My boyfriend and I broke up after one year together. For context, he moved to my city almost two years ago. He’s managed to create a lot of friendships because of his hobbies, especially volleyball. He’s also lived all over and has friends in those cities and at home.
I grew up here and I only have a few friends. However, my connections with them run deep(i went to school with them, lived with them at one point, etc.) We see eachother once a month or less during busy times. When we see eachother, we have a blast. But type of relationship we have has just shifted because our lives are so different (most of them are married, some live out of state, I work a lot, etc.) Outside this, I don’t have much social interaction and my weekends are usually free.
He complained in our last conversation that I didn’t have many friends and it held him back. He said that he’s tried to introduced me to his friends but it’s “always something with you.” The reason I didn’t connect was because most of them were men, older, and I zero things in common with them. Some of them women also made no effort with me and were just flat out rude.
I feel so hurt by this. For his birthday, I took him to the beach and a nice restaurant, spent the whole day with him, made a cake and card, and got presents. None of his friends here even knew it was his birthday. His close friend bailed last minute and didn’t come to see him. I wish he could have just been happy with who I was.
My question is how can I cope with this comment? Also, does anyone have advice on finding new friendships after breakups?
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When you realise that you ex said this not to give you the truth but to hurt you or to put the blame on you so he could deal with the shame that things didint work out. Then you might have a easier time to let this go.
We humans use words not only to say the truth. You might have seen it when two people hate eachother, then they lie and twist words only to hurt the other. Have you asked someone that cares about you what they think? Do they see the same problem? Or are you going to let someone that faulty like your ex decide where you are deficient?
Just take it as further evidence you two weren’t a good fit and move on. If you want to meet new people, fine, but if you’re happy with your social life as is, then keep it as is. You’ll find someone who doesn’t need you to be part of their friend group if you don’t want to, or whose friends you actually get along with.
When you date someone significantly older than you their friends are probably going to be older than you, this shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you. So if his friends are very important to him and you just didn’t gel with them, for whatever reason, it’s understandable why he thought this should end. But it’s also important to keep this in context. If you ‘dated’ this guy for a year but only saw him once a month that’s basically a dozen dates you’re talking about. It may be a bit of a stretch to even call this a relationship. Acknowledging that should make it easier to get over this.
If your boyfriend believed he was better than you because he had more friends… Then the trash took itself out.
He doesn’t have friends.
He just has numbers.
His birthday. None of them knew it was his birthday. His “closest’ friends bailed on him and didn’t even show up.
He doesn’t have real friends, he has just numbers that is boosting his ego.
If that was his justification, I would have said:
>You’re breaking up with me because I don’t have as many friends as you. At least my friends show up to my birthday. Your friends bail on you. So, I am not sure who has more real friends between the two of us.
>There’s the door! Enjoy your crappy friends.
You’re better off without him.
I’m a little confused how your friendships or lack of held him back. Unless he was going to date them. If you forbade him
From
Doing his thing because you would be alone if he did.
I notice people in general either have a ton of friends they don’t know that well( more friendly acquaintances) or they have a handful of really good friends.
I’m sure both are good. Don’t question your way of living because it’s not another person way. Never let them
Blame you for holding them back. He’s free to do what he wants or make the friends he wants .
I think that was a pretty crappy way to exit.
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight from this situation… and it’s completely valid to feel hurt when someone you care about doesn’t seem to value your presence in their life the way you’d hoped. Focusing on building connections that are meaningful to you rather than trying to fit into someone else’s social circle might help you find more peace moving forward.