I am engaged to my fiancé, and we’re planning to marry next summer. We’re incredibly compatible and have a strong, loving relationship.
His family, especially his mother, is another story. She’s temporarily living with him. She has been emotionally manipulative and abusive for years. He’s the most stable person in his family, and she’s depended on him heavily emotionally and financially.
Since we started dating, she’s tried to undermine me. I’ve made efforts to bond and connect with her by taking her to doctor appointments/run errands, taking her to breakfast, cooking together, etc. She’s been hot and cold with me since the beginning and some days she’ll be loving while other days she will scream at me (and usually my fiancé) unprovoked.
Recently, my fiancé admitted she’s been bad talking me since day one and tried to get him to break up with me. I think she sees me as a threat to her control over him. I’ve drawn boundaries such as refusing to be at the house while she’s living there, but she continues to cause chaos and it’s really impacting my fiancé.
She’s going to be moving out soon, but I’m anxious about her long-term role in our lives and once we have kids. My fiancé is trying hard to shield me, but he’s hurting a lot from this all, too. She hasn’t once celebrated our engagement or said congratulations.
How do you handle a MIL who sees you as competition and manipulates your partner emotionally? After she moves out, what kind of contact boundaries have worked for you long-term? Am I wrong for wanting low or no contact? I’ve discussed with my fiancé some boundaries I want with her, and he respects it and hears me out and says not even he wants her around for awhile if at all. I’m also worried once she becomes physically unable to take care of herself anymore that she and the rest of his family will pressure him to take her in again.
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You sure she’s actually going to move out
The fact he allows her to talk shit about you, and then tells you about it is a massive red flag.