I (31M) am a single dad to a 7 year old. Her mom is not in the picture at all.
Financially, I have no problem raising her since I have a well paying job. But I live close to my parents, sister, and extended family so that my daughter grows up with family, since obviously she doesn’t have any social connection to her mom’s side. My family has taken a part in raising her so I always take their opinions into account. After all, I do think my parents did a great job in raising me and my sister.
Naturally, my sister has taken into a mother role for my daughter. I have no problem with that. Of course I want her to have a mother figure. I also give my sister full authority to do what’s in the best interest of my daughter, even if that means grounding her or scolding her appropriately.
The problem came two weeks ago when my daughter wanted her ears pierced and wanted a make up kit. Apparently she talked to my sister about it and my sister (without asking or even telling me) made an appointment to get it done. I said absolutely not. I don’t want my daughter doing any of that. She’s too young. I want her to be a kid as long as she can.
My sister said I’m being a misogynist. That having a daughter doesn’t mean I get to control every aspect of her life and what she wants to do with her body.
For reference, my sister has always been someone with these types of views. Any mention of patriarchy, abortion, or just the general idea of a man controlling what a woman does really gets my sister riled up.
Comments
Um no you are not a misogynist
I think it’s reasonable to talk to your daughter. Pierced ears at seven isn’t outlandish, nor is it adult. I don’t think saying “no” to makeup is misogynistic but this
That having a daughter doesn’t mean I get to control every aspect of her life and what she wants to do with her body.
is of course correct
I’d say yes to ears piercing and no to makeup but there is kiddie makeup for fun that’s ok
NTA and that is too young IMO as well! I’m a mom to a grown daughter but I did not allow this either! My SIL wanted to get it done and I said absolutely not! My daughter chose to get it done when she was 16. Stand your ground and remind sister you allow her to be involved as long as she remembers this is YOUR DAUGHTER and this is your decision. You’re not a misogynist…you’re a parent!
I don’t think that makes you misogynistic IMHO. Your sister should have made sure that your daughter talked this decision over with you since you’re her father. It’s nice that your sister and family have stepped up where “Mom’s” family hasn’t but there are certain things that absolutely should go through you first before others make those decisions without you.
Not wanting a 7 year old to have body modification isn’t misogynistic by itself. When a child gets ear piercings is a parental decision and people have their reasons for allowing or not allowing.
NTA – Where I’m from you have to be 18 or have parental consent to get anything even ears pierced before 18.
My mom took me to get mine done on my tenth birthday as a “turning double digits” present. It was great.
Some of my friends got their ears pierced as babies, a lot did not. It’s parental prerogative.
NTA
Your sister is an asshole who, like most of the bitter old bags on Reddit, has no clue what misogyny means.
Your child, your decision.
Be wary of what your sister does with your daughter behind your back,
Ear peircing at 7 for a girl is normal and many like it. You can also get her a toy makeup kit which is very popular. Maybe she wants dress up? Which is a girly thing. Personally, I see nothing wrong with the daughter wanting fun
Misogynist after a single no seems a bit rich, but maybe you’re omitting something from the telling. Regardless though, you have every right to say no to your daughter getting her ears pierced and your sister should have consulted with you first.
I’ll note however that whilst you have the right to say no, I don’t really understand why you’d say no. Getting your ears pierced is a pretty harmless thing. My personal recommendation is get over yourself and talk to your sister about how to make your daughter happy.
My partner is a professional piercer, and they do lobes on kids IF the child can give a verbal yes and consent. 9/10 the child backs out and cancels the second they step into the shop. If you are going to do this, go to a shop and not a mall kiosk or anywhere that uses a “piercing gun”. My partner is fantastic with kids, but usually once he explains the process to the kiddos, they start crying and back out. Or, after the first ear. Some do great. Even with our kids, the 10 year old has backed out every time, the 9 year old has 2 pairs in each ear but it took her until 9 to say yes and consent without backing out.
Makeup, I struggle with personally as a woman. I don’t allow the girls to wear it out of the house, BUT play makeup is fine. My partner, couldn’t care less.
Edit: NTAH
Each person has their own bar for when and what age these are appropriate. And I believe 7 falls well within a reasonable range to still have Dad say no.
That isn’t misogynistic, it’s Dad setting rules snd boundaries that work for him.
Okay so NTA because she is your child, but you do need to clear out the idea of kid makeup and kid earrings beings “grown” and not letting her be a “kid.” There’s age appropriate stuff: clear mascara, clear gloss and balms, glittery “highlight” and sheer “blush” that’s water tint and goes away after 5 minutes. Get her some sunscreen! She’ll be protecting her skin and be “practice playing makeup.” 7 isn’t an outlandish age for ear piercings because Justice and Clair’s exists for kid earrings. But that’s your child and choice bottom line. I will also caution you: my Mom was a STRICT!!! “NO!” On makeup until I was basically almost a legal adult. And ykw I did? I snuck makeup. I was more inclined to break the rules and wear probably not age appropriate makeup without her knowing because she didn’t give me the clearance and knowledge for age appropriate makeup.
Girls get their ears pierced at that age or younger. It makes them feel like a princess and pretty. Builds self confident. Thank goodness you have a supportive family. I am dad of daughters and no idea of understanding a female mind. As they say, stay in your own lane. Not the big deal you are making it. Trust me it gets harder as they age. Wait for first emergent of female features and first periods. Don’t get me started on expensive haircuts. Oh and wait until boy crazy. Question, how many shoes, purses and dresses are needed? 0ne daughter owned 1 dress and very outdoor type. The other daughter never met a walk in closet she couldn’t fill. I survived, you will too. Thank God you have a sister to help you navigate.
I wanted my ears pierced and my mom took me to get them pierced. I also played with makeup as a kid but I wasn’t doing YouTube makeup applications. This was like CVS brand like Wet and Wild and Smuckers.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting your ears pierced as a 7 year old. You yield to her for everything else but suddenly step in when it comes to something so minimal in the grand scheme of things. This only tells your daughter that dad controls her body and actions. I don’t think that inherently makes you a misogynist, but it’s certainly a control thing. In the US, Latin culture, African culture, and European culture, it is wildly practiced and acceptable for young girls to have their ears pierced. It seems like you are projecting your own thoughts about what womanhood is onto your daughter, and they’re certainly wrong in the sense that wanting pierced ears isn’t a gateway to vanity.
I think wanting a kid-friendly makeup kit is part of being a kid. I would talk to your daughter about the earrings rather than just saying no. Maybe give her a timeline like waiting until she’s 10 so she’ll be responsible enough to keep them cleaned.
NTA. Kids are either growing up too fast these days or have a screen glued to their face. Speak to your daughter and agree an acceptable age she can have it done and make it a nice birthday or Christmas surprise
Look, calling you a misogynist for protecting your seven-year-old’s childhood is peak irony. There’s nothing empowering about rushing little girls into adulthood just so your sister can score fake feminist points.
Yes, your daughter has free agency over her body, you’ve taught her that no one touches her without consent. That’s real empowerment. But piercings and makeup at seven? That’s not feminism, that’s fast-tracking childhood straight into a creeps’ playground. There are stages in life for a reason, and childhood isn’t a dress rehearsal for Tinder.
