My baby just turned 6 months old and it’s time to introduce him to solid foods. I have been reading and educating myself a lot and decided to go with BLW (baby-led-weaning).
That said, up until today, I have only given him a banana to see how he would react to it. I recorded it as any good parent would when their babies eat their very first food and sent it to all grandparents — they all loved it, but MIL decided to say: “wow, he already looks sugar addicted!”.
Now, is worth mentioning she is very specific about her diet — she it’s gluten free (by choice), it’s afraid of vegetables and fruits, told me once she “doesn’t believe in fiber”, and so on. She tends to believe lots of pseudoscience stuff and believes all this instagram fear based content. She is antivax, said previously that she doesn’t like when babies go to the doctor and she believes babies should not ever go to the doctor. I think you can get the full picture.
It’s safe do say that I lost all trust in her and baby will never be left alone with her (she also has a walker in her basement to which I already told her baby wouldn’t use, but she insisted on keeping it).
Anyway.
I still send her pictures and videos of baby and sometimes have her come to my house to spend some assisted time with baby, she is his grandma after all. The last time she was here though, she kept saying how baby was ready to eat because he already has his two bottom teeth and it’s ready to have lamb. Whenever she mentions that baby should eat something, it’s ALWAYS some meat, and she didn’t like when I gave him the banana. She also keeps sending instagram videos of this woman who feeds her babies a “meat-based” diet. She keeps saying babies need fat like is ALL he needs. She also thinks breast milk is 90% FAT. I told her it isn’t and it’s actually mostly water and she DOESNT BELIEVE ME lol! Guys. No. I told her that babies need variety, but yeah I’ll definitely will also give him lots of protein.
I always ignore her comments to the best of my ability, I don’t want to cause any trouble ever but this is starting to get annoying.I want my baby to have a healthy relationship with food growing up and I don’t want this kind of “bad food” talk around him.
Obviously is my child and at the end of the day is my call, but those comments really takes all the joy out of my time with her. She means well and loves baby dearly so I don’t want to sound like condescending.There are multiple other things as well but I’ll keep it on this specific topic.
Do I just keep ignoring her? Do I make it clear that we will keep an optimistic view about food?
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Ignore her and don’t allow her to babysit. If she persists then perhaps you should tell her that you are following your pediatricians advise and not some crackpot, unhealthy advice. Babies need all sorts of foods, vitamins and minerals to grow a healthy mind and body.
As grandparents, it is sometimes hard to realize that child you love so dearly is not your own. I personally don’t give advice unless asked.
I think you and your husband need to make it clear that you don’t want her opinion. Also don’t have her over unless your husband is there so you both can deal with her.
Time outs might be effective here. Give one warning and then end the visit/hang up the phone, whatever the situation is, whenever she gives her opinion.
If it continues, one week no call or visit, then 2, then 3, etc. Escalate each occurrence.
“We won’t be doing that” is a good sentence, so is “this is our/my decision”, and “your opinion isn’t needed or wanted here” if you need a harsher one.
Being nice is allowing her to act this way. You’ll need to be a little “mean” to get her to stop.
You know that scene from Blazing Saddles? “…they’re people of the earth. You know. Morons.”
She is likely going to stay just as ignorant no matter what you do. If you can find ways to avoid or change the subject, do it. If she gets repetitive, tell her you heard it the first time, thanks.
Do you trust that she will follow your rules enough to trust alone with your kid?
How is the convo between your spouse and her going? It is your spouse’s responsibility to deal with their mom.
Nobody should be meat based only.
“Why are you food shaming my baby over a piece of fruit?”
What’s wrong with that generation??? Seriously they refuse to evolve, learn and understand is not their call anymore!
Keep your boundaries very clear with her.
What a dangerous idiot. You’re doing GREAT 😊
Has she ever tasted breast milk? It’s full of sugar lol very sweet. That sounds very annoying I would just keep saying “thanks but I’ll listen to my doctor and all the other parents who feed their babies a variety of foods”
I don’t think anything you say is going to change her mind. Work on your own boundaries, ignore her opinions, and for the love of your child, please don’t let your MIL babysit.
