me and my boyfriend get along so well i genuinely enjoy being with him so much. he does everything for me and loves me so much, his family is the exact same way too they all take such great care of me. the only disconnect we really have is sexually which can be hard.
we never have sex, we haven’t in like 2 months because he says it’s uncomfortable for him and that it’s overstimulating, and i’ve always felt in the back of my mind that maybe he’s not actually that deeply attracted to me because he’s also mentioned that if i gained weight or if my boobs got bigger he wouldn’t mind (i’m 100 lbs, i’ve always been thin)
it kind of came to a head last night. we were messing around and the conversation ended up getting brought up, and i told him i worry that he’s not actually attracted to me. i asked him to be straight up and tell me if he feels like we can’t have sex because he wishes i was thicker. he sat for a second then told me that he kind of struggles with it, which made me cry and feel horrible even though i was glad he was honest
i talked to him about how long term it’ll never change and that ill never be thick. i told him im sexually frustrated and i feel insecure and that if that really is the reason we don’t have sex, we should have a conversation about if this is the right thing for us
he really wasn’t giving me answers and kept telling me he does think i’m sexy and that i’m enough for him but i just felt so insecure and sad
after a while of my confusion, he ended up confessing to me that he has a feederism kink, and that he gets extremely horny from women being huge or gaining weight. he told me he never wants it to come in between us and that he’s never even told anybody. he told me sex has never been a turn on for him and that weight gain is the only thing that really gets him like that
i asked him if he felt that he would ever be satisfied with me considering im not thick and that i never gain weight no matter how hard i try. he told me that im sexy in a million other ways than that and that he loves my body. he said all it is is a fantasy and that he doesn’t want me to feel like im not enough for him and that he wants to stay together
but i just don’t know. i want to be able to have sex and i feel insecure with my weight and the fact he feels like he struggles with my body type. this whole post is about our sex life but outside of sex our relationship is literally perfect. he’s everything i would want in a partner and i just don’t know what to think or how to feel knowing im not really his type at all
Comments
I don’t like using the run far away card but I’m activating it here.
Feederism kinks are incredibly dangerous, and isn’t something that someone will just get over, it’ll probably be lurking over your entire relationship.
Kylo Ren said it best
u/iiiiri He says youre sexy but he doesnt act like it. Giving his size fixation as a primary interest “weight gain is the only thing that gets him like that”, this isnt changing like it would if it was a secondary or tertiary interest. You are bound for either breakup or feederism so i suggest you cut the chord now.
Being skinny is not easy! If he is not attracted to you the way you are now, it’s a huge problem. He is supposed to love you for who you are.
You need to decide if this relationship is for you or not
You’re not compatible.
You will never be “enough” for him in more ways that one. This is in no way a reflection on you, it’s a reflection on him. Your not likely to double in weight and you wouldn’t want to, and he’s even less likely to lose his urges, best leaving whilst you still have you self respect..
as he’s mentioned before about you gaining weight i would be very very cautious, i’m not shaming but I’m aware this kink can be dangerous if not consensual. i don’t want to jump to conclusions but i have heard many stories on here of ppl putting extra things in food to make their partners gain/lose weight — it’s always just better to be safe than sorry and be clear in your boundaries with this. maybe have a think about opening your relationship in a sexual sense if you’re frustrated but still want to be dating him, if not you might want to find someone more aligned with you and who appreciates all of you!
Perhaps you two were meant to be the best of friends, not lovers.
Question: do you think you will be able to stop thinking about this every time you guys are being intimate from now on? Resentment is a cancer that grows slowly over time in relationships if left unchecked. Do you think you will resent him for this? If so, that’s a clear red flag for both of you.
You can have a great relationship in every other way, but if this one thing isn’t dealt with, it will eclipse everything else good in your relationship. this is how couples stay together 20 years, but end up strangers in the same house.
Girl run away
Look, if you are tiny and he has a feeder kink, it is time to move on. No hard feelings.
I think you need to bail asap. You will find a guy who will worship you as is
He’ll have a fairly easy time finding a fattie
You’ll have a fairly easy time finding someone into your physical type
Neither of you are having an easy time being together
This is doomed no matter what so do the easy thing
Feederism would be a dealbreaker for me. Anyone who derives pleasure from someone else eating to excess and endangering their health is not someone I would want to be with. Some feeders are into their feedees getting super morbidly obese and bed bound. There’s nothing wrong with liking bigger men or women, but wanting someone else to gain weight for your own sexual gratification is weird. Sorry.