And here’s the part your sister doesn’t get: parenting is boundaries. A good dad protects his daughter’s innocence, even when outsiders with zero parenting experience throw around buzzwords like “patriarchy” to make it sound oppressive. Funny how the loudest parenting lectures always come from people who’ve never raised a child.
Your sister’s “woke” rant isn’t liberation, it’s reckless. You’re the parent, you know what’s best for your kid, and you don’t need a bystander dictating how you raise her.
🔥 If your sister’s version of feminism demands a seven-year-old trade crayons for contour kits, that’s not liberation, it’s lunacy, and you’re not wrong for refusing to play along.
NTA, she’s your daughter. You have the final say.
I don’t see anything wrong with ear piercings at 7 if your daughter really wants them. I’d say no to the makeup though.
Esh….she’s a little girl and I don’t think it’s so out of the ordinary to play with makeup. She’s not going to wear it out or anything. She’s just exploring what being a girl means to her. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to get her ears pierced either. As long as she fully understands what she is asking and it’s her decision. I don’t think you are being a misogynist just an overprotective dad. My father was one as well. That being said, your sister was out of line for planning all of that without your knowledge or consent.
Deciding when she’s ready to get her ears pierced really depends on what kind of kid she is. She’ll need to keep them clean, clean her earrings, etc. I know plenty of 7 year olds who would be capable of that, and I also know a few who absolutely would not. My own mom didn’t let us pierce our ears until we were 13, which I think was a little over the top, but that was the rule.
I would also say it depends on the make up kit. If it’s something fun and geared toward kids, then sure. If it’s like an over-the-top professional suitcase with all kinds of blushes and eyeshadows and lipsticks and eyeliners, I think she’s a little young, but it’s totally normal for girls around that age to be curious and want to dip their toes in the water – they just usually raid mom’s makeup, which isn’t an option for your daughter. Maybe you could push her in the nail polish direction instead?
I don’t think you’re being a misogynist though, so NTA.
Fun story, that’s exactly what it means. They call it “being the parent”.
NTA
I would decide different. But talk to your daughter. And take away your sisters privileges.
You might agree that she can get it done turning 11 if she still wants to. Piercings are a form of self expression. I would suggest 12 but every child and every parent is different. Most importantly though yolk to her.
Nta- my 7 yr old has play make up. No real ones till she’s older. O ly mascara and lip gloss in jr high. No ears pierced until they can actually maintain and keep them clean. #3 got hers pierced last year. She said she was ready to maintain them and deal with the discomfort of bad sleep.
She is SEVEN. Of COURSE you get a say in what happens to her body. She legally cannot give consent about her body now and that is FOR GOOD REASON. What if you were her mom and not her dad and you said no… would that still be the patriarchy telling her what she could do with her body?
Does your sister thing your daughter should also have the right to not brush her teeth, not be vaccinated, not go to the doctor? Or wear shoes? What if someone suggested that she get naked with them (even if they were also a child) – does she have the power to consent to that? How far does your sister want to do that in the name of telling the patriarchy off? What if your daughter wanted a tattoo on her face and you agreed because “your daughter has the right to consent to that”
I think 7 is not a good age for ears being pierced as she isn’t a baby where you are 100% responsible for her hygiene – when babies in some cultures get their ears pierced, the adults are already taking care of 100% of the baby’s care and can make sure the ears are not infected. Most of the time they aren’t even walking yet.
But your daughter is presumably taking care of some of those things herself. Going to the bathroom by herself and wiping herself. Brushing her own teeth. Freshly pierced ears need after care so they don’t get infected, etc. also, I find it laughable that your sister is insisting that your daughter has the right to wear make up when in many instances when applied to a SEVEN YEAR OLD it is to make them seem older or to sexualize them.
A make up kit bought without your permission? No biggy as you can set the rules that it be for play only and no makeup for school or other outings. But permanently modifying your daughter’s body when she’s potentially not ready for it and without asking you as the parent? Not good. If you think yoru daughter can handle the responsibility of pierced ears and she really wants it and all her friends have them… then I’d consider it.
Okay so if you let her get makeup, get GOOD QUALITY makeup.
It’s not a bad thing if she wants to explore with self expression AT HOME. A bit of eyeliner? Great. Eyeshadow? Awesome.
Wearing it to school? No. Wearing it outside the house? No.
But self expression for kids is important for their development. If she wants to explore makeup in the safety of your house I think that’s totally fine
There are brands that are safe for young kids to use that also won’t totally wreck their skin, and also won’t be extremely expensive either
As far as the ear piercing, imo that’s a no until she can clean it and do the after care on her own.
So no, you are not a misogynistic/an AH for wanting to parent your child the way you see fit, these are just advice/tips I have
I don’t think you’re ta for wanting a say in something like this but…
> “Naturally, my sister has taken into a mother role for my daughter. I have no problem with that.”
What do you mean “naturally”? Like your sister is good with kids, or because she’s a woman she’s bound to be? That wording could be irking for some ladies, heads-up.
> “I also give my sister full authority to do what’s in the best interest of my daughter, even if that means grounding her or scolding her appropriately.”
You literally gave your sister the authority to make these decisions. Your daughter expressed the want for a (fairly common) milestone, & your sister planned to follow through.
> “The problem came two weeks ago when my daughter wanted her ears pierced and wanted a make up kit. Apparently she talked to my sister about it and my sister (without asking or even telling me) made an appointment to get it done. I said absolutely not. I don’t want my daughter doing any of that. She’s too young. I want her to be a kid as long as she can.”
K… I’m a guy but, I got my ears pierced when I was 5 – without my single mother’s permission. It didn’t magically make me age 16 years. Same with makeup, it was just a fun toy at that age range.
> “My sister said I’m being a misogynist. That having a daughter doesn’t mean I get to control every aspect of her life and what she wants to do with her body.”
Sis went a little far on this point. It’s not misogynistic to want your kid to stay little, but it is dismissive of your daughter’s growing autonomy.
Have a CALM, NONJUDGMENTAL conversation with your daughter. Explain that her wanting those things made you realize that she’s growing up, & ask her why she wasn’t comfortable asking you for those things. A child’s go-to for comfort, advice, & activities should be their parent, but she went to her aunt. That’s a little brow raising to me. Take anything she says onboard, dude, & improve where you can.
> “For reference, my sister has always been someone with these types of views. Any mention of patriarchy, abortion, or just the general idea of a man controlling what a woman does really gets my sister riled up.”
If you have even the slightest problem with it, don’t leave your sister to step in as a mother for her niece.
Your sister is NOT your daughter’s mother. That is her aunt. Aunts don’t usually take on this big of a role in a child’s life, unless it’s necessary. Why have you made it necessary?
NTA, you just seemed a little clueless imo
Misogynist is a bit excessive. However, you did give her permission to do what is in the best interests of your daughter. Your daughter wanted her ears pierced. Your sister obliged. I don’t think that a seven year old should be wearing makeup, either, but it’s all in good fun.
Ok so i read a lot of ops replies on others comments and he does sound “set in his ways” even arguing with people that his (ops) thought is right and is looking for justification from Reddit that he is right.