Oh honey she’s crackers. Like doesn’t believe in fibre?! She must have hellacious bowel movements.
She thinks a baby is sugar addicted because sure they like banana. It’s not a fucking can of coke. It’s a goddamn banana, the mildest fruit to give a child. It can be squashed and mashed etc. it’s an obvious choice to me. The other part of this is the whole “meat based” diet that’s throwing me off a bit. Does she mean babies need to eat meat constantly? That sounds bizarre.
As an anecdote, my friend is vegan and just had her first child. I met him the other day and he’s the chunkiest pudding I’ve ever seen. He eats pasta tubes like a champ, chomps cucumber but is mostly breastfed. He’s likely going to raised vegan, and so far has been just because of his diet mostly being breast milk.
So I don’t think “meat based” is necessary, or remotely normal. It’s not just meat that provides fat to a child. And I feel like lamb of all things wouldn’t be easy for a child to eat. It’s chewy and has a distinct taste. People usually try chicken at first if anything.
I think she’s a dumbass. That’s my two cents
Wow this hit a nerve for me. My baby’s first bite of food was yogurt and similarly to you I sent a picture out to everyone. My MIL responded asking if it was sugar-free. Like what??? Who even thinks to ask that?
I was already low contact with her but still trying to be inclusive. That plus another food related incident caused me to be VLC with her.
There’s no sense in trying to educate someone who chooses to be dumb. She’s willfully ignorant. Choose a blanket statement like “we will be feeding baby a variety of foods” and repeat it when she says something stupid. If she doesn’t take the hint maybe she needs to be around less.
She brigs up her quackery, you end the discussion/visit. “MIL we will only be taking dietary advice from trained medical professionals.”
grey rocking her is the only solution. also put her on an information diet. just don’t engage.
Is she one of those that thinks breastfeeding will make him gay? Gotta fight that with MEAT! To be manly!
Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
Ex midwife here. Your MIL is a fruitcake. Tell her VERY FIRMLY that you will not be taking any advice from her, but from your paediatrician and health nurse. Eating mainly meat can lead to colon cancer. A banana is the perfect first food. Breast milk is perfect for your little one. Whatever she believes is crap. I can tell you that when my daughter has children I will be doing a “grandma course”. Things have changed so much since I was a midwife and a young mum. All the very best for the future. Sending hugs.
1st time: “We’re following our paediatrician’s advice. Thank you!”
2nd time: “We’re following our paediatrician’s
Advice”
3rd time: crickets
You’re going to need to put down a boundary and be prepared to follow up with a consequence. The boundary is that you’re not willing to have her talk about “healthy food” or diets around your child. Otherwise your kid will absolutely pick some of this up once he’s a toddler.
If you want, you can tell her that she can say it on the phone or when baby is not around, but absolutely never in front of your child.
MIL – you are welcome to feed YOUR baby however you like, and we’ll do the same with ours.
Just going to throw this out there, I have been on a plant based diet since my teens. I am 54 and on no meds unlike my younger meat eating siblings. My BP is usually between 95 to 110 over 65 to 78 and I smoke.
Pretty certain for my body eating fruits and vegetables is spot on.
State your boundaries clearly about the food. Clearly state if she does not comply there will be strict consequences.
I lost it at “afraid of fruits and vegetables”…… that is like I thought the one thing we can agree on is good for people….. she’s a loon! Sorry
Thanks for the tip as always grandma!
“Of course he’s addicted to sugar, breast milk is so sweet and full of healthy carbs and sugars!”
You have to take a firm stance against all her ‘well meaming’ and trying to rule how you live with your little one. If you don’t do it now it will only get worse, she will try to infect your child with her ideas. Never ever let her be alone with your child!
