My (20F) girlfriend of 6 months, was honest with me (24M) about her past intimacy and now I feel emotionally numb. How do I move past feeling second best in a relationship?

I’ve been in the most euphoric, loving, intimate, supportive, and respectful relationship with my girlfriend for the past 6 months. Things have moved extremely quickly, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I had found someone I would spend the rest of my life with.

Our intimacy has been amazing. We both talk openly about it and agree that it’s passionate, frequent, fun, consensual, and healthy. We’ve had several safe and honest conversations about our past partners. I’ve shared that my first two relationships were messy when it comes to intimacy early, but with her, everything felt amazing from the start. She’s had only one previous partner for 1.5 years, and she’s told me their intimacy wasn’t great until the last two months of their relationship. We have done more, both tried new things, and I have even been able to make her finish, which she only had experienced one single time with her past partner. With all that said, I was extremely confident about our sex life and from the conversations we’ve had, she had felt the same.

With all that in mind, I was extremely confident in our connection, both emotionally and physically. But then, a single question and a honest answer shattered that confidence and has killed my spark

A few nights ago, my girlfriend asked me randomly who I enjoyed having sex with more between two of my exes. I answered, and naturally, I was curious about her answer. At that moment, I realized she’d be choosing between me (her boyfriend of 6 months) and her only other partner of 1.5 years. She hesitated. The silence was painful, and I could tell she didn’t want to answer, but I just wanted to hear it. She eventually said her ex was the better partner. I was confused, hurt, and asked her why. She seemed nervous, and her responses left a lot to be imagined and create comparisons. She compared one night we had together with her exes anniversary night and how it was “just different”. She just kept repeating that it was different with him. She also mentioned that he was “bigger,” but reassured me that it didn’t matter and it doesn’t feel any different during intercourse, which felt strange to bring up and the comparison still cut deep.

Some of the things she said were:

“He was passionate.” (This hurt because I thought we were extremely passionate too.)

“He was good with his fingers.” (This confused me since she’s told me before that he never made her finish with his fingers, but I’ve done it multiple times.)

“We spent more time exploring each other’s bodies.” (This one stung the most, as we’ve had multiple intimate sessions a day, something she said she never did with him as they would only go once.)

I tried to stay mature and honest, telling her that hearing this really hurt me. I apologized for asking the question when I knew it might only cause pain. She immediately felt bad and reassured me that everything we have is special and unique. She was terrified she had ruined our relationship and worked hard to comfort me. But despite her efforts, I was overwhelmed by confusion, insecurity, and hurt. I felt like I would never have something as special that’s “different” like she had with her ex. After the conversation, I spiraled into a dark place. I couldn’t stop overthinking. I wondered if she said all of this to hurt me, but rationally, I don’t think that’s the case. I wanted space, but I didn’t think that would help either, so I chose to keep communication going but take a step back in person for the time being.

The first few days after that night was really hard, the pain was a lot and I couldn’t stop overthinking. I am starting to feel emotionally stronger and the feelings of insecurity and pain are almost gone. The issue is, I feel emotionally numb, the excitement is gone, the euphoria, my love feels different. The thought of moving on feels ok. I am not scared to lose her. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her and now feels like someone I can easily live without her. It hurts to say this, because I loved the person I was when I was with her, but deep down, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. I don’t know if I’m just guarding myself because I’m hurt, if I’m emotionally scarred, or if I’m distancing myself because of the insecurity I feel. Whatever it is, I can’t control it, and it’s killing me inside.

How do I navigate these feelings of emotional numbness and insecurity?

Is it possible to rebuild the spark when emotional trust feels shaken?

Will I ever get over the subconscious feelings of being “second best” or “not enough”?

Or am I a completely out of mind and being stupid about this? I have been thinking this might be the case but my body still feels numb to her.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’d really appreciate any advice, insights, or experiences that can help me navigate this difficult situation.