You are the Asshole here. 100% after reading your replies. You may have the best intentions but that doesn’t make it right. Are you the worst parent? No but are you controlling and stubborn and not open to advice even if you say you are, A big effing YES!
Also again YTA
NTA. She’s 7, now I got my ears pierced at 6 however, you don’t have a female there to make sure she takes care of them properly & you probably have no idea what to look for unless it’s really bad. As far as the make-up, I don’t blame you, I don’t even like the ‘little girl play make-up things’. Your sister is really crossing the line on this one.
Hang on. You’ve allowed your sister to slide into the motherly role on the basis that you presumably think the girl needs a female parent, and you were happy for her to assume that position. You cant have it both ways, if you want full control over your daughter (and I strongly don’t advise this approach) you need to do everything for her. If you want her to grow up with female influences, you need to accept that sometimes those influences won’t perfectly align with your ideology. Much in the same way a wife or partners ideology wont match yours perfectly either. we all have to make concessions, we all have to accept that the little humans we create might be entitled to our love and support , but they actually arent obliged in any way, shape or form to live the way we want them to. your job as a father is to teach that kid how to survive in the world, make good choices, and be a good person. If you think that her appearance is a key factor in that, then you’re gonna have a rude awakening.
NTA. Your daughter said she wanted to do those things, just not to your face because she knew you’d say no.
I don’t see anything wrong with getting her ears pierced mine had it done earlier than that.
But this is for you to decide not your sister.
Are you talking to your daughter about why she wants her ears pierced and to wear makeup?
You have to raise your daughter how you think is best in the end you are her father. Both my girls got their ears pierced at 7. But personally I feel 7 years old is too soon for makeup. You could do cutesy little chapsticks or clear lip glosses.
Your sister is not her mother even if you give your sister some room to do some parent type things. You don’t need to take a single ounce of that from not her mother. She is your daughter and if you don’t think it is the right time for whatever reason then that is your call and not hers and you should really be careful to let your sister get so comfortable parenting your daughter that she feels like she has the right to do things like schedule this appointment behind your back and then question you on it if you say no. That’ll for sure cause friction between you and you daughter and you and your sister (already seems like it is).
As for the merits of your sister’s comment, thats ridiculous. 7 years old for piercings and makeup? Cmon. Even if one disagrees that it is too early, surely they could see that it isn’t grounded in misogyny. Not to even mention the fact that…. again….. she is your daughter and as her parent you DO have the right to dictate to your child what she can and cannot do with her body if you don’t think it is time. If she wants to shoot up heroin at 7 you do actually have the right, even obligation, to tell her no. You get to make these calls.
I’m sure you have a good relationship w your sister but I would really be careful about the influence your sister has on your daughter. It sounds like she is the kind of woman who will turn your daughter into a rebellious nightmare child who will distance herself from you when she is in her late teens.
I was raised by a single father. I was allowed to get my ears pierced around your daughter’s age. My dad’s girlfriend who was like a mom to me brought me to have it done. I never focused on makeup or hair. I still am much like a tom boy I mostly just wear tee shirts and leggings. Little girls do grow up. I’d say no to the makeup that’s too young. Also if she’s getting her ears done go to a tattoo/piercing place don’t use a gun at Claire’s or anywhere that does them that way. It’s safer and more sanitary to use a needle.
Piercing requires care. I’d wait until 13.
Make up? I don’t think she needs that either. Want and need are different things. To play with make up she can use your sisters make up a couple of times supervised. The rest is entirely unnecessary for a 7 yo. She is beautiful without make up. Doesn’t need to wear it daily. And for occasional play, your sister’s make up is enough.
NTA
This feels fake
Mom to 7yo twin girls here.
I let them play with makeup as much as they want, including face paint. It is fun. They love it. It comes and goes as an interest. It is temporary and, similar to many words, only has power if you allow it to. However, I do not allow makeup to be worn to school, and I would intervene for certain social situations (for example, no outlandish blue eye shadow if we are attending a wedding).
Ear piercing has to wait until they are mature enough to clean / care for their ears during the healing process. I have polled a few mom friends, and consensus is that starts around age 8 or 9. So for now we will wait. But I will happily buy them clip on earrings. I have similar rules for those as I do for makeup.
NTA in this case you’re not being a misogynist. I had my ears pierced young and I regret it because they got infected and lead to scar tissue inside my ear lobes. Teach your daughter she doesn’t need makeup but light natural makeup to fix blemishes such as a bad pimple or something probably won’t hurt. Just go for ones that don’t wreck her skin. Tell your sister to stop pushing her agenda onto your daughter. I do believe in your body your choice however kids do not understand the repercussions of some of their choices so they need to be educated. Be fair and unbiased in educating your daughter and you’ll do better than most parents. If she wants something do a pros and cons list. I’m in my 30’s and still do those for most things I want.
I get where you’re coming from with the make up but if your daughter is asking for the piercings why can’t she get it? What’s an appropriate age for you? Why do you correlate getting piercings to loosing her childhood?
I got mine pierced at 5 personally. That was apart of mine and a lot of little girls childhoods. I need to the the full picture.
Tell her she has to wait until she’s 16 to get her ears pierced, and do it at a tattoo/piercing studio so that it’s actually done right without the incredibly high risk of infection if she gets it done anywhere else. No make up till middle school.
There’s nothing misogynistic about this. You are protecting her and keeping her safe and encouraging her to be a child while she is still a child. It would be far more misogynistic to try to pressure your daughter into sexualizing herself by getting her ears pierced and wearing make up, kind of like what your sister is actually doing
I got my ears pierced at 6 not because I was worried about looks but because it was fun to wear pretty earrings.
My kids all got their ears pierced on their first birthday (don’t come at me, I understand now that I should have waited till they asked) Everyone of them chooses earrings to wear because they are neat or different or cute, not because they want to look pretty. One of mine wore ones that looked like fishhooks for literal years and another wore lemon slices.
Earrings are a way to express themselves. She would most likely choose things that interest her like soccer balls or music notes.
My neighbor got her daughter’s ears pierced soon after birth.
Your CHILD is 7 years old. If you don’t tell your sister to bend over and get fucked over this situation then you need to find a more mature adult who will have no problems with doing it.
Your kid is 7, what is the actual NEED for makeup? She’s not a live doll or a play thing she’s a human being with all the time in the world to grow and use makeup later.
Outside of pink boas and tea parties right now I seriously don’t see makeup being needed in a 7 year old kids life.
Stand your ground OP.
NTA
There’s a difference between allowing discipline and allowing bodily changes. Your sister is out of line. She should have talked to you about it first. Do I think seven is old enough for ear piercing? Yes. But I also think the child needs to want this for at least a month and have a chore that is theirs everyday to show they can handle the aftercare on a piercing. But your sister didn’t give you the opportunity to set ground rules or milestones, just an I’ve made an appointment and you’re going to agree or be told you are a negative influence.
The makeup isn’t a hill worth arguing over, as long as 7 knows it’s for use at home only and gets washed off before she goes anywhere.
Sounds like you need to have a come to Jesus moment with your sister about exactly what decisions she gets to make without you, because while she does a lot of the care she is not the actual parent.
Tell your sister you’re about to start controlling how much time she gets to spend with her niece.