I’m sorry I read nowhere about your husband – what does he do against these idiocies of his mom?
Ah yes, all those free range, wild, 6 month old babies, hunting on their own for a meat based diet.
Your MIL needs to stop watching social media trash. You should stick to whatever your doctor recomends, like you are doing.
Your child your rules. Have you OH ask her to stop this sort of talk.
Your child’s father needs to effing draw the line with his mother
Yeah, I wouldn’t ever leave her alone with your child— I have antivaxx QAnon family members and they aren’t trustworthy with children. My pseudoscience sister got everyone around her sick with listeria a few months ago, doing the whole raw milk, undercooked food thing.
There was another post just the other day of a grandma who kept slipping deadly allergen laden cookies to her grand baby whenever mom left the room for a moment. Nearly killed her own grandbaby because bitch thought that mom was over exaggerating the cups child’s severe allergies.
Is your MIL obsessed with your son eating meat because of some weird ‘boys gotta grow up big and manly’ BS?? My own family is all about gross shit like that.
Ask your pediatrician for a handout with recs for a balanced diet for this stage. Put MIL on an info diet. Don’t speak/text with her about baby’s diet or MIL’s disordered eating misinfo. Just politely state you’re following the science guidelines from your baby’s doctor and from the pediatric academy.
Where is your husband when she’s spewing these ridiculous things, and why hasn’t he told her to cut it out? Lamb?! Lamb is not suitable for a 6 month old baby.
I would tell her that you respect her personal food choices, and that she needs to respect your diet choices for your family. Hopefully, this will make her drop it.
Nip it now. Tell her you have made your decisions and she needs to stop. She can come play and love the little one. If she pushes it by trying to talk to you or make comments to or in front of little one. Cut her off and tell her she’ll have to leave. You can try again another day.
My friends in-laws are similar. It was always brushed off as harmless. As the kids got to teen years one of them really got sucked in. Especially to the ‘everything is someone else’s fault’. And they definitely have some specific ideas who. It’s hard to watch.
Grey rocking and just not talking about food is probably the right way to go about this, but I’m snarky and would probably get her going with like “Okay Mil every time you try to convince use to be werewolves we’re having a plant based day. Oh? See, you’re doing it again now we’re up to two plant based days. Keep going and this will be a vegan household all week!”
This is actually something that would be easier to say something about rather than keep ignoring.
How people talked about food and diet back in the day was so completely awful that there is no possibility of a healthy relationship with food to such an extent they can’t even see it.
I had an old boss who was on a diet where you had to weigh and record everything going in and out 🤢
‘I appreciate you are concerned, but nothing about what baby eats is up for discussion. We have done our research and we are confident this is the right choice for us. And as the parents, we are the only people who get to decide. Please do not comment on what baby is eating.’
And then when it happens, do not let it pass without comment:
‘no thank you, please do not comment on what baby is eating.’
‘We have told you this already, we are not interested in comments on what baby is eating. Please stop.’
‘You already know this: you do not get a say in baby’s diet, please stop commenting on it.’
One day, when kiddo is old enough to hear and understand what adults are saying, you will grateful that you nipped this in the bud now.
https://www.reddit.com/r/MaintenancePhase/comments/1cnlidd/paul_saladino_the_carnivore_md_who_has/
The “Liver King” dude who kind of started the whole Meat Based Diet thing has gone back on his “findings” and is now grifting for the fruit and vegetable farmers. Magical, one-food-group diets are one of the oldest, make people sick ways grifters have been scamming folks for years and years.
Your MIL’s lightbulb is definitely on the dim setting. She doesn’t care about your child, just that she can control you. I’m 50 and my grandmother is 95 and she’s STILL on about Fat and how dangerous it is to eat it. And sugar. Everything is ‘too swet’ (she’s Polish, so read that with an accent). My mom has watched grandma pick every bit of ground beef out of her spaghetti and meat sauce and then complain about how the nursing home staff doesn’t put any meat in the meat sauce (I think she thinks it’s all fat).
