So there’s me (24m), my newlywed wife (24f), and then her older sister (28f). Also, this is my first Reddit account. I’m not really on here, but my friends are all asleep right now, so this is like a last resort.
Okay, so, my wife’s family is pretty well-off, and sometimes they throw these big, spontaneous dinner parties and invite their friends/colleagues/family. You get it. And my wife decided that it’d be a good time and place to announce our pregnancy.
We got to the place, and I’ll be honest, most of my wife’s family doesn’t really fuck with me (not sure if you’re allowed to swear on here. If not, sorry), so I’m used to them giving me weird stares, especially cus they’re pretty conservative, and I have bleached hair and a couple of face piercings (which I had made really extra good sure to take out before I showed up with my wife). But her sister was literally giving me the evil eye, man. I’m telling you.
It started with some joke my SIL made about how dead my hair was, which didn’t bother me because it is, and also that’s one of those things my wife always jokingly picks on me for, so I was like, “Okay, well maybe her sister just assumed it was something she was allowed to joke about too.”
But it just kept getting worse, like she literally got to the point where she was talking about my PA (Prince Albert). I shit you not. I was so embarrassed. And like my wife is a little bit of a gossip, so like sure, she probably told her sister about it, IDK. I’m not butthurt over that. What I was upset about is the fact that this lady was bringing up all this personal stuff in front of my other in-laws, and I got that vibe that she was doing it on purpose to be malicious. She’s evil or something, which sounds harsh, but for fuck’s sake, man. But I could see my wife getting visibly uncomfortable, so I just kept quiet, and I turned away from her and minded my P’s and Q’s.
Eventually it came time for my wife to announce our baby. And my brother in law asked how far along she was, and she told him she was 9 weeks, which is like a couple weeks off from our wedding date, and I genuinely don’t understand why that should be a problem. But of course it had to be a point of contention, and my wife’s sister had to put her two cents in, and I think she said something along the lines of “you couldn’t keep your legs closed for a few minutes after the wedding,” or something close to that. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. I got really mad, because she’d been borderline horrible the whole night, and so I told her to shut the fuck up, kinda really loudly, and I sort of made a scene.
My wife made us leave and go home, and she didn’t directly get mad at me or anything, but I can tell she’s not happy; she seems pretty sad. I feel like I ruined her announcement, like I should’ve just piped down and ignored her sister, but then another part of me feels like I should’ve said something worse and gotten even madder at her. Idk. I can’t tell if I’m a dick or not. I feel bad.
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So there’s me (24m), my newlywed wife (24f), and then her older sister (28f). Also, this is my first Reddit account. I’m not really on here, but my friends are all asleep right now, so this is like a last resort.
Okay, so, my wife’s family is pretty well-off, and sometimes they throw these big, spontaneous dinner parties and invite their friends/colleagues/family. You get it. And my wife decided that it’d be a good time and place to announce our pregnancy.
We got to the place, and I’ll be honest, most of my wife’s family doesn’t really fuck with me (not sure if you’re allowed to swear on here. If not, sorry), so I’m used to them giving me weird stares, especially cus they’re pretty conservative, and I have bleached hair and a couple of face piercings (which I had made really extra good sure to take out before I showed up with my wife). But her sister was literally giving me the evil eye, man. I’m telling you.
It started with some joke my SIL made about how dead my hair was, which didn’t bother me because it is, and also that’s one of those things my wife always jokingly picks on me for, so I was like, “Okay, well maybe her sister just assumed it was something she was allowed to joke about too.”
But it just kept getting worse, like she literally got to the point where she was talking about my PA (Prince Albert). I shit you not. I was so embarrassed. And like my wife is a little bit of a gossip, so like sure, she probably told her sister about it, IDK. I’m not butthurt over that. What I was upset about is the fact that this lady was bringing up all this personal stuff in front of my other in-laws, and I got that vibe that she was doing it on purpose to be malicious. She’s evil or something, which sounds harsh, but for fuck’s sake, man. But I could see my wife getting visibly uncomfortable, so I just kept quiet, and I turned away from her and minded my P’s and Q’s.
