My husband and I(29&30) have two children ages 7 and 4. I have a younger sister 17, she’ll be a senior in highschool this upcoming year and is turning 18 in December. I’ve had my sister in my care since she was 13.
Basically my sister doesn’t work, we don’t make her have a job because she was in school full time. My sister recently came to my husband and I telling us she was pregnant, ofc we supported her backed up, and are by her side with her choices but I had a long talk with her how things have to be extremely different.
So I live in a 3bedroom home, my two kids share a room and my sister has her own room. I explained to her she’d have to go to work, and the baby would be in her room. We already don’t really have the space. I would not go out of my way to cover childcare nor would my husband unless we we’re already home watching our children. I explained she’d have to start pitching in with groceries, as well. If she couldn’t meet these expectations she’d have to go immediately and find somewhere else to live. She got upset and said how would she work wit a newborn, I said the same way everyone else does. She didn’t like that and said I was abandoning her and that she wasn’t even 18 yet.
We got into an argument, she agreed that these things needed to happen but said I was being a bitch and being insensitive, that these things rules I was setting were unrealistic. I told her those were the rules so either get your shit together or leave..
She’s been staying at a friend the past two nights, came home today and went straight to her room, hasn’t came out. My husband thinks I may be being too strict as she is just turning 18 and unprepared. Aita?
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My husband and I(29&30) have two children ages 7 and 4. I have a younger sister 17, she’ll be a senior in highschool this upcoming year and is turning 18 in December. I’ve had my sister in my care since she was 13.
Basically my sister doesn’t work, we don’t make her have a job because she was in school full time. My sister recently came to my husband and I telling us she was pregnant, ofc we supported her backed up, and are by her side with her choices but I had a long talk with her how things have to be extremely different.
So I live in a 3bedroom home, my two kids share a room and my sister has her own room. I explained to her she’d have to go to work, and the baby would be in her room. We already don’t really have the space. I would not go out of my way to cover childcare nor would my husband unless we we’re already home watching our children. I explained she’d have to start pitching in with groceries, as well. If she couldn’t meet these expectations she’d have to go immediately and find somewhere else to live. She got upset and said how would she work wit a newborn, I said the same way everyone else does. She didn’t like that and said I was abandoning her and that she wasn’t even 18 yet.
We got into an argument, she agreed that these things needed to happen but said I was being a bitch and being insensitive, that these things rules I was setting were unrealistic. I told her those were the rules so either get your shit together or leave..
She’s been staying at a friend the past two nights, came home today and went straight to her room, hasn’t came out. My husband thinks I may be being too strict as she is just turning 18 and unprepared. Aita?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she either needed to get her shit together or move out after telling us she was pregnant. She got upset said I was being a bitch and unrealistic and isn’t talking to me. My husband agrees I may be being too harsh. I might be the ah because she’s unprepared and doing this on her own.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. If you get pregnant and don’t choose to get an abortion, surprise! You suddenly have a lot more responsibilities to handle! Be sure to involve the father as well, he should be providing child support even if he doesn’t stay in a relationship with your sister.
Sorry that she’s going to find out it’s not easy being a single parent, even if you do have some help from family/friends.
NTA, Tough Love, hang in there
NTA but would she qualify for some kind of government income assistance after baby is born so she wouldn’t have to work immediately? I know lots of places have this but would depend where you are from. She should definitely get a job while she’s pregnant though to save up money. Babies are $$$
Info: who and where is the father?👀
NTA
Don’t want the extra responsibility? Don’t fuck around without protection (for the man) and birth control (yes I know in VERY very small instances it fails).
You are asking BARE MINIMUM from her and being ultra realistic at the same time. She needs to understand this isn’t going to be a walk in the park or that she can just dump her child on you two and live her teen and college life. She made a choice, and with that choice comes the responsibilities attached to it.
You are not being a bitch and those are VERY realistic rules/requirements.
INFO: are you receiving support from the state to care for your sister, akin to what foster parents get? Are you receiving / have received child support from your sister’s parent(s)? Are you asking her to contribute to household grocery costs while a minor and/or HS student?
NTA. Fuck around (literally) and find out. Adulthood is gonna hit her like a brick, and you’re just helping her be prepared for that the best way you can.
NTA….hold firm, or you will be taking care of multiple babies before you know it -people confuse “it takes a village” to think that they can outsource their responsibility onto others…all decisions have repurcussions, let her make her decision and then hold her to it.
Those aren’t really rules. That’s the expecations of and reality of becoming a parent, no matter your age.
She needs to start working now. She needs to start looking into childcare now. She needs to face reality that she’s going to be a very young adult with very grown-up responsibilities.
No point in sugar coating it and then her being blind sided later on when the crib is in her room and noone else’s.
NTA
NTA – she made an adult decision and adult consequences are getting a job to provide for her family. She should make a habit of providing from the start, rather than making a habit of her and her baby being dependent on others. And by her reaction to the talk you had with her, that talk was obviously necessary. She is still a minor and might not understand the changes in her life that will happen, so it would be the best to introduce her to what life is with kids – talk to her about how much time she will have to spend on her kid, feeding throught the day and night, teething, potty training, doctors appointments for both of them, teaching her child motoric skills and to speak, having a proper diet while pregnant and if she decides on breastfeeding, introducing proper diet to her child, cost of nappies, bottles, baby clothes, doctors appointments etc. Introduce her to process of planning doctors appointments, managing time for them etc. There’s a lot to learn, so start slowly introducing her to every aspect so she understands it fully. Maybe then she will understand more about why she needs to start working. Maybe even talk to her about budgeting and saving.
ESH. She was a child in your care, and you allowed her to get pregnant. That’s on you as her guardian. You should never have offered to take in a teenager if you weren’t ready to keep them under control. On the other hand, she’s practically an adult, and she needs to take some responsibility for her own actions. Kicking her out of your house is over the top, though.
Help her get an abortion before it’s too late. Or arrange adoption. She’s clearly too young and naive to be a parent. It’s a sad situation
NTA. Honestly, what exactly did she expect and did she think what she expected was realistic or kind of a fairy tale? Also, is she sure she wants to do this? Also, why did she do this? Or was it an accident and she really did try to protect herself from this outcome? (I acknowledge that I am assuming she did not)
YTA for how you handled it, but not necessarily for your expectations. You have a scared minor in your care and the way you dealt with your feelings was to tell her to get out immediately or do this list of things you just barely told her about, and which she has never had to do, never had experience with, and is probably totally overwhelmed about.
It would have been far FAR better to sit down and have a discussion with her as an adult, and not “explained” at her.
NTA she has chosen to do this She will need support, however she needs to grow up quickly, she is about to be a momma and the baby will have needs
You aren’t chosing to have another child she is
This is such a terrible situation in this day and age She has no choice but to have it, she may want to consider adoption