I (28M) have been dating a girl for a bit more than 5 years now and we’re both Muslims, we went through a lot considering our religion so dating isn’t that easy let alone getting married, I’m from a middle-class family and her family is considered rich based on the standards here, we’re both arabs but from different countries and met during our college years even though we studied different majors, for 5 years I’ve been jumping from one job to another I never knew how having a stable job feels like I’m really struggling to find a stable job and that’s the one thing that’s preventing our marriage, I’ve met her parents a couple of times and we talked about so many things regarding my responsibilities and what I should bring to the table, I really love her so much I can’t even imagine my life without her I can’t afford to lose her she’s everything to me, I feel so helpless.
After she’s graduated she got back to live with her parents in another coutry and we still talk and text but the thing is her parents kind of gave me a deadline to set thing right and have a stable job and this is stressing me out so bad and I feel anxious and scared most of the time, I’m scared to lose her I’m afraid the deadline would come and I’m still the same, even before they’ve put the deadline I’ve been trying to make improvements and had some plans in mind and tried so hard to make them work but nothing worked unfortunately, so now I have different plans and I’m trying to make them work as much as I can and my time is running so fast I have to make something work by the end of this year and after that if nothing changes then it’ll be over for us.. I don’t know how to deal with this the anxiety is eating me alive I’m so stressed out I’ve lost so much weight during the past few months and I don’t know what to do, she’s amazing and her parents are really kind but the deadline thing is killing me, it feels like a countdown to my pain and misery and living hell, I can’t live without her I would really lose the will to live if we don’t end up together, we love each other so much and I know I’m not perfect I’m not the most successful guy I’m really trying so hard to make something work but I feel so unlucky with everything, I don’t want to disappoint her and don’t want her to consider me a failure or regret the love and time and energy she put in this relationship. I doubt that anyone had a similar experience but I’d like to take some advice about how to deal with the deadline thing, thank you.
TL;DR, I (28M) am struggling to marry the one I love (25F) we’re both muslims and have been dating for a bit more than 5 years now, her parents gava me a deadline to make something work or find a stable job so that I can propose properly and this deadline thing is causing me a lot of anxiety and discomfort and I’m always stressed out about it, what should I do about the whole situation?
Comments
Bro ur in the wrong subreddit for this
You already have your answer. Get a better job and suck it up even if you hate it. Or get a new girlfriend. Unless you two are going to run away together and never speak to your family again, those are your options.
I’d like to remind you that these people will become your in laws when you marry. Either you have to deal with this kind of behaviour for the rest of your lives, or you set boundaries that this is not ok. Obviously if you are a deadbeat that cannot hold a job for long, it is fair for them to be worried for their daughter and raise their concerns with her and you. But if that isn’t the case, then they are just kind of being assholes and you are being a pushover for letting them ruin your life like this with all the anxiety. I hate to be mean to you, but you have to step up for yourself too and not allow them to dictate your life like this.
What is your gf doing in this situation though? I know that not every family dynamic allows for backtalk, but I do hope she took initiative in trying to convince her parents that you aren’t a bad guy who is worthless. Also, maybe it is good for you to share why you cannot find a stable job. Maybe people can give you tips for that too.
Best of luck!