Eventually it came time for my wife to announce our baby. And my brother in law asked how far along she was, and she told him she was 9 weeks, which is like a couple weeks off from our wedding date, and I genuinely don’t understand why that should be a problem. But of course it had to be a point of contention, and my wife’s sister had to put her two cents in, and I think she said something along the lines of “you couldn’t keep your legs closed for a few minutes after the wedding,” or something close to that. I’m paraphrasing, but you get the idea. I got really mad, because she’d been borderline horrible the whole night, and so I told her to shut the fuck up, kinda really loudly, and I sort of made a scene.
My wife made us leave and go home, and she didn’t directly get mad at me or anything, but I can tell she’s not happy; she seems pretty sad. I feel like I ruined her announcement, like I should’ve just piped down and ignored her sister, but then another part of me feels like I should’ve said something worse and gotten even madder at her. Idk. I can’t tell if I’m a dick or not. I feel bad.
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> I made a huge deal at my wife’s pregnancy announcement. And I’m probably the asshole because I think I hurt her feelings 🙁
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. It’s wild that she thought it was okay to bring up your piercings and sex life in public. That’s harassment, not just being “catty.” Could the delivery have been softer? Sure. But sometimes people only listen when you’re loud
NTA. What a weird thing to tell a married couple. Your sex life is no one’s business, plus the literal plan for the wedding night is to bone, so wtf is she even talking about? The sister ruined the announcement, not you. Telling her to STFU is the least of what she deserved.
Congrats on your baby and your new wife! Wishing you all the best.
NTA, I think wife is more upset with her sister ruining her announcement then you. But you are now a married man with a child on the way it’s probably time to start clapping back without the cussing and getting loud. She was trying to get under your skin and you let her.
NTA – if anything your wife might be upset that her sister was saying pretty awful things. I would maybe just check in, apologize for being a bit more aggressive, and explain how you were feeling. It’s possible she might feel like her sister was trying to tear her down during her big announcement and it’s not any negative feelings towards you.
NTA at all. I definitely would have been ruder than that and probably would have done so much earlier.
NTA, you were defending your wife. She is likely more mad at her sister than at you, and it’s likely why she marries you in the first place. Because you can stand up for her.
But dude… a Prince Albert? I work In healthcare, and a Prince Albert is a running gag! Like, I am pretty sure every male nurse has been acused of having one at one or many point in their career.
Yes you seem like an asshole.
NTA. Her sister was being a witch. What you said was nothing in comparison to her.
Whether they think you aren’t good enough for her or not, you’re married. It’s her life to live, happiness to fulfill or mistake to make.
She sounds like an uptight jackass really. Their parents should’ve shut her up honestly. You did right by defending your wife. She’s so early in her pregnancy, she doesn’t need any stress or strife.
Congrats on your little bunny!
NTA. I feel like you may have started with a few points behind to start with since you mentioned the family doesn’t like you. So that probably didn’t help. But you stood your ground and defended your wife as you should.
I think from there the next thing is to make sure she is okay and maybe ask your wife how she truly feels about it ? Like have a discussion.
I would probably have done the same thing to be honest, with the exact same delivery loll
I’m confused, your wife got pregnant a few weeks after she you two got married, and your SIL is judging her for not waiting longer?
Is she single? Because it sounds like she’s totally jealous of her younger sister, which is why she’s knocking her and her husband (you).
NTA.
NTA isn’t sex what you’re supposed to do on your wedding night?
NTA You should not have had to deal with that abuse at a dinner party. I think the elder members of the family should have stopped your sister-in-law long before it got to the announcement. I am glad you said something; otherwise, you would have felt worse when you got home.
I think you and your wife need to have a serious conversation on how to deal with her sister and come to an agreement that you can be happy with.
Nobody wins here. I think the sister-in-law is definitely an AH and you made the situation worse. “Kinda” really loudly. “Sort of” made a scene. Lol – you were really loud and made a total scene. Full disclosure – I WOULD HAVE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING – and I would have felt like a jerk afterwards for my lack of impulse control. She needed to be told something, at some point, and with a definite tone, but maybe not then and like that.
