Throwaway account cause well..privacy
My wife is 26 and I’m 27, we’ve been married for almost two years now and it’s been amazing. But lately, we’re off our rhythm…not sexually motivated, arguing over stupid stuff for no reason, but we still have our romantic moments.
We went to my parents house for dinner and my brothers came as well. During the dinner, my mom asked why we don’t have kids yet and I said “When god gives us a baby we’ll have one. My mom then said to my wife how to make sure she pleases me in the bedroom and my brothers just starts laughing. My wife said “I’m sure I know what I’m doing.” And my mom said “Obviously, not if you’re not pregnant.” Then my mom started saying stuff, my wife then touched my leg and that’s how I knew she felt uncomfortable. And I said “‘Mom, we’ll have a baby when we’re ready.” She tried to keep talking but I said “No. A baby will come when we’re ready”. My brother punched my arm because they said I was disrespectful to my mom.
Now that we’re home my wife has expressed she feels worse than before when my mom kept asking for grandchildren and she said she wasn’t ready. She cried, saying she felt pressured by her when it came to sex, pregnancy, and children. I felt like it was my job to make sure my mom didn’t continue to do this and if that meant to cut her off so be it.
I feel like she was disrespecting my wife after she was talking about private things. AITAH?
Comments
NTA at all. Your Mom is being way too pushy.
You are not the AH. Your mom is a huge AH tho and needs to mind her own business.
I think you need to talk to your mom about how inappropriate that was, and try to comfort your wife. Try counseling that might help, or talking to your wife
NTA. Your mom needs to back off. You guys will have kids when you’re ready, and if that never happens so be it! It’s your lives, your choice. Good for you for sticking up for your wife ❤️ maybe look into therapy or counseling or try a deep talk with your wife to try and see where the disconnect is coming from.
Nta. Stay away from your mom and protect your wife.
YTA for not standing up for your wife. Your mom intruded into your sex life and insulted your wife and all you said was “a baby will come when we’re ready.”
NTA whatsoever. She needs to mind her own business and I wouldn’t be talking to her.
NTA. You stayed calm, backed your wife when she needed it and shut it down without making a scene, that’s not being disrespectful. That’s what showing up for your partner actually looks like.
No not the ah at all. You have a right to make your own choices and stand up for yourself and your wife is someone is making you uncomfortable.
Your mom is being an asshole. “Pushy” doesn’t begin to describe it. She’s not just crossing a line, she’s stomping all over it. She is completely off base on multiple levels.
Of course its fair that parents of adult children can look forward to being grandparents, and ask about plans. However, there is “asking about” and there is “demanding”. She’s demanding. Which is bullshit. Further, she’s not so subtly blaming your wife. Beyond that, she’s telling your wife she’s apparently bad in bed, which not only assholish, its really freaking gross. I’d be asking your dad “So dad, does mom please you? Hows her handjob game?” right in front of her, if she feels this is appropriate.
And of course, your brother is an asshole as well for his little “disrespectful” BS. Your mom and brother are the disrespectful ones. Not you, and certainly not your wife.
Its this sort of behavior that causes people to limit relationships or go no contact entirely with their parents.
NTA
Nta. Your mom is creepy and really inappropriate.
Your wife is your family now and you failed to protect her. You let your mom insult her and talk down on your sex life. YTA
NTA – just wait until your brothers wives/girlfriends get put through this and ready your punching arm for when they put your Mum to rights.
NTA, you stood up for your wife against your mothers bullying. some people just assume a woman is like a chicken and eggs are produced daily, and it just takes a quick poke from the rooster and hey presto!! Baby. She’s not a womb on legs or a baby factory.
Every marriage has it’s down sides and difficult moments. It sounds like you and your wife are pretty solid, and the fact you stood up for her will go a long way towards letting her know you still love her.
