For context, my MIL and I don’t really get on.
I recently gave birth, and had to stay in hospital as the baby was a bit unwell.
One hour after giving birth she had a go at me for not telling when I went into labour, and telling my mum who was in the waiting room. I was in so much pain and felt like I needed my mum at that point. Once the baby was born, my husband then alerted my MIL who came 1 hour after.
My MIL insisting on visiting everyday for a couple of hours. I didn’t want this but out of respect to my husband I agreed. And I guess she is the baby’s grandma so I had to let it happen.
Anyway, fast forward to day 5, she brought this home made broth which is apparently meant to help with post partum recovery. She sat down and told me to have it right now. I was getting a weird feeling from her combined with her desperation for me to drink it. So I refused twice and said I don’t feel like it, she asked again and it got awakward so I took a sip which seems to relieve her.
The next day I started feeling nauseous, which then led to intense vomitting and diarrhoea. My stool samples were checked by the hospital and it was confirmed I what rota virus. They asked if I had anything from outside, and the only thing was this drink. My husband accepts that it’s from the drink but that it was an accident and it was probably due to one of the dry ingredients being from India.
I’m obviously very suspicious of her now, and after further research I’ve found out it can only be spread by urine and faeces.
I’ve had panic attacks about her coming her over to our house, by husband is a big mommy’s boy and wants her to be able to come and visit whenever she wants.
She lives 5 minutes away, and is coming over 2/3 times a week for a few hours
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Your husband needs to say to her “OP is unwell and we’re not accepting any visitors for now. We don’t want to pass anything on to anyone.”
You need to tell your husband to put you before his mother, especially now. The last thing you need is any additional stress outside of having a newborn. If he doesn’t, I’d seriously consider going to stay somewhere else by myself with the baby, or maybe with my mom.
Wondering if she made you sick on purpose is so not a thought that should have to go through anyone’s mind 5 days after birth (or any time of course but like wth). She needs to get out of your life at least for a couple of months so you can get yourself together in peace.
You can’t have someone around you that may have intentionally tried to make you sick. Trust your instincts because that woman is sick if she did it intentionally and she will again. My guess would be she was paying you back for not being advised you were in labor. Set some strict boundaries about her visiting, and you need to talk to the mommas boy and tell him you don’t feel safe around her.
She is unclean, she could make the baby seriously ill. Ask him what he plans to say in his mother’s defence when the baby is seriously ill in hospital because of her and why she matters more than a defenceless baby. Do not have any more children with this person.
I’ve got this image of her peeing in your broth…
DON’T ever eat anything that she cooks, ever again. I don’t trust her and I don’t care what your husband says
Limit visits
Girl… Do you live there? Yes you do.
TELL your husband that you are busy. Too busy to entertain his mum. That she’s HIS mum and his responsibility. So if HE wants her to visit – then he needs to invite her AND be present. So from this moment on if his mum shows up, and he’s not there, you will not be opening the door. And follow through.
Best case – she’s a flake and didn’t think about germs and bacteria.
Worst case – she wants you out of the way so she has unfettered access to your child. Hope for the first and plan for the second.
She pressured you into drinking something that made you violently ill. Hard pass on anything from her ever again.
Your husband needs to FULLY UNDERSTAND AND INTERNALIZE that his mom made you seriously ill during the most vulnerable time of your life.
Rotavirus could have ended you (due to your weakened system after giving birth) or your infant (if it has been transmitted to them).
You could compromise and put her in a major time out. (1) No eating her food EVER again for your or LO. (2) No visits with you or LO until YOU feel safe around her…and if that is 6 months or a year then so be it.
If your husband will not stop letting your MIL into the house during your recovery you need to go somewhere else. Like to your mom’s until he chooses to be a good husband and father instead of his Mommy’s Bestest Boy™️
I’d believe it was an accident if she hadn’t been so pushy. Tell DH next thing she brings over, you expect him to dig in, or don’t eat it yourself and tell her you’ll save it for him, he was just saying he wanted that! Watch her spin out. If he gets sick, either it’s not an accident or her cooking is just that unsafe that no one in your household can eat it and certainly not baby! Does she know you got sick? Make sure she does and if it happens again, well, that’s been twice now MIL so unfortunately we just don’t feel comfortable eating your food or letting baby have any.
As for visits- that’s lovely he wants her to feel so comfortable taking over your week. No. Live your life, do whatever you’re doing and tell them both no. He can invite her over when he wants to host but no drop ins and you’re doing what you’re doing, and baby’s needs and routines stand. I bet hours of sitting in your house become less appealing when any boundaries are enforced and age can’t just baby hog and make you sick.
Ahhh you have a husband problem. I’m gonna fact check a couple of things.
“She’s the baby’s grandma” means nothing. NOTHING. She literally has less than zero rights. You do not have to indulg her on anything.
“He’s a big mommas boy” – more problematic, still means nothing. At this point and forever and ever you can always point to SHE GAVE HIS PP WIFE FOOD POISONING. does he know how f-ing dangerous that is for mother and baby? F—K.
I don’t know why you procreated with this person but you’re stuck now, time to put on your big girl panties (the mesh ones) and lay down some laws.
1.) she does NOT come whenever she wants. There are visiting hours. If she comes outside if those husband entertains her by himself. You and baby will be snuggling in the bedroom. STICK TO THESE.
2.) she will NOT be cooking for the family for the foreseeable future, if ever. If she throws a fit, you have unmistakeable evidence from the hospitable that she gave a new mom food poisoning from feces/urine. Announce it loud and proud. Name and shame until she shuts TF up. If she doesn’t like being shamed tell her to wash her f-cking hands next time.
3.) if husband gives you trouble, one EYEBROW worth of trouble send him to live with his mom and have yours move in for a few weeks. Tell him he gets to choose between the vagina he came out of or the one he wants to come in. There is exactly one right choice here- if it’s between his mom’s happiness and yours, it’s yours. His mom’s comfort and yours, it’s yours. Anything else is the wrong answer and gets him an all expenses paid vacation to his mommy’s to think about his life choices.
Seriously, friend, you have the opportunity to spare yourself the months and years of “WHY is he LIKE THIS” anguish so many on here go through. Set the rules and the consequences now. Know your worth, set your boundaries, communicate the consequences, and follow through. Parenting alone is better than parenting a child and a man baby.
You can do this. We ar here if you forget your worth or need to vent.
No. No more visits. No more weird pee broth. No more. That’s it. Done.
I would have called the cops the first time she tried to kill me. But you do you.
She poisoned you in the hospital. Huge hell to the no!
You know rotavirus can be fatal especially in babies yeah?