I (27F) work as a dental hygienist. I like my job, it’s stable, pays well, and I find it rewarding. My best friend, let’s call her Kayla (28F) , just had her bachelorette weekend in Nashville with six of us from collage. I flew in, paid for the Airbnb, dinner reservations, matching outfits, practically the whole thing.
The first night, Kayla started joking about my job in front of the whole group. Things like:
-hey guys, let’s make sure we floss or else the tooth fairy will scold us,”
-“ I can’t believe you still clean teeth for a living. That’s so gross,”
-“ imagine going to school just to scrape tartar off people’s mouths,”
At first I laughed it off, but she kept going.the others were king of awkward-laughing. I Eventually said,” okay, Kayla, I get it. You think my job is a joke. Can we move on”? In the most polite tone I can
She rolled her eyes and said, “ don’t be so sensitive it’s just a joke,”
So I left the dinner and flew home early the next morning, she’s texting me saying how o ruined her bachelorette weekend and overreacted. A few girls from the group are saying I should’ve just brushed it off for on weekend because it was her time
I don’t know. I was just over it and sick of my job being a joke to her, AITA?
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I (27F) work as a dental hygienist. I like my job, it’s stable, pays well, and I find it rewarding. My best friend, let’s call her Kayla (28F) , just had her bachelorette weekend in Nashville with six of us from collage. I flew in, paid for the Airbnb, dinner reservations, matching outfits, practically the whole thing.
The first night, Kayla started joking about my job in front of the whole group. Things like:
-hey guys, let’s make sure we floss or else the tooth fairy will scold us,”
-“ I can’t believe you still clean teeth for a living. That’s so gross,”
-“ imagine going to school just to scrape tartar off people’s mouths,”
At first I laughed it off, but she kept going.the others were king of awkward-laughing. I Eventually said,” okay, Kayla, I get it. You think my job is a joke. Can we move on”? In the most polite tone I can
She rolled her eyes and said, “ don’t be so sensitive it’s just a joke,”
So I left the dinner and flew home early the next morning, she’s texting me saying how o ruined her bachelorette weekend and overreacted. A few girls from the group are saying I should’ve just brushed it off for on weekend because it was her time
I don’t know. I was just over it and sick of my job being a joke to her, AITA?
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> (1) for leaving durning dinner (2) for leaving during her bachelorette dinner because I was offended of her making fun of my profession
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA, she’s openly mocking and disrespecting your livelihood in front of people.
It’s her weekend but she’s spending the whole time putting you down, all while after you financially contributed what you did to the trip.
You shouldn’t have to be held hostage and stay on a trip with people you feel disrespected by, just to make them happy.
Fuck her weekend. I hope they’re all hungover on the ride home.
NTA – she’s probably just jealous in some regard. I’m sorry you went through that
Just because she’s the bride doesn’t give her the right to be a raging witch… it’s only a joke or funny if you laugh. That wasn’t funny.
soft yta. you should have sucked it up and stayed for the entire event but, afterwards, cut her off for good. back out of the wedding and any other event obligations and walk away. she doesn’t sound like a good friend trying to tear you down like that especially in front of others.
NTA – though I would’ve responded with “I think you mean ‘Thank you OP for paying for the Airbnb, dinner, etc with the job that you think is so gross. Personally, I think it’s cool that I can contribute so much to the health of others, since it’s proven that high levels of plaque is associated with heart disease, and that outweighs any “grossness” one might feel’”
She’s the AH for continuing to make fun of your job after you told her to knock it off. And this idea that you accept shite behavior from family or friends because they’re getting married / it’s their birthday / they’re having a baby etc. just blows my mind. That has never been an excuse to get away with being an asshole to people you supposedly love. So she’s encountered some consequences to treating people like shit, well I never 😱
NTA. You don’t ever have to sit there and take disrespect from someone like that. You gave her grace, you tried to brush it off— she ruined her own bachelorette weekend.
NTA. People think that saying “it’s just a joke” excuses them from saying the most insensitive and rudest things. Also, what’s the joke/punchline? All she did was tell you what she really thinks.
NTA. It kind of sounds like she’s intimidated by your job? Probably some stuff to unpack there.