Time to lower contact with your mom. See her less often and if she starts on the baby drama just leave. Maybe see her on your own once a month and leave your wife to do other things. After a few months of your wife not seeing her she might get the message. Be wary if she does get pregnant though. I can see your mom exploding and taking over, and making it all about her. That’s really when you will need to step in front of your wife and protect her.
This never happened
Honestly, if my MIL told me how to please her little boy in bed. That would be the last time she saw me. If I did have children. MIL would never fucking lay eyes on them.
NTA, though one of my favorite responses would’ve been “Mom, why are you imagining me having sex? That’s super weird.”
Babies are serious. Like, earth shattering if the foundation is rocky. You & your wife should be in a better spot before even trying imo. Also, all the arguing would probably be detrimental to any attempts anyway. Stress isn’t very helpful for developing healthy life, in the house or in a brand new human.
Maybe you guys could try counseling? Not because either of you seem wrong from this post, but because it could genuinely help you both.
Your mom overstepped MASSIVELY and she is a huge AH. You are not an AH for how you feel, but you probably should have told her how completely inappropriate she was being and that your sex life was none of her bloody business, rather than just keep repeating “a baby will come when we’re ready”. What if you can’t have them?
NTA, but you need to have a come to Jesus talk with your mom. Anymore discussions about babies and her saying crap to your wife about pleasing you sexually is so far out of bounds. Ideally, you should have gotten up and left and while leaving say “mom, discussing our sex lives is a gross invasion of privacy and plain disrespectful especially I. Front of other family members. You need to apologize to both of us before we see or speak to you again. And none of the ‘I’m sorry if I said something…’ nonsense-apologies. Just know that if and when we have a child you will be dead last to know about it”.
NTA. Your mom (and brother I’d argue) are definitely ones for sure. Sex, pregnancy, and children are private matters that don’t need your mom’s (or anyone else’s) input. One of the only reasons I was able to have a kid was because I didn’t feel outside pressure from other people to reproduce. My mom felt that before she had me from her former/now-deceased MIL. This was back in the early 1980s (yeah, I’m getting old haha), and she said it was absolutely awful. Her MIL would call her on the phone and bug her about it, and my biological dad just let her do it. He didn’t have her back and tell his mom to STFU, one of the many reasons that they divorced.
You might want to consider going low contact ‘(LC) with your family for a while, put them on an extended time out if you can. I’m glad you stood up for your wife and asserted some boundaries, but next time your mom starts her BS, just up and leave.
NTA. Lay down the line with your mom. If she can’t comply, tell her that maybe you see less of her until she can recognize how inappropriate her comments are.
Or, ask her if she’d like to sign up for a text notification to let her know everytime you two f*ck. Since she’s so interested in you making a baby.
YTA for even letting it get to the point where your wife was having to ask you to step in. As soon as she told your wife to learn to please you (TF?!?!) you should have shut the conversation down and LEFT.
Does some part of you agree with mommy and that’s why you kept letting this conversation escalate and barely interfered?
Ewww….I couldn’t imagine saying something so gross to my DIL about making sure she’s pleasing my son in the bedroom. Honestly as a mom the last thing I want to think about is the sex life of either of my adult children, let alone be pushy about babies. Your mom is not only gross but a major AH, and so are you for allowing your wife to be subjected to it.
NTA. And thank you for sticking up for your wife. The fact that Mom feels it’s okay to discuss bedroom stuff….at a family dinner, no less, is not ok
YTA you should’ve nipped it in the bud when she started talking to your wife about y’all’s sex life because for one that’s WEIRD. and incredibly disrespectful. If your wife spazzed on your mom I’m willing to bet you would’ve gotten upset with her for it.
next time youy mom pulls this crap, LEAVE. NTA
Take a leaf out of the yodeling husband’s playbook. NTA
YTA – why did it take your wife touching your leg for you to shut this down? She was well over the line of inappropriate before that.
Glad you deffended your wife. Your mom overstepped her boundary. When was the last time your mother got pregnant? Maybe she too does not know what she is doing in the bedroom.
