My boyfriend, 26M, and I, 24F, have been together for a year.
We fight a lot but really love eachother, these last few weeks he has been acting different, like he doesn’t want anything to do with me, he is ignoring my texts and making excuses when we have plans.
The other day we had a date night in his apartment, after he fell asleep I went to the bathroom and as I was brushing my teeth I noticed a pair of women’s underwear. I started to cry but I didn’t wanna wake him up, as it was late.
I haven’t confronted him yet, I don’t know what to do. If anybody has any advice on how to handle this situation I’d appreciate it.
(important info: the underwear was white with red roses embroidered on it , and he knows I hate that type of lingerie)
I suspect my boyfriend is cheating
r/Advice
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Unless he lives with a roommate or he’s wearing it himself then I think it’s obvious
If you’ve found something like that sounds like you should confront him (in a safe area) and go from there.
just leave him, save yourself the time
Just delete Reddit bro
Unless there is some kind of plot twist where he is wearing them himself, he is definitely cheating. Leave this dude and find someone who won’t make excuses when the time comes to see eachother.
See if you can get a clear answer from him. A vague answer is a clear answer that he is straying.
Protect your heart.
Try working it out with him, some guys may cheat but it doesn’t change the fact that he cares about you more than you know
On the next fight just dump him for that reason don’t bring up the cheating save your breath for that and just leave
I suspect you are right given the underwear and him distancing himself from you. You don’t need Reddit to tell you that.
It has been my experience, that if you pose the question of your suspension, you already know the answer. The question you may want to ask yourself. How do I want to live my life? In peace knowing the person I’m with has my back win or lose! You know your answer. If they show you who they are, believe them.
“he doesn’t want anything to do with me, he’s ignoring my texts and making excuses, we fight a lot”… “but we really love each other” 🤣🤣 lmao this has me laughing out loud; in all seriousness, you need to leave he’s trash
Behavior is a language. You think you’re in love, but fighting all the time and cheating is not love. Stop wasting your time on him.
As hard as it sounds, be glad that you found out after 1 year together and not more or after having a kid etc.
If you stay, it means you’re okay with being treated with disrespect, and he’ll do it again. You need to show yourself respect and leave him
From my experience… I’ve been cheated on a lot pretty much all my exes have cheated…. And now I’m alone and bitter.
From experience, leave and find someone worth your time.
I wish I hadn’t stuck it out EACH time. It doesn’t work. And I ended getting sick from their actions so I just don’t recommend you sticking around if you know… because you DO know.
Maybe he is a cross dresser.
Newsflash…
When you fight a lot you don’t love eachother how it should be.
Also the ignoring isn’t ok plus the underwear.
What else do you need before you understand he doesn’t love you?
Do you need to see him cheating or ?
You need to find out whose underwear that is! Also, it’s very strange that a girl would “forget” it behind. If he had a girl over, she did it on purpose
Get rid of the jackass. The pants is the obvious sign. You’re worth much more than that waste of space
Can I ask you a slightly unrelated question? Why do you guys fight a lot? Usually people want peace of mind in any relationship. Even normal friendships wouldn’t work if both are arguing and fighting all the while.
Text him on an anonymous number saying “I have a feeling you’re cheating on me. What is my name?”
If you ever feel the need to play detective and it’s eating you alive, and it’s not because of something an ex did; it’s something he did that’s bothering you, you’re always right. He did it. Trust your gut. Save yourself the trouble. There is no need to ask him or play any game about it, or give him a chance to lie. Doesn’t even matter if it’s the truth. If he lives alone, it’s not his sisters, whose else is it. Breakup.
Sorry, I stopped reading at “we fight a lot but really love each other.” Cheating aside do you like being with someone you fight with all the time?
Gurrl pack ur things up and live if u wanna be happy gurrl
Don’t say anything, just leave. Women’s undies are as clear as it gets as a sign.
I guess the decision is up to you, but I think you are a very controlled person. I would have definitely had waken him up and sort this out straight away. You just hurting yourself even more by waiting to confront him. Ask him and see what he says.
suspect?
no, you don’t suspect, you know. you’re just deciding if you care or not that he is
Dump.
A loving relationship shouldn’t involve fighting a lot and stonewalling.
Just throw the underwear in his lap and don’t say anything. Watch him squirm.
In Japan, they have girls panties in vending machines. Maybe he bought them in the spirit of?
You are young and in a relationship that is lacking communication and safety. I say dump him and find someone you don’t fight with constantly because you feel safe enough to properly communicate. Don’t fall into the time spent fallacy, instead find someone you’d actually be treated right by
Wow you are a better person then i am. I whould have been yelling and tossing things
Maybe his female cousin came to visit?
Fact that he just had them in there and didn’t think you’d notice at all is crazy to begin with, decision is yours but confront him and see how that goes
I’m seeing some of the comments and the insensitivity towards your pain and I’m really sorry about that. I can see you’re young and I’m not sure how much experience you’ve had in a relationship department up to this point. Unfortunately, his behavior is quite transparent and your intuition is a powerful Weapon in helping you navigate your life. This is a painful time for sure, but it will only get worse if you don’t listen to your inner voice. I hope all goes well for you in the future.