Skinny chics are the best to have sex with. WTF is wrong with this guy. Run away
So he intentionally chose an obviously thin woman in order to make her obese and unhealthy for his sexual gratification
Dont waste your time
Find someone who actually likes to have sex and wants to fuck you simple as that. He’s clearly not attracted to you He’s attracted to the fantasy
If I understood this correctly.
You are happy with him?
He is happy with you?
The only problem stopping the relationship from being “perfect” is his desire for a bigger woman?
You said it yourself, you aren’t going to be a big woman and he doesn’t want you to be either from what I read.
He probably finds you attractive but not in the sexual kind?
I’m confused as to what the question is here?
Are you asking if you shouldn’t be together or if you should gain weight?
Maybe the question is about if his fetish is okay?
Or if you are overreacting for being upset about what he just admitted?
If you can live without sex and he can live with a thin girl, then stay together, since you say everything outside of sex is perfect. You both have to decide if this mismatched aspect of your connection is something that you both can live with.
Why don’t you have him feed you? I know the kink is in weight gain but maybe it’ll do something for him. Or maybe him feeding you while you wear a fat suit. I’m dead serious. I think being open to trying unconventional routes is important because humans/ relationships are complex.
I get having kinks but not being sexual outside of them is another thing. Maybe a sex therapist could help.
It sounds like you’re both tormenting yourself. There are so many potential partners out there that would unreservedly love your body or have one to fit his desires.
I don’t think you two were meant to be in a relationship. Friendship maybe, but not in a long relationship.
Yall just seem so fundamentally different
Idk how you can be with someone who openly isn’t attracted to your body, or sex. He has a kink and will only make you feel desired if you were to indulge in it. That’s just not a healthy dynamic. Unless you both had the same kink, I don’t think having a kink that completely secludes attraction into one box is healthy at all. You deserve more than to be seen in that way, and it’s just not a healthy view on women. Not to mention, he must be watching a lot of porn to substitute an actual sex life with you, his partner. So just no.
Feederism is a dangerous kink. And if that’s something he can’t seem to shake, you two might not be compatible. I think it might benefit the two of you to try counseling and see if a couples therapist can help you navigate this.
Not trying to kink shame but it’s sort of weird for him to say that’s his kink but then say he doesn’t want to put that pressure on you but then at the same time wants you to gain weight.
Life is too short, move on and find you someone who’ll fully love you for who you are.
He most likely started dating you because you’re so thin and he thought it’d be easy to visually see you gain weight over time. Even if it was subconscious.
You deserve to be in a normal sexual relationship where your needs are being met, and honesty, so does he. I’m sure he can find someone to partake in that kink with him. Just cut your losses and move on.
So the good news is most men are into thin women. Go find one of them!
Facts > words.
Clearly he’s not happy having sex with you, whatever his true reasons might be.
By the sound of it, it’s not something you can “fix”, unless maybe he goes to therapy, and even then, it’s hit&miss.
I say you two should have a very serious conversation about the whole relationship long term.
Run. Find someone who is in love with you, not just make you into their kink. It’s a shame you didn’t run sooner, but run. Get out of this sickening relationship. No matter how good it may be now, if you somehow change your entire persona and physical appearance to appease a man, it’s never worth it. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Live your life happy and healthy the way you perceive it. Don’t ever change who you are or cross boundaries so you can please their kink, those partners will come and go, what are you going to do once he’s no longer in your life?
He’s in denial of how much his kink affects his perception. I’m sorry, but he’s not attracted to you, he’s attracted to the idea of making you bigger. Love is not enough to succeed long term, some things are just not compatible.
It’s better to end it now than let the frustration and resentment build, which is what’s going to happen if you stay.
Sounds like he’s disillusioned with the relationship and your sex life because you’re not gaining weight like he was probably hoping for. You can easily meet a man that would be happy with a thin woman. Let him go and find the feedee of his dreams. You don’t need to engage in that weirdness.
Leave him
please be respectful towards yourself and break up!!!
Walk away, the only way the dude can get hard is feeding you to death.
Think what his vision of your future is, you bed bound by him feeding you too much, not ideal is it!
Find a normal human not this freak mother fucker, someone who adores you for being yourself. Walk, please, it will be hard but your future self will thank you. Peace and love
wtv u do dont gain weight for him
As someone who has lost 50lbs and has some more to lose, and has been smaller before – let me tell you that’s a dangerous kink for anyone who engages in it. (I was not a “gainer” but an everyday fat person).
