Me (31f) wants to get a tattoo with my best friend since birth. Something small on my ankle. I have 2 other tattoos, small ones. My husband (37m) does not want me to get it. He thinks it’s stupid, it’ll look shit, he feels disrespected, unwanted etc. I feel like it’s my body my choice and i don’t see how it affects him at all. Am I being a dick for getting it done?
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Me (31f) wants to get a tattoo with my best friend since birth. Something small on my ankle. I have 2 other tattoos, small ones. My husband (37m) does not want me to get it. He thinks it’s stupid, it’ll look shit, he feels disrespected, unwanted etc. I feel like it’s my body my choice and i don’t see how it affects him at all. Am I being a dick for getting it done?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I tried to speak to him about it but he just says he feels disrespected and wants me to cancel the appointment. I said I don’t want to cancel and I want to go ahead am I the asshole for not cancelling? Should I cancel?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
>he feels disrespected, unwanted
You are missing the giant 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NAH. Your body, your choice, your consequences.
NTA. These are very manipulative tactics. It won’t end here.
It’s your body, he gets no say. If it were on your face, maybe, but basically anywhere else, he can suck eggs. The fact he’s trying to guilt trip and manipulate you out of the idea is a huge red flag.
Your body your choice. He may be your husband but searching through your phone (assuming it’s a phone maybe iPad) is a huge level of disrespect. He should practice what he preaches. Go get the tattoo with your friend 🙂
NTA. You two are completely incompatible
If you’re paying for it, tell him to shove it. NTA but be careful. He sounds like he could escalate toward abusive behavior.
NTA!!
He thinks it’ll look like shit? Well it’s a good thing it isn’t his body. You’re definitely right! YOUR body, YOUR choice. You can’t see how it affects him, because it DOESN’T and that’s that. His perception that he is “losing control” of you is what is truly “affecting” him at the root of things. Him spinning it as him feeling disrespect and unwanted is textbook manipulation. Waving red flags. 🚩 🚩
NTA it’s your body your choice. He is entitled to express his opinion on it but at the end of the day he has to respect it
My partner has a ridiculous tattoo and I just laugh at his silly ass. Not sure how that would make me feel disrespected? He probably feels insecure that you are doing something for life on your body with your friend and not him
NTA. Your body your choice. End of story. Full stop.
He feels “disrespected” because he’s angry he can’t control you and he wants to. I say GTFO because this is a major red flag, but thats a discussion for another subreddit.
Nope. His opinion is valid but it has literally nothing to do with you. My ex told me the same thing and I said well, that sucks cause I like it. 🤷🏼♀️
I went through a phase where he said piercings were hideous so I got my nose, eyebrow, tongue, and several extra ear spots too. And I like them all, still. 😂😂
He’s gone tho.
There is literally nothing about you getting a tattoo that would effect how “loved” he is or “wanted” so yeah no. NTA
The asshole is your husband, for feeling “disrespected, unwanted” for this. This has nothing to do with him!! As you said, your body, your choice.
NTA.
It’s your body. That should really be the start and end of this conversation.
But since your husband decided to make it a whole emotional monologue about being “disrespected” by an ankle tattoo… let’s unpack that.
You’re:
31 years old
Have two other tattoos already
Getting a tiny one with your best friend — a sentimental, harmless gesture
Not exactly planning a full sleeve of skulls and flames
His reaction?
Says it’ll look “shit”
Claims to feel disrespected and unwanted
Doesn’t seem to care that this is important to you
This isn’t about a tattoo. This is about control, not aesthetics.
He’s using words like “disrespected” to make you feel guilty for expressing autonomy over your own skin.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and you told him:
> “You can’t grow that beard / shave your head / wear that jacket — it makes me feel disrespected.”
He’d probably laugh… and do it anyway.
Here’s the truth:
You’re not being disrespectful — you’re expressing yourself.
You’re not being impulsive — you’re doing something meaningful with a lifelong friend.
And you’re not obligated to avoid doing things just because he doesn’t like them.
A healthy relationship includes respect — but it doesn’t require permission for bodily choices.
TL;DR:
You’re not a dick. You’re an adult with skin of your own.
He can have an opinion, sure — but you get the final say. And a tiny ankle tattoo with your best mate is not a betrayal, it’s a bloody memory.
If this is the hill he’s choosing to die on, maybe ask why he’s trying so hard to plant his flag on your ankle.
NTA
But why is he so up in arms about this? It’s your body and you already have tattoos so it’s not lke they are a deal breaker for him. Does he feel insecure about your relationship with you best friend?
While all the “your body your choice” people are correct, the best response here included “your consequences”.
