So I (27F) went to my cousin’s baby shower last weekend and offered to bring snacks. I love cooking and wanted to make something special instead of the usual premade grocery store trays and cookies. I made homemade goldfish-style crackers with real sharp cheddar, butter, and spices(the expensive stuff too). Everyone loved them and were grabbing handfuls up on handfuls. I even put them in little pastel bowls around the house so everyone wouldn’t crowd around one spot, but like an hour in, her friend who we shall refer to as Linda comes up to me and asks if there was dairy products in those crackers.
I said yes, they’re obviously cheese crackers. She looked horrified and said she was lactose intolerant, then said she was feeling sick. She went to lie down and later told everyone I should’ve warned people.
It’s very clearly a cheese cracker though? They’re orange. They smell like cheese. What part of that screams safe for sensitive stomachs? She didn’t ask beforehand, she didn’t even hesitate, just kept eating them and then acted like I poisoned her. Someone else chimed in and said I should’ve labeled them for allergens, but I didn’t realize dairy was apparently an allergen now. It’s not like I snuck shellfish into brownies. It’s cheddar. In cheese crackers. At a party.
The host (my cousin) said everything was fine and not to worry, but now I’m hearing from my mom that Linda’s telling people she was “violently ill” and that “the food wasn’t safe.” I think that’s dramatic, honestly. If your stomach can’t handle cheese ma’am, maybe don’t eat mystery crackers at a party?
So now there’s drama in the group chat about how “we should make food more inclusive” and I’m being told I should apologize to keep the peace.
Aitah for bringing cheesy snacks to a baby shower and assuming adults would know how to avoid something they can’t eat?
Comments
NTA. She’s an idiot and should know better if she is that violently reactive to lactose.
[removed]
NTA. They were literally cheese crackers, orange, cheesy, and unmistakable. If you’re lactose intolerant, you check before grabbing mystery snacks
Dairy has always been an allergen. And lactose intolerance is NOT and allergy, it’s lack of an enzyme to break down lactose.
Were you the only person supplying snacks or was this more of a potluck?
NTA. A cheese cracker…. It even has a dairy word in the name.
Warning labels are invented for these kind of people. And since you’re a hobby cook, and not a professional… no apologies needed!!
You’re NTA Ms. Linda needs to take responsibility for her own choice of eating what it sounds like we’re clearly cheese crackers.
I feel like milk is one of those ingredients that’s basic in A LOT of food, so you should be aware enough to ask about it if you have a sensitivity and are an adult.
Side note: wanna share that recipe?!
Let’s see…party for a bunch of women without cheese…nope…never heard of one. No chocolate either I suppose. NTA. Did she expect them to be lactose free, glucose free, sugar free and low salt too? Tell her you weren’t operating the hands she was using to place them into her mouth.
NTA If this person, Linda, was genuinely allergic or seriously vegan she would have asked many questions before putting anything homemade by stranger into her mouth. The host, OP’s cousin, said don’t worry about it. So the correct answer is: don’t worry about it. It’s not OP’s problem.
NTA – I am severely lactose intolerant so you know what I do? I make sure food is dairy free before I shove it into my pie hole, and I don’t delegate the job of monitoring what I eat to my host. She’s drama-mongering. You have nothing to apologize for. She is a grown adult who should know how to govern herself better and carry a supply of Lactaid.
NTA. You have nothing to apologize for, but Linda and some other people do. She knew what she was doing. It is not like you brought something that looked like chocolate cake and after everyone had tried it, you had said, “It is low calorie because there is no chocolate in it. I made it with potting soil”.
Nta. When you have dietary restrictions it’s on you to know what you’re consuming. Imo she’s just attention seeking.
NTA. I have food allergies and they are my problem to manage, not hosts and guests at a party.
Do not apologise
Nope. Please don’t bend. You’re not the one who needs to learn a lesson here.
Sorry, but people with food issues … the responsibility is on you to make sure you’re safe. Not on the rest of the world to magically figure it out.
