I feel like my husband stares at girls, and no I don’t mean first look like if someone is breathtaking and anybody will look and look away after.
For example, the other day I was at a comic store and we were looking at books on the wall. He looked to his right and stared at some pretty girls at the checkout desk for a second or two that he had already seen earlier as we were walking in then looked back at the wall. We were facing a shelf on the wall and then as the girls walked back around in between two bookshelf isles behind us, he turned his whole head around and his eyes were following them through the big empty spaces in the bookshelf isle, following them the whole way until they exited the isle and he could no longer see them. I just watched him as he did it and I swear it was for at least a good few seconds. He wasn’t looking at them up and down but definitely staring for a while. When we got home I told him about how he did it right in front of my face, he seemed confused and said he was just looking at the sign on the bookshelf and scanning the books down the shelf and it was probably a coincidence. I told him it couldn’tve been as he was looking through the empty gaps and following them with his eyes and stopped looking as soon as he no longer can see them.
There’s so many more times stuff like this happened and at this point I feel like I’m waiting for him to stare when an attractive female walks by when we go out (I don’t usually make a problem out of it, I take more of a mental note). But I just feel like I get really tense now when we go out. Yeah, I did mention to him a few times about how it’s a problem when he keeps staring. But he makes me feel like I’m the problem for thinking that and he says he doesn’t even wanna go out anymore because of it. He’s my first serious relationship/love that turned to marriage and I’m thinking maybe I’m just overthinking or I’m insecure because I don’t have much experience with that stuff. I’d appreciate any advice, thanks.
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I think staring in general is rude, and staring at someone sexually is not only rude towards you but also very disrespectful towards the stranger. It’s not admiration is evaluative and invasive. A glance is appropriate, not prolonged and not obvious. It’s disrespectful to ogle anyone anywhere unless you’re in an environment where that’s the expectation. It also doesn’t help that he dismissed it instead of apologizing and agreeing to do better. It’s hard to be in relationship with someone who dismisses your experience, and says you’re imagining things. You might have more situational and self awareness than him, which is annoying in and of itself. He might also be gaslighting you so he can continue to do this in public and in front of you.
Yuck, I know a man like that and there’s a reason he’s been single for years. Just stares so hard you can feel it even when your back is turned.
I hope he realizes that lots of women are extra aware of their surroundings and do notice when men are staring. It comes off as really creepy to do that to a stranger, especially someone younger. I always notice when people won’t look away, even if I don’t look directly at them. It’s very obvious, it’s even obvious to you and you aren’t the one getting stared at. He should be more respectful, not only of you, but to the young women he is eyeing up.
This is predatory behavior. What other predatory red flags does he have? I’m sure there are more that you’ve been brushing off this whole time.
No offense, but it’s giving Serial Killer vibes. Just told my husband that if he were to put me in the same position, he’s either
Or
Which THEN led me to think, “am I not cute enough to keep in a basement?”
Regardless, you’re not overthinking. Taking a glance? That’s normal (me and my husband are good with looking, but I know other relationships draw a line there). Staring? Yikes. Not sure I would stick around to confirm either option.
This is just what vibes I got from this post, but I could be TOTALLY in the wrong. Please review other comments and try speaking with him more on this (although that seems like it might not work, it’s worth a try) You’re not accusing him of anything, you just want answers to something he very clearly does
No, he is definitely staring it’s just that he won’t admit it. This could be rectified but he needs to first be honest with you n then he can work on his staring
My dad used to stare at women all the time when I was growing up. Then he sexually assaulted me as an adult. Dump him. He has no self control.
Edit – my husband never, absolutely NEVER stares at other women. And I’m no peach. Respect and self control is possible. Don’t settle for that bullshit.
Bring a taser and zap him every time he does it.