Do what you wish, but you will have to deal with the aftermath. If he’s going to be a jerk about it and not take it well, just make sure you’re prepared for the marriage to end over it.
He feels disrespected because YOU are getting a tattoo. Well, sounds like a him problem. Maybe some therapy will help him get over it.
It’s your body. Get the tattoo. He needs to get with the program and chill.
NTA.
Info: is it a matching tattoo with a male best friend? Because (possibly controversial opinion) if my husband wanted to get matching tattoos with a female friend I would probably feel a bit weird about it.
NAH
Your body so you can do as you wish.
He is entitled to his opinion that he hates it before you even get it done.
You don’t have to agree on everything in a marriage.
of course it affects him.. he has to see it, since it’s somewhere visible and he is… your husband and supposed partner. It’s only right he feels disrespected when you make a decision like that and tell him instead of asking what he thinks. I can never understand why hub/ wives think any decision they make is none of their SOs business.
Are your other 2 usually hidden? and, therefore, easily forgotten or ignored? The ankle is more visible – does it have to be there?
While you and the others here are saying “your body, your choice” which is true, it doesn’t strike me as much of a marriage if you can’t compromise at times.
NTA. My wife does not mind the tattoos I currently have, but she doesn’t see the point of getting more and sees them as a waste of money. However, I saved my cash up and got one. When it was done, she liked it and we started talking about my first tattoo that I wanted to cover or rework. So that will be happening in the next year.
> i don’t see how it affects him at all.
Sounds like he thinks it’s ugly.
I like tattoos my husband does not. When we met I only had one and he told me he didn’t think I should get more. I immediately shot that down and told him that if I chose to get more that would be up to me and only me. (We met in 2008 when we were 20 and 23) it took a while for me to want more tattoos because I was a wimp and my first experience was not great but I didn’t ask permission. I told him this is what I plan to do. We were engaged it was 2019 and I wanted to get a tattoo with a friend while we were on vacation. He had some input on placement and such and that helped him feel better about it. Now I have way more tattoos, almost a full leg sleeve finished and he’s on board. He’s learned I’m going to do what I want and when I tell him I’m doing it it’s not for permission but to include him. He has helped with design and placement. He’s helped me clean the areas I can’t reach. You do you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do. I don’t care if you want a stick of butter with fly wings tattooed on you. Have fun. We only get one shot on this earth and if you want to decorate the vessel you were given, go for it.
NTA yeah yeah it’s ok for him to not like it but the way he’s expressing his dislike isn’t mature at all. He’d feel “disrespected”? What an insecure little guy.
What’s more important to you?
I agree with your body your choice, but he also has the right not to like it and he can decide if it’s a dealbreaker for him. No one is in the wrong there. However the way he acting about it puts him into asshole territory. So you’re NTA op.
NTA. sucks tho
Would the best friend be a man by any chance? Do you mean you want your friend and you to have the same tattoo ? Have you had one done to celebrate your husband?
“He feels disrespected.” I can’t think of anything more disrespectful than telling a person what they can or can’t do with their own body. This is a “sorry you feel that way” and go do what you are planning to do. If he takes it this badly he has some serious issues to work through.
NTA. I just got a matching tattoo with my cousin to honor our grandparents and I can’t even imagine what I would do if my husband tried to insult me for it. The only opinion of his that would matter is if you were spending a tonnnn of money on tattoos and it became a financial problem. Otherwise, he can STFU.
NTA, at best he’s being dramatic, it’s not like you’re getting a tattoo across your forehead. At worst he’s being manipulative in an effort to prevent you from doing it.. I’m leaning towards the latter… He doesn’t have to like it but he should stop being a big douchey baby about it.. It’s your body and you can tattoo it if you want to, period. It has absolutely nothing to do with “respecting or wanting him.”
You should do you but he might not like it either. Both are valid.
I’ve noticed when people start getting tattoos they very rarely stop. Every time I see them, they have more. At some point this may be a dealbreaker for him, maybe the small ankle tattoo is it. I don’t know. But you two may not be compatible. NTA
if it ends over an ankle tattoo, he probably wanted out over something anyway lol
NTA. You can do whatever you want. He can’t control you. He can do whatever he wants as well. Go for it.
NTA. Its your body. Oh well. Must suck to be him lol
He’s allowed to dislike the look of a tattoo but saying he feels “disrespected” and “unwanted” because you want to make an extremely small & unobtrusive decorative choice about your own body is fvcking unhinged.
It’s not his body.