NTA if the only way she knows how to have fun is by shitting on your job, you know the job where you made the money to bankroll her Bachelorette weekend? then this isn’t a friend
It’s your job that paid for most of her Bachelorette trip! The bride shouldn’t be looking down on you. She should be thinking you are an amazing friend for providing so much support for a special weekend in her honor. Tbh, she is likely jealous that you have such a lucrative job!
NTA. Just text her “stop being so sensitive.” I hope after this she doesn’t retain a friend title.
Sometimes it’s better to give it back to people instead of running away. Could’ve told her she should take dental hygiene more seriously because her mouth is looking rough and she’s having some bad breath issues, in your professional opinion. Make it so she knows not to open the door to making fun of each other.
I absolutely adore you all for what you do. I cannot fathom going into strangers mouths to clean up the mess we’ve made of em. Cheers to you!
You are NTA but it’s definitely time to reevaluate the friendship. She’s immature and ice cold. Who has time for mean girls?
Maybe you should put a shout out to every dental hygienist living in 100 square miles of her and give them a heads up. It would be poetic if she can’t find a single one to do her cleanings, ever!
Nahhhh
You set clear boundaries on how you wanted to be talked to
No, if he messes with your job, even if it’s a “””joke”””” it’s wrong, he’s making fun of your way of making money as if it were a useless or meaningless job, but like all jobs, it’s WONDERFUL and there’s nothing wrong with it, you shouldn’t put up with the hate towards his comments, even if it’s his bachelorette party.😐
NTA What does she do for work? Make fun of that
Why is it always girls named Kayla? Omg
Also I bet you make very decent money
NTA
NTA, I’ve literally never heard someone talk shit about a dental hygienist’s profession like that. Sounds to me like your girl Kayla is jealous of you for reasons unrelated to your job. (Or maybe she’s jealous of the job too)
She’s not your best friend, and I’d seriously be rethinking my entire friendship with her after this.
I don’t think you’re the ass. If she thinks she’s so funny she can get new material and quit making fun of your job.
If you really wanna be devious, tell her fiance that she was sucking off dudes in the bathroom at her bachelorette party. Whether or not he believes you, that seed of doubt will be firmly planted.
ISTM the trash couldn’t handle her drink.
You could tell the other girls that you did brush it off. You didn’t cause a scene. You didn’t throw your drink over anyone. You just quietly brushed it off, departing in a dignified manner. If they have a problem with what you did, they need to take it up with the person who caused that problem, which was not you.
I was a teacher for 37 years loads of my family made fun. I retired at 58 and have a great retirement. None of my corporate friends are retired or even have a retirement pack
Should have brushed it off. 😝
No, kidding aside, you should never accept that kind of ‘joke’. It is disrespectful and if you allow it to continue, people who act like that will just keep doing it. There is no excuse for her behavior.
NTA. It’s a joke the first time. Not multiple times after When you ask her to stop. These are the consequences of her behavior and if she doesn’t understand how her actions affect others then perhaps she’s not mature enough to be getting married.
I don’t know how we got to this point where people think they can say and do whatever they want and use ” it’s just a joke” when people react.
Good on you for maintaining your self-respect and your boundaries.
NTA
NTA, your “friend” is awful, mocking and insulting you over and over again at a party YOU paid for?
What exactly is funny about “OMG you clean teeth for a living, that’s so gross!”? Where is the joke, exactly?
The way I would have said this job paid for your bachelorette weekend and then still left early 🙃
She sounds jealous that you have a good job. What’s her job
Say its a special occasion and call her life shit
NTA.
Someone who puts you down in front of others as a flex, and then tell you you’re being sensitive when you call them out, isn’t a true friend. And putting down what someone does for a living is extra shitty.
Consider this has her finally letting her mask slip, though it wouldn’t shock me to hear that there have been prior instances like this that maybe you brushed off.
In my own experience, people like this keep you around because you’re useful to them in some way or ways, but they secretly have resentment or jealousy over good things in your life. They put you down to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities. And then get others involved when their target doesn’t go along with their abuse.
Good for you for refusing to be disrespected.
I would consider moving on from this friendship. She sounds like a miserable person.
Nta. Thank you for all you do at work. It’s a really important job. I’m being serious. My dental hygienist is really great and has helped me have better health habits
Someone should make fun of her next time she goes to the dentist for being so gross for having teeth that need maintenance.
You’re NTA. What does your friend do for a living?