NTA. I have a severe food allergy and plus a dietary restriction. I ALWAYS ask before hand. The one time a now ex friend knowingly put something in the food and lied to me about it (“well you didn’t die”), I did make a stink. But if it’s an honest mistake? That’s on her.
NTA for all the reasons already mentioned.
I’m lactose intolerant to some extent, but it doesn’t make me ill. A few years ago I mentioned during a physical that I couldn’t eat ice cream or drink milk any more without, shall we say, blowback. All the doc said was, “Welcome to your 40s.”
“I apologize that I assumed adults with intolerance or allergies would be smart enough to monitor what they eat or at the very least ask what was in the food.” NTA
If someone has a food allergy, it is 100% on them to ask before they eat!
NTA
Unfortunately, you can’t fix stupid.
If you don’t know how to watch out for yourself, maybe don’t go out. NTA. Everything is everybody else’s fault except their own anymore. I’m so glad I’m getting old.
…in what world do we live wherein orange and buttery cheese-smelling/tasting crackers (or ANYTHING really) wouldn’t trigger a warning in the mind of anyone lactose intolerant?! Nope, this young lady 1) knew what she was doing unless she’s intellectually —-?—– (different? challenged? can’t find a consensus but don’t want to offend, because we just used the “R” word in my day which I know to be wrong) and if NOT the latter, then she’s clearly seeking attention. I’d pay her no mind because she’s presumably (OP is 27, so…) 24-30 years of age, which is a DECADE too old to be that much of a dunce about it.
Wouldn’t you think after the first bite she would taste the cheese and question it at that point? Yet she still consumes handfuls of them. She’s an adult, so she should also be held accountable for her intolerance.
NTA. You have nothing to apologize for.
A grown adult should know to ask first, and even if she didn’t ask, the first bite would have told her it was cheese and to stop freaking eating them. If she had stopped after the first cracker or two, she’d have been fine and not eaten enough to give her a stomach ache and cause a scene.
Lactose intolerance is not an allergy, it is a lack of the enzyme needed to digest lactose. I have my own dietary issues, and raised a child with multiple food allergies. Ask first is the rule of life.
NTA and I’m severely lactose intolerant and can’t eat so many other foods. Know what I do at parties? I ask about the ingredients and don’t eat what I can’t eat. I also eat before I go. Linda is a self-centered idiot.
An alcoholic wouldn’t drink a beer and then cry that someone should have told them there was alcohol in there! Her allergy, her responsibility to check foods. You were doing something nice. Ignore the allergy princess.
“I’m sorry you didn’t know cheese is a dairy product”
You’re absolutely right. Her allergy, is her problem so she should make sure she doesn’t eat any allergens. That can be reading the packaging are asking the person who brought it. She did neither.
NTA. You are right on all counts.
NTA. Those crackers sound fantastic! They should have been posted online with pix instead of this one person making it sound as though all the food was bad instead of owning her own carelessness.
NTA
I don’t have dairy issues but I have gluten issues. I ASK
NTA – no need to apologize, if one is THAT intolerant to lactose, how do you not ASK if the CHEESE crackers have CHEESE in them? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!
NTA. Like what the hell did she taste when she popped the first few in her mouth? What a lying bitch. It’s her responsibility to ask what ingredients are in any food she eats. When you go to a restaurant normal people with allergies will ask the waiter if there’s a specific ingredient in the meal. You can’t blame others for your own stupidity.
Omg NTA. 1. It’s her responsibility to make sure that the food she puts in her mouth is safe. 2. There is milk in virtually everything these days so she should be used to checking her food is safe 3. Was everything else marked with lactose intolerant tags?
She’s TA. She should have known not to eat cheese crackers instead she made a big deal about it taking the focus off of the mother to be.
My youngest is dairy intolerant. He asks if there is dairy in things & then decides if he’s going to take Lactaid so he can eat it or just pass.
This “Linda” is a grown ass woman & should know to ask about dairy BEFORE she eats something.
It is the responsibility of those with the allergies/intolerances to advocate for themselves and ASK if they’re not sure if something has one of their triggers in it.