You keep saying you have the right to do what’s right for your daughter but this isn’t it. She’s old enough to make a decision about certain aspects of her body. Ear piercing is hardly going to turn her into one of the Kardashians. If you refuse with no reason you’re setting her up to not trust you and know that her opinion matters. If she wants to play with makeup let her. Simple stuff of course and not for school or outside use. But your opinion that her “not girly” hobbies should be her priority does reek of misogyny. Be a girl dad. Let her explore what her interest are. Let her paint her nails and wear her earrings while she kicks the crap out of a soccer ball. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
Misogynistic is not a word that applies to a father considering what is best for his daughter (in most cases).
Everyone is like “it’s normal”, but that’s not really the point. OP clearly believes what is “normal” is actually detrimental to her mental health. Given that so many people seem to have mental health issues these days, maybe “normal” ain’t so good.
I got my ears pierced around 8 years old, and it’s really not a big deal in my opinion. At that age she can wear cute little studs (my first pair were pink butterflies) but not anything that dangles. She’s going to grow up no matter what, so you can either choose to be a part of it or try to keep her in a bubble forever.
With makeup, a little kids eyeshadow palette isn’t bad at all, and you can set a boundary that she can only wear it at home. She’s probably seeing her aunt put on makeup and naturally wants to copy, like most girls do.
It really doesn’t sound like you’re being misogynistic, you’re just a dad who doesn’t want his little girl to grow up. That’s a very normal emotion. Besides, she’s seven! She has plenty of time to decide if she even likes makeup or dressing up! NTA
No to the piercing.
Yes, it’s “just” ears, but the risk of infection (kids with dirty hands, kids being clumsy, etc’) and the fact she is still growing and developing are significant.
Nobody wants to deal with infections and complications (not saying it will happen, but it could).
Since she is still developing, the holes could end up too high/low/uneven when she’s an adult.
Also, she’s 7. She can’t give consent, legally or otherwise. And your sister cannot take her to get her ears pierced without your consent as the father. Don’t let her.
As for makeup.. kiddie makeup should be fine as long as you get good brands. As long as she has fun with it it’s nbd.
Edit:
Why are ya’ll so stuck on having her ears pierced? If she really wants the look, there are fake earrings that are pressure fit! That’s good enough for a kid, and there’s little chance for damage.
Let the kid be a kid. She doesn’t need extra holes in her body to enjoy things like earrings.
NAH
You are the parent so you have ultimate say in what your child does but I caution against knee jerk reaction “no” to questions as that will start to alienate your child. This is a great moment to get more information about why she wants earrings and makeup. Did she see some cool costume/cosplay and now wants to try out her artistic side? Does your sister have pierced ears and your daughter is wanting to have that bond with her? Has someone at school suggested that she would be more of a girl if she had makeup and pierced ears? Does she know how much work it takes to keep pierced ears clean the first two months so she doesn’t get an infection?
Asking that broad array of questions does not have to change your mind but it will (1) establish that you two share an open dialogue about her life and (2) that your decision is based on your job as Dad of teaching her how to make good decisions. Tell your daughter that she does not get to make this decision yet because she is still learning how to make good decisions. Setting a timeline for when you are open to discussing these options and what she has to do to show you she is responsible enough to be allowed to make big choices will have a much better outcome than just saying no without gathering information about what else might be going on behind her requests that you need to address.
As for your sister, she clearly loves your daughter and is protective of your daughter’s autonomy which is important. It’s impossible to tell from a single post if her response was a spur of the moment burst of anger or a larger issue that has been simmering but that probably means another fact gathering conversation on your part.
So you have a misandrist sister, to whom you gave “full authority” over your daughter? That was naive. You needed to establish ground-rules with your sister before giving her any authority to treat your daughter as her own.
As the parent, you do have the right to withdraw that authority at any time. This does not mean you’re a misogynist, it simply means that you’re the legal parent. Your sister is not.
I mean, I got my ears pierced at 6 and turned out fine. The makeup is a little much though. I don’t think kids need makeup. Nta
NTA. You’re the parent, not your sister. If you think she’s too young, then she’s too young.
Also, quick aside: I dunno if they still do but Target used to hire nurses for their stores to pierce ears for like 2-3 hours. You have someone with proper clinical training that knows proper aseptic technique. This obviously/s did not coincide with that big Claires scandal when a number of sales associates went to social media to expose their unsafe piercing practices and customers were getting infections.
Just wanted to mention that. You’re the parent. You have final say.
Getting her ear pierced doesn’t mean shes not a child.
Why do you think it does?
Your daughter is only 7. Tell your daughter these things are for teenagers and she needs to wait until she is 13. It is odd that your sister calls you misogynistic over it. She and many of these commenters must not know what it means.
My parents’ rules were no pierced ears until I was 12 and no makeup until I was 16. I don’t think my parents had a deep-seated hatred of women; I think they had their own ideas as to what was age-appropriate.
My question is this…does your daughter actually want her ears pierced or did your sister talk her into it? If your daughter actually wants it done I think you should do it. However I do think make up at 7 years is is too much.
i asked for my ears pierced when i was 7 and got them pierced back in the day at claire’s. to this day i still have them (albeit i’ve stretched them), and i don’t regret it. i also used to have play-makeup kits at that age, id dress up like a princess and do makeup to go with it.
ultimately, it’s absolutely and always your choice as the parent, especially when she’s still so young. i don’t think it’s an outlandish ask, but i think it should be more of a conversation. is she ready for the pain? the after care? not touching them? not able to wear pretty jewellery for months until they’re fully healed?
i think a conversation should be had between you and your daughter for sure, and maybe ask again in a months time to see if it’s something she’s still wanting or if it was just a mindless thought.
You are in charge because you are her father, not because you are man and she is a girl. It’s NTA
Piercing demands a very,very good care, being careful with it. 7 years it’s pretty young. As for kids makeup – I’d offer to compromise on something that you are okay with. Perfume, nails, hair accessories
She should have asked you beforehand. You are her dad.
I think ESH. Your sister’s reaction is over the top, but by saying “no way my child will wear makeup!!!!” is also way over the top 🤷🏻♀️
Iirc I developed an interest in makeup around 10, had a few “kids makeup” pieces, and then I’m my teenage years I got over it – but it was an important part of being a girl with girl friends, a way to bond and be social.
You don’t want to make your kid an outcast by saying no to something that her friends and classmates are interested in, you might be going completely against her social wellbeing here.
Makeup to play with is fine – what you should be keeping an eye on is if she starts to think that she needs to use a lot of skincare at an early age. That would be something that’s dangerous for a child, obsessing over aging and making sure her skin stays perfect and without any blemishes.
As for the piercing – if your daughter expressed she wants it, it shouldn’t be a problem. 7 is an ok age for that, just take her to a proper piercer and not into a store where they use a piercing gun.
Of course you have final say as the parent, but I would look deeper into why she wants these things first and make a judgement later – it might just be that all get friends have makeup kits and she wants one too.
I would say yes to the ears but no to the makeup. I pierced my daughter’s ears when she was literally just a couple of months old because they are less likely to mess with them and get them infected.
You have to explain how either of those things will ruin her childhood.