Dear, there isn’t a question, here. You know he’s cheating, and apparently not feeling much guilt about it or even trying to hide it well. I’m sorry, but you need to get your stuff and go.
I think bro planted those to self-sabotage. Doesn’t sound like this is healthy for either of you.
Girl, leave him. Surround yourself with people who truly love you, he clearly doesn’t
Here’s what probably happened. Boyfriend has been having a suck ass life lately, his job sucks, his car sucks, his finances sucks, OP doesn’t suck, and he’s just is in a world where (almost) everything sucks and he’s not as attentive to OP as he was before he hit this recent slump. To forget about his shitty life for a minute he decides to hang out with some old party friends. He doesn’t know why because he knows their lives suck just as much or worse than his but he thinks oh what the hell. So they were all sitting around smoking a few bowls and having a couple of beers. Once they were really stoned they started talking about girls. One of them, who’s not known to be a ladies man claims he got laid. No one believes him and they start giving him shit. ‘I can prove it!’ and he leaves the room then comes back wearing the panties on his head. A brief period of mayhem ensues and during the ruckus the panties ended up somewhere on the floor. One of the boyfriend’s jealous friends, who has secretly always liked OP but was too big of a loser to pursue her, gently slips the panties in the back pocket of the boyfriend as they were all leaving the party. Boyfriend comes home stoned and has to take a dump. While taking a dump, the panties fall out of his back pocket and on the bathroom floor and being stoned, he doesn’t notice them. He leaves the bathroom and goes to bed. Later, when OP is brushing her teeth she sees the panties and then after a short meltdown, writes this post. The moral of the story is: Don’t jump to quick conclusions. There’s always a reasonable explanation for everything.
You fight a lot, he’s avoiding your texts and you, and you’ve found another women’s underwear in your home.
Do you have someone you can stay with? I’d wait for him to go to work, and pack up my things and leave. You can leave the women’s underwear someplace prominent where he can connect the dots.
You deserve more (and better) in a relationship. Don’t settle for anything less than a partner who is honest, and loves you.
“Fight a lot” is the opposite of love. That’s shared trauma masquerading as love. But it’s not love.
Dump the cheating idiot and get your ass into therapy. It was life-changing for me and it might help you see things clearly as well.
If y’all don’t live together, since you mentioned his apartment, just disappear, delete, or block him, and find your peace.
I didn’t see the signs when my ex cheated.
He slowly pulled away and spent less time with me. Never asked about my work schedule before then starts asking what time I’d be home each day. He played video games more and didn’t want to be bothered. He started paying me much less attention.
I didn’t discover panties, it was hair gel on my bathroom counter and I don’t use hair gel.
I left and have never regretted it.
Um yeah he’s definitely not emotionally involved with you anymore. And the underwear! Yeah he’s cheating. Id definitely confront him. Id probably wait and come over unannounced. Id start distancing myself from him as well, breaking plans give him a taste of his own medicine. Every time I had a feeling my boyfriend was doing something with another girl, like his ex, he’d literally always get caught some how. Forget to delete a text. One time when I was pregnant I was supposed to have gone for awhile but came back early bc plans changed or whatever. Not even 10 min. Later I hear a knock at the door and his ex is there with one of her friends. He swears he didn’t know she was coming. Please. One night he told me he needed to study menu for work next day so he wanted me to home. I did. I had awful feeling that night. Next day he calls me and my car is getting impounded bc he was speeding and had a suspended license. So later on I eventually get my car out of pound and driving back to his house. He left his phone in car and I read texts. Turns out he went to his ex’s house. And she wanted nothing to do with him til he met me. Then she was jealous. I was so mad, so hurt. But we’ve been together 20 years now and believe me I have a lot of trust issues bc of that but somehow we got through it and believe me like I said it’s a feeling. Listen to that feeling. If you have that feeling it’s probably not wrong. Me and my boyfriend were pretty young when we first met. We both have matured alot along the way. So I mean it could go either way. Both of you need to know how you honestly feel. I could have easily left my boyfriend then. And maybe I should have. But i didn’t. And he decided he didn’t want to lose me and he did love me stopped being stupid. But like I said it could have easily gone the other way. So I hope things work out for you.
He’s so comfortable pounding other women he’s bringing them to his place…..
I didn’t understand finding something like that and not asking about it. They may be his, lots of men wear woman’s panties. I wear my wife’s all the time. You hand them to him and let your eyes do the talking.
I would hang the underwear on the headboard of his bed or a lamp in the living room. And then block him.
If they were folded and had a price tag and were a gift – you would STILL need to work on the fighting issue! If they were used I would just toss them in his face and leave. Count every fight up-sounds like way cons than pros. I wish you luck! 😌🍀
I suspect my boyfriend is cheating.
Then he probably is.
Don’t ask questions, just hook up with one of his friends.