Your mom was being entirely inappropriate.
Your wife is in an awkward place and it’s understandable that she has mixed feelings about the whole situation. But you handled it well.
I think you need to have a private talk with your mom and tell her these conversations are off limits from now on.
NTA
Mom needs to relax. Her friends are probably grandmothers and she’s feeling left out. Get a pet then she can have a grand puppy, grand kitty heck a grand goldfish
Oh, please tell me this is fake
If not, the second your mom started telling your wife that she needs to make sure she pleases you in the bedroom, you should have gotten up and left.
Your mother should not even be asking you why you don’t have kids yet. It’s none of her business, unless you choose to tell her.
Your mother is a boundary-stamping, overbearing, nonsense-spouting nightmare of a MIL. You need to grow a spine and stop letting her steamroll you and your wife.
Which: if you’re wondering why your young marriage is fizzling, your relationship with your mother is a huge clue-by-four that you should not need to be hit over the head with to see.
NTA. When you have a child is not your mother’s business, or even if you want children at all. For your mother to suggest that your wife doesn’t know what she’s doing in the bedroom is the height of disrespect. If she’d been my mother, I wouldn’t be visiting her again until she apologises for her tasteless behaviour.
MIL asking me over dinner what I do the bedroom would make me lose me appetite for both sex and food.
Wow, you handled your mom really well! That topic of conversation was so far out of line on Mom’s part that it’s three counties over. Have a private 1:1 conversation with Mama Bear and explain that she has no business whatsoever commenting on your sex life and that was the last conversation on the subject of sex and potential grandkids you’ll ever have with her. NTA
Talk to mom one on one. Explain that you do not owe her a grandchild. You will start a family when you are ready. Further you will not tolerate her interference with your family planning and open discussion of your sex life. Her comments were inappropriate and you should set firm boundaries. That topic of discussion is out of bounds. If she brings this up, you can get up from a dinner and walk away… but you don’t have to go there yet. Maybe she gets one warning the moment she broaches the topic but that is it.
Your wife will appreciate you taking control of the conversation. And setting and maintaining firm boundaries.
Your mom is a weirdo for insinuating anything about your wife’s performance in the bedroom and an asshole for pushing about kids. Go low contact
honestly? your brother punching your arm after YOU stood up for YOUR WIFE is crazy. like… you’re married. your loyalty isn’t to mommy anymore. they’re mad bc you broke the cycle and set a boundary. good on you.
NTA except the MINUTE she said your wife must not be pleasing YOU in bed you should have stood up for your wife. Bro! That’s sure as heck going to make your wife NOT want to have sex with you. Be the man she needs. Not a Momma’s boy.
“Your opinion on our sex life is not needed, nor is it appropriate for you to speak about. Our choices on having children do not include you. You had your children and chose to have them. This is OUR decision. Our lives. If you’d like to continue being a part of our lives I recommend you drop it and do not speak of that subject again unless WE bring it up.”
NTA, you stood up for your wife, good for you for having the balls to do that.
When you guys are ready you’ll be ready, until then it’s no one’s business to pressure you guys. Your mom was being rude, and to tell her that she isn’t pleasing you, oof that’s awkward.
YTAH for not taking up for your wife and not telling your mother to mind her fucking business. Also, the AH for not telling your brother that if he lays his hands on you again you will put him on his ass! Be a better husband and act like a freaking man. You will have kids when you want and your parents have no say in it and that is where the conversation should end. Your wife should never feel pressured because you allow your family to treat her the way they did. You are less than a man until you start taking up for your wife and telling your family to shut the hell up!
I will never understand why people push this topic so hard. It’s rude.
NTA.
NTA. She’s “not doing it right”?!! TF?! Goog for you for shutting her down!!
