AITA for refusing to give up our bed to my GF’s parents for just one night?
My girlfriend (together 10 years) and I just bought a house and moved in two months ago. We’ve been exhausted between work burnout, back-to-back funerals, and the chaos of moving, we’re both running on fumes.
Now, her entire family is coming to stay for a few days to celebrate her birthday: her parents, brother, sister, and her sister’s husband.
We have a guest room with a mezzanine. It’s a bit weirdly laid out, but it fits a double bed underneath and there’s some cramped space for a second mattress up on the mezzanine (which we don’t own yet — it would be a last-minute cheap IKEA run).
I’m super tall, so that double bed and the frame does not fit me. Our own bed is a king and fits me perfectly. Her parents are only staying one night, and they’re super chill, no medical issues, retired, not picky about beds. Yet my girlfriend insists we give them our bedroom “for their privacy,” and that we sleep up on the mezzanine on this future ikea thin mattress.
Meanwhile, the sister and her husband would take the double bed (the best option), and the brother would crash in the living room on a camping mattress.
I said no. I don’t want to give up my bed for one night, especially when I’m dead-tired and they genuinely don’t care where they sleep. My girlfriend is now upset and says I’m being selfish and disrespectful — that her parents deserve privacy no matter what.
So… AITA for standing my ground on keeping our bed for ourselves?
Comments
NTA. Even without you being tired, them sleeping in the bed that you share is weird.
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NAH. This is just one of those situations where one of you won’t get your way
NTA. But using the excuse that you’re tired is kinda lame.
Why don’t you put the sister and husband on the mezzanine, the parents in the double?
Tell your girlfriend that they recently invented this thing. It’s a huge building that has lots of rooms in it. You go there, hand them some money and in return they let you have one of those rooms for a day. Amazingly, those rooms just so happen to have these things you call beds.
You aren’t an asshole… but sometimes you have to ask yourself, “Is this the hill I want to die on?” Meaning… is it really that big of a deal that you would choose to fight the issue, instead of just let it go, and cash the brownie points in later? If it’s only for a couple nights, I would just suck it up… let your girlfriend know that you really don’t approve of this, but will do it to make her and her family happy. That can go a long way with her… and buy you some leeway in the future when you and her disagree about something again.
NTA
They should stay in a hotel, especially if it is just for 1 night. That way, you can get the rest you NEED and your in-laws can get the privacy your wife WANTS them to have. The idea of sharing your marital bed with her folks is quite unsettling. Just be prepared for your wife to be unreasonable and stand on business according to your marital realities.
They make blow up king sized mattresses. Don’t be TA.
It’s YOUR bed. The answer to her is no
NAH It’s okay to want your parents to be as comfortable as possible. It’s also okay not to want anyone sleeping in your bed. The tired excuse is lame though, just be honest that you don’t feel comfortable letting someone stay in your bed/room.
Often it’s better to get a used mattress off marketplace than buy a cheap one FYI- just sell it after.
NTA. My in-laws have stayed over at our house in the past when they have had to travel to come see us. I have the upmost respect for my In-laws. They are in their 70’s and have medical issues with their back and shoulders. But In MY House. I sleep in MY bed. I will make arrangements for anyone who does decide they would like to stay, but my room, is my room. I work hard for it and I pay for it and it would be so awkward for either my or my wife’s parents to sleep in our bedroom.
I also get where your GF is coming from in being she wants to be respectful and loves her parents, but she’s not a kid anymore. You and her work hard for what you have and that should be respected. Just my 2 cents.
This is a lose/lose situation. You bought a house with this woman so I assume you’re planning a future together.
Your house is simply not set up for multiple houseguests. And no one should be sharing the guest room with another couple unless it’s their kids.
Parents go in the guest room, you keep your own room and everyone else gets the living room with a combination of couches and air mattresses. Or they can get a hotel or airbnb.