What an entitled Karen.
NTA that’s absurd
NTA I am lactose intolerant as well and I always check with the people bringing the food if there is dairy in it. If you have an issue it’s your responsibility to find out if the food is safe for you.
NTA. It’s Linda’s responsibility to check before eating
NTA
I happily will accommodate food sensitivity issues, but if I’m not told that this is a consideration, I’m not going to be able to automatically know what to avoid.
If Linda didn’t tell the host in advance, it’s on her to make her own accommodations, and to ffs confirm what is safe for her before she eats.
If she got a reaction because she assumed that everyone she interacts with will just automatically avoid milk products, that’s a failure of diligence on her part, and not your responsibility.
NTA, Linda is an attention whoring drama queen. Like about 99% of people with food allergies and intolerance she would have asked before hand or refrained from eating anything she didn’t bring if her allergies were an issue. She’s stirring shit to stir shit.
Sounds like Linda was jealous everyone likes your crackers soo much. What did Linda bring?
All the lactose intolerant people I know, myself included, would be eating them knowing full well what the consequences would be later. If you’re a grown human with food allergies or lactose problems you should be smart enough to ask the important questions before you start eating. She sounds like an attention grabbing drama queen or an absolute moron.
NTA. Adults are responsible for themselves. If she has food intolerance or allergies she should ask before consuming anything. That’s a her issue. She didn’t think to ask and she’s blaming you for her lack of self awareness.
NTA. I’m lactose intolerant, and I still probably would’ve eaten and enjoyed your homemade cheese crackers because cheese is life. But I’m not going to blame anyone else for me eating things I KNOW my gut will give me trouble for later. It’s her responsibility to think about what she’s putting in her mouth. You didn’t force feed her.
This person is an idiot. I am vegan and always ask. Also, for goldfish,even homemade, I would assume it contained dairy or ask.
Definitely do not apologize! She’s an idiot just looking for attention and the worst thing you could do is indulge her.
NTA, maybe this is a wake-up call for Linda to ask ingredients before eating.
She should’ve asked if she wasn’t sure. Everyone I know with food allergies always asks for safety’s sake. She gambled with her own intestines by not properly adulting and just following the trend of snatching them up when everyone else loved them. NTA
Even Pepperidge Farm goldfish crackers have dairy in them. She’s being intentionally obtuse.
NTAH at all whatsoever. “Linda” ITAH for causing drama at a baby shower. Just because your snack was amazing and self-control and cheese are NOT compatible doesn’t mean that she is not 100% responsible for making herself sick as a dog!
I come from a family with loads of food allergies. We ask first, then eat if it’s safe. We never assume.
If she’s that sensitive to dairy, she should ask. Not your fault.
NTA.
NTA, who doesn’t know that cheese crackers have some sort of dairy in them? If they had slices of cheese were those labeled as having real cheese too? Probably not. Linda sounds like a major drama queen that wanted some attention.
NTA — if lactose intolerant, it’s a must to ask about any food at a party. … This partygoer sounds like a true dunce if she chowed down first and asked later. Besides, does she not know the taste or smell of cheese? … NTA
NTA.
Someone didn’t get enough attention from mommy. It’s on the allergic person to make sure the foods they eat are safe.
If you know you have an allergy and you are at a party or something with food you’re not sure of, you need to ask. Also, who the hell doesn’t know that goldfish have cheese (or cheese flavoring?)
Fuck Linda, if she’s too stupid to ask about her own intolerance issues, it’s not on you to do it for her!
Someone is expecting their hand to be held through their life and are going to find out the hard way that that is now how reality works. No, you had zero obligation. What I would do though the next time I was bringing any kind of food to this same group? Oh you bet there’d be a snark filled ingredient list card made lmao
NTA, first it’s cheese crackers. Secondly, it’s on her to check as she’s lactose intolerant.
🤣🤣 I was watching Back To The Future the other day – they thought we would have self-drying coats and hover cars by now. Instead, we have to have signs that say cheese snack “may contain cheese” or “Don’t drink the bleach.” NTA
NTA.
