So I’m 27F and my boyfriend Jake is 29M. We’ve been together for two years and I was really looking forward to celebrating our anniversary this weekend. Yesterday, I needed to borrow his phone to call my mom because my phone was dead. While scrolling through, I accidentally saw a string of sext messages from his ex.
I froze. I confronted him immediately. He tried to brush it off saying it was “just old stuff” and that he wasn’t serious about it. But the messages were from last night — the night before our anniversary.
I told him to pack his stuff and leave. He’s been begging for a second chance but honestly, I don’t think I can trust him anymore.
His friends and some family are calling me dramatic and saying I should have just talked it out. But honestly, how do you “talk out” someone sending explicit messages to their ex right before your anniversary?
AITA for kicking him out?
Comments
NTA – cheaters are gross. He gets what he deserves which is being single.
NTA
NTA! He is.
NTA He knew what he was doing and can’t be trusted. He is still dealing with his ex what is there to talk about? Block and move on
Nta, he broke your trust. Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship.
NTA. It’s pretty much indefensible and if he’s doing that after only two years, his behavior is likely to worsen in a real long term relationship. To stay would leave you feeling like you are never enough. Not. Worth. It.
You are not for kicking him out, however, if you needed his phone to make a call, why were you scrolling through it?
No. You are NTA. But I’m sorry this has happened and hurt you. It is a good thing though, because it’s saved you lots of wasted years with the wrong person.
He doesn’t want to be with you. If he did, he’d never be thinking about his ex, I promise you.
Also, it’s irrelevant whether it was your anniversary, your birthday, Christmas day or just a shitty old Tuesday. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be engaging in sexual activity of any kind with someone else.
Don’t take him back. Under any circumstances. The right person will never, ever even consider doing this to you.
You purposely searched his phone and found what you were looking for.
ESH
Talk what out? He cheated, he admitted cheating. That’s the talking done.
Just block him.
NTA. I’m sorry this happened to you but this person isn’t honest and you deserve better.
… I can’t understand how they’ve deduced the problem to you being dramatic. Like nope you are being completely reasonable. I would have been waaaay more dramatic lol
NTA. It was “just” sexting last night, but sexting leads to other things. If he’s prepared to cross the line into sexting, he’s prepared and probably wanting to more.
Everyone tell you that you’re overreacting is just saying that because it’s not them involved. They’re not the ones hurt. Ask them what they would do if roles were reversed… people will go quiet when they really consider how they would feel.
NTA. He’s only sorry that he got caught. And it’s his friends & family trying to gaslight you. Do you want to continue with this? Life’s too short. You are missing out on someone great for you by wasting YOUR valuable time with this idiot! Get away from this dumpster fire! Best of luck!
NTA
You did the right thing. If they want to date a cheater they can date him.
NTA – why do you have friends and family condoning cheating? The issue here is he’s obviously not over his ex and he’s using you until he decided to get back with her. Glad you dumped him. Cheating is never ok.
NTA, good for you for standing your ground and setting your boundaries. You deserve better!
NTA, He’s her problem now.
Nta. Well done, you.
Deserves him right for what he did
Nta he seems like a cheater
Absolutely nta. The man cannot be trusted
You just saved yourself a lifetime of grief. Good on you.
Not the asshole. Run don’t walk. The fact he was lying about it all the more reason. His friends and family are ridiculous and he’ll never change when those closest to him condone such behavior (I say condone because they are defending him to some extent by calling you dramatic and downplaying what he did). Girl, you deserve better the right one will not play you like this. And it doesn’t matter that it was before your anniversary at any point in a relationship this is unacceptable. It’s black-and-white over and done with. You’re worth more than this!
Block his friends and family, they don’t care about you just not having to deal with him.
Your are the AH because this story is fake. Dead giveaway – “his friends and some family are calling me dramatic.” Same BS in every fake story.
NTA and his friends were probably enabling his behaviour so they can all f-off! Good job girl!
Of course his friends and family would say that. But the reality is that not only did he break your trust, he then lied about it and didn’t accept any responsibly. How would you be able to expect changed behavior if he wasn’t even accountable after getting CAUGHT… NTA you did the right thing
NTA he showed you who he is. You believed him
NTA. I absolutely love your shiny backbone. You dropped this queen 👑. Tell any family or friends that the time to talk was before he cheated on you by sexting his ex.
He made his choice. You made yours.
Any friends who side with him, are not your friends, go NC with them, they don’t have your best interests at heart.
NTA, he’s a cheater, you did right! Straight up queen behaviour. Men always come back crying and begging after they realised what they did or when they get caught. You deserve better!
What a dog! And anyone advocating for his is a moron
The fact that his friends and family are that toxic is another reason why you don’t want to be with him. I’m sure if the shoe had been on the other foot and you had been sexting with your ex, his friends and family would be telling him to dump you. Not to mention the fact that he tried to lie to you (“just old stuff”).
The initial post and OP’s replies read like AI to me.
YTA for karma farming
You’re being dramatic? No. He cheated. And you aren’t obligated to talk through it.
NTA but your ex-bf sure is an AH. If not still screwing his ex, he was moments from starting it up again. Better you kicked the trash out.
NTA. He’s a cheater. Loyalty and being faithful is a bare minimum for a relationship. Block him.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Smart women and rarely will people agree cheating is a reason to end things. When it’s a huge reason to end things!
Your amazing and stay true to yourself you don’t wanna be the 3rd wheel in the relationship.
Also if he is doing that 2 years in he never stopped! Won’t ever stop
NTA – you did the exact right thing!
If he truly loved you, he wouldn’t take the chance of losing you by doing something so stupid…..
It doesn’t matter if he says it meant nothing to him, it meant everything to you and it shows exactly how loyal he is to you.
There is zero excuse, anyone calling you dramatic is the AH.
His actions will only get worse. You are right to end it.
He did a FAFO. You can have a healthy relationship with someone you can’t trust. Now he’s free to go back to his ex.
NTA. He’s a POS.
NTA. ghost everybody
NTA I’d drop anytime saying you are dramatic.
Does she have a partner too? I’d be telling them as well.
Send the messages to his family and friends. I bet he didn’t tell them the real story.
Tell them he’s been cheating on you with his ex
NTA
Excuses he will make
You are overacting
It was just one time
We are just friends
She just needed someone to talk to
I needed someone to talk to
It didn’t mean anything
Why are you being jealous
We didn’t do anything. So it’s not a big deal
You know I love you