First and foremost I LOVE my boyfriend of 6 months and he loves me, and I am in no way trying to dispute that. We have also been pretty adamant about commitment in this relationship, talking about our plans for the future and getting married. And we genuinely love each other no less than we did initially. I just feel the need to get out what I’ve been feeling recently. And I need to figure out whether I should say something to him about it.
I would consider myself a fairly complicated person with a lot of thoughts, and while I enjoy using different mediums to express this, I also enjoy talking about them, and often need someone to talk to. Whenever I talk about these specific interests, however, or my past/present mental states, or thoughts about life, he doesn’t seem very interested, or just seems to not grasp what I’m talking about. This isn’t his fault, and he doesn’t act irritated about it, but sometimes I can tell he might be disinterested so I just stop talking about it. Often times he will redirect the conversation to saying “I love you by the way” and stuff like that which I will always appreciate because I love him and I love to tell him that, but nevertheless maybe I just wish he would be more interested in participating in the types of conversations that I need. Maybe I’m trying to satisfy a need for emotional intimacy or maybe I’m just expecting too much lol.
This also surprises me because a lot of his friend have mental issues that they talk to him about, or seem to confide in him about life so I don’t think he lacks the ability to understand certain topics. It’s hard to tell because he rarely talks about himself, but he has hinted at having similar issues himself, which I would happily talk about, but again, the conversation never seems to interest him.
When I try to make it clear that I’m not the completely naive person I may seem to present myself as (sometimes I wonder if he just hadn’t yet grasped my capability to understand HIM and maybe that’s why he seems closed off) I even feel like my attempt to communicate certain thoughts / feelings seem like an unheard cry for help like “ HEY IM COMPLICATED BTW” (again for lack of better words lol) even though I’m completely fine.
When it comes to talking about problems/issues. I can tell he always WANTS to help. And a time that he Did inquire when I was overthinking about something , I suppose I dug my own grave by deciding not to tell him, but again it seemed from recent experiences that he probably wouldn’t understand what I was talking about if i did open up. He does tell me to talk to him when I’m having issues, but once I tell him, I don’t think he gets it.
What also bothers me is that I have 2 male friends (who I would never think of in a more-than-friend way although they’ve both liked me in the past) who have seemed more interested in going on my mental journeys. They often ask me to elaborate when I’m talking and ask situation-specific questions. I am incredibly grateful for these good friends who can relate to me in a multitude of ways. However sometimes it makes me feel a bit strange that I don’t have this level of mental/intellectual connection or understanding with my boyfriend. Despite multiple attempts. I can’t tell if he just wants to turn a blind eye to the possibility that I’m not the “perfect naive innocent” (for lack of better words) character I seem to be on the outside ,… or if I’m bad at communicating with him.. or if he is just genuinely not interested in my topics… or if he can’t relate…… The list goes on.. IDK what it is!
Sorry if that didn’t make sense. It’s a Lot to explain.
Ok, while this seems like a lot, I want to say that he is one of the sweetest and most caring people I’ve ever met. He has shown that he loves me in many ways and this is just a small issue but it’s just been weighing on me recently. Should I talk to him about it? Also, we were friends for a full year before we started dating, and there ARE things we have in common. I mean, there’s a reason I love him. I just needed to share this.
TL;DR; I love my boyfriend sm but sometimes I feel like our emotional connection would be a lot better if he was more interested in exploring my mental world, but often times I feel like I’m talking to a wall, and I don’t want to bore /bother him with my endless thoughts. Sometimes I feel like these things WOULD interest him if only he could see what I’m talking about. Anyways, maybe communication is key and the thing I should talk to him about IS THIS very concern that I have.
Comments
You love him, but it’s okay to want more emotional connection. Try telling him gently that you’d like him to be more interested in your thoughts. Good communication can help you both understand each other better. You’re not bothering him by wanting to connect