The only person responsible for Linda’s sore belly is Linda.
I too am lactose intolerant, you know what I do when someone else has prepped the food? I ask!!!
You are not responsible for an adult who refuses to be accountable for their own health issues.
NTA. My kid has severe allergies. At no point will I let him eat something if I am not familiar with the ingredients. I’m teaching him to be vigilant, as well. Someone should have taught Linda. As an adult she should know better. Her health is her responsibility.
NTA. It is the person with food allergies responsibility to ask. Not yours to cater to the off-chance that someone at the party is dairy free or to label every little thing for possible allergies.
I have severe food restrictions.
It is on me to make sure food is safe. It’s not anyone else’s responsibility. Is it nice when someone labels their food? Sure. But if you have food allergies/intolerances, you need to assume that everything is unsafe unless you’ve confirmed otherwise.
LMAO
NTA
Like at all.
“Make the food more inclusive” How? Exactly HOW can you make food all-inclusive? Some people are allergic to WATER, debra.
People with allergies and food sensitivities need to LOOK for their allergens. I’m allergic to avocado. ANYTHING GREEN GETS A SIDE EYE until I am sure. ANYTHING.
Edit to add: She just wanted the day to be about her. She couldn’t stand not to be the center of attention and not a victim. Its a baby SHOWER, Linda, not a baby PARTY. We shouldn’t have to babysit you.
Sharp cheddar cheese is relatively low lactose? I can understand if it was milk or cream but hard cheese in small amounts is tolerable by most people.
Cheddar is naturally low in lactose. My dad is lactose intolerant and it’s one of the cheeses that he will eat a bit of on occasion. Unless another cheese was mixed in or she gorged herself on literally all the crackers you brought, Linda’s full of 💩.
NTA
NTA. If people really want an apology, I would be petty and say something like “I’m sorry it wasn’t obvious to you that the bright yellow, cheesy smelling crackers do in fact have cheese in them. Had you asked in advance like most people with allergies do, I could have informed you sooner”
Nta
I would be so tempted to apologize for putting cheese in the cheese crackers thou.
Ikik passive aggressive but sometimes…
NTA! People are responsible for themselves, whether they like it or not.
NTA- Cheese is a common snack at get togethers and if Linda’s lactose intolerance is that bad, she should have asked before she indulged herself.
NTA.
She shoveled them in and then asked what was in them?
That’s so Linda
I hope you don’t apologize, F these people, that’s ridiculous. Don’t make your allergy/intolerance everyone else’s problem is what this girl needs to be told. The entitlement is gross. Its her allergy, she should ask before eating ANYTHING – what a dumbass. You are SO NTA, that idiot girl is.
Dairy is absolutely an allergen however little orange gold fish crackers have also been ‘cheesy’ for just as long lol. Has she been living under a rock?
NTA. It’s cheese. If she was surprised cheese had dairy she has more serious problems than lactose intolerance.
Oh good grief. She’s supposedly lactose intolerant but “went to lie down”?
That’d be more believable if she said she spent the rest of the day on the toilet.
NTA I mean, the store-bought cheese crackers are made with cheese too, so what did she expect? 🙄 If her intolerance is so severe, she should ask, not assume. She didn’t want to know and made herself sick by eating handfuls. Now she’s blaming you because she clearly loves drama and wants someone to blame. It’s not on you to monitor other adults’ allergens. Don’t feel bad for even a second.
NTA her allergy is her responsibility to manage.
I am a strong believer that one should NEVER “apologize to keep the peace” That is just another form of lying. You did nothing wrong to need to apologize. This is coming from someone that cannot eat Gluten (celiac), Dairy (lactose intolerant) Soy, cane sugar or night shades. You better believe your bottom dollar I do not eat anything unless I ask first, and even then I skip most food at family gatherings because I alone have to suffer the consequences of cross contamination.
