Aging parents

Hi all,

31f dont have a great relationship (60m, 65f) with my parents, but im their only child and the only family they have in this country. I havent really kept in contact with them for about six years.

I recently found out my mom got hammered and had a fall last friday. She woke up the next day and had a big bump on her head and a black eye (and apparently couldnt move her arm). My dad googled it and “determined” there was no issue and also compared this to all the times he got concussions when he was 18 playing rugby. On monday, my mom told my dad she couldnt move her arm (apparently, my dad didnt notice this for days? I dont understand…), so they eventually went to the hospital and found out she fractured a clavical and confirmed she had a concussion.

They recently retired a few months ago. They live in canada so free healthcare. They live in a small communtiy in a quite remote place with a dedicated hospital so generally minimal wait time (and even if that wasnt the case, theyre retired and have nothing but time). Theres no excuse they didnt go to the hospital.

I dont know about their retirement funds, but i was already so skeptical they were ready to retire (just given what i know about them and how they dont talk about money and they seem to blindly trust everything my dad says who does not make great decisions, but he dismisses any problem and acts like everything will be fine all the time… and generally it is because i am there to fix their fuckups).

This whole thing has made me so angry. Theyre already demonstrating so much negligence when taking care of eachother and shotty judgement. They seem to think theyre in their 20s and just bounce back. I also suspect theyre expecting ill be their safety net if something ever happened. My parents dont even talk to eachother about money, never mind imagining them being open to sharing their plans to me (and open to scruitiny/questions in their planning), but this seems like it affects me.

How do i approach this? When should you start getting involved in your parents finances? Theyre not that old…but when do people start sharing retirement plan info with their kids? How do people who have essentially cut contact with their parents manage aging parents? Does anyone have recommendations? I dont really have friends who are in a similar situation to me… they all seem to have amazing parents who actually think things through and already have a bit more of a support system to handle it between siblings.

Tldr: parents i dont talk to already seem to be negligent in taking care of themselves/eachother and dont take health issues seriously. Aware theyre getting older and how they already make bad decisions. Expect if anything does happen, theyll put it on me to sort out which im absolutely not open to and doubting they factored all the care they would need as they age in their finance planning. I dont like these people. I dont want to be around these people. But i also feel responsible for these people despite them never feeling the same for me in my childhood. How do i approach this?