Just found out my 68 yr old husband of 33 yrs is on a porn site. He’s on a lot of meds and has problems sexually for years. I never brought up the lack of performance because I felt bad for him. I just learned to live without. This has crushed me. I feel betrayed and lied to. Any thoughts?
Is porn cheating?
r/Advice
Comments
Tell him about easypeasy.
Well, for some people it is and some people it isnt. So honestly people telling you its not cheating wont matter if you think and feel like it is.
That said, what do you plan to do about it more importantly? You could bring it up to him if you want and ask him to stop, but what if he doesn’t?
No, it’s quite normal.
depends on your boundaries
Since you asked I will answer. Yes. Yes it is. Porn is one of the most destructive things on the planet and it has brought many relationships and people to ruin. A porn addiction literally rewires your pleasure/reward system in your brain like any other drug does.
In my book, yes.
Everyone has different boundaries. Personally, I think it doesn’t have place in a relationship.
Is porn cheating?
That answer will vary from person to person. Some people say that it is and some say that it isn’t. Only you can decide if it is or isn’t.
For me personally, no I do not consider it cheating.
I don’t think porn is cheating. I’m sorry he kept it secret from you but people are wired to want to have sex with others. A healthy way to satisfy that urge without cheating is using porn. It also lets the user experience fantasy scenarios like orgies etc. without harming your relationship.
Most men watch porn. As long as it’s not a serious addiction it’s harmless.
I don’t think so but it also depends. If it’s an every now and then thing I don’t care but if it gets to the point where it’s affecting our sex life then it becomes a problem. I wouldn’t call it cheating but I wouldn’t be okay with it if it starts causing issues.
It varies but I wouldn’t be okay with my partner watching other people having sex idk about you , but since you said that he has problems you should talk with him to figure it out.
As someone who saw my parents relationship get destroyed partly due to porn addiction and reoccurring cheating, yes. I would never be okay with my partner watching porn. 100% cheating in my book.
woman here
buying? cheating
OF? cheating
chatting with stars? cheating
watching for free? not cheating
68 years?! Mans watched more porn than any of us.
I don’t think anyone should consider porn cheating. It’s a problem if it impacts relationships, but that’s a whole other issue.
This all sounds beyond Reddit’s capacity. If he’s on meds and has sexual problems, and he’s 68, his libido is probably wildly inconsistent.
If you’ve been together this long, I don’t think chatting about it and talking to his doctor should really be an issue.
That’s a subjective judgement. Me and my gf all know each other watches them and we are fine with it
I don’t think porn is cheating because u are not live with a cam girl it is just pre recorded entertainment. So jacking off to a random grl on cam is not cheating cuz u will nvr c her in real life its just getting off to a fantasy IMO
You and your partner decide what is cheating together. Sometimes you don’t realize what bothers another person until after you’re already together. If one partner is adamantly bothered by the other person watching porn, then the porn watcher either has to stop doing it or look for a relationship where the other person doesn’t mind. It’s about setting boundaries and accepting them or moving in to a more compatible person. There is no right or wrong.
Do you agree to your partner’s parameters for this relationship or do you want a relationship that has different boundaries? Is your partner willing to compromise on their boundaries and do you think it will be a legitimate compromise or one that ultimately makes them sad for your benefit? Or, will the compromise ultimately make you sad?
Some partners don’t like their partner watching porn. Some partners don’t care. Some partners do it together. There are millions of potential partners out there. That’s what this entire exploratory process is for. Find the person who fits you. They might not fit right away, but could with compromise and vice versa. But if you guys hit a stalemate, that’s when you know it’s time for a different relationship. Most relationships don’t last forever and you have to figure out what the catalyst is that causes you to end one.
It’s not selfish, it’s finding a good fit.
Porn is cheating for many people but not others. Also funny how he can get it up to porn just fine but not for his loving wife. That’s because most porn isn’t just naked ladies. It’s usually pretty kinky stuff which gets dopamine receptors going.
I would be demanding he sort this out asap because if he can orgasm to porn he clearly has the ability to do so.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
That’s very much a personal level though, to some it is and to some it isn’t. Personally, I don’t. But theres no hard and fast rule as it’s a grey area.
Definitely understand your issue though given what you mentioned, and it’s worth a very serious talk to get on the same page about what’s going on.