He might feel slightly less attracted to you if you get a tattoo if he doesn’t like the look of them, and that’s valid, but it’s a small one on your ankle. It’s not like you’re getting a full back piece or like, prison teardrops next to your eye. He doesn’t have to look at it if he doesn’t like it.
And on the topic of “disrespect”: “it’s stupid and it’ll look shit” is a wildly disrespectful way to speak to you about this.NTA.
NTA but to be honest my first bf and I broke up over tattoo. I know majority of people won’t agree with me on this but if roles were reversed I would think again about doing something that would bother my love. He used to compliment me all the time how I was naturaly beautiful and how he appreciated that and I thought same things about him. He wanted big tattoo over whole leg and we are in religious and traditional circle (plus we study medicine so many patients would judge him because of that). I really didn’t like that idea and explained it to him. He didn’t listen to me at all and got that tattoo and after few arguments over the week we broke up. You do you, I get all that “my body my choice” and agree but if it is that important to him and he is objectively good for you and loves you maybe it’s not the worst thing ever to reconsider. He decided to get that tattoo on our anniversary so timing was probably worst in whole story because I already felt little bit lonely in that relationship and after tattoo it all went wrong. I’m telling you all this from different perspective and I know it will be downvoted but just trying to help you understand him, if he isn’t usually controling ofc.
NTA
It’s your body and you have full autonomy. Your husband has no right to dictate.
Wow!!! He’s saying “I want” and she’s saying “I want”. Not a good partnership. Save the tattoo money and get yourselves some couple counseling. You certainly need it.
NAH
First – you can get whatever you want tattooed wherever you want as long as you can find an artist that’ll do it.
Second – freedom to get tattoos does not free you from the consequences of getting those tattoos. Get a tattoo on your forehead and lose your job? That’s your own fault. Get a tattoo and lose your husband? That’s your own fault. You’re aware of the risks and you make your choice
Third – any relationship that’s at least partly based on physical attraction should take into account decisions that will make one party less attractive to the other. You love your partner’s ’dad bod’ and hate the looks of abs but your partner starts going to the gym 5 days a week and gets shredded af – feel free to dump him for a cuddlier guy.
Those being said, make a decision and be prepared for any consequences. You’re free to get a tattoo and he’s free to leave you if you do.
NTA why is he jealous of your friendship?
NAH. Is he not attracted to women with tattoos? It doesn’t sound like he’s being very articulate here.
NTA why is he so obsessed with your ankles that he feels disrespected by you tattooing it? He’s being a bit much
I hate tattoos but NTA. If for some reason my husband decided he wanted one I’d roll my eyes but wouldn’t tell him I feel disrespected or anything. Your husband is being a baby.
NTA. He sounds controlling. He can have his opinion but saying he’d feel “disrespected” is unhinged.
If you asked what he thought and he just said “I’m not a fan of it, but if you like it, then go for it.” That would be different. Personally, I see no problem with tattoos unless it was something gross or a face tat lol. He’s allowed not to like them but he doesn’t have to be a dick about it.
This question gets asked so often, I should just template this.
NTA. Your body your choice.
NTA
But that hissy fit your husband is throwing does not look good.
Im leaning towards more info. My husband and I both have visible sleeve tattoos. I’m at worst ambivalent about some of his tattoos, likewise for him. We would have an issue with the other getting a tattoo on somewhere that couldn’t be easily covered by clothing. I wouldn’t mind him getting a matching tattoo with a friend, but I might feel differently if there was some “other history” there.
NTA this is all about control and about him feeling threatened by your friendship with someone.
yeah, those flags aren’t just red, they’re neon and flashing
NTA
Your husband sounds like an immature, unmasculine, and mentally weak coward. I never understood what makes men like that attractive to women
NTA
Single now, but I didn’t much like the tattoos my ex got when we were together.
Did I tell him not to get them? No.
Did I ever make him feel bad about getting them? No.
I didn’t lie when he asked me if I liked them, but I also encouraged him to get them because it’s his body and as long as they’re not actively offensive, he can do whatever he wanted to his body.
Info needed:
While it is your body and choice, what’s driving your husbands reaction? You don’t specify this at all.
Even being vague, can you say what the tattoo is and its meaning? Is your best friend known to have had/have an attraction to you? Where you previously lovers? Do they and your husband have a combative relationship?
NTA. You could explain to him that stuff he does is stupid and makes you feel disrespected.
Just because he doesnt like something doesnt mean you can’t do it. If you wanted to never shave your legs again he might not like it but its your body.
Get the tattoo
Just remember if you get a tattoo, you don’t get a Christmas present that year. Santa personally doesn’t care, but it’s not good behavior.
