I’m 22F living in a shared flat with three other people and overall it’s chill but one of the guys keeps coming into my room without knocking. It started off small like asking if I had seen his charger or something but it kept happening. Sometimes I’d be lying in bed or literally getting dressed and he’d just walk in mid-sentence like it’s normal
I told him nicely more than once that I’m not okay with it and to please knock but he’d just laugh and say I’m being dramatic or that we’re all friends so it shouldn’t matter. It made me uncomfortable and honestly I started feeling anxious even being in my own room
So I bought a simple door lock and installed it last week. Since then he’s been acting passive aggressive and making comments like I’m creating bad energy or that I’m being uptight. One of the other flatmates even joked that I think I’m too good for everyone now
I still hang out with them in the kitchen and talk like normal but now I’m getting side-eyed just for wanting a little privacy. I didn’t do it to be rude I just don’t want people walking in on me without warning
AITA ?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
I’m 22F living in a shared flat with three other people and overall it’s chill but one of the guys keeps coming into my room without knocking. It started off small like asking if I had seen his charger or something but it kept happening. Sometimes I’d be lying in bed or literally getting dressed and he’d just walk in mid-sentence like it’s normal
I told him nicely more than once that I’m not okay with it and to please knock but he’d just laugh and say I’m being dramatic or that we’re all friends so it shouldn’t matter. It made me uncomfortable and honestly I started feeling anxious even being in my own room
So I bought a simple door lock and installed it last week. Since then he’s been acting passive aggressive and making comments like I’m creating bad energy or that I’m being uptight. One of the other flatmates even joked that I think I’m too good for everyone now
I still hang out with them in the kitchen and talk like normal but now I’m getting side-eyed just for wanting a little privacy. I didn’t do it to be rude I just don’t want people walking in on me without warning
AITA ?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I installed a lock on my bedroom door after repeatedly asking my flatmate to stop walking in without knocking. He’s been cold with me since and making comments about how I’m creating distance. I might be the asshole because I didn’t warn him I was adding the lock and maybe I overreacted instead of having one final conversation. But I felt uncomfortable and just wanted privacy in my own space.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA – your flatmates are absolutely not respecting your boundaries
NTA. If he had just a little basic courtesy, the lock wouldn’t be necessary. You asked him multiple times to stop, and he refused. You were really only left with 2 choices at that point: have a big fight about his boundary stomping in the hopes he’d finally listen, or quietly prevent him from boundary stomping. It’s ridiculous that you’re being treated like you are the problem. He kept violating your privacy despite you telling him not to.
NTA
He’s a creep and he got called out on it and now he’s being defensive about it. And the other flatmates are just adding onto it. If it was a common room or a computer room that everyone has access to, that’s one thing. But this is your bedroom. No one should have access to it unless you want them to, and a lock just keeps you safe.
You asked him, he didn’t take you seriously, so you took the next logical step and bought a lock.
Also, is the other flatmate who joked about you being too good a male?
Just terrible behavior from them.
Nta
Asking for a completely normal boundary and being ignored is one thing but someone else being buthurt when the consequences of their actions are not being able to open a door that isn’t theirs is not your problem.
NTA. He’s the aggressor and now he’s making you out to be the problem, for not being cool with his aggression.
He’s only upset because he cannot behave badly any longer.
When someone jokes that you think you’re too good for them, just say “yeah too good to allow someone to barge into my room, boo hoo”
Nta
NTA. This guy is being creepy and testing your boundaries.
NTA
You are 100% in the right to get a lock and use it. Clearly your roommate doesn’t care about a simple boundary you set.
NTA
Good on you for drawing a boundary, explaining the boundary and then enforcing the boundary. Whilst it may not be the case here, some men will purposefully ignore boundaries and gaslight you to think your boundary is weird to enable them to force the boundary back closer and closer to your personal intimate space.
You are 100% justified. Maintain your boundaries and be proud of yourself for doing so.
NTA – I’d be wary of living with anyone who thinks you are being “uptight” for wanting to feel safe in your own room, or thinking that you deserve privacy.
Also, assuming it is bolt on the inside which would be easiest to install – how would they even know you put it on unless they have been in your room/tried to enter.
Yeah, these people don’t respect you at all.
NTA dude You’ve asked your flatmate to knock and they still just barge in Locking your door is totally reasonable Personal space is important and you shouldn’t feel guilty for setting boundaries.
Not even close to being the AH … people need to respect private spaces.
NTA – does the bathroom/toilet have a lock?
If you wanted to be petty you could walk in when the grief-giving/enabling other flatmate/s are in there and use the same “uptight” lines on them when they’re annoyed.
NOPE ABSOLUTELY NOT! Everyone is entitled to their privacy. Flatshares and flatmates are cool till something goes south! You explained to the guy ‘look don’t do this because I don’t like it’ and it’s your room! Irrelevant of how the other flatmates see you because of his passive aggressive ways; you deserve the privacy of your own room. STICK TO YOUR Boundaries. Would the rest of them be ‘cool’ if you were to just walk in when they’re mid-dressing or doing something else that needs privacy? I bet not! If this flatmate wants to be ‘awkward’ about it all then that is his problem ‘not yours’. I myself have lived with that problem and ‘enough was enough’ I said it quite clearly and that lock stayed in place! ! !