The back pain, stress on my joints, discriminatory/hurtful BS, skin issues and general constant feeling of being uncomfortable isn’t something I’d wish on anyone even if it’s a “kink.”
I’d suggest not being involved with him. This is not a healthy kink and you don’t want to go down that road with him.
Ultimately the kink of your partner comes down to your ability to accept or evolve into it.
A lot of people have zero hard limits on certain specific kinks. But ultimately, no matter what the kink is, your patience or acceptance of it is YOUR DECISION.
No means no in every context.
Your boyfriend needs to initiate a relationship with a good therapist and probably psychiatrist. Stay away.
Break up. A complete sexual incompatibility will destroy a relationship. So many guys love, thin girls! You will have no problem finding a better fit.
The thought that he chose a thin woman to fatten up like a Thanksgiving turkey made me gasp a bit, but you girls know what this is about. This case reminded me of an Instant Marriage result I read about. A man who wanted a plump partner was paired with a skinny one. When he objected, she replied “If I take good care of you, what does my figure matter?” But that is only half of what makes a good marriage.
This is the problem with kink, it makes people think degenerate shit is ok and normal. If someone wants to explain how it’s healthy, I’ll wait.
If me and my fiance didn’t have sex for 2 months I’d be extremely concerned about our relationship. It’s a part of why we love each other and being sexually compatible is important for me and my partner. From what I understand, it sounds like he ONLY gets turned on from feederism which is a bad sign, a lot of people have at least a couple kinks, but for them to only be into one is kinda crazy to me.
I hope the best for you but maybe something to consider is that you guys were meant to just be friends, sexual compatibility is usually a must in long term relationships.
He has a fetish for obese women, and he’s dating a 100 girl. And sex is rare. That doesn’t sound like a match.
I’m speaking from experience for someone as dated through Reddit with a boyfriend like this before.
Please leave him, block on every social media you know he is texting you from, and just take time to let yourself learn how to love yourself
You mentioned that you’re struggling with body image issues, then maybe after you break up, you can have an exercise routine.
Since you said you’re a thin person, it would be best for you to have an exercise journey that focuses on your self-worth of getting to a weight number that’s beneficial for you without the outside influence of this supposive boyfriend of yours.
He will never love you for who you are rather than what you can provide, and I don’t want you to feel in love like that.
I like thick…but not like that. You two just aren’t compatible and that’s ok
Run away from this guy. He’s sick.
Tbh. Ngl I am aware of how bad feederism is, if he has an issue with it, maybe have him try some therapy and work through it. You can never fully get rid of a kink but he should be more open to trying new things maybe? It sounds unfortunate if you really do get along well, i think maybe it could work. Maybe. But im just saying this because everyone is tweaking over feederism but it doesn’t sound like hes very happy about it either. Hoping for the best for you both.
This isn’t about a kink. If his preference was that important, he would never have gotten together with you. He is deflecting a deeper issue. This is a problem with him, not with you.
Look, it’s alright, sometimes, some people are never meant for each other. Sometimes we can’t be honest to ourselves or to our partners because we don’t want to hurt them. It is great that you guys figured it out but it is time to part ways. I am sure you both loved each other but you deserve someone who admires you and there is no reason to sugar coat this situation. Count it as experience and move on. You both will be happier this way. Good luck.
I say this gently, it seems like he’s overcompensating for his kink by dating someone as petite as you are. I have no doubt that you are very (conventionally) attractive, but that’s not what does it for him. I think you need to take a step back and look at this for what it is… time to find someone who can’t get enough of exactly who you are!
Do not let this damage your confidence in ANY way, he’s just not the one for you.
CJ taught me about this. He’s a narc dumb his blue ass.
MAYBE you could just be together, live together, be best friends but have separate sex lives. Nothing wrong with that…
Hi. I knew someone like this, and felt very similar. Eventually I did not want to discuss it or do it at all, but I did care about this person, I loved him. My honest opinion is it it a sick love, a sick kink which aims to do this kind of thing to another persons body for gratification. He did love me but a destruction kink? A ruining fetish? I had similar interactions in a bad headspace with him, and left. It broke my heart. It is a simple question on if you can live with this. Mine, he was respectful as all hell! I have just now, months later lost the (honestly not much) weight I gained, plan to keep it off. I feel much better, do you feel okay? Will he really like your body no matter what? Not just if you gain, if you lose, if you maintain? If you get sick. You can also reach out if you want to talk more as I’ve done research on this outside of my experience
You and he are not compatible. That’s all. No one’s fault.
He’s saying it doesn’t matter, but clearly it does. Just break up now before you get too entangled. And whatever you do, don’t start trying to gain weight to please him!