I got my ears pierced at 16 — 49 years ago — and for the past 30+ years I’ve wished I’d left them alone. Seriously, holes in my ears? What was I thinking? They’re visible and won’t close up, so I keep wearing earrings, but it’s just a reminder of when I was young and dumb and thought mutilation was cool.
Time out. Your sister said that you as her Father don’t get to make decisions with what your 7 year old does with her body? Hell no.
Your sister is in the wrong and knows it. She doesn’t have a right to perform body modifications of ANY kind to your daughter without your consent. Hell, your daughter doesn’t have that right.
You are a loving Father trying to make sound decisions for your daughter. If you say “not yet” that must be honored. Period. If her Mother were in the picture and said “no”, would that make her misogynistic? No.
That’s not misogynistic that’s parenting. We make decisions for our children all the time. She’s not 18 she’s 7. You seriously need to limit that relationship. If she’s calling you a misogynist you don’t need her poisoning the well with your daughter.
Now as to earrings and make up I let my girls decide for earrings. I wanted them to be able to consciously choose to do it. It was a coming of age thing. I allowed “play make up” up until 13 and then they could have real make up.
Sister took a huge leap to get to misogyny here. I could see her argument if you had a similarly aged male child with pierced ears. And having a boundary around ear-piercing is a far cry from controlling “every aspect of what she gets to do with her body.” I think 7 is a bit young for ear-piercing because a kid that age is probably not quite ready to care for the piercings and could end up with an infection.
I hope your sister will think on this situation in her own time and come to the understanding that while being fiercely feminist/pro-women’s rights is noble, even that takes a back seat to what is best for the child if she is to play the mother role in her life. In short, I think your sister over-prioritized feminism here instead of prioritizing a little girl. It’s probably not a malicious error at all, but still an error by your sister.
Idk the comments this dude is making, plus his viewpoint that being into makeup or ear piercings will somehow taint or mature his daughter faster along with his wording of his sister as “someone with these types of views” in regards to women’s rights indeed makes me think this dude is a misogynist…
ESH. The comments you have made show you think if a girl at 7 is interested in feminine things means she’s going to become obsessed with her looks. Playing with makeup and having ears pierced at that age isn’t uncommon. My daughter has played with makeup most of her life and she hardly ever plays with it now that she’s older. She probably saw your sister putting it on and wanted to mimic her. As for the ears, that’s more or less if you feel she can take care of them. Your sister did overstep by setting up an appointment for piercing her ears without your consent though. However, this stuff is normal for girls and it doesn’t make them grow up too fast. Most mothers have had their toddlers in their makeup or asking for them to put some on while they apply theirs. It’s completely normal at her age.
Not sure why everyone’s gone into full debate on whether a 7 yo should wear makeup and have her ears pierced, when the question being asked is should the sister have given permission for these things without asking the girl’s father.
Surely the answer is an obvious no?
I am a warrior woman!( How I was raised)I handle all the bills,I have always until I got laid off made more than my husband,I cut the lawn,can fix the car.
That being said I wasn’t allowed to get my ears pierced or makeup til 13.No bikinis or mini skirts til 15.
I turned out fine so did my daughters.
It’s called age appropriate
Oh, ffs. The child is seven. Your sister is ridiculous.
NTA. You’re her parent. You make those decisions. And yes, at 7 years old you control every aspect of her life and body.
The ear piercing is fine. I had mine do everything at 7. Makeup is another thing. That would be a hard no at 7. And yes, he is responsible for his daughter and does control everything she does at that age. She has no concept of right and wrong and cant formulate ideas on what she wants to do, so he is responsible for her care and upbringing. There’s a reason we don’t allow 7 year olds to drive cars or hold jobs or vote. They have no concept of real life at that age.
YTA. Your daughters interests don’t work on your time table. Frankly if her mother had been around she’d probably be into make up already. No guarantee but decent chance. All my nieces wanted to experiment with it by 5. Guiding rules for when sure but a blanket no, that really does come off as controlling and not really letting your daughter grow up. Maybe also look at why she felt she need to speak to your sister. You might have created an environment where she’s not comfortable talking to about things regarding gendered milestones. Thats not going to be helpful a few years down the road.
People here are too focused on what age is appropriate to get your ears pierced, when the fundamental issue is your sister should not have made the decision to tell her yes and get an appointment without your approval. Even if she’s in a mother-like role, she’s not the child’s legal guardian and decisions like that need to be run by you. And not in a manipulative “Well I already told her yes” way
Personally, I would say ear piercing should wait until 10 yrs old. Play makeup at home is fine. Your sister is being an ass by accusing you of misogyny just because she doesn’t agree with you making a parental decision.
You should probably rethink letting your sister help rais your daughter if she thinks this is misogyny
Maybe it’s no longer popular but I had to wait until I was a teenager to get my ears pierced and start using make-up.
So.
Overall NTA just making that clear.
You did give her basic parental rights. Still doesn’t mean she can discuss and do those things without you.
Ears getting pierced.. I mean people do to babies.
The make up kit… I can understand saying no to that.
But it’s the fact that she tried to take away your ability to even have am opinion is crazy.
Asinine.
You aren’t trying to control every aspect of your daughter.
Your reasonings is frankly. Adorable and valid.
You want your kid to be a kid as long as possible. That is honest of you.
Your sister is an AH for trying to go behind your back
NTA, kids should be kids and social media is brainwashing them. If the kid wants piercings you need to explain to her how much they hurt and bleed and she has to be responsible enough for the aftercare which is no joke. Also tell her because she’s so young they will likely come out crooked as she ages. Mine were so crooked by the time I finished college I had to get a second piercing in each ear to make them look more even and it takes MONTHS to heal. 3-6 MONTHS. If you do the makeup make sure it’s a non-toxic makeup kit or get her some face paints so it’s more kiddish.
Look. You need to sit your sister down and say that you are the parent and this isn’t something you want for your daughter. I wasn’t allowed to get my ears pierced until I was 13. I didn’t wear make up until high school. It’s fine for her to play with make up but it’s not for school. I feel for you my daughter in law got her babies ears pierced and I hate that
NTA – she’s not the parent and should have asked you for input.
NTA.
Your daughter is a minor and you are her father. You are responsible for her entirely and your decision making is final until she turns 18. Don’t let your sister guilt trip you into allowing your daughter to do something that you aren’t comfortable with.
Let her pierce her ears. We literally get our ears pierced as babies. No to the makeup she’s too young for that. She should be in high school for makeup
I got my ears pierced around 5 or 6. I agree with the “play makeup” thing. It’s harmless.
At 7 it’s a yes on the ear piercing and a no on the makeup for me. Maybe some lip gloss or clear mascara, and only at home. 7 year olds do not need to wear makeup outside. That’s not a misogynistic view.
I mean… I would let her pierce her ears (since for me this is pretty normal even in much younger girls) but not to the make up kit since she’s young to that. NTA
You say you have no problem raising her financially, but let’s be honest your family including her aunt is in fact RAISING her. I had my ears pierced at a young age and had makeup kits. I played dress up. I don’t have any piercings now nor do I wear makeup, but that’s a personal preference. Your kid can be a kid while she has pierced ears and wears messy lipgloss and blush. YTA.