Just bc someone is the center of attention, does give them the right to shit on people. NtA. You didn’t make a scene, which you could have. Yeah,leave might have upset her, but ragging on someone when they footed the bill is way worse.
NTA. The idea that you have to let yourself be mistreated in order to make someone else happy is completely f*cked up. And yet so many people think that’s a normal response. Like, hell no. Kayla isn’t your friend. You may have ruined her bachelorette party. But she ruined the friendship. Let her find another lacky to beat up on. She sounds awful anyway.
Nice now you can save time and money by not going to the wedding. Anyone who belittles you is no friend. Nta
NTA. Talking down about anyone’s – let alone a supposed friend’s – job like that is shitty behavior. But talking down about your job while it’s that job paying who knows how much money for her bachelorette weekend? Extra shitty behavior. This woman is not your friend.
NTA,
Your nicer than me. I would have said my teeth cleaning job paid for the weekend
😂
I understand your frustration, and it was rude, but since you are friends, couldn’t you have just called her out? Leaving seems to be a bit extreme for what was said.
I just wish that you got a cheap room to enjoy Nash by yourself. NTA
probably some boring desk job she didn’t even wanna mention 😂
NTA. I don’t understand what’s so funny.. Dental hygienist sounds like a cool job. Why is it gross lol then does she think doctors are gross too cause they perform surgery on people? What a weird thought process she has.
All I got from that was Kayla doesn’t floss regularly. And she’s an asshole. NTA. Thank you for doing what you do!
NTA. Don’t go to the wedding either.
Weird to fixate on that. Glad you’re not a proctologist. Then you’d really be the butt of her jokes!
NTA. Your friend is a first class asshole and for whatever reason feels or wants to feel like she is better than you. Then to make sure others feel the same way she does, she makes fun of you in front of them seeking support and agreement. It doesn’t seem like she got much of that though. So, you managed to ruin the weekend by not staying around to be made fun of and the other girls think that makes you the bad guy because you didn’t!!!! I bet your bestie didn’t pull that shit on any of the other girls either, that makes it easier for them to say you should have “just brushed it off”. I would ask them how they would have reacted if it were them in your situation next time you see any of them.
She is not your friend, somewhere along the way she has moved on, at least mentally maybe because she is getting married IDK but, you don’t seem to be in the same space as her anymore and it may be time to admit that and move on yourself. You did the right thing for you, don’t worry about the others feelings when you were the one being attached. You made the obvious right decision in the moment and you need to trust that your first inclination was the right choice and almost always is. You have had time to reflect on it more now and don’t feel so sure but, trust yourself, it is an instinct to protect yourself, do not doubt those instincts.
NTA!! Fellow dental hygienist here, show up to her bridal shower in an “evil tooth fairy” costume next time, complete with bloody scrubs and a giant drill. Or tell her that you won’t pay for her next bachelorette party after this marriage fails ✨
In all seriousness, NTA. She didn’t behave like a friend should, mocking your (highly respectable and difficult to achieve) career is really childish. If she can’t handle you being a dental hygienist, then she doesn’t deserve the rewards of your hygiene money!
NTA First of all, she is not a friend, she’s a rude and ungrateful AH. Second, a large body of scientific evidence shows that dental professionals help save lives, because people who take excellent care of their teeth and gums, including regular cleanings, live longer on average, and have lower rates of heart attack, stroke, dementia, preterm labor, diabetes, respiratory diseases,, and even certain cancers.
You might point that out and ask what’s she’s doing to help save lives and protect people’s health. For more info, tell her to google the “oral-systemic connection,” where she’ll find tons of info on the link between good oral health and whole body wellness.
Source: I am a health journalist who has written frequently and this topic and am very diligent about getting regular dental cleanings.
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NTA.
When you go to the wedding, and she is waiting, give her this goofy look and make a comment about her dress being ugly. Then say, “Come on it’s a joke! I just want you to look good!”
You should have brushed it off.
NTA.
OP, you’ve just described how your “best friend” humiliates you in front of other people.
Here’s a question you should think about and answer to yourself, even if you’re not willing to say it here on AITA:
Why do you call Kayla your “best friend”?
And please don’t point to whatever shared history you have. History alone is not enough to sustain a friendship. People grow and change in different directions. In what way, if any, is Kayla your best friend NOW?