INFO: Was your wife upset about her sister’s joke? She’s an adult so can deal with her own family if it’s bothering her. It sounds like you were already keyed up at her sister and then kind of overreacted during the pregnancy announcement and made it all about you.
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You’re not the bad guy, you were defending your wife from her sister, she wasn’t able to shut her mouth for a few minutes after dinner.
I think it’s wonderful that you defend your family (wife and baby) from whoever.
[removed]
NTA. Honestly not enough people get told to shut the fuck up when they should
NTA she sounds annoying as hell.
NTA, she made an insensitive comment during some exciting and joyous news, taking away some of the magic of the moment. On top of having had a consistant habit of snore remarks and unwanted and unkind comments. SIL doesn’t seem like the type that’s ever been confronted about her asshole habit. Though I do suspect that this will surely make waves with your in laws going forward and maybe this could have been handled in a more calm manner. Irregardless, she was out of line and you reacted accordingly.
NTA. Your wife’s family sounds toxic AF.
NTA – You kept quiet until her sister went after YOUR WIFE. That’s when you reacted. I don’t know if sister is jealous or just heavily disapproves, but the fact that you held your composure while clearly being targeted until she insulted your wife says a lot. You just showed your wife and her family that you won’t tolerate her being mistreated.
Your wife is probably conflicted and doesn’t want to make waves with her family, but also is hurt at how her sister treated you both. Talk to her. There’s a lot of changes happening in her life and you being a solid support system is extremely important.
NTA. Her sister is a bully and you put up with more than enough from her. I’m glad you stood up for your wife, if not in the most eloquent way. I’m sure your wife was hurt by what her sister said, but she needs to either stand up to her sister or support you when you do.
The sister is TA here, but saying to STFU only made it worse for your wife.
ESH. You for the outburst, your SIL for being rude and inappropriate, and your wife for having a big mouth and giving her family personal information.
NTA. Her sister ruined the announcement. But it probably would have been better to say something like “that was a wildly inappropriate thing to say and you owe my wife an apology” vs “shut the fuck up”.
NTA, But your wife should have spoke up and told your SIL to STFU.
Well, if anything, you underreacted. Your wife too.
If your wife doesn’t immediate think that her sister ruined the announcement just how low is the bar for SIL?
NTA
NTA – Your SIL needs to learn some manners. Who behaves like that a dinner party? How embarrassing for her. She owes you and your wife apologies for being so inappropriate.
Your in-laws had to be offended by her trashy discussion.
Congratulations on your baby!
NTA but honey you should arrange something cute and fun for her to announce to your friends. Give her a chance to have a good memory announcing the birth. She deserves it. I am sorry that her sister is so very wrong in this and I understand she provoked you, next time try, “No one asked you for your input. Why can’t you celebrate your sister in this moment? Are you really that desperate for attention.”
This is the most credulous audience on reddit so the subtly (such as it is) of this troll is going to go unnoticed by nearly everyone, who will upvote and validate the character in the post in the comments, but well done. (NTA, for quality)
NTA. Sounds like the sister is jealous and just has nothing nice to say. But I also think you owe it to yourself and your wife to have a conversation about what happened. I believe that being able to communicate openly about anything is key to a happy relationship. Check in with her, at the very least clear the air.
But also, since it was brought up- You shouldn’t have to change anything about you or who you are to fit in with your wife’s family. Your wife knows who she married.
NRTA Personally, I would have a conversation with my wife. I would start off by telling her I was sorry for losing my temper and making a scene and aggravating any problems with her family. Also, anything else you think you need to apologize for. I would ask her how she felt about it all and go from there.
NTA
Let me guess… The sister is the golden child? The things she said are disgusting. She’s very jealous that her younger sister got married and is having a baby. Who TF says you should keep your legs closed AFTER getting married??? Sounds like she’s jealous of your sex life too.
Tell your wife not to talk to her sister about your sex life. That’s inappropriate and she used it against you. I don’t think you guys should associate with her family anymore. They obviously don’t like you.
You did good by standing up for your wife. It’s pretty clear that her sister has never heard the word NO. She’s never been put in her place. Her parents lick her ass.
