Me (30M) and my girlfriend (28F) have been together for about 1.5 years and things have been pretty great, we we’ve lived together for about a year (she moved to my state after some long distance)
We’ve had our issues recently, my libido hasn’t been great for some reason and it was putting stress on the relationship. Recently she got a new job and decided to take a break between jobs and go home and visit family and work mates that lived about an hour from her home. (She works a remote job and has colleagues across Australia)
Her main reason for going into the city was to see her co worker, another female she wanted to stay with for a night or 2.
She also mentioned another coworker (37m whose she’s only met once during a work conference) wanted to take her out for dinner and celebrate her leaving the company. I didn’t have much time to react and ask her about it as it was kind of just brushed off althoughI didn’t think much of it as I trust her.
The day she left for the city from her home town where she was staying, was also the night she was supposed to be going out for dinner with the male coworker. she went radio silent from the time she left for the city.
I texted her at 2PM asking her how the drive was, no response. Another at 9pm no response. Another at 11:30 no response. And I fell asleep.
In the morning I was expecting a message, and didn’t get anything. This is a woman who has hounded me for not texting and checking up on her enough btw.
Anyway, I texted her at midday and she she said she just woke up, had a wild night, on drugs and alcohol (pretty rare for her these days) and had been throwing up all morning.
I was quite annoyed and worried that I hadn’t received any update from her till now and told her I would call after work and talk about her night.
After that message, I did something I’m a little ashamed of. I turned on her old phone that she didn’t wipe and tracked her location. She was not in the hotel but was outside the city a little in the suburbs.
I then opened her messages to this coworker and found messages between the 2. He told her to come to his place and start drinking there then go out to some bars later. The messages seemed very innocent and not something I’d consider flirting.
I checked her location throughout the day and she never left (throwing up all day) until I messaged her below.
I messaged her after work and she told me she went to hospital as she had been vomiting all day and snapped me some proof. I called her after she recovered slightly and talked about her night. She really just fast forwarded through the story and was upfront about everything. Told me she went to his house for drinks around 4, he invited another girl over to party with them (not sure if it matters but my gf is bisexual). They went out to bars Got on molly and they all ended up back at his place where she told me she passed out in his bed at 4pm while the other 2 continued to party till about 6AM. She told me he slept on the couch (I didn’t ask).
What bugs me about this is when I asked her when she got back to the hotel (knowing she’s been at his place recovering all day till about 5PM before she got to the hospital) she told me she got back to the hotel at midday and took an uber to the hospital although, he lost likely took her there.
There’s not much else to the story, she hasn’t really elaborated on the night out besides they danced and played games at his house with the other friend she didn’t know.
I’m not sure how to approach this situation. Do I start questioning and raising my concerns about how she went out drinking with a coworker and slept at his place after a night out when she told me it was just dinner. Or do i also call her out on her lies and tell her I knew where she was.
I’ll end this with; my girlfriend is a very sociable person and generally keeps relationships with her ex boyfriends which I have no issue with. But i found this situation to be a little concerning.
TL;DR – my girlfriend partied with a male coworker after telling me it was just dinner and lied about when she returned to her hotel
Rant over
Comments
If she’s lying about what time she got back to thr hotel, I’d wager money on the fact she’s lying about other stuff as well. Add in the fact she didn’t even let you know she’d arrived safely and the complete radio silence tells me she was behaving has if you didn’t exist. I’d start by digging through her new phone and see if you can find any more evidence, check the devices recycle/deleted folders ect. Look for messaging apps that have been recently downloaded and then deleted.
She didn’t just get hammered, she got drilled.
>Do I start questioning and raising my concerns about how she went out drinking with a coworker and slept at his place after a night out when she told me it was just dinner. Or do i also call her out on her lies and tell her I knew where she was.
I think both of these are valid, though the lying sort of swamps the first thing.
It’s like your girlfriend burned down the house and as you stand there watching the structure collapse in flame you turn to her and start an argument about her also not unloading the dishwasher. I think once you start in on the lying stuff, the rest of that falls under the umbrella of “she’s done nothing to earn your trust and doesn’t seem interested in earning it anyway.”
I’m not one to jump to conclusions, but none of this story adds up to a happy ending for you. I seriously doubt you’re going to like the answers you get when you start tugging at these threads.
Even the BEST CASE scenario here is your girlfriend has extraordinarily awful decision-making and threat assessment skills (molly with people she hardly knows? wtf?) and she’s a liar about things that matter. I know you’re going to go into this fight with the goal of finding out the whole awful truth but you may be ultimately better off just breaking up over the lying bit and sparing yourself the details.
If she lied about that what more is there to deal with. Time to drop her and move on
Come on dude you know what happened. One thing I’ve learnt in these forums and from personal experience is always trust your gut and the fact you’re here means you’re gut is screaming that she cheated. Keep on checking those messages between them dude you’ll get your proof
Yeah you’re getting the full story. Just pray the throwing up isn’t morning sickness. Run like hell!