Yeah I get it. Like how it sounds and is and all that. But I just got out of a really bad relationship and he was a friend to me for like the last 2 months. I started to get feelings and was upfront and he agreed he did too and we took a step back.
But it’s gone to flirting again and I’ve said like it feels wrong to me cause he has a gf and he sends me videos of her being like straight up abusive like smashing the door of their bathroom with a baseball bat and stuff and hiding messages from guys but he is still with her. He said it’s complicated cause they are recently back together and he just moved in and they have a kid together. I really like talking to him, he knows I like him and nothing has happened but I want him to like see me irl so I can see like is there something there or are we pen pals or am I just a fool. Like I dk .
I’ve seen the proof she’s abusive, I’ve seen the way she treats him, I get it’s complicated but I also feel like we are just phone friends and we connect so well and I don’t wanna be involved with cheating I just wanna know if there’s something between us by seeing eachother so if he doesn’t leave if he meets me irl ( we’ve met before but ages ago) then I know just like move on but while it’s like we haven’t even seen eachother I just feel in limbo .
I’m cooked aren’t I. I swear I like him so much and she is so mean even to me at like events we meet at before we started talking but he is with her and I can’t even be a real option if we don’t see eachother but then like why’s he even with her, like i can’t even be a choice but he is so kind to me and there’s no way she will let us hang as friends and is it even ok to ahhh . My antipsychotics clearly aren’t working lol.
Help me .
Tl;dr I’m not wanting to be the other woman but I’d like to know like how to even see if there’s something real for him to pick me to start something but I know even that’s like not good I dk.
Comments
Lowkey shouldn’t keep this up long I guess. Def seems bad . I’m such an idiot
Don’t count on it happening. And even if he left her tomorrow, no way in hell he’d be ready.
Don’t do this to yourself. It’s possible he’ll leave just as it’s possible he won’t. Even if he does he will be very fresh out of an abusive relationship. He will not be ready and if he is it should be considered a red flag.
You don’t know this person. Get ahead of it while it’s still easy.
You are the other woman, and he is not going to leave her.
Girl, you’re in the ‘potential’ trap. He’s showing you his mess but not cleaning it up. If he wanted to choose you, he would. Don’t audition for a role in his drama. Wait for someone who’s actually available. Limbo sucks, but self-respect feels better.
Survivors of abuse return to their abusive partner an average of seven times before they manage to leave for good. It is a long, hard road to get out of a relationship like that. You can’t make him leave and you should absolutely not get into a relationship with someone who has just left an abusive relationship without getting time to heal. Even if he does like you, it is not healthy for either of you to pursue anything right now even if he dumped her immediately.
Think of it this way: if you like this guy enough that you would want a potential relationship with him to work out, you should want to do it right in a way that’s healthy for him.