My coworker J (M38) and I (F35) dated casually a few years back. We ended things during Covid. He’s married now but we still work together. We have a mutual coworker friend M (also 38). 3 of us typically go for walks together/get coffee together on our work breaks. I always liked M more and our personalities are better matched but J asked me out and M was interested in a different coworker at the time. My birthday is coming up later this month and I would like to invite with some of coworkers as I never get to hang out with them outside work. Because of past dating history with J and him now being married, there is some awkwardness between us even we are on good terms so I tend to talk to M more these days. I think J senses that I’m a little closer to M these days but I have no desire to pursue anything with M out of respect for J and M’s friendship, he’s just a fun person to be around. I was going to invite M but not J for my birthday picnic. Feels some way inviting my ex his wife may not be thrilled either (never met her but putying myselfin her shoes), but I know J will eventually hear about it and that might make things more awkward knowing M was invited but not him. Do I invite both of them? One of them or neither?.
TL;DR – Planning my birthday and trying to decide if I should invite my ex (who is now married and who I still work with) which kinda feels weird for me but also his wife (whom I’ve never met)may not like it, or invite only our mutual friend and coworker (which can make things weird when ex eventually finds out) or just forget inviting either of them. I would like to hang out with our mutual friend outside of work at some point but not sure if there’s a way to do so without making things awkward for the 3 of us and need your advice.