cohabitation will be healthier for you both, but if you’re not quite ready for that step you can take a bit to do it. Also if you’re officially married, filing for divorce will help “close” the pain and help you come to terms with the relationship being done.