First off I know this is dumb and sounds like boo hoo poor me, but I just need to vent somewhere. For context, I was seven months pregnant when he was hiding talking to his ex behind my back. I found out the week before that they were talking quite a bit, so I told him that made me uncomfortable, and he blocked her in front of me. Next thing I know, he came home from the bar the next weekend and at 2 AM I woke up and got the sudden urge to look at his phone. I didn’t see her name anywhere, but I searched her name and saw that he was clearing the chats from the main screen and still talking to her, even having a conversation about me that night (Snapchat).
I don’t even know if that is considered cheating, but it hurt me so bad and I almost left him. He just proposed to me months before that too, and he did that to me while I was pregnant with his child. It’s been over two years now, and we just got married a few weeks ago. Lately it’s been pretty bad, and I don’t know why I cannot stop thinking about it so there’s definitely a lot of resentment. It’s starting to affect our relationship and my daily life.
I also found him screenshotting old boob pics from his buddies group chat and sending them back into it this last January. I was only a few months postpartum with our second and was going through huge image issues with breast-feeding, so that one hurt pretty bad too. I confronted him about it, we actually almost broke up, and he changed his password for the first time in five years since we’ve been together. He still has not changed it back, but maybe it’s for the best.
I just seriously do not know how to move on. Sorry that rent went a little longer than I thought, but I feel so alone being stuck with these thoughts all day in my head.
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I’m not sure how you can get over it when he doesn’t seem to have done anything to regain your trust, or even seen remorseful about it
Genuine question.. why did you marry him?
This isn’t “boo hoo poor me”, this sucks and I’m sorry. I’d not be able to get past this
Speaking from eerily similar experiences, run. It’s not worth the pain I promise.
Fucking hell, seriously?
Your husband is talking to his ex in secret and isn’t remorseful AT ALL.
Divorce and move the fuck on is what you do.
I hope you start focusing on yourself and potentially separating from him. It seems like he has no intention of owning up to his actions or changing in any way. I’m sorry that you’re going through this, remember to put yourself first
The only way to get over it would be if he took responsibility, was genuinely remorseful, and did the work to understand why he does these things. Beyond that, he would need to be fully transparent with his actions going forward. It doesn’t seem like he has done any of this, so I don’t think getting over it is possible. He isn’t trustworthy.
He hasn’t done anything to show remorse or make up for his cheating. But I guess he solved the problem of you finding cheating evidence on his phone.
You do not move on. This is not something you should ever accept, particularly while the behavior is ongoing. He has no intention of changing his behavior as he’s shown you over many years and is showing you still by refusing to talk about this like adult.
You need to decide if you want to put up with a life of always playing second fiddle to some affair partner (they’re always more exciting than a wife for these types), potentially getting STDs, having marital assets wasted on his affairs, and raising a child in an environment where their mother is not respected. If you don’t want this future, then your instinct to leave is correct. Please don’t try and trick yourself into believing he’s ever going to change. The dream you wanted doesn’t exist. Decide how to move forward with that information.
And you’re not “boo boo poor me” at all. This is a very big problem and you deserve to be supported through making a very hard decision about the future of you and your child. Sending you strength, support, and a hug over the internet.
Your husband doesn’t respect women at all. I hope you find your worth and leave. This guy is an AH.
You stay, you accept the situation as it. Nothing has changed nothing will change.
If you want your situation to change you have to start forming an exit plan.
It does not sound like you’re ready to make a change. So nothing will change.
Oh I wish you understood he was showing you exactly who he was just before marrying him. He wants his ex, plain as day. There’s nothing that he can do that’ll make you trust him.. not that he deserves it.
If you show a man you’ll stay through anything he’ll put you through everything. There’s a book called Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft. Read it. Go find your happiness hon. Everyone deserves it.
It’s not dumb to be traumatized from betrayal.
Time helps. Talking to a pro definitely helps. There’s a book by Najwa Zebian that really helped me called Welcome Home. 🙏🏻
Not everyone who enters your life will betray you. Take your time to heal, and do the work.
Please don’t minimise your feelings. You have every right to feel betrayed by him, especially has he’s done nothing to rebuild your trust. In fact, it’s obvious from what you say that he couldn’t care less how he’s made you feel. You deserve so much better than this.
Sometimes we aren’t supposed to move on. Disrespect and being unfaithful are not things you need to get over. They aren’t normal things to accept. I understand it’s hard now that a child is involved but you know it’s going to bother you for the rest of the relationship, which would be normal. There is no need to normalize feeling anxious and hurt in the relationship. You are so young, leave while you can