FTM with a 10 week old baby. We had nobody else to turn to for help but my MIL who is .. a lot. I’ve had difficulties with her in the past, she’s said some spiteful things to me because she’s obsessed with my husband and I believe she has some undiagnosed disorder. My husband has said he never really had a great relationship with her, but I don’t think she’s aware that’s the case. So my LO hasn’t been sleeping and I needed to catch up on sleep so my husband called her to come and stay with us (she lives a long distance drive).
My LO will not go to her. He gets upset immediately when she takes him. I’ve worked out that I think she’s just not calm with him, keeps changing positions when holding him, trying to force a smile or a laugh out of him, yelling almost in his face. My LO loves his pram and going on walks and within 5 minutes of her taking him I heard his screams from down the road. It’s bizarre because he’s happy to be held by any of our friends or go for a walk.
On one hand, I need to recharge so LO has to go to MIL but then I hear him overtired and crying from missing naps because she keeps him awake, or just her manic laughter and yelling in his face as soon as he has woken up and I feel so guilty and can’t really relax. I’ve told her to come and get me when LO needs feeding, but she just says ‘he’s alright’ and keeps trying to calm him herself when he’s clearly screaming out of hunger.
I get she wants to help us, that’s why she’s here but damn I don’t know if it’s worth upsetting my LO so much? Do I just give in and accept that’s his grandma and force him to try and bond with her so I can rest? Again, I can’t shake the guilt of putting my LO through it.
My friend says LO is also probably picking up on the vibes that I don’t get along with MIL and is reacting negatively to her, surely babies aren’t that perceptive this young?
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Your LO is just showing the typical behavior of a ten week old baby when separated from the mother/father/main care taker and is treated like you described. My kids had a couple of weeks around that age they didn’t even want to be held by their dad without him wearing something that smelled like me.
You’re exactly right- she’s overstimulated and trying too hard. Babies don’t like that. It’s also pretty typical behaviour for a baby that age but yeah, her franticness and loudness won’t help
No, not overreacting. LO needs you and looks to you for comfort and nurturing. MIL puts off frantic energy, is not taking care of LO’s basic needs, and not following LO’s cues. She is not a good caregiver. You cannot force this even if you wanted to because she is not capable of properly caring for LO and LO is not having it. (Wise kiddo!).
MIL is doing more harm than good. If you really want her “help,” put her onto a different task. Have her do non-baby things like laundry, meal prep, running errands, etc. so you can work on getting LO into a better routine. If those other things are covered, you can try to sleep when baby sleeps. DH can also handle LO’s care. If this is still not helpful, then MIL needs to go.