I got a tattoo with my best friend that my partner didn’t support AT ALL. I still have the best friend (and our tattoo) but got rid of the dead weight who was jealous of a little bit of ink and my life is so much better now.
NTA. Your husband has a fragile ego and is very controlling. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
is your best friend a man?
Wait a second. Maybe I misread this. Everyone’s responding as though he commanded you not to get a tattoo… is that what happened?
Or did he just voice his opinion about you getting a tattoo and then his feelings about you not giving a shit at all about his opinion? Cause these are in no way shape or form the same thing…
INFO There is not enough information here to determine.
Whats his opinion of your friend? What is the tattoo? What do YOU think are the reasons why he isnt happy about it?
nta it’s your body he shouldn’t have a say in it
Husband sounds like a friendless loser
NTA. It’s not your husband’s body and you’re not forcing them to get a tattoo. It’s your body. “He feels disrespected”?!?!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Obey your husband.
NTA- He feels disrespected because you want to get a tattoo and n YOUR body?
INFO: did your husband make a similar stink over your other two tattoos, or is this a new thing? Is the best friend you’re doing this together with an ex?
Who is this “Best friend from birth?” What is the tattoo design? Is there a reason he may not like the best friend (I.e is it a guy that has obvious feelings or something?) is the tattoo a love heart with their name on it?
I feel like you left out some obviously useful detail here which makes me think you maybe a somewhat unreliable narrator here. Is something else going on here?
My personal motto~ never ever give into a demanding, controlling or unreasonable person (man). Never. And your husband is all three. How does a tiny amount of ink on your ankle affect him at all except in his wildly immature feelings? He feels “disrespected” and “unwanted”? By this? I’m dead serious when I say this is disturbing and you should sincerely examine your safety and well being with such a person. NTA
When you are married, your bodies belong to each other. You are one. If he doesn’t like them, don’t. Tats do not age well though they are popular. You’ll end up regretting them someday.
Why would he feel not wanted? NTA. He’s acting like a toddler. Get the tattoo, life is short and no regret is worth it.
NTA, it’s your body, get it inked if you want. He might be choosing this hill to die on, so be warned. It’s possible he treats you like shit afterwards. Doesn’t seem like you two are aligned very well. Be prepared for him to end the marriage over this. Could be the straw that broke the camel’s back. You didn’t mention any other problems, but this sounds like a bone of contention with him.
Well good thing it’s not his leg. If he feels disrespected because YOU are doing something to YOUR body then he needs to get his ego checked.
I’m a tattoo artist and I always tell clients that no one’s opinion matters than their own. I tell them who cares what a partner thinks? That partner isn’t in control of your body and if one tattoo makes them not like you as much then they didn’t really love you anyways you were an object to them. Always get the tattoo, or do whatever it is you want for your body, don’t let anyone else’s opinion change your mind from what you truly want for yourself.
YTA
Your body, your choice but he is married to you. He can’t change that on a whim as easily as you can run out and get a tattoo.
Why marry the guy if you don’t care about his input on your life choices?
Does it matter to you if your husband is no longer attracted to you because of it?
He’s not an asshole for having an opinion. YTA for thinking he should have no voice and his opinions aren’t valid.
Info: how is the relationship between the friend and the husband, if they don’t get along that could explain it, especially if OP already has other tattoos
There’s a lot of information missing here. No details of your friend. Are they male or female and is there a history?
Why now and not before? Has something happened to make you want to do this?
Have there been any other problems in your marriage?
Has he complained about things before and been controlling in the past? If not why is he adamant about this?
Does he feel you are putting you friend over him?
The last question is probably a crucial one. Has he been neglected in your relationship whilst you concentrate on your friend and this is the last straw for him?
As many have said it’s your body and your choice. But finding out why he feels this way would be a good idea. Him being against it isn’t him being controlling. If it was you would both do whatever you want and would never be able to complain about what your partner does. Because if he is so against it there might well be things that happen that you don’t like. The my body my choice works both ways. How would you feel if he wants to do something that you are against? And if he feels this strongly he is likely to deliberately do that to prove his point.
It’s totally your choice. As is anything he does afterwards.
Disrespected? The only thing disrespectful here is him thinking he has a say in someone else’s body! Get the tattoo, and if he’s mad, that’s his problem.
NAH
Your body, your choice. Your choice, your consequences.
I’m going to guess, based on the limited information, that your other two tattoos are seldom visible in day-to-day life.
Your husband was probably brought up to equate tattoos with a seedy lifestyle. Be it a religious thing, or just that being how he was taught, an ankle tattoo is visible, and I’d guess he sees that as making you look like you’re for the streets. That could be deeply embarrassing for him. What is disrespectful is that (as you explained elsewhere) he’s being forced to pay for it, and you are giving no weight to his feelings – feelings which do matter in a marriage. His feelings are as valid as yours.