I’m curious what the crackers look like, because if they were orange, then yeah. That lady is an idiot, but either way, if I was that lactose intolerant I wouldn’t dive into homemade baked goods without asking what was in them … you are 100% NTA
There’s a name for women like Linda that I won’t repeat here.
I thought you were going to say you brought it to a vegan party or something, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Goldfish crackers have milk in them. Most cheese-flavored things do. Linda is an idiot. NTA
NTA – Lactose intolerance is not an allergy. She should take some Pepto and relax. I am lactose intolerant and yes it upsets my stomach but I just take some Pepto and hang out near the bathroom. Lol
NTA. I am extremely allergic to almond flour (really any processed almonds), amongst other random food allergies. I wouldn’t touch a thing at a party without verifying what’s in something. This is on Linda. FWIW, people who are lactose intolerant usually are the ones I know that will still down cheesy pizza or a handful of cheddar cubes and then take a lactaid.
Hm. Dairy intolerance made me shit like a firehose, not lie down. I think she’s a drama queen, but at any rate if you have an intolerance or allergy, it’s on you to police your food before you wolf it down. You’re NTA, those crackers sound awesome.
NTA – My husband has multiple food allergies. He never puts ANYTHING in his mouth unless he knows for a fact it’s safe for him to eat.
NTA! If she’s so lactose intolerant, she needs to ask before eating anything. And she only became nauseous after you told her there was cheese in them. Did anyone else label the food they brought?
Your cousin said it was fine. It IS fine. You did nothing wrong. Do NOT apologize. Linda needs to learn how to manage her own intolerances.
NTA Linda is a drama llama. I am lactose intolerant and would never eat something that even looked like it had milk or cheese in it without asking.
I’m not lactose intolerant, I’m intolerant to something else in dairy and you bet I always ask, and the ask again to make sure they haven’t used lactose free products thinking thats the same as dairy free – because what I eat is entirely in my control.
why…… why wouldn’t she ask BEFORE eating…. ???? what ???
If you were not warned about dietary requirements allegys why should it all be put on you?
If it’s such an issue why not mentiom it.
Im assuming your not psychic.
That stuff is annoying. Im a vegetarian that’s my issue to ask about.
There we go again about people wanting someone to ‘keep the peace’ so they can have an easy life.
I don’t think you should apologize. All of my friends with food issues take on themselves to ask about food before they eat it. She was irresponsible, and I don’t think it’s fair for her to blame you because she didn’t adult that day.
NTA. My daughter is lactose intolerant. She asks before consuming a food that might possibly have dairy in it. (And cheese is less likely to trigger a reaction than milk.) It’s the adult’s responsibility to inquire about dairy if they’re lactose intolerant. You’re not obligated to provide a list of every ingredient just in case someone is either intolerant or allergic to it.
NTA
Linda is a baby and also too immature to handle her own food issues (or, idk, bring lactaid with her???).
It was cheese. She chose to eat it. It was obviously cheese. It’s one thing for stuff like shellfish and all that, where it isn’t obvious, and even THEN it is still the responsibility of the person with the allergy to check.
I’m allergic to onions. My bf is allergic to barley. We both ALWAYS disclose this when we go out to eat cuz neither of us wants an impromptu visit to the ER. This chick is being overly dramatic. If she was truly concerned about the dairy, she would have asked about the crackers that resemble goldfish/cheese-its. She probably isn’t even lactose intolerant. She just wants to cause drama.
I am gluten-free and you know what I do before I eat anything at a party?! I will even ask about things with white sauce, because sometimes people will make a roux with flour in them. NTA if you have a severe allergy, it’s on you to monitor what may or may not have your allergy in it. You don’t just expect people to just start sharing all the ingredients.
NtA. It’s her responsibility to manage her dietary restrictions, not just shovel handfuls of mystery food into her mouth.
Let those people know that they are free to make and bring whatever snacks they wish. And recommend anyone that has a food allergy to ask about the food before eating it.
Nta.
Unless you have in discussions with someone who has stated their food intolerances and you state that you’re making an item for them, it is on them to ensure the items brought to a general party do not contain the items they wanna stay away from. That is their responsibility. All they had to do was ask. And the reality is, no one is under obligation to trim everything down to meet their individual needs.
