Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 5 months now and we live thousands of miles away from each other, so we’re very fortunate enough to have FaceTime to stay connected. And I love talking to her, it’s genuinely my favorite thing, however sometimes in life of course things happen and you can’t always talk. And she doesn’t like this. For example I work an overnight job and when I get home I’m very tired because I go to sleep very late, because if I went to sleep any earlier she would get mad at me, and when I get home and I’m tired I can’t take a nap, even if I suggest just resting for an hour she just starts completely changes her mood. Or like last week I was on a family vacation and was doing stuff all week, I still made sure to have time to call and talk with her, but I guess it wasn’t enough because she just got mad at me because it wasn’t enough. There’s many more examples of stuff like this, but thing is too, whenever something happens in her life and she can’t be on the phone, it’s completely okay, I obviously don’t get mad at her like that I understand that things happen and you can’t just live on call 24/7. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m avoiding stuff I like doing just to avoid arguments and I know that she loves me and she loves talking to me but I just don’t know what to do?
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it sounds like she just wants control or she needs someone she can constantly talk to. if you haven’t already you should try talking to her about how you feel.
You have to be real with her. Part of an adult relationship is balancing your life. That means you will have work, you will have times you have to sleep, you have times you will be busy. If she respects your time and well being she will be happy to accommodate for that.
Further, there is now a really nasty double standard, where she is expecting it is okay for her to live by standards different to yours. Where if she is busy or wants to go offline if you returned the frustration she did she’d get defensive and upset, right?
And while I call it an adult relationship, maybe she isn’t mature enough for one. More realistically though I suspect it is just that she is anxious, clingy, and she allows that to overpower her. She wants your attention on her terms even if it is unfair or unhealthy. And that has become outright toxic because now you are scared to do the things you want and need to do, you are avoiding normal activities to avoid that tension. She might not realise she is doing it, it might not be ‘that bad’ yet, but this is how people become abusers, they get too comfortable using their temper and emotions and the fear they inspire in people to get their way. You say she loves you but that doesn’t mean she treats you well, because right now she definitely doesn’t.
Disappointed is one thing but if she’s genuinely angry then that’s a problem. The best thing you can do is have open communication and talk to her about it. Your relationship is still fairly new, and you have lots to learn about each other. This is just an opportunity for growth and to get on the same page.
i had the same problem with my girlfriend at your age. communication is key ! also you have your own life and aren’t supposed to be available 24/7 for someone, it’s draining. i did it and i completely forgot who i was. she clearly has confidence issues, because she wants attention, she needs to work on that. you can help her but if things don’t change let het go. it will help her and you.
She is 18 years old. It is very likely that this is her first romantic relationship. Add in the fact that it’s a very LONG DISTANCE relationship. Like of course she is going to be needy and seeking attention constantly. She is also incredibly hormonal at that age still, so insecurities get magnified. The reality is she is still developing, and has much to learn as an adult let alone dealing with a relationship.
She will have it in her head that you should be the centre of her world. But in reality it’s impossible for you to be like that all the time when you have work and other commitments. At the end of the day you either have to put up with her during this adolescent transition stage, and try and communicate why you can’t be there 24/7 and explain the reasons why. Or break up with her.