Nta. Yalls home. Her parents dont take over the master bedroom. Tell gf she can cut the strings or yall can sell and go your own way. Shes way ton old for that shit.
nta
you deserve privacy too, especially in your own home, might even need a place to take a break (no matter which ones family it is, even if its ‘only’ one visitor, it can be a bit much)
never give up your sleeping room, also lock down all papers, collectibles, ‘toys’, memorabilia, … all that might be important, you do not like get snooped through and so on. That counts formall guests in your space, even without overnight stays.
It looks like your GF might not respect ‘your’ things/POV/boundaries already, so I’d be not surprised if she takes it even further (or the family)
NAH. If your girlfriend’s parents want privacy, they should stay at a hotel. My brother and his wife live states away and when my parents come to visit them, they sure as shit don’t give them their bedroom. My other brother lives in an apartment with his girlfriend a few hours away, and they sure as shit don’t give my parents their bedroom when they go to visit for a weekend. It’s not normal to give your parents or your in-laws your bedroom and your bed to sleep in regardless of how long they stay. Your girlfriend is weird.
I would not want to host people in a home I have lived in for only two months. Also — your house isn’t set up well to have guests stay there. I would tell them that you are still setting things up, and staying in a hotel would be more comfortable for them.
NTA giving up your bed is weird. I feel like beds are deeply personal. I would find some alternative like a hotel.
its one night whats the big deal
She thinks she’s still bargaining with you. NTA. If her parents don’t care, tell her to stop inventing problems.
NAH. I don’t want to say this is cultural as much as … people are raised differently. I know some people/families where this is common, and expected.
Neither of you is wrong persay.
I’d have to agree, absolutely not. If her parents want privacy and a nice bed, get a hotel room. They can take their family with them 🤣
Im more concerned about buying a house with someone your not legally married to
If that isn’t an issue then it sounds like this is something your GF wants to do for her parents. If you love her and want to make her happy suck it up. Most likely parents will refuse but even if they dont its one night.
My wife is the same way. Let me guess, She European?
Bad news, tough shit, you’re giving up that bed. That is their culture
YTA – I would always give my parents or my husbands parents the most comfortable bed. It’s only one night.
No one is going to sleep in my bed and I would never think to have someone give up their bed for me.
That’s just so weird. None of my parents would expect me to give up my bed to them if they stayed.
My parents won’t even go into my room, let along agree to sleep in mine and my husband’s bed.
NTA
Wow so the entire family including married sister and husband come in town for your gf’s bday? Being its not a national holiday and its one night, they can have the accommodations that are offered, NTA
A very wise person once told my mother: “Never move the king or the queen.” And Mom did-I asked her how she did it and she told me this and added: “The pope or the president can rent a hotel. Everyone else can sleep where we put them.”
NTA. It’s your house. You don’t give up the big bed to anyone.
My husband is ‘6-“4, so I know exactly how you feel. He suffers in a queen bed. We both suffer in a double bed. You have every right to insist on sleeping in your own bedroom.
Ask your gf why you don’t need privacy OR comfort in your home. Tell her she can sleep on the IKEA mattress. If she insists tell her you are going to a hotel with a king bed.
If you can’t give up your bed for one day to your family ( In laws) then yes you are an asshole and big one.
Honestly, this would be a relationship ender for me. Under no circumstances would I be giving up my bed – especially if the alternative literally didn’t fit. If your gf is unwilling to compromise now on this issue, what will happen down the road when they come visit for a longer period? Staying in your home is intrusion enough. NTA
Recently had relatives visit. Husband, who needs a certain mattress and comfort level offered our bedroom. We were miserable in the other bedroom and had no sleep for their entire visit. We decided, NEVER again, we have our bed/mattress for his health, a good night’s sleep. Yesterday they called stating they would be in the area again soon, I told them I had a few calls to make and I would call them back. I rented a room in a nice hotel with a restaurant, room service, etc. Explicitly asked the hotel to leave a comment in the reservation stating everything they needed would be on my credit card. I called our relatives and told them we reserved a room for them, on our dime. They were understanding. Honestly, I don’t care how they felt as we always come first from now on.
