Okay, I’m not even sure I care if I’m the asshole. I mostly just need to vent and maybe get some advice because this is driving me crazy.
My husband is 32 years old, a grown adult, and for some reason his mom and now his grandpa think it’s okay to call his workplace to “check on him.” Not just once. Multiple times. We are no contact with them for a reason. We’ve made that boundary really clear. But they keep finding ways to insert themselves into his life, and now it’s affecting his job and how people see him at work.
He’s embarrassed, I’m furious,my husband has been working on getting promoted and this just doesn’t look good. He’s a capable man, he doesn’t need to be checked on like a child. I’ve told him he needs to let HR know and he’s planning to, but part of me feels like this shouldn’t even be something we have to deal with at all.
Why does she call? Because we are no contact with her and she thinks that’s the only way to get him on the phone. This is the 3rd time, first time she had her dad call my husbands work .
She has disrespected ever boundary even ones I didn’t know to set every single day that I’ve known her since I was 15years old. I have the MONSTER of all MILS!
And here’s the thing that might make me the asshole. This kind of boundary stomping is half the reason I fantasize about just packing up and moving far away. Like if we lived in another state or something, maybe they’d finally back off. I know geography doesn’t fix everything but the constant interference makes me feel trapped.
So AITAH?
Comments
Do you realize how phones work? Like you could move 100 miles away or 10,000 miles away and they can still call.
See if you can get a restraining order for harassment.
How would moving away stop her from calling?
Is your husband’s workplace actually giving out information on him? That’s not okay. If they stop giving out info the crazy people will hopefully stop calling.
Your husband needs to make talking to his manager and HR a priority.
Then look into getting a restraining order. What they are doing is harassment.
This is absolutely harassment. I get the urge to just run away from it all but they can still call his work from another state. He needs to get HR involved like yesterday and you guys should probably talk to a lawyer about a cease and desist. That’s the only language people like this understand.
Moving isn’t going to solve the issue. Phones still work. I would highly suggest contacting a lawyer.
NTA, but moving won’t work, if she can find out where he works. he just has to tell his work that he won’t take calls from anyone at work. husband has to stand up for himself, and shut them down.
NTA. Moving won’t help. You need to file for a restraining order. This is nuts. They are only doing this to irritate you and wear you down so you will not be NC anymore.
Meanwhile, hopefully, your husband’s company can change his phone number and make his old number defunct. These people are interfering with the business day.
NTA but like others have said, moving won’t stop them calling. I think a lawyer is a good idea to see what your husband’s options are to stop this.
NTA – I get the urge to move. But he will always be a phone call away. He needs to speak to HR to find out how to block them from calling. Also, if he has an assistant or someone who answers his phone, they can just take a message and call it done. Personally, I think he should just let their numbers go to voicemail and never return the call. If they show up, they need to be barred from entry or the police should be called for stalking and harassment. A restraining order is also a good option.
Look into harassment charges.
Moving away will definitely help if you are planning to start a family. They will certainly ramp up the attempts to force contact then. NTA
Once a week or monthly call, text, or send snail mail a short note saying “I am okay you don’t need to call my office.”
NTA. Contact a lawyer, get husband to have a serious talk with HR and file a harassment claim. Perhaps you can get a restraining order to also block their unwanted phone calls. Moving won’t solve anything if his parents can just google his new workplace and start this shit again.
Some companies offer legal help as a work benefit. Husband needs to talk to HR, tell them that mother is crazy and cannot be allowed to call or enter workplace. If legal help is available, use it to send the ‘go away’ letter. And he needs to have a big loud yelling session with his mother and tell her she is why he doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. Leave you out of it. Not that police will really help you, but it’s something. Change your phone numbers, do not share anywhere.
Why doesn’t he get a restraining order?
Restraining order. They are harassing him at his job.
You can also tell them that he got a new job, but they probably won’t believe you.
NTA, but your husband needs to speak to HR immediately so that his family will not negatively affect his job. He also should document every time they call his job, him, it anyone associated with him, and file charges for harassment. Hopefully, he can get a restraining order.
He should not have to deal with this and neither should you.