NTA. I would have done it, too. I also would have made things worse.
NTA, and you might want to come up with something clever to say if it happens again (because it probably will). Something like: “ I find it odd that you keep commenting on my personal appearance. It seems like you’re trying too hard to get my attention. Please keep your comments to yourself and I will do the same.” Or: “I didn’t ask you for your opinion. Unless you would like for me to critique your look, please do not comment on mine.”
NTA and I would have said loud enough for the whole party to hear “why do you keep trying to talk about my dick? It’s REALLY CREEPY”
ESH. Why is no one questioning the wife? I feel like she needs to defend her husband and should have shut this down or asked her sister to leave if she was being nasty.
NTA you probably couldhandled the shut up part better but she was being malicious all night and kind of perverted too. Your piercings are your business, especially those that don’t show through clothes. And as for y’all pregnancy announcement, that was beyond horrible on her part. Engagement is the first huge milestone of a relationship, marriage the second and pregnancy announcement is the first huge milestone of a new family. She stole y’all spotlight. A precious memory destroyed out of rudeness and what seems to be spite and jealousy.
Congratulations on the bun by the way. I hope y’all make many great memories together.
Gaia protect and bless your wife on her journey to motherhood and you on your journey to fatherhood.
Updateme
NTA but since they already hate you they’ll probably spin this in such a horrible way even though SIL was being a classless bitter wench by talking about your fucking genital piercing. I would sit down with your wife and discuss putting some distance between you two and her family if that’s the sort of treatment you two are going to get.
Does your wife not see how you are treated, especially by the sister? It’s your wife’s job to handle her family and she isn’t doing that great of a job. Also – she should NOT be sharing private things about you (PA piercing) and certainly not with her sister.
Have a sit down with your wife and come up with a strategy to deal with family in the future. You need to be a united front – anticipate problems and mutually agree on how they will be handled. (Been married for over 20 years and we had to do this several times!)
Why does your wife feel the need to tell her about such personal details!? Like tf also the sister is psycho and i wish you would’ve held it together a bit better
Ish…. control your temper, that will be a huge red flag for everyone.
The real problem is your wife, she should have spoken up. Also if she is sharing personal things about your marriage, that needs reigning in. Yesterday. She is not respecting the sanctity of your marriage.
Also, you could learn to stop oversharing as well- here on Reddit. I sure as hell don’t mind sharing, but I don’t want to know a blasted thing about your privates.
I understand the need to protect your wife, but your comment didn’t help her in the moment. If your sil wants to embarrass herself, let her.
I wouldn’t call you an AH, but it would have been better to confront her after the announcement had passed. Give your wife some hugs and cuddles
NTA keep standing up for your wife and protect her peace!!!
NTA, Some people can’t or won’t read the room. Those kinds of people need very direct discourse and you delivered admirably.
Your wife knows exactly the kind of woman her sister is, but a nice romantic dinner and then pamper her with a foot and back massage might be nice.
And congratulations!!!
ESH. she was absolutely over the line, but you escalated because of your own fragile ego. this was a big moment for your wife and even though you didnt start the fire, you threw fuel on it in front of your wifes whole family
Congratulations!! How exciting that y’all are getting to welcome a new member to your family.
NTA.
YOU didn’t make a huge deal at your wife’s pregnancy announcement. Her sister acted incredibly inappropriately and tried to degrade you in front of others. When she couldn’t get the reaction, she essentially slut shamed your wife for sleeping with you (which is wild) instead of celebrating the newest member of her extended family. She deserved the shut the fuck up. It was honestly mild in comparison.
NTA. I’d have shut her down a whole lot sooner. You did good, IMO, to keep your cool as long as you did.
Definitely time for a deep discussion with your wife on how to handle such issues moving forward. I suspect she’s more upset with her family than with you. Your SIL seriously sux!
YTA. You screamed at his sister…in front of the entire family after revealing a pregnancy…Lord, her family’s gonna want her to be a single mom.
NTA — but you’ve got a kid on the way, so maybe start trying to respond with less reactive cussing.