I myself I’m lucky and that I don’t have food issues like that, but I have many friends to do, and they take responsibility for themselves and are happy to partake in the things that they can, sidestep the things that they can, and if they’re ever worried about it they just bring something themselves to the event that they know is safe for them, both of them to eat and to share with others.
So annoying. Call her out.
What is “inclusive food”? Like…just don’t eat what you can’t have?????
OP, please update if you hear that Linda crapped herself.
NTA. My adult kid was diagnosed with celiacs last year. Like an adult they asks what’s in mystery food before consuming it. Any doubt they skip it. If you have a food intolerance or allergy it’s up to you to kept yourself safe.
Linda is a professional victim.
NTA.
If you have a dietary restriction, allergy or intolerance then it’s up to YOU to ask what the ingredients of the food is.
NTA. “Hey, is Linda going to be there? If so I’d better not bring any food just to be safe”
NTA. She sounds awful
You don’t even react that quickly, it at all to baked cheese crackers if you’re lactose intolerant lol I speak from experience with my own lactose issues, goldfish etc doesn’t bother me at all. She’s just dramatic and ridiculous.
Linda is suffering from what we in health care call “staticus dramaticus”. She’s responsible for what she shoves in her own piehole. If she can get violently ill from something, she needs to make sure it’s not in there. Also, many folks who are intolerant to dairy are not truly allergic but need to take an enzyme to help them digest it. If she isn’t actually allergic and could help herself post exposure with some fart pills, she is being even more ridiculous.
When I serve stuff or have a potluck at my house I gather everyone and state “this dish has x, y, z in it. Anyone else have concerns about allergens or has anything to declare in their dishes?” I have never had anyone not ask if they have an allergy and the food looks like it may contain that allergen.
Nta. It’s very dramatic on her part. She knew she had issues with dairy, so she should have asked before she ate. She’s responsible for herself.
But I do have one thing against what you said. Dairy is one of the most common allergens, and it has been for a long time. It’s why food labels have to explicitly state it if they contain dairy, along with 8 other top allergens
NTA. Goldfish brand crackers, cheezits, etc have cheese in them. As a fellow lactose intolerant, it’s her responsibility to know better. She’s an attention seeker.
NTA it’s up to her to police her own allergy not the host or you
Nta and fuck keeping the peace. Tell them you wasn’t the one rocking that boat but if they wont stop you’ll capsize that bitch. (Speaking of the boat not any person)
They make lil pills for that. Petty me would gift her a Milky subscription.
Nta. Linda is an adult and could have asked before eating.
NTA. She’s the one with lactose intolerance so it’s on her to verify ingredients before eating them. She’s not a child that needs to be told something is safe or not and it’s no one’s business to know but here
Nta
How dare you not pre check all guests dietary needs before hand despite probably not knowing everyone and maybe unexpected guests turning up
It is the eater’s responsibility, not the cooker’s.
It is also virtually impossibe to make much without lactose, without gluten, without meat or animal products, and without nuts. That would be “inclusive.”
Linda is TA. It isn’t anybody’s responsibility to monitor her food intake except for her. If it were my shower, I would be so pissed at her for ruining what whould have been a joyous event. And anybody not having your back on this is also TA.
Not your fault. She’s a big girl.
no
I have dietary issues and I always ask what’s in something new. It was foolish for her to assume-she should be more careful.
NTA
As someone with myriad food restrictions, I don’t eat anything without asking what’s in it. That has saved me many trips to the hospital.
My solution for anything I bring is a list of ingredients attached to whatever container my contribution is in. I haven’t met many people who can’t eat stuff that’s made for me but I don’t generally cook for everyone else with my own restrictions in mind so this has been my solution for decades.
No Hoovering Hanna has ever had the opportunity to come at me with food torment accusations.
NTA she should be taking responsibility for the food she eats and ask to be sure.
NTA she wte one, tasted cheese and didn’t bother to ask if they contained dairy before having more. That’s on her.