Break up with him.
You clearly care about a sexual connection and you are not matched there.
This means things se enot as good as they can be so you should not settle, go find the right person for you
Don’t feel insecure about your body type, even if you were slightly thicker it wouldn’t make much of a difference to him. If he can’t even have sex because he only gets off to this one specific kink, then he has a problem and should probably seek therapy. Therapy could help, especially a therapist who specializes in sex/ kinks/ fetishes.
Not compatible. Don’t give in to his kink because it will be unhealthy for you in the long run.
this is something you won’t be able to compromise on to be honest. yes it’s said but yall are not sexually compatible and although sex is not everything in a relationship; being sexually compatible is.
This is not a kink. It is a fetish. He cannot get aroused without it, which means unfortunately, you cannot arouse him. I think you’re suffering the sunk cost fallacy. Breaking up will only ever give you both the lives you want to live
You’re incompatible. Chalk it up to that and run.
What a ridiculous individual. Stay away from thin women then.
Suggest an open relationship or split and stay good friends.
Please get out – before you give in and start expanding.
He doesn’t have that kink it’s a nattempted back door to you having a body type he wants
Dude is a jerk. Not a nice guy at all.
Health wise his kink is very dangerous. You will never be able to satisfy his desire. You might be able to stall the inevitable end of your relationship through the use of porn-but in the final analysis you need to end the relationship.
He’s probably full of shit and just wants bigger tits and ass. This is classic “it’s not you babe, it’s me” 😂
I’ll play devil’s advocate. I mean.. I see your point but what if he’s wishing you gained like XX amount of weight, but did it in a healthy way? Not just fat, but muscles as well. You would look even more amazing in his eyes. Unless, he stated he wants a BBW, which obviously is something you’re not willing to do. Which is okay.
This is just about as incompatible as I’ve seen, don’t waste your life with someone that isn’t in to you. Plenty of people prefer petit girls, you won’t have trouble finding someone else.
Well, if he wants a fat girl, America is full of them. Tell him to go get one. You should go get a fit guy who appreciates you being hot and in shape
You’re more than some guys kink. Find someone else.
I’m a plus size woman, but I can understand your struggle. No matter how much I diet or work out, I will never be thin let alone average weight. Some people are just naturally big or naturally small, and that is okay. Everyone is beautiful as they are. As others have said, feederism kinks are horribly dangerous. I know of a woman who had a girlfriend that she kept feeding until she died in her mid 40’s (i believe), and she ended up looking for a new woman to take on that role. I personally believe feederism on a small scale is okay, but for a lot of them it’s something that becomes an obsession and quickly goes out of control.
If I found out I dated someone with a feeding kink, I would run away. Sadly as a plus sized individual, I find people like that way too often. I think that it’s something that is terrifying, but maybe it’s something that you guys can go to a sex therapist about…
If it’s something that has affected your relationship so much then I think if a sex therapist isn’t an option, moving on will have to be. Trust me, you do not want to be in a relationship for decades feeling like you’re not attractive or feeling lesser than because he is so set on being with someone he can feed then you’ll never be fully happy. It’s something that might be okay right now, but later on it’ll hurt your relationship to the point you’ll be in regret.
You’re probably going to have to break up with him. Sex isn’t the end all be all but it is very important in a relationship. Either that or some counseling.
Ya no I’d break up girl. That is not a healthy kink. Find someone who loves you as you are not someone that’s trying to kill you.
There’s a big difference between liking thick women and feederism. Feederism is about control, leads to dangerous health outcomes, and I think that it is abusive.
The word you and he is looking for is fetish, a kink is something that you like but that is not needed for sex or orgasm, a fetishist is something that will make someone more likely to have sex or orgasm. This isn’t kink, it’s a fetish, ease people learn the difference between what kinks and fetish are
Dudes are like: “Hey! Eat a cheeseburger!”
These people can fuck right off.
Hell naw girl.
you are not compatible.
You need to run away.
Yo if it wasn’t obvious already, his kink most likely stems from overconsumption of porn. Check his internet history and he’s definitely whacking off behind your back.
Look, idk how old and what is your body height, but i assume 100lb is underweight (consider calculating your BMI / Body Mass Index)
You might want to increase ur weight a little bit. Not only you’ll become healthier and stronger, but also sexier thus I hope your sex life will be more satisfying.
Note: I was severely underweight and the ONLY way I can increase my weight is go to the gym and consume lots of protein
Dump him. Quit being with someone that makes you feel inadequate.