You are giving sister too much power!
I consider 7 too young for either (single mom).
There is nothing wrong with letting girls play and try new things. Allowing them to play and experiment, even with makeup, can lead to more confidence in trying new things including things not related to makeup and fashion. Being told that they aren’t old enough or that it’s Wrong to enjoy those things can lead to self doubt that can hold them back in many areas of life. Building your daughter up and encouraging her will take her so much further in all areas of life than limiting her.
When she was little my daughter was allowed to play with makeup and hair color. It encouraged her to be creative and artistic and less afraid of trying new things. She has had so many wonderful opportunities because of it. And the confidence that she gained from being encouraged in All of her interests has taken her far. Now she’s a confident woman who is not afraid to be who she is without following the crowd. And she knows from everything I’ve taught her that the way she looks is the least important thing about her. Makeup does not lead little girls to thinking looks are the only thing that matters. It’s the way the people around them act about how other people look and dress that make little girls think looks matter.
NTA your sister should absolutely ask you before doing something like getting her ears pierced. I also agree that a 7 year old doesn’t need makeup. Maybe some lipgloss or something, but not real makeup.
Is your daughter responsible enough to take care of piercings? If you think she might be, I would give her some kind of goal, like her birthday or getting good grades for a specific amount of time. You also need to talk to her about it. It hurts, is she really prepared for it or does she just want pretty jewelry and not realize that? It takes months for them to be properly healed. That means no swimming, cleaning them regularly and not being able to change them for quite a while. (also, go to a reputable piercer, not just some place at the mall. Do both of you a favor and research it first.)
If you allow the ear piercing, DO NOT USE THE GUN!! go to a piercing shop, please 🙏
I’m with you tho, let her be a kid as long as she can..
Also, it could cause acne earlier..Just a fyi
We made our daughter wait to get her ears pierced until she was old enough to take responsibility for cleaning the piercings and doing all the stuff you’re supposed to do to make sure the holes dont close. She was 12. I would agree that 7 is too young.
When I was five, it was my choice to get my ears pierced, still have them now (29F). I’d say if your daughter wants them that’s her choice! Same with the experimentation with make up!
NTA. 7 is definitely too young for makeup. And possibly to young for ears pierced. Our rule was she had to be able to take care of her ears herself.
I think you should ask your sister why she thinks it’s okay to overrule your parenting decisions. Is it because she thinks a man can’t be a good parent? See if the hypocrisy burns her.
Mild YTA. My five year old granddaughter is fascinated with makeup. I got her some kiddie stuff. Seven is old enough to do the maintenance with having her ears pierced. She is still a kid even if she has her ears pierced and has lip gloss on.
Yta..what does trying to stay a child as long as she can even mean?
Kid turns 16…no honey you gotta keep playing with your toys never stop being a kid…wtf?
I think that getting her ears pierced could be age appropriate decision if you talk it out with her, you also could get some clip on ones for now instead to see if she would actually like them (I did this, my kids have so far chosen not to get their ears pierced and only use clip ons). Kids should have some chances to make choices/decisions within reason.
As for make up I think if it’s a good play kit of actual safe makeup sure, daily makeup I would say no she is too young. It’s good for kids to have a variety of activities and hobbies and letting her do things in a healthy way.
And in regards to make up my advice is coming from a woman who dosen’t wear make up (even as a teen only occasional eye liner) . If you are worried about her focusing on appearance too much having the make up as a play fun type thing I don’t think would be an issue.
NTA
Your daughter isn’t a woman; she is a child. As such, she relies on guidance and direction from the adults in her life. So, you making decisions like these are 100% in your purview. She is 7.
If your daughter is asking for earrings, herself, what’s your objection? It’s a common thing for young girls to want. Why do you have an issue with earrings?
Now, makeup, I understand a bit more, with a caveat… the entire cosmetics industry is dripping with misogyny (kinda weird your sister is so super anti-patriarchy and misogyny, but calls you a misogynist because you don’t want to put makeup on a kid). HOWEVER, if it’s just to play dress up at home? Again, what’s the issue?
These are both normal, age-appropriate activities for a kid. She will still be a kid, doing kid things, if that is your concern.
With that said, you’re the father. If you don’t like these things, you don’t have to allow it. But she’s completely lost the plot to call it misogynistic to tell a father he can’t have any say in what he allows for his child‘s wardrobe.
I am 100% one of those “blue-haired feminist” types certain people have a field day whining about. I am also very sex positive and believe that women should be able to wear whatever the hell they want, when they want, without someone telling them it’s inappropriate or that they’re “asking for it” if dressed scantily.
I am also a mother of teenagers. And there are things I will not let my teen daughters wear. They’re kids, they don’t need to show underboob (no, they have never asked) or half their buttcheeks. That’s just a bit too mature an outfit for a teen. That isn’t me bowing to the patriarchy. That’s just parenting.
I had to wait until I was 14 because that’s what mum said. Makeup I was never super interested in but probably would have been around that age too. I let my daughter get hers done at 12. Your daughter definitely needs to be old enough to look after them herself, which she can’t at 7. This is not misogyny but just good sense.
Edit: NTA
So you want your sister to bear the responsibility of being a mother figure without the authority. Yes, you’re a misogynist.
Nah As a woman who got her ears pierced too young to remember, you might be overreacting a tad, and the right makeup kits for kids should be fine, just tell it’s for around the house and she doesn’t go to school or outings with it on
I don’t see it as misogynistic but a bit silly. Plenty of little girls have ears pierced and she is obviously old enough to be asking for it. Earring don’t make someone a grown up.
Wanting a make up kit is not her not wanting to be a kid because for her it’s a toy and getting her ears pierced is her decision so you’re being a little bit of an asshole let your sister take her to get her ears pierced and get her something from Claire’s. YTA
my turbo conservative parents bought me makeup for ballet recitals and i got to put it on myself. i think it’s pretty normal for a kid to want to play with makeup. at least she’s not doing it with markers like i did once. i would wear a maroon lipgloss on the weekends and use my mom’s old lipstick dual sided stick in junior high.
i do think your sister should have asked about the ear piercing thing, though i don’t understand why you’re against that. parents used to let their kids get that done. i guess i’m not in the 90’s anymore
Well it is her body. If she can keep the ears clean(realistically a rinse in the shower every day, no tugging on them) then she should be able to get them done. And make up is part of imagination and pretend play. If she’s allowed to play dress up, she should be allowed the make up for in the house. But it doesn’t need to go outside.
INFO: why do you trust your sister to discipline your daughter, but not introduce her to the things that a lot of young girls are interested in?
NTA. I think the key here is that your sister thinks she can do physical alterations on your daughter without your permission or even a discussion…then gaslight you when you say “no”.
Saying you want your daughter to be a kid as long as possible without worrying about things like “Am I pretty or thin enough” is completely valid. It’s too bad you set an ultimatum instead of saying “I will have a discussion with my daughter and get back to you on the ear piercing.”
The makeup is no big deal, I bought my daughter makeup when she was in dance and the novelty wore off for her really quickly! No interest at all at age 10.