NTA. If you have an allergy you are responsible to ask if your allergen is in food. It’s not the random person you barely know who made snacks for a shower to be responsible for that.
I’m lactose intolerant and the times I eat things containing dairy I obviously blame myself not the person who made the food. Or I remember and take a pill so I can eat without reacting to it. Also as a side note, I’m pretty sure it’s not an ”allergen” but like the name says – an intolerance. Our stomachs just can’t handle it 🤷🏻♀️
Definitely NTA. She’s just a poopy, gassy drama queen.
Is it wrong that I want your recipe?
NTA. I’m allergic to kiwi 🥝 I don’t drink punch without asking what’s in it because it frequently has kiwi in it. She’s being a massive drama queen. She doesn’t know that cheese is a dairy product?! Then she’s dumb and deserves the consequences.
Where I live, it is really common for food to be labelled with dietary restrictions/intolerances at parties. When we host, we always label.
That being said, as someone who travels a lot and has quite a few dietary restrictions, I always ask and double check.
I don’t think you are an asshole. I would use this as a learning opportunity for everyone involved. I also do not think it’s the responsibility of other people to bring shared food that is 100% inclusive to everyone all the time; that would be impossible. It’s nice to do of course!
Obviously NTA. She knows what cheese is. She’s tasted it before. If she’d eaten one cracker, she’d have been fine. She ate PLENTY if she was “violently ill.” That’s not on you.
NTA
Linda has main character syndrome, not your fault.
It’s not up to you to monitor Linda’s dietary restrictions. That’s her job. NTA.
“I’m so sorry that you felt the need to be the main character on someone else’s party. I’m also sorry that you didn’t know that cheese is dairy. I will label it in future. “
I’m lactose intolerant, I love diary, I suffer consequences daily. It’s my own damn fault, not anyone else’s. NTA
Grown adults need to take responsibility for their own dietary restrictions
I’m vegan, I would assume they were made with dairy 🤷♀️
NTAH- she has the dietary restriction SHE should know to ask before eating. I assume she is around your age- almost 30, old enough to care for herself. You could to be nice say I am sorry you got sick, but the bride and you told no one about your dietary restrictions.
NTA
NTA= I have become Lactose intolerant in the past few years, and have learned to watch what I eat, and also to carry some Lactaid, with me. I also have recently found some probiotics which helps immeasurably, now I can eat a full pint of Ben and Jerry’s without getting sick.
I mean dairy is definitely an allergen, not just “now,” but if you have an allergy you have to read labels and ask about the ingredients in home cooked food.
NTA
Sounds like Linda over ate. She’d probably still have been sick. Also, if she is so sensitive and incapable of asking before she eats, she should carry lactaid.
I can’t eat jalapeños—they make me sick in super small amounts. So I ask before I dip.
It’s not hard.
Nta
Me and both of my sons are allergic to dairy. Not lactose intolerant. If I saw something orange that smelt like cheese I’d keep away just incase, maybe ask the host if I had doubts. She was being stupid and felt embarrassed so blamed you. Don’t sweat it
Not a lecture btw, just good knowledge not many people know – lactose intolerance is when your body can’t process the sugar in dairy properly causing gas mostly, sometimes some cramps or diarrhea if you have lots. Getting lactose free products fixes it, and there’s pretty cheap over the counter medicines to stop symptoms.
Dairy allergy is when your body can’t break down the protein in dairy, leading to hives, vomiting, diarrhea, cramps, dizziness and more. Theres no available meds, you have to go for soy, almond, cashew or oat based products
I’m glad you enjoy cooking and baking, don’t let this sour your experience, but maybe if she’s at another party you are loudly announce the dairy so she can’t blame you if she, an adult woman, chooses to eat it.
Pay no attention to this Drama Mama. You are not responsible for what she shoves in her face.
I’m allergic to so. many. foods.
So, as an adult type person, I ask questions anytime something looks like it might contain something that I might have an issue with.
