My (31F) boyfriend (27M) thinks I’m a liar because I told him I wasn’t in love with my ex but based on what’s happened he thinks otherwise

So my first child with my (abusive) ex-husband ended up with the same name as him, Josh. It wasn’t really my choice. He wanted our son to have his name and even though I didn’t love the idea I went along with it. I’ve always been pretty easygoing about boy names. Plus my brother (who I was really close to at the time) also had the middle name Josh, so that helped me feel a little better about it.

My ex wanted the full copy-paste version, same middle name too but I said no. Since he was picking the first name, I wanted the middle name to honor my dad. Josh is a common name anyway, which made it easier for me to separate it from just him in my mind, especially knowing we weren’t going to last.

When our son was born, I knew he technically wasn’t a Junior because their middle names were different. I told my ex that, but he didn’t believe me until my boss, who’s a IV confirmed it to be true. Still my ex kept calling him Junior anyway. I just called him Josh, or Junebug as a term of endearment. I even got his name tattooed as “Josh Jr” because that’s what everyone called him, and I wanted it to feel separate from his dad not because I believed he was a true junior.

My ex also got my name tattooed on his neck and pressured me to get his name on my chest. I didn’t really want to but I eventually gave in. I later covered it up but at the time I tried to justify it to myself by saying it’s my son’s name too. That helped me cope with it. But now my boyfriend says I only did that because I was in love with him and that I’m lying if I say otherwise. Which isn’t true. I wasn’t in love. I was manipulated and pressured and just trying to survive that relationship

I met my ex when I was 20, my BPD was untreated andd it was an abusive situation. I had my first it wasn’t planned but also I wasn’t truly against it either because I always knew I wanted to be a mom, it gave me purpose and I felt empty otherwise. I know that was very selfish but that’s where my head was at.

My second pregnancy I didn’t even want to go through with. I wanted an abortion, but my family talked me out of it. Tragically my baby passed away due to my ex’s negligence, he didn’t put him in a safe sleeping position. After that I hated him but I felt so guilty that my first had lost his brother that I decided to try for another baby months later before I officially left my ex

So I didn’t have kids with him out of love. I wasn’t choosing him.. I think I was chasing meaning, trying to survive, and doing the best I could with the fucked up mindset I was in.

And then my boyfriend and I were talking about baby names. I said if we ever had a boy he could pick the name but if it’s a girl, I’d really love to have a say. He got upset saying it’s not fair because I let my ex pick the name for our son, so he should get the same right regardless of gender. I’m wondering how I seem like a liar?

And, this is his view of the situation-

So I am in a relationship with a woman and she has had 3 kids one passed away due to her baby daddy smothering him on accident. She named her first kid after him knowing full well that he was a scumbag. He was the type to manipulate and abuse her. I think there are very telling signs and she knew them. He even proposed to her while he was taking a shit on the toilet. When we first met she explained to me that she never loved him and she felt trapped. I can understand this because I grew up in a household where my mother was abused. What I don’t understand is everything she has done despite not “loving” this man. She had her kid named after him supposedly saying he wasn’t meant to be a jr. Then she had another kid which passed away due to his negligence, then proceeded to get pregnant again right after that incident. To me having kids is the ultimate sign of love let alone 3 kids. She also had his name tattooed across her chest in big bold letters and had another matching tattoo with him. This is all stuff that I tolerated and worked through with her in order to try and make the relationship work because I think she genuinely is a good person. Fast forward we talked about potentially having a kid because I’m at the age where I would want one and I can financially support them. I had one request since she had the opportunity to name all of her kids. I would at least be able to name my first. This blew up into a huge argument because she said that I’m asking for too much and that she gets a say. This to me felt like a slap in the face because she literally let a guy who wouldn’t do anything and even now won’t support her kids name their kids but won’t provide any grace for me. All this to say, am i wrong or does it sound like she loved this guy more than she puts on and is only saying he’s a scumbag and this and that to try and save face, or was she a major part of that problem?

TLDR; I had kids when I was young and in an abusive relationship. I wasn’t in love I felt trapped and had such low self esteem that I didn’t think I could find a good guy. Boyfriend thinks I’m lying about being in love with him to save face. Why does it seem like I’m lying?