I’m really sorry for your hurt. I would ask him why, if he’s willing to stop or something. Personally for me porn is more of a way to relax, and sex can feel like pressure making it harder to get off. As if it’s cheating? No but it isn’t great for a relationship clearly
If your partner isn’t comfortable with it, or it replaces your partner, then yes.
um…you silently went without sex, and now you’re SHOCKED that he looked for some kind of sexual release? And are SHOCKED that he didn’t see this as rejection on your part?
How about FIGURING OUT HOW TO HAVE SEX THAT WORKS FOR BOTH OF YOU.
Thirty-three years and you don’t have the foggiest idea how to communicate with each other. Start TODAY.
I don’t consider it cheating.
But if you have discussed it before and told him you don’t like it and he agreed not to do it, and he still does it then yeah I can understand how you would betrayed and lied to.
Is he just watching it or is it like a chat site where he is talking to other women?
I think it’s something that depends on the person and the relationship. He may not be cheating emotionally or physically with someone else, but it’s something he never confided in you about and something each couple needs to talk about. Views on porn are different per person, and what’s major to one person isn’t to another. I personally don’t view it as cheating, BUT I DO think it’s something that you should address with your partner and express that it’s something that has hurt you especially because you’ve been wanting to be intimate. He might feel the same way but is too anxious to talk to you about it.
Give him a blow job
It’s not always cheating, but it can feel like betrayal especially when there’s a lack of intimacy. Your feelings are valid. Talking it out might help
Without some kind of personal interaction, I would never call porn cheating. It could break a relationship agreement either way, of course.
Nah. Let him jerk jt. If he’s being nice to you otherwise. You could explicitly say to him you want to have more sex?
It’s not cheating it’s just porn men are visual
Your boundaries you decide
Why don’t you just straight up ask him why instead of asking reddit?
I don’t think it is. My ex wife disagrees. But tbf she’s kinda crazy and she cheated on me and somehow thought me watching porn was worse so go figure.
Porn is a thing we all have all “done” at some point. Maybe he decided to get boner pills. And he was just trying to see what he should expect. Porn is a way to do things that she has always said no to. It’s worth talking to him about it. Maybe he thinks that you don’t want him anymore. There all kinds of reasons. Porn is worth talking about, but it’s not cheating. He doesn’t love you any less just because he is looking at it.
Values aren’t universal. For some people the boundaries protecting them are more expansive and they can comfortably allow more within them than others.
For some people porn is cheating, but for others, cheating isn’t even considered physical intimacy, but the emotional part and the bonding is more of an issue.
The only person who can answer where the boundaries are for themselves is your partner. He or she might feel that arousal and sexual expression at the sight of others is a breach of their personal boundaries because it hurts them, and thus will wound trust and foster resentment.
This question is a personal one for you to find out on your own. If you are wondering if it’s a boundary for you, then you need to consider if porn will hurt you. If it’s a boundary set by your partner then you need to consider whether this relationship is for you or not due to the difference you both share in values regarding boundaries and what you can tolerate and what you are unwilling to compromise on.
Other people’s Boundaries aren’t there to limit you, they are there to protect them. You can choose to break them, but that isn’t healthy or kind. It’s best to choose to leave if your values aren’t shared, and you can’t respect the boundaries that are protecting your differences from each other.
No, everyone has something they do privately or secretly. It like me saying my wife is cheating when I hear her and her friend talk how hot and sexy certain actors are
If you’re not okay with it communicate that. If you think it is then it is to you for your relationship. That is your boundary and thats okay.
It’s different for everyone. You have to consider for yourself whether this is a line crossed. It seems like it is.
If my hubby of more than 30 years is watching porn and if it helps his libido I’m joining him ASAP
every relationship is different, for me yes i would consider watching porn cheating. I can’t sit with the feeling of my partner watching someone else, and he respects that. However, it wasn’t always like that. When i found out he was watching porn i was so confused and hurt so i chatted with my therapist about it and she told me that if we never had the conversation about porn and my uncomfortableness with it then i can’t be upset that he didn’t know. so im wondering, have you talked with him about it before? otherwise he wouldnt know you feel betrayed as porn is so normalized to men he might’ve not even thought about your feelings towards it
For clarification, is your husband watching porn, or actively participating in porn? It isn’t really clear to me by your first sentence. Both have different answers for different people.
68 is kinda quite old. You could try random X ED meds but it might kill him. Porn is fun IMO. (I hate monogamy.)
Just watching? Or is he interacting, leaving comments for the women(likely hoping for a response) or making requests for specific content? Because, for me personally, any interaction or even just attempts at interaction equal cheating. You just have to decide what your boundaries are.