NTA 💯
NTA. As someone with nut and fish/seafood allergies, if I can’t read the label or directly ask the person who made the dish, I don’t eat it. This is Linda’s own fault.
I have beef with you too OP. The other day I got ice cream and I know sometimes it hurts my tummy and you didn’t warn me.
NTA – after eating ONE, she should have questioned whether they were dairy. If you’re actually allergic, you don’t sit and wonder whether they’re dairy or not whilst eating more. She’s a drama queen, and an idiot. And probably faking it.
No you did nothing wrong. She’s responsible for what she puts in her face hole. You arent obligated to run down nutritional information.
As someone with awful, potentially deadly allergies, as well as dairy intolerance, I would NEVER EVER expect a host to restrict their food offerings at a party. It’s not their job. It’s my freaking job (I’m so mad at that woman for making a scene, and for your family for not standing up for you.) sorry sorry sorry.
Having allergies is difficult. So it’s my job to police what I eat. And if don’t ask first then get sick, it’s my fault because I am an adult and take responsibility for what I consume. Period. Shaming someone else for choices I freely made by myself, on my behalf, is horribly wrong, immature, attention seeking and downright mean. If I were your mom I’d make it a family rule we never invite her to another function again, ghost her, and tell her if she doesn’t cease and desist we’re suing her for slandering you, your cooking and your good intentions.
I’m so mad. Stupid is as stupid does. NTA.
Here are some steps I use to deal with my bell pepper allergy.
Scene: people and food
Me: Hey, does this have peppers in it?
Other Person: Yes
I don’t eat it.
End scene.
What I see is a grown woman making a baby shower become her stomach issues she hijacked it to make it about her plain and simpy
If someone has a eating restriction, it’s on them to find out whether or not the food is safe. It seems you weren’t told this in advance, are you supposed to be a mind reader?
NTA. If anyone has an allergy or intolerant for whatever reason they are the ones who need to be proactive and ask about the food. If your cousin didn’t give you instructions on what to bring or not bring this isn’t your issue.
NTA at all but just so you know dairy is one of the top 9 for allergens. But as a mom of two kids with an actual epi pen level dairy allergy she should know better with having a food intolerance
NTA – It was NOT your job to survey the crowd BEFORE the party for something that is part of almost any party for the past 150 years. She is playing the victim to the hilt. Ignore her.
Linda sounds very obnoxious, I wouldn’t apologize if it means I get to see her less.
I made caramel walnut slice for work once. One poor guy realised halfway through that it had nuts in it and took off to puke. He could have just asked. Everyone agreed it wasn’t my fault
According to the rules of good manners and common sense, the hostess of a party should know or ask about any guest’s food intolerances and allergies in order to be able to prepare dishes suitable for everyone. If one of guests brings own snacks, the host should, based on their knowledge of their guests, ask what they contain.
So the entire situation is an oversight on the host’s part and a lack of consideration on the part of the lactose-intolerant person.
BTW there are vegan cheeses that, for obvious reasons, are lactose-free, so it’s not as obvious as it might seem.
Whether a food intolerance is true or not in this case is a different matter.
For my part, as someone with lactose intolerance, I can say that the symptoms aren’t immediate; I usually start feeling unwell and bloating, for example, 1-5 hours after eating dairy. The next day, I might have diarrhea, vomiting or instead, I might have cold symptoms for an entire week. It’s not instant effect. Now imagine someone will give me some snacks with diary because they never witnessed what happend with me later.
NTA though I will say if they were anything like goldfish I could see her confusion. My LI kiddo can eat goldfish, but cheese-it’s make her shit like she has Ebola.
But I seriously doubt you were using wee goldfish cutouts and as an allergy haver (I’m one so I know) the onus is on her to know wtf she’s putting in her mouth.
NTA. She’s a whole adult. She should know how to manage her issues. Ask before you eat unknown foods, it’s not that hard.
You are absolutely NTA.
These are the same kind of people who expect more “inclusive” seating on planes and busses, but would refuse to pay more than standard seat prices.
So many people are stupid now. It’s exhausting.