Doesn’t want to hangout or talk to you, when he does talk to you it’s fighting, makes as many excuses he can to not see you, and when he finally does, you find another woman’s underwear in his apartment. You’re not suspecting him cheating you are finding out that he IS cheating. And on-top of all of that, he genuinely couldn’t care less about you and at least try and hide the underwear when he knew you were coming over.
You can be petty about it and wash the underwear and put them on and be like “wow babe i love the new underwear you bought me! I knew you might be planning something since you’ve been so distant with me lately” and see how he responds! The (most likely) reaction he’s gonna give you is fear followed up by on the spot excuses that will make you laugh because of house stupid they’ll sound. After that just be like “nah i’m kidding bro i know you’re cheating. we’re over”
OR
either leave the panties on the bed and leave without a word or just leave without a word in general.
lingering
Kick him to the curb!
“We fight a lot but we love each other “ yeah okay
I am sorry girl but it is obvious. Although it’s obvious just talk to him and maybe he really has a reasonable reason for that but I don’t think so.
If u know each other well enough, the best way to get your answer is to ask in person when they are not expecting it. Like, “Hey, how was your day, oh good, what girls underwear is in your bathroom” out of nowhere. Then judge his reaction. Act as in a good as mood as possible before to.
You’ve only put in a year and this doesn’t sound like a happy and healthy relationship. I know you say you love each other but love isn’t finite. If you leave, you’ll find it again and if it’s with someone who respects you there will be less fighting and doubts. My advice is to cut your losses and move on.
You should have thrown it on his pillow and quietly left
I’m sorry that your relationship has run it’s course. Time to pack up your stuff and move on to your next potential ” love of a lifetime.”
We are all glad that you do not have children to have to shield from this ugliness.
The shock will wear off, you will begin to think only in terms of YOU, not you and him.
This is done.
Time to move on
Dm me
By by cheater
Get out while you are still NOT pregnant!!
Holy Smokes! What a devine intervention that has been sent your way. To be given such clear signs and waving flags that this is NOT the trustworthy man to give your very LIFE and heartbeat to?
Do you need transport out? That can be anonymously arranged, too!
3 weeks ago I found a strange pair of women’s undies in our laundry. My husband denies any wrong doing. I also found inappropriate texts & DM’s and he’s still saying he doesn’t know. He leaves today for a hotel for at least 4 weeks.
DM me 🙂
Girl!!! If u found another pair of woman’s panties, yall fight a lot and im guessing when yall fight he takes off and leaves u wondering wtf?!
Has he ever questioned u or accused you of cheating?! Have his work hours changed? If u have plans together (especially if it’s at his place) and he cancels..u Shld still show up maybe 30minutes after ur were supposed to..and I bet he will be ready to go out (WITH OUT YOU) u might get ur answer sooner than later!! But 1st and foremost, trust your gut!! Even if he’s not cheating u like sh*t just be done and thank u don’t have kids with him!!
That doesn’t sound like love to me. Confront him politely and without fear. His reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
“We fight a lot but really love each other”. No you don’t.
Healthy, loving relationships don’t involve fighting a lot. Don’t treat one as passionate, intense or some other nonsense phrase. You guys don’t get along. Simple as that. Leave and when you find yourself in a normal relationship, you’ll look back on this and kick yourself for thinking this was ok.
Stop being scared of being single.
Stop thinking that a relationship where “we fight a lot, but love each other” is a normal or good relationship to be in.
Stop living in denial and learn more about yourself before you latch on to another human being.
You already know…soooo yea don’t waste any more time.
If he’s ignoring you and choosing not to spend time with you, move on.
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Does not matter if he is cheating or not, the way he has been treating you is enough of a reason to break up. How many ways does he need to show you he’s done. Btw, yes, the panties are a sure sign he’s cheating and I’ll bet left there on purpose by the girl.
Ya Bruv. No need to confront. Just leave
While he is sleeping, pack your stuff and go. Leave the patties you found in the bathroom sink so he can’t miss them. Block him on everything so he can’t gaslight you.
You might love him, but he doesn’t love you babe. Get out.
Could be his, I found out about my bf this way!
It doesn’t matter if he’s cheating. He already treats you like crap.
I hate it when people go on social media for shit like this instead of the obvious. Go talk to him! You know what you need to do. May not be simple but what other option is there ….?
He’s not your boyfriend. Jettison him and move on to better things.
You’ve been together for a year. He’s distant. You found women’s underwear that he didn’t bother to hide while he faked falling asleep? He’s trying to force your hand and make you be the one who breaks up because he doesn’t want or know how to.
You can either leave him and move on. Or have some fun with this, stay and mess with him a bit before you break up.
Time heals everything.
Everything you mentioned is a red flag. Listen to your body. If your stomach is in knots that’s a message to you.
I stopped reading at “we fight a lot but really love each other.” ‘Nuff said. You know what to do.
Time to take the trash out (him)
If you need me to leave mine behind hit me up
If you fight a lot you don’t love each other, You’re just comfortable with each other. Move on
Umm he is cheating on you. Thats why hes not texting, no being affectionate, canceling plans, and you found all the proof you need. I can tell you I do not keep panties from my exs in my house.