Or are you just calling her your best friend out of habit, and there’s no longer any friendship there worth preserving?
She chose to be a girl doggy and the rest of them are encouraging her. These aren’t your friends, any of them. Unless you’re making most of the drama up – which people never do on Reddit…/s
NTA. She’s focusing on your reaction instead of how her treatment made you feel. Girl embarrassed herself. You absolutely did not have to suck it up and let someone abuse you just bc she’s getting married. By the way, dental hygienists are some of the most skilled people out there, in my humble opinion. I love the people who clean my teeth and assist on the procedures. They genuinely make me feel calmer. What you do makes a difference.
What purpose did making fun of you serve? Even if this is “her time”, why is there an allowance for the bride-to be to demean anyone? What does it say about her that she feels the need to do this? It’s always the people who want the right to insult others that think they have the right to proclaim their insults to be a joke and then want to dictate how others should feel about it.
Let this be a lesson not to laugh it off if something bothers you. Being a dental hygienist is a respectable job. You stood up for yourself without being too harsh but she wanted to take it further. I question whether she is a true friend. She’s certainly not one I would want to have. NTA.
Jokes don’t “punch down”.. That was bullying. NTA.
NTA. Dental hygienist is a good, respectable job that pays decently and provides immediate and obvious value to patients and dentists. But that is neither here nor there. More importantly, while Kayla might be your “best” “friend”, she is not a good friend, and, at least imo, she isn’t a friend at all.
You couldn’t “just brush it off” – they were literally going after you with brushing jokes!?
NTA you need better friends
“Let me know if I can set you up from an appointment. From here I see that you could really use a cleaning. I know some people struggle with hygiene. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
NTA
I’m not sure what your friend does for a living, not that it really matters at this point. But, whenever someone made fun of my job I just reminded myself how I likely made more money than them (based on field) and that we both had a choice and we both choose what we wanted to do.
It’s disrespectful of anyone called a friend to embarrass you at all and especially publicly. I think the real issue here is that you told her how it made you feel and rather than her apologizing, she made it about her and belittled your feelings. That’s a friendship I couldn’t personally continue. She may be jealous or have self-esteem issues which is why she picks at you. That’s not something you have to tolerate. This used to happen to me growing up with someone I called a best friend and when I got upset about a rude comment she made about me, she was baffled saying she can’t believe I was mad because she was joking. That was just the last straw and I faded from that friendship after because deep down she didn’t like me based on her behavior but didn’t have to be my friend.
NTA, she sounds insufferable.
Your friend sucks ass
Your job is not a joke. You’re an equally important part of the practice’s success.
She gave exactly 3 examples….. everyone weighed in and opinions are divided…. An offensive statement that would never occur…. Shitty and boring AI….
Were you all in a Sorority? Sounds like Sorority Bitchiness.
Bullying is disguised as a “joke” and the only one who ruined the weekend was Kayla. I’m sorry she was a witch to you. I’d keep my distance from her. A real friend would not have treated you like that. You’re NTA, and you were right in leaving.
It’s curious yes? I wonder what was going on? She had a group of friends all in one space to focus on her and she used that opportunity to pick on your job?
I would have been tempted to double down and see what was up.
“You want to talk about my job? Ok, let’s do that! What do you want to know?”. “You have brought it up many times now. You are obviously curious. It’s your bachelorette party, but you have chosen this as a topic, so let’s talk”.
There is something going on there. Curious minds want to know!
NTA but you annoyingly left me curious OP. Find out what her deal is!
Fancy hassling the job that paid for the weekend she was enjoying.
NTA.
I don’t see what’s wrong in actually being proud of your job and sticking up for yourself. NTA
NTA. You offered an opportunity to move the conversation along and then offered a final warning with your polite way of telling her how her choices and actions appear as if she feels your profession is a joke. She chose to continue to engage in this ahitty behavior because “it’s her weekend”.
Yeah nah, fuck that. Just because she is getting married shortly doesn’t mean she gets to treat you like shit. You set a respectful boundary, and she crossed it. Hello consequences.
NTA, So what’s the story? Has she ever teased you about this before ?
you said you guys are best friends.
“It’s just a joke.” Sure, fine, but when it becomes the repetitive beating a dead horse joke, it’s a perfect example of why she doesn’t deserve to be in your life.
honestly, she should be thanking you instead of roasting you 🙄