You know, there’s something that a lot of people my generation don’t understand if they have grown up in a place where it was normal to have kids early and do things certain ways. They don’t understand the value of not having kids or having kids later or really honoring your relationship and growing it and exploring it and growing yourself. When there are kids it’s hard to do that. That doesn’t mean it can’t be done. But you sound very insightful. And for the life of me, with the exception of social norms, I can’t imagine why anyone would push their kid to have children. I have three grown kids and all I really want is for them to be happy and to function well in life. One of them has a kid. The other ones don’t. My happiness and sense of well-being is not dependent upon what my children do. It’s dependent upon my own choices with my own life. You sound a lot more insightful and a lot less shallow than your parents. I had my first child at 27 which I wanted and I had my second and third when I was 36 and 37 and I was such a better parent at 36 and 37. I’m just shocked. Myself, I would just smile and say that you two are making your choices in your life and you’re really grateful. And that your mother, if she is lacking in fulfillment and enrichment, can go find things that fulfill an en richer that are not dependent on things that you choose.
You’re mom’s a creep omg
nta your mom is rude
You feel correctly, and thanks for standing up to your mom. She was way out of line. I had a MIL like that – husband and I weren’t getting pregnant and she came right out at a family dinner and said “I love both my daughters-in-law but Katie (hsb’s brother’s wife) is especially dear because she’s given me a grandchild.” My husband privately let her know that comment was inappropriate. Down the road we learned that due to a childhood accident I suffered I would have never been able to carry a child. So you never know the future. Your mother needs to keep her opinions to herself.
NTA you support your wife. Text your mother and tell her the topic of kids is off the table and if she brings it up you will leave or kick her out. Then follow through.
I do think you need to talk to your wife. She may have changed her mind about having a kid or she is heavily on the fence and might want to talk to a therapist alone so she can figure out what she wants or what her anxieties are about having a kid
NTA and your brother pubching you in the arm is ridoculpua, you’re in your late 20’s, not your early teens. Contact him and your mom, and say for the benefit of you and your wife you’re not coming over anymore, and there will be no further discussion of children. It’s not a request, it isn’t a debate.
NTA
kudos to you for sticking up for your wife. 🟩🟩🟩⛳️ if i could have a green flag emoji id post that instead. Also super weird to have your mom talking to fiancee about getting her son off at dinner. Moms TAH for sure.
Jesus, good thing my parents didn’t nag me about kids, I was with my husband for 7 years before I got pregnant. Turns out we both had our own infertility issues which means all those “heavy periods” of mine over the years likely had some early miscarriages in there.
You are NTA, and your job is to protect and defend your wife.
“It’s a private matter between me and my wife. When it happens, we will let you know.”
Why isn’t mom pressuring your brothers about kids, too? It’s not fair to you or your wife and your mom needs to butt out.
Send your mom a message that if she brings this up again you will not be seeing her. She can pound nails and bitch about it but she’s the one who created the uncomfortable situation. NTA.
NTA. Tell your mother that the more she nags, the less likely she is to see any future children. She sounds insufferable and awful. Also, what a fucked up conversation. Creepy AF.
NTA she was being very disrespectful to your wife. Good for you for standing up for her. It’s none of your mom’s business when or if you have kids. Tell your mom if she wishes to see you again there will be no talk of babies. And then if she mentions it, say nothing, just get up and leave.
NTA
She was the one that’s being disrespectful, not you. You put on boundaries and rightly so
NTA. Good on you for having your wife’s back and standing up against your mom. However, I can guarantee that this is causing her anxiety in regard to sexual intimacy and could be a very large contributing factor as to why the sexual motivation in your relationship has decreased. I would talk to your mom separately in private and tell her your sex life and family planning is NONE of her business and the conversation is completely off the table unless YOU GUYS bring it up. This was no way can claim you embarrassed her or were disrespectful. Good luck.
NTA. In fact I think you should’ve been harsher. Does it not creep you out that your mother is thinking about your sex life with your wife? Does it not bother you that she thinks you not having a baby = your wife not doing enough in bed? Do you not find it disrespectful that your sex life, and your wife’s prowess in bed, was discussed in front of your brothers and they LAUGHED at her? I am just reading a summary of this conversation and I am so grossed out.