Instead of “shut the fuck up” and letting her get to you, maybe go for “that is an inappropriate thing to say in response to our good news that we wanted to share the joy of” or… whatever.
But don’t keep letting her get to you. If you can give a calm and measured response that calls her out, you can do it earlier too. Like when she’s going on about your Prince Albert.
NTA but you and your wife definitely need to talk. If she’s used to her sister she might not have realized how bad it made you feel. You don’t want to feel disrespected constantly or be fighting or upset every time you see them. It could seriously impact your marriage. Hopefully you all can figure out how to support each other.
NTA. I don’t think you ruined it, your SIL did.
ESH. Sister was being overbearingly malicious. Wife should have pulled her sister aside and made her knock it off. You should hold your temper better, especially if you have any intention of being a decent father.
You don’t have to ignore things like what her sister did, don’t get me wrong. Losing your temper makes you look like you have no self-control and are easily manipulated. Try something along the lines of using a calm speaking voice, non-threatening but confident and commanding body language, and saying something like, “For someone who puts of an air of caring about appearances, you certainly know how to make an entire room trashy.” Then shut up. Say nothing. Do nothing. Respond to nothing that comes out of anyone’s mouth about what you said no matter how hard they try to get you to escalate. When they finally snap (and they will because you just undermined the fuck out of the authoritythey think they have over you and publiclymade them look like a nutjob), slightly gesture in their direction while making eye contact with everyone else in the room and say, “See?” Then go right back to cutting your steak or whatever you were doing as if the person no longer exists.
This is how you gain the respect of everyone else in the room while diminishing the respect they had for her while making her the crazy one who makes people uncomfortable. You become the chill dude that people love over time.
She’s probably upset her sister ruined the announcement. NTA. On the flip side my mother told my husband on our wedding day in front of others that in 9 months she’ll have her first grandchild. Well 8 months after the wedding my daughter was born a month early. So she’s my honeymoon baby.
You don’t have a sister in-law problem. You have a wife problem. She should have shut that shit down, both at the party and anytime her sister treated you like that.
“You will not disrespect my husband.” would have been very appropriate from her.
I don’t understand why no one is mentioning that he has a wife problem since she didn’t shutdown her sister in the beginning? Is there a missing spine there?
Also wife is being indiscreet talking about your sex life. How would she feel if you told your relatives about her private parts?
ESH
“our pregnancy” nope, unless you have the uterus, your wife is pregnant, it isn’t a joint effort.
“made really extra good sure to take out” what does that even mean? I have facial piercings, I just take them the fuck out if needed, four extra words not needed.
Your wife sucks for telling her sister about your dick piercing, unless you gave her explicit permission to do so.
You suck for not controlling your temper when your SIL slut shamed your wife, and obviously she’s an asshole for slut shaming.
Everyone here sounds fucking exhausting, I don’t miss my early twenties.
NTA, but… you’re married with a kid on the way. Grow up. Get it together. Talking and writing like a 17 year old punk isn’t cool. My dude, you’re about to become a father. Are you mature enough for it? Because maybe you are, but your tone really makes you sound like a young kid.
Your wife’s sister is a major AH. You should have told her to stop being inappropriate as soon as she started. But STFU was good enough.
>“you couldn’t keep your legs closed for a few minutes after the wedding,” or something close to that.
“Are you familiar with what happens on a honeymoon?
Isn’t that part of the honeymoon? Spreading the legs? Why is this a bad thing?
You should have told the b&$(h to shut the fuck up after the first round of slurs. NTAH
NTA but you should have calmly put her in check sooner – when you wait too long it always festers and blows up on you. Also, not sure why your wife isn’t stepping in to defend and support you.
NTA wife is probably tired of her sister ruining things and being generally awful. I wouldn’t have said Shut the f up because that just escalated the episode.
Try coming up with calmer responses but look her dead in the eyes. Say her name first and then say something like “Do you enjoy being mean to your sister and being so crass?” And look at her like she’s a science project.
If she says, Yes, say something like, “That’s a real shame that you won’t be visiting your niece or nephew because nobody talks badly about my wife in my home and especially with children present. She really could’ve used a loving sister”. And then turn to your wife and say gently, ‘Whenever you want me to take you home I’m ready. I’ve had enough. How about you?”