That said, he’s probably going a bit OTT, but you should expect consequences. Both of you should think about counselling.
You are of course, free to have as many tattoo’s as you want and of course you are free to completely disregard your husbands opinion of it.
What you are not free to do, is to decide how your husband feels about it, is and the future effect it may have on your marriage.
NTA, neither is he, but the marriage doesn’t seem solid.
Gotta love reddit shit talking others so that everyone ends up alone. Let’s see how many downvotes I get for saying I would not get a tattoo if my wife didn’t want me to. The other day someone was trying to say it was an extreme sacrifice that I shave every night because my wife likes it
NTA it is your body your choice. Why does he think it’ll look bad? Sounds like there might be underlying issues with the hubs and the specific tattoo. If you haven’t already I’d sit down and have a conversation about it and try to get to meat and potatoes of his issues. Good luck.
Ewww has your husband always been such a giant manipulative red flag? NTA but he sucks and i am sorry you gotta deal with him
Well, is the best friend a male or a female for him to feel so strongly against it. Is it a stupid tattoo that will need to be explained at his family reunion? Lastly, have you asked him if he would like to get a matching tattoo with you first?
NTA. My husband is covered in tattoos. He has gotten several since we’ve been together. We are complete opposites when it comes to tattoos. I like for them to be small and simple, with a lot of meaning. He likes them to be (mostly) big and really just “look cool”. He views them as art. I usually give my opinion when he wants to get one done. Ex: I told him I liked the bear vs another tiger.
But at the end of the day, if he really wants a tattoo, he’s going to get it, and that’s fine. It’s HIS body, HIS CHOICE. I love him regardless of what tattoos he has.
If you want to get a tattoo for WHATEVER reason, you should. He’s your husband and he should respect your decision, not try and control you.
NTA your body obviously, but can you explain why tf this would make him feel “disrespected and unwanted”? Disrespected because you’re not following his wishes? Unwanted because his opinion on what you do with your body is …. unwanted??
I totally get that people have different opinions on tattoos, and getting one could change the way in which someone sees you, but your husband seems to be taking a really weird ownership over YOUR body, and that feels like a huuuuuuuuge red flag to me 🚩🚩
NAH. It’s your choice but he also has to look at it/you after you get it done. If he feels it makes you less attractive to him then it will affect your relationship, and he wouldn’t be in the wrong either.
Girl get that tattoo
He doesn’t care about your other tattoos, but this one bothers him?
Lol.
Is your best friend another man?
YTA. You’re a married couple. Big decisions like that are joint.
NTA. It’s YOUR body
NTA. I personally don’t care much for tattoos, but if my husband wanted one, I’d be thrilled it would be a small one on his ankle. That’s such a non issue.
NTA- fuck him, get the tattoo.
NTA, your body, your choice. It has nothing to do with him other than he’s issuing a command and expects you to obey. There are bigger problems here than the tattoo.
NTA, He is!
No you’re not
However, its only fair he gets to sleep with another woman, because its his body and his choice. As long as he uses protection it wont affect you.
He feels unwanted because of this?? Um…
NTA. He is a huge one though. His reasonings for not wanting you to get it are very weird.
If your husband doesn’t want a tattoo, then he doesn’t have to get a tattoo. He has no right to say what you do with your body.
Why would he feel disrespected? That is a really weird thing to say. What does it have anything to do with respecting him or not if you get something done to your body? He doesn’t own you and you are not his possession.
If you were getting a tattoo of another man’s dick, then you would be the dick. You are doing something nice with your best friend. Your husband sounds a bit toxic TBH.
NTA.
Healthy relationship:
“Hey babe, bestie and I are going to get little tiny matching tattoos on our ankles.”
“Cool, do you know what you’re getting? Can’t wait to see it.
Unhealthy relationship:
<insert your post here>
Who’s getting the tattoo again? You? yeah exactly. not him, not his choice. Don’t get roped into someone like that.
let me guess he doesn’t like the way you dress occasionally either? or maybe a better question is do you think about how he will react when you get dressed (but in a bad way)?
and does he also refuse/make a huge deal out of doing simple kind gestures like opening the door or buying you flowers…
This type of guy is always the same. and they are all assholes who try and convince themselves they like you just to create a relationship with you and then a year into the relationship they change and don’t like a lot of things about you even though those things were present when you started dating, and continue to try and form you into exactly what they want regardless if you’re happy. They want the status of a girl, they don’t want you