If you can’t understand exactly how gross this is, imagine your daughter sitting with her in-laws and all of them start asking her what she does in bed. And then her brothers-in-law laugh at her answers. Just so vulgar.
> My mom then said to my wife how to make sure she pleases me in the bedroom and my brothers just starts laughing.
“Mother, that’s extremely inappropriate and creepy. If you keep saying things like that, you won’t be allowed near the baby when we do have one.
Tell your mom if she mentions kids again there won’t be any. Ever.
NTA you weren’t disrespecting your mom, you were standing up for your wife. Way too many stories on here about spouses just letting their parents/siblings/friends disrespect their husband/wife.
The family you make/choose should come before the one you come from.
NTA your mom is creepy, overbearing, and bitchy. Your brothers also suck for saying you were disrespectful to your mom.
People really lacking reading comprehension in this one, uh :/ or projecting too much
Anyway. NTA, you clearly know how and when to set boundaries, don’t let your brothers or mom make you feel like is wrong. I’m thinking your wife may be under a lot of stress, in general and more if her MIL keeps making does comments. I’ll suggest telling your mom something along the lines of “Not that I need to explain this to you, since it’s our life, but since you’re being rude overstepping boundaries, let’s try this. Baby making activities won’t work right now if wife is stressed, and you aren’t helping the situation. If you really want a grandbaby then you’ll stop making comments about it. You don’t need to ask when is going to happen, whenever a baby is on their way, we’ll let you know so we can celebrate together.”
OP, you need to call your mum and tell her your sex life and when you have a baby is none of her business and if she mentions it again, you will leave and cease contact. That is not ok
NTA you’re right it is your job to protect your wife even from your own family
NTA- Although I would have gotten up and left when my mom started talking to my wife about pleasing me in the bedroom? That shit is leaps and bounds beyond boundary crossing. Forget the pregnancy pressure, the fact that your mom feels like she can just go on about your sex life at the dinner table is just beyond.
NTA, but if I was your wife, I’d be gearing up to say some heinous shit next time your mom pulled this crap, so you’d better be at the ready to shut your mom down before she even starts.
NTA
Your mother is out of line and your brothers are mommies boys. They’d defend her if she spit on your wife. They aren’t people whose opinions should matter since they have an extreme, apparent bias.
NTA. Your mom is going to create problems in your marriage if you don’t get her to stop this. Her asking about up your sex life and shaming your wife is inappropriate. Especially at the dinner table in front of other people. It’s okay to want grandkids. It’s not okay to interfere and keep pushing the subject.
NTA. Are you from the Middle East 😅? Good for you for supporting your wife. Please keep doing that.
Relax. You guys should have just said “sure momma” and changed the conversation. Don’t go on about it. Don’t turn everything into drama and breaking off relationships and all that sloppy social muck. Just be real with each other. My goodness, some of the people giving you advice just love breaking up families like it’s a show or story. This is your actual family. Just tell your mom this isn’t a comfortable topic for you and your wife.
Your mom lectured your wife about pleasing you in the bedroom? 🤮
It is on you to shut your mother down—ideally before your wife sees her again.
You don’t need to explain when you plan to have a baby. Stop getting in discussions with your mom about this.
When she brings it up, say you will start a family when you’re ready. Change the subject if she keeps bugging you.
NTA. ghost everybody that tries to meddle and dictate how you should handle your private life.
YTA for not shutting that shit down. Ask your family if they’re a bunch of perverts if they’re so invested in your sexual activity.
NTA. at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew what your favourite position was in bed. And tbh she needs to stop acting like a boy mum.
Nta unlike some people I see on reddit you stand up for your wife. It might be time to lower the contact with your mom since she can’t respect your pace and makes your wife uncomfortable.