And where are MIL AND FIL while one daughter is being crass and rude to the other. You could calmly say, ‘I bet your parents raised you better than to speak that way about your sister.”
I would tell your wife what you want kept private and what she can share . Sharing your personal information is not appropriate even to a family member or best friend.
Info – Was the party specifically planned for the pregnancy announcement, or did your wife decide to announce at a party held for another purpose?
NTA. You handled it better than I would’ve. There’s never a good reason to be disrespected. Because of your wife, you bite your tongue. Because of your wife, you no longer could. The sister had it out for you and your wife for some reason. That should never be tolerated. It may be hard for your wife to see what a biotch her sister is. Personally I think defending your wife and future child from any harassment is sexy.
NTA, it you need better comebacks. Figure out SIL’s sore spot, and get ready to poke in a joking manner of course.
NTA a well deserved stfu
Did you guys even clear that someone else’s party was OK to turn into a pregnancy announcement?
I don’t you all sound Immature. 🤷♀️
What? Like you weren’t supposed to have fun in your wedding night? NTA
Your wife’s family are assholes
Nta
NTA. I can sympathize and empathize with both of you. I have an older sister who behaves exactly like this every time we’re together. I understand that it stems from sibling rivalry and extreme jealousy but it also doesn’t make it easy to deal with. There’s a fine line between blowing it off and justifiably blowing up.
SIL was being an antagonizer and malicious snob all evening. She was pushing and pushing until you got to the point where you snap. Then I’m sure she blames you for being rude to her. This is a classic emotional case abuse tactic.
Your wife is stuck in the middle between you and her family. She wanted to enjoy her evening and her celebration but her sister not only was harassing you and humiliating you all evening; she also openly humiliated her as well with the rude, tactless and offensive comment about her not keeping her legs closed. I am sure that she was upset and hurt by her sister and then when you finally got to the point where you snapped she was even more upset because you were angry and upset and she didn’t want that for you or for herself or your parents who all suffered from embarrassment. And she didn’t want her happy moment ruined and it was.
It doesn’t sound like she blamed you. But it does sound like maybe she is disappointed that you reached your snapping point and ended up reacting negatively in retaliation to her sister’s nasty behavior. I think she is feeling exactly what she should be feeling right now.
She needs to set ground rules and hard boundaries with her sister. And quite frankly, so do you. When your SIL starts to behave like that, you and your wife need to be a united front who tells her that she is being inappropriate and that it’s not going to be tolerated.
I don’t know why you included all that information about your hair or whatever, but yes it’s generally considered an asshole thing to do to slut shame a woman over the date she got pregnant on
YTA You need to find a better way to communicate/deal with your wife’s sister.
NTA. I agree with few, there’s a time and a place to act that way and that wasn’t it. I understand how horrible that must have been for you and your wife but adding fuel to the fire never cools things off. Still probably needed for the sister though. I think the major thing you should be worrying about right now is how your wife feels. She was probably sad because she knows how her family feels about you but can’t find the strength to outright go against her family. Everyone handles this differently so what you should do is ask her what SHE wants. Your job now as a husband and a soon to be father (congrats btw) is to make their lives as easy as possible understand your wife’s feelings and perspectives in this situation, but also share your own. BUT DO NOT LET YOUR OPINIONS HIJACK HER CONVERSATION / FEELINGS. You showed up for her and that’s great continue doing so and I’m sure you will both have a happy life together.
NTA.
But why isn’t your wife sticking up for you? I get that it’s her family but damn. How you tell it it seems they always wail on you and she allows it.
NTA but you also have a wife problem. The things her sister was making fun of were private details that should never have been shared without your permission. You need to have a long talk with your wife why she thinks it’s ok to tell her family private details. Her sister is jealous and it shows but her ammo comes from your wife and you need to deal with that first.
INFO: when exactly was the wedding? A lot of people don’t know how pregnancy dating actually works.
NTA does your SIL have a husband + kids? My spidey senses are telling me your SIL might be jealous or feel like her little sister is doing all the life things before her.