On the other hand, that little bit of chunkiness that grandma has always had is probably what has kept her around for so long – she fell and broke her collarbone a few years ago, has had breast cancer and skin cancer and just got a pacemaker. If she was super thin…those people don’t always hold up that well with balance issues and weak muscles.
The more you share with her, the more she will see it as an invitation to criticize. If you want to minimize it, put her on an information diet
Tell her you will no longer have conversations about food with her. When she brings it up again, say some version of, “As I mentioned, we won’t be discussing food, so I will stop sending food-related videos until you can respect that.” The second part is the most important — the boundary is in the follow through.
She being annoying right now, but as someone who has struggled with disordered eating, these are exactly the kind of comments that plant in your head when you are young. I think a lot of people think as long as you aren’t saying “you’re fat” or “you need to lose weight” that you’re in the clear. I, to this day as an adult, have an aversion to anything sweet because my very well-intended family would say comments like this. It is so deeply buried in my psyche that years of therapy is just making a dent.
Good luck dealing with her! She sounds like a lot…
“Thanks for your input. We’re following our pediatrician’s advice about introducing solids. LO will try meat when it’s time to introduce it.”
If she’s antivax too this is never going to stop it’s only going to get worse. You need to let her know that while you appreciate her insights the ultimate decision lies with the baby’s parents regardless of what she personally thinks is right. And repeating the advice does not make you more likely to follow it.
Do this now or when it’s time to get that baby vaxed she will probably become even more extreme and insert herself to a possibly dangerous extent.
Does your MIL have problems with pooping? Because with a diet like that, I can’t see how she wouldn’t… why on earth would you do that to your son?! She’s a loon.
Ignore her or tell her that you’re following the advice of experts on the subject. Whatever you do don’t leave her unsupervised with the kid and a plate of food because she will try to feed them what she thinks is best just to prove that the baby can handle it, and if the baby gets sick she will blame whatever they ate before her.
I think she’s just being cranky because she’s constipated.
If she is anti vax, I wouldn’t allow her around the baby until the baby is protected. So thats an easy fix.
As for the food comments. I would say, ‘ I have zero idea why you are making negative comments about baby’s diet. Since you cant keep your eating disorder to yourself I will not be sending you any photos.’
If it’s bothering you, tell her! You have to communicate your feelings in a healthy way, and is she doesn’t take it week, that’s on her, not you. Tell her that you understand that she has nothing but good intentions, but you’re going to raise your baby how you see fit, and if you ever want advice, you’ll ask her for it.
That child will grow up and understand what she’s saying. This is how people get eating disorders.
Please protect your child and find your voice now. Tell her to stop. Rock the boat!
If she “takes all the joy out”, she needs to be confronted. Maybe you let her know this: “when you bring this up and create conflicts on how to raise our baby, you take all the joy out of seeing you. We would like the time we spend with you to be joyful”
If she’s told about her behavior and keeps going, you bring up consequences. No more pictures of videos if they lead to conflict anyway. Fewer visits or grandmother being put in timeout if she cannot listen to your request.
If she takes all the joy out of it, you’re not losing much by confronting her. You also need to set an example for the future: if your kids sees Grandma get away with this type of behavior, it’ll become a bad influence. No one wants their kid to become a person who sucks all the joy out of fun moments in life. For best and for worst, kids learn a lot just by watching.
Your MIL is a dangerous idiot. To protect your family, you should ignore her advice and never leave her alone with your child. Infants and toddlers can easily, easily choke on a piece of meat. Whether you confront her or not, conspiracy theorists have personalities that utterly resist correction or change.
Lamb?? You might as well feed a baby small rubber balls.
> she believes babies should not ever go to the doctor.
That’s it, I’m done with her.
You could try saying “why, you’re absolutely right” and keep doing what you’re doing. Simply agree with her (verbally) to sideline the contention, and carry on.