Your bed fits you. They have other bed options in your house. If she isn’t willing to compromise. Be thankful that you found out now how caring and acknowledging of your sleep/rest needs before you need to pay for a divorce.
Don’t give up your space. It’s your home that you pay to enjoy its comforts. Her parents and family will grow entitled to invade your space if you set the tone for giving in.
You provided a feasible option. If she doesn’t want them at a hotel or AirBnB, then she can suck it up with them in other areas.
My mom told us kids, she would never want to sleep in/occupy our primary beds in knowing we’ve given her grandkids and the subsequent actions and behaviors it took to create them, lol.
NTA. Your bed is “your” private space. A place of intimacy. No one is entitled to your bed. Put your foot down. Gf doesn’t get to give away your bed, your well-deserved night’s sleep so she can try to impress mommy & daddy (who probably don’t want to sleep in your bed anyway). Gf needs a reality check.
Why do they need privacy? They’re staying one night. If they need privacy they can get a hotel room.
Its weird to give up your own bed for a guest especially when the reasoning is “privacy” since in my mind that immediately means intimacy
NTA, only if you get the parents bed when you visit them. People do not expect a host to give up their private space to guests. Your gf is asking too much.
NTA – tell her you are staying in your bed and if she wants to give her side to someone she is welcome to it.
NTA. Your bed is your bed. No one sleeps in my bed but me and my wife.
I’m guessing she not only wants them to be comfortable, she also wants to impress them. By extension, she wants you to impress them with your generosity.
NTA, but you need to find out why she is so desperate to make this happen. Ask her what she’s afraid will happen if you don’t give up your bed for them.
How about she sleep in the garage?
Parents take double bed, sister + takes new mattress, brother takes sofa….no reason for you to leave your bedroom. Set the ground rules early, your bed is not available for guests. Put your foot down, tell her no, full stop. NTA
If she wants them to have a bed, she can book them a hotel room. You are NTAH
NAH.
As a Nigerian girl I kinda get your gf and honestly I wouldn’t mind giving them the bed if it made me uncomfortable for few nights.
That’s just how I was brought up.
I honestly don’t know what’s the right answer cause it sounds like you guys just have different values and principles on the matter….. But then that’s why I tend to date within my culture
NTA.
Her parents can have the double bed and her sister and BIL can have the mattress on the mezzanine. It’s honestly that simple.
Privacy can be found at a nearby hotel.
You have a GF problem.
NTA. They can get a hotel/air b&b!
It’s just a question of boundaries. I’m not giving up my spousal bed to anyone, even if I”m not there. I’d as soon do that as share underwear.
NTA. To each his own but our house is packed (7 of us) so when someone comes and they are staying overnight we give up our beds. We enjoy them coming and they are guests.
My hubby is 6’4” and he takes the long part of the couch and short me takes the short couch. It’s temporary and they feel welcomed.
When you visit her parents do they give you their room for privacy?
Ooof YTA , you aren’t married and buying property together ? That sounds like a recipe for disaster
Nta and she needs to understand that she does not have to set herself on fire just to keep others warm especially if they genuinely do not care because it just makes it even more confusing as to where this people pleasing attitude has come from in that case. Stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
You deserve your privacy too. It’s unheard of of the homeowners vacating their own bed for guests. NTA
NTA. Your girlfriend is insensitive to your needs.
NTA what about your privacy?
Fuck that. Hell no. It’s YOUR bed.
If you want to give up our bed then I’ll just go stay in a hotel and you can explain to your parents why I won’t be around during their visit
NTAH
I’m in my 60’s. I visit my nephew (out of state) for several weeks a year. He offers me his bed. I say no. He works. I’m visiting. I can understand why she wants to give her parents the bed. It’s polite. But if her parents don’t want/need it there’s no big deal. She’s the AH
NTA
The master bedroom is for the masters only. I don’t want to sacrifice my comfort even for my parents. There should be boundaries
Just curious. When you say you and GF bought the house, do you mean you both contributed to down payment, both pay equally to mortgage and both your names are on the deed? NTAH, in any case.