Without backpedaling, maybe let your sister know that you need to discuss with your daughter privately and you will let her know the outcome of that discussion. Look up the process and potential pitfalls such as infections etc. and make an informed decision together with your daughter. In the end, you are her parent and it is solely your decision.
ESH apart from your child, after reading your comments.
Your sister is way out of line going behind your back about stuff like that, especially wanting to get your daughter’s ears pierced without your consent.
But. You are not a woman. You are not a girl. And you are maybe overreacting on this.
At seven, it is entirely appropriate for a child to have her ears pierced with fun little stud earrings. Usually they’re colorful and can be in the shape of flowers, animals, etc. They also exist in sticker form if you don’t want her ears pierced.
It is also appropriate for a child to wear things like colored chapstick, clear lipgloss, etc, and once in a while to play around with (safe, non-toxic) toy makeup.
To compare it to something you might understand, it’s a bit like boys wanting to have a cool haircut or nice shoes. It’s part of a child’s development to start having some form of little control about how they look all while staying safe.
It will not prevent your daughter from learning at school or playing sports.
But if you completely prevent her from any of this, she will miss out on this specific bonding with her peers. A bit as if as a boy your mother prevented you from idk, touching a Pokémon card or a football.
So, my daughters were 13, 9, and 8 when they got their ears pierced.
I waited until they told me they were comfortable with the process and actually wanted to get their ears pierced.
My oldest was terrified of needles and had no desire to even try until she was a teenager. She had a cell phone and was wearing light makeup before she got her ears pierced.
My middle daughter started pestering me about it when she was 7. I made her wait until she was 8 just because it was a big responsibility for keeping it clean and not fiddling around with them.
My youngest was scared and had no desire for a while but changed her mind when she saw her sisters get them done and decided she wanted to as well.
Makeup is allowed in my house. I let them experiment with it and allowed my daughters to try stuff when they were 9 and 10 years old because I wear makeup and have a collection and they were interested.
They weren’t allowed to wear it to school until they started middle school and I only allow simple things like mascara, lip gloss, or highlight. They don’t need to start using foundation or concealer when their skin is so youthful and radiant on its own.
They don’t need to start looking for imperfections to correct at such a young age.
That’s not what I label misogyny. If you were telling the kid that her value is in being sweet and quiet and cute not not being smart and a go getter, then I’d have issues. You deciding she’s too young for certain things is being a parent.
Practically she is a good age to get her ears pierced. They need time to heal, so getting them in the summer works, and normally you can’t wear them during gym. Not sure about your school but in my area, elementary gym is once a week vs daily for middle school so they are taken out less frequently. That means less opportunity to close up on her.
Interest in make up is also normal at that age as play. My kids are 17 and 22. They don’t even wear make up now, but at that age had kid friendly stuff they’d use on themselves, friends and me. When I was that age my dad would let me do his hair and make up. I’m not even a girly girl, but it is age appropriate to play around with that stuff.
Play makeup? Absolutely fine. Wearing it out of the house? No.
And when she wears it, instead of saying “wow you look beautiful” you say “wow you are so creative and skilled! You could have a future in something to do with art!”
For a lot of women, makeup is an art. For a lot of other women, makeup is a beautifier and confidence builder. It’s only bad if she’s trained to think that she needs it to be pretty.
I personally had a makeup kit as a kid and it didn’t influence me into thinking I needed makeup. That came at about 12-13 when other girls started wearing lip glasses and foundation. Social pressure was my biggest influence followed closely by the media.
I stopped wearing makeup around 25 years old when I felt that the social pressure for me was lessening. I wish my parents had spent years building me up instead of tearing me down and maybe I never would have felt I needed it.
That’s the most important job you have I think. Building her up. Not restricting her from an art 🙂
YATAH You gave your sister full authority without thinking ahead. Full authority includes what she did. You may want to rethink this.
Omg! 7 is young! I am not male and didnt allow make up until 12 (and only a little). I noticed that this varies from family to family, but seven is very very young.
Why is Aunty playing Mum?
You need to reasses how much control your family has over their niece/grand daughter.
I am opposed to kids with ear piercings, my eldest was 7, they healed over and the earrings were grown into the skin cos i wasnt allowed to help clean them. It was another 8 years before they had them pierced again. I was a teen when mine were Done. Its not misogyny, its being realistic about what your kid is capable of.
7 is too young for make up IMO
Sir, I hope that you don’t plan to be blindsided and then make strong opinions about every normal thing that will come into her life while growing up. You sound like you’ve delegated the actual parenting and decision making… the PLAN on how she will be raised.
Inform yourself, unless you’re just an opinionated check writer like a lot of fathers. Take an interest in what Will be her mile stones. Think about what she’ll need to know and how you’d want for her to be taught.
You may want a little girl forever. That wish cannot be granted.
My daughter is ten. I told her she could start wearing makeup when she washed her face every night for two weeks without me reminding her. She’s never gone more than a day.
I told her she could get her ears pierced when she takes care of all of her hygiene needs without me having to remind her (bath on bath nights, brushing her teeth, etc etc). Also, never happened. It’s not on me, it’s on her to prove that she’s responsible enough to do it. It’s worked just great so far
The problem here isn’t misogyny imo its a problem of autonomy.
Talk to her ask her why she wants it hear her out she’s 7 she can speak.
Then tell her why you dont want her too.
You are the parent you can of course put your foot down. But I do implore you to let her have some autonomy hear her out. ( separate from your sister she doesn’t need anyone pushing her one direction or not listen to her directly )
If I were you I’d consider a compromise like maybe some age-appropriate makeup and a pair of clip-on earrings to wear around the house or something along those lines.
I know she’s a child but she’s still a little person and deserves to be heard out.
Ugh, imo your sister is overstepping. Ive had convos with family and draw hardlines. I respect your opinion but ultimately I’m dad, not you, and I don’t give a chipmunks fart worth of care if you agree with my decision but my decision is, for all intensive purposes the word of god when it comes to my child. What a woman does to her own body is her own business, not a man’s. But what a child does is totally the biz of a dad, especially a single parent father. I have mixed feelings about the whole patriarchy stuff. Some reasoning is valid and thoughtful and rightfully critical but some outlandish and just plain dumb. Was “scolded” not long ago for suggesting histeria like behaviour over men gazing at women causes victimization and is a method of control exacted on women by the patriarch…and this was because a gay male was saying he doesn’t even care and doesn’t gaze at women but nope the women piled on him and said he should acknowledge hes part of the problem and contributes to the patriarchy by not acknowledging his role in the gaze control of women. Eff me in the stinkhole with a razor pole. Too much and I’m a liberal. But i digress, i agree with you. Plenty of time for earrings and makeup. If anything you are rebelling against the patriarchy by not making your child conform to the standards of female beauty and your sister is supporting the patriarchy by pushing children into the system way too early. The downside to no piercing or makeup, nothing but maybe a temp grumpy kid and whining sis. The downside to piercing and makeup, the cycle of that stuff being important to her begins. Next it’s clothing, shoes, bags, hairstyles skin creams because of makeup face skin breakouts. btw, wasn’t it just in fashion for celebs to post makeup free versions of their pics? Or maybe im just getting too old?
Nearly all little girls want to wear makeup. They see their mothers, aunts, teachers, family friends, etc, wearing it and they want to wear it too. It’s a part of a girl’s childhood to buy her kid makeup. It’s not actual makeup that an adult would use it’s for the child to have fun. YTA
I think right now, especially, there is a lot of fear of women and girls losing bodily autonomy. And there was a reason you wanted your sister’s influence as a female. You said you trusted her with discipline. And then promptly forbade over your sister a decision about your daughter. I get you wanting to have her a little girl longer. And ultimately she IS your daughter. But with all the lost rights for female bodily empowerment, your just overriding both your daughter and your sister creeps into the patriarchal “ men determining female rights”. She does not have a mother. Only your sister. So wouldn’t it be good for you to at least listen to your sister and daughter, and come up with something ALL of you can agree on, rather than steamrollering over them without any discussion or care of either of their feelings?
This won’t be the last time this happens. Starting adversarial before she is even a preteen and alienating your support system won’t do you any favors in the long run.
( I was nine when I got my ears pierced and was still very much a kid for many years after). I also had makeup dolls to practice with and did it for years. Again while still staying a kid.
TALK with them ( not at them) and listen to them. And find something do they get some ownership.
If you can do that? NTA. If you stay dictating without listening or even considering a female adult POV? YTA. And YAM.
Kiddie makeup is fun and part of growing up as a girl and exploring!! I really think it will be harmless, it’s fun and creative. For the piercings you should talk to her and tell her the risk and maybe give her a timeline so she can understand the WHY and not just be rejected
ah, it’s fine – kid may not even like make up when they’re older. some people pierce their daughter’s ears when they’re babies. it’s not a big deal. i do think if you police things your kids want that are not causing them danger, you’re gonna see a lot of rebellion. my daughter was interested in all sorts of stuff that she’s changed her mind about as an adult.
Your sister is doing this stuff 2 years early and SHE’s the one being misogynist.
There are lots of fun kids’ makeup kits that your daughter can play with. It doesn’t have to mean she’s growing up any faster. She probably will look ridiculous with the makeup. Tell her she looks amazing, though! You can also tell her that makeup is just for pay right now and not for school, church, etc. I got my daughter makeup, and both my boys wanted some, too. I got each of them a kit as well. They play at home and have fun with it. My daughter has tried to wear it to school, but it’s obvious, and I make her wash her face.
All that said, if you are still uncomfortable, it’s your choice as her father. I agree that it’s too young for earrings, but that’s because 7 year old are not likely to properly care for their ears.
Good luck!
“My sister said I’m being a misogynist. That having a daughter doesn’t mean I get to control every aspect of her life and what she wants to do with her body.”
Yes it the eff does, that’s exactly one of the main roles of a parent. If a kid says they want an all french fry diet you don’t because itsour job as parents.
Your last paragraph makes me think your sister is right about you.
NTA!!
I think it’s hilarious that so many of the comments are just unsolicited parenting advice.
But no, it is not misogyny to “deprive” a 7yo of the autonomy to alter their body. This is a total misapplication of your sister’s beliefs.
Ai story!!
You’re not a misogynist for ear piercings. She needs to be old enough to care for her piercings. My boomer parents were wise enough to let me decide. They insisted I understood the full consequences of getting my ears pierced. I was allowed to get them on my 10th birthday.
When I was 14 I wanted a cartilage piercing. They said, do that when you’re an adult. At 20 years old, I got off work from an accounting job after 8 pm closing the monthly books and felt adulthood closing in on me. That’s when I got my ear cuff pierced. The first time my hairbrush knocked that piercing was a surprising pain. Lol.
My parents said I needed to be 10 years old to be able to “remember the pain of beauty.”
NTA, she’s your daughter and it’s ultimately your choice. However, having pierced ears isn’t an “adult” thing. People of ALL ages have pierce ears, I got mine as a baby and have always LOVED that I had them pierced. I wore age-appropriate earrings, and it made me very happy as a child (and still does as an adult). And it’s very normal for little girls/kids to play with make-up. Around age 7 I used to play with my mom and aunt’s make-up. I wasn’t trying to be older, it was just fun. It’s like paint, but for your face – it’s literally just fun. If you go to the kids section of a large store, I’m sure they’ll have a child-friendly make-up kit that is made to play with.
Again, it’s ultimately your choice, and you’re not the asshole for choosing not to do these things. But it is important to get new perspectives, as it seems you have pre-conceive notions about these things that may not be correct (like earrings are for adults only – objectively not true).
As your daughter gets older, she will start questioning WHY you’re saying no. If there is no good reason except “because I said so” or “because it’s what I believe, and I refuse to educate myself further on the subject” this puts her at risk to rebel. She needs to be able to trust that you have her best interests in mind, that you not only want her to be safe, but also happy.
NTA! You are her dad and she’s only 7, so yes, you do have a right to control what goes on in your daughter’s life. I’m a 59f and back in middle school wanted to get my ears pierced. Mom said not until your 18 which got me mad but guess what I lived! I did get my mom to agree to let me get them done at 16 but I’ve also got a needle phobia sooooo I actually didn’t get them done til I was 19 and it hurt like a mother! LoL I did get more in my ears but not until my early 20s and then my tattoo at 30. But I’m so glad I waited, it’s work making sure they don’t get infected and I still have issues with my last 2 on each trying to close up if I don’t put earrings in daily. So there’s that… As for the makeup, I say that’s ok to play with cuz what girl doesn’t like to play with makeup (just got my order from Ulta and was playing with it tonight!). BUT my dad said I couldn’t wear makeup outside the house until I was in highschool even though most were wearing it in middle school. So I think you’re doing it right it the right way. BTW, I absolutely hate when infants or little kids have their ears pierced! It’s one of my pet peeves cuz it freaking hurt at 19. People that do that to their kids that young aren’t doing it for their kids, their doing it for themselves. JMO & I’m sticking to it! 😁
After reading your comments YTA
I got my ears pierced for my 7th birthday and as others have pointed out there’s child safe makeup that is also age appropriate.
Not misogynist (at least as far as this situation goes), but perhaps you’re being a bit overprotective and rigid.
I would say yes to ear piercing but an absolute no for makeup, her skin is clear and you should keep it that way
ESH. Your sister should’ve asked you and you should have had a discussion with her and looked up some advice or asked Reddit what we think before you freaked out.
There’s nothing wrong with the seven-year-old having pierced ears and there’s nothing wrong with them having play make up. Maybe you want to get her one of those make up doll heads or she’s gonna be running after you to let her put eyeshadow and lipstick on you. I used to do that to my boy cousins.
My mom would tell me I can’t get my ears pierced until I was older so just had a friend do it with two ice cubes and a needle.
I think I was 11.
In regards to the make up all little girls want to play with make up that doesn’t mean they should be allowed to wear it out of the house.
I would take her out for a manicure and pedicure and get one yourself.
My husband and I would take our boys for a fun treat. My mom used to take me.
It’s fine to feel like she’s too young for this stuff. If your daughter is really serious get her some clip on earrings and like some lip gloss and piggy paint for her nails and let her make a game of it.
When it comes to your sister, I’d confront her about the misogyny accusations